Parents and Children (27 page)

‘All real sorrow must last to the end,' said Eleanor.

‘Mrs Sullivan, you do indeed think so now,' said Ridley, in earnest understanding.

A message was brought and delivered to Ridley.

‘Mrs Sullivan,' he said, with a rueful smile, ‘my family seek admittance, but are prepared to be denied.' His tone suggested that he also was ready for this climax.

‘Let them come in, Mother,' said Luce. ‘The boys would be better for a change. And we need not repel kindness.'

‘If anyone will benefit by it, my dear, let them all join us.'

‘It is a case of pure friendship,' said Daniel, ‘for it is clear that the advantage will not extend to the guests.'

‘Why are we the ones not satisfied with the situation?' said Graham. ‘Would the others ask nothing better?'

Hope went in silence to her usual place; Paul walked to Sir Jesse and sat down by his side; Faith stood apart, as if she would put forward no personal claim, even for a seat.

‘I hope it does not look as if Paul were trying to take Fulbert's place,' murmured Hope.

‘There would be no possibility of his doing that, Mother.'

‘No, dear, that is what I meant.'

‘Mrs Cranmer is ill at ease because of our trouble,' said Luce, for her mother's ears. ‘It must be accounted to her for friendship.'

‘I hope no one is looking at me,' said Hope. ‘I am so ashamed of not being dead. It is the valuable lives that are cut off, but one does not like to acquiesce in it. How does one seem as if one really wished one had died instead?'

‘How are all the children?' said Faith.

No one answered her, as she addressed no one in particular.

‘I knew you would come, Mrs Cranmer,' said Luce. ‘I don't know how, but I did.'

‘I think Luce had grounds for expecting it,' said Daniel.

‘And you did not give orders that we were not to be admitted,' said Hope. ‘I know now that I have never appreciated anything before.'

‘No, Mrs Cranmer, we omitted to do that,' said Luce. ‘How are all the children?' said Faith.

‘It is something to feel we have friends in the stretch of darkness before us,' said Graham.

‘I know that nothing equals the despair of youth,' said Hope. ‘I am almost as much ashamed of being middle-aged as of being alive, and no doubt you see less difference than I do.'

‘Faith, are you not going to sit down?' said Daniel, who with his brother was standing by his seat.

‘No, I don't mind standing,' said Faith.

‘But I do,' muttered Graham.

‘Faith dear, sit down and let the boys do the same,' said Luce. ‘The main trial is enough, without little extra ones.'

Faith gave a slight start and walked to a seat, and at once looked round, as if her mind had not left the question on her lips.

‘How are all the children?'

‘My dear, would you ask again?' said Hope. Terhaps they are all so stunned by grief, that it is not referred to.'

‘They are in different states, Mrs Cranmer,' said Luce. ‘It is asking about them together that precludes an answer. James and Gavin and Nevill are not giving anxiety; Honor and Isabel are; Venice is in a state between. That is all I can tell you. It is all I know.'

‘Poor little things!' said Faith.

‘I can see Ridley being a support to your mother, and Paul to your grandfather,' said Hope. ‘I don't think I need be ashamed that they have not died.'

‘Mrs Cranmer,' said Luce, as if speaking on a sudden impulse, ‘Would you go and do the same for Grandma? She is alone in the library, and I don't feel I can undertake it.' She gave a little smile. ‘My strength is giving out.'

‘I am sure that is the bravest smile I have ever seen,' said Hope, hurrying to the door. ‘It is shocking of me to have any strength left, and I will go and expend every ounce of it. The sooner it is used up, the better.'

‘Luce seems to be different,' said Graham, looking at his sister. ‘We ought none of us to be the same again. I hope I shall not be found to be the only one unchanged.'

‘I hope you will be among them, Graham dear,' said Luce.

Hope crossed the hall and found Regan sitting by the library fire.

‘Don't take any notice of me,' she said. ‘You would be hardly conscious that I have entered. I know that all real experience has passed me by. But I have heard that a mother's feelings are the deepest, and so I have come to you.'

Regan raised her eyes.

‘I heard you all come,' she said.

‘Don't talk in that unnatural way; it makes me feel even more inferior. I have never been in an unnatural state; I have never had the chance of getting into one. I suppose this is the third time for you.'

‘The third time,' said Regan. ‘I only had three.'

‘I am not being of any use at all. My words ought to have brought a flood of tears.'

‘Crying does no good,'

‘And I thought it was an outlet and a safety-valve. I thought, if people cried until they could cry no more, the worst was over. How do all these wrong reports get about? Is there no healing power in tears?'

‘I ought to know,' said Regan, with a faint smile. ‘The worst comes to stay, when it comes. But I expect you think I can live in the past, like other old people.'

‘I have heard that report about them. Is it another wrong one?'

‘They live more in the present, which is sensible of them; and in the future, which perhaps is not, though it is the only share they will get of it.'

‘Then it is simply a mistake about their living in their memories?'

‘Memories only have a meaning, if they lead up to the present. This sort of thing takes the life and heart out of them.'

‘Is there no satisfaction in the dignity of deep experience? I should really like to know that.'

‘Depth is no help in trouble. And why is it dignified to be battered? It might be more so to get your own way.'

‘I am doing you a great deal of good. I call that quite natural. But you look down on me for my superficial life.'

‘Some people seem to skate on the top of things,' said Regan, in a tone of agreement.

‘I think I have done you enough good now. There is reason in everything. People can be too natural. I suppose most people are.'

Regan laughed.

‘You are not one of those people who see nothing and hear nothing and know nothing,' she said. ‘I never thought you were.'

‘That is the word I needed. To think of your fulfilling my need at such a time! You have come out of your own sorrow. And that must show the worst is over. Or is it another error?'

‘The worst comes back,' said Regan.

‘But gradually with less force?'

‘Well, it gets dulled.'

‘But isn't that an improvement in a way?'

‘A great one. People who don't think so, have not been through much.'

‘But I think so; I said it of my own accord. I need not be so ashamed of my easy experience, if it hasn't done me any harm.'

‘Well, there is no good in weeping here alone,' said Regan. ‘I may as well put myself on my family. It is better for me, if not for them.'

‘Well, Grandma, I was waiting for you,' said Luce. ‘It is not in you to remain at a standstill. I knew you would move forward.'

‘Not a useful habit at this stage. It won't come in very well.'

‘Mrs Cranmer, I am grateful,' said Luce. ‘You have restored to us the real person and the real voice. We are all taking our first steps on our new path. It is more difficult for us in a way, that we shall not have the usual observances. They make a barrier between the first shock and the beginning of the future. It will be left to us to help ourselves.'

‘That is a good way of saying there does not have to be a funeral,' said Graham.

‘I agree,' said Daniel, ‘now that I know what it is.'

‘So do I,' said Hope. ‘I will never call a funeral gruesome and obsolete pageantry again. No wonder the custom survives. Now I will take my family away. I suppose Ridley is not going to live with you now?'

‘I believe Nevill did suggest it,' said Daniel.

‘He has been here long enough for you to judge of his presence. And I can see you have done so. Paul, we must go. We have done all we can; I mean, no one can do anything.'

‘May I see the children?' said Faith.

‘No, Faith,' said Luce, in a quiet, almost ruthless tone. ‘They have borne enough today. I mean' - she gave a smile without moving her head - ‘even the most well-meant and careful touch might be too much. I want them to face nothing more at all.'

‘I hope Faith is really one of those people who forgive anything,' said Hope. ‘Or even one of those who forgive big things and not small. That would do.'

‘I would not touch on anything sad,' said Faith, hesitating near the door.

‘Faith, will you accept what I say?' said Luce. ‘Whether you agree with it or not? I know it is one of those things that do not carry their evidence, but I will rely on your understanding.'

‘Of course, I see what you mean,' said Faith.

‘Dear me, does she really?' said Hope.

‘Thank you, Faith,' said Luce.

‘The children always take the initiative with me,' said Faith. ‘I am never the instigator of the proceedings.'

‘Can it be that Luce's words have had no effect at all?' said Hope.

‘Well, go and do your worst, Faith,' said Luce, with another smile.

‘I did not know that people spoke true words in jest, on purpose,' said Hope.

Faith left the room with a smoothness that seemed to draw a veil over the proceeding, and mounted the flights of stairs to the nursery, her expression becoming resolute as her breath failed.

‘Well, what are you all doing?' she said, putting her head round the door, as if to surprise and engage the occupants.

Isabel and Venice and Honor were doing nothing; James was reading on the sofa; Gavin and Nevill were playing on the floor, at a similar game but separately.

‘Boys should get up when a lady comes into the room,' said Hatton. ‘James, bring a chair for Miss Cranmer.'

James did so, placing his open book on a table in readiness for his return.

‘So you are not painting arrows today,' said Faith, taking the chair as if it were her due.

There was silence.

‘You are not, are you?' said Hatton.

‘No,' said Gavin, ‘we are playing at soldiers.'

‘He is too,' said Nevill, placing one in position.

‘And what are the soldiers doing?' said Faith. ‘Are they having a great battle?'

‘Say what they are doing,' said Hatton, who did not know what this was.

‘They are having a military funeral,' said Gavin, not moving his eyes from the floor.

‘Bury a general,' said Nevill, in a solemn tone, with his arm poised for another adjustment. ‘Bury a tall, big man like Father. Poor Father is all buried in a far land. But he is like a soldier now.'

There was silence.

‘Do you have a coffin?' said James, in an awkward manner.

‘No,' said Gavin. ‘Just his martial cloak around him.'

‘Just his cloak,' said Nevill, picking up a soldier and beginning to wrap something about it.

‘And what are the rest of you doing?' said Faith.

‘James is reading – was reading,' said Hatton, ‘and the others are not up to much today.'

‘There is a difference between boys and girls, isn't there? This seems an illustration of it.'

‘You should not talk about children as if they were not there,' said Gavin.

‘Gavin, that is rude,' said Hatton.

‘Not any more rude than she was.'

‘He is not himself today, miss.'

‘I am,' said Gavin.

‘He is too,' said Nevill, in an absent tone.

‘One does not know what to say to them,' said Faith.

‘She needn't say anything,' said Gavin, addressing Hatton.

‘You will excuse him today, miss.'

‘I don't care if she doesn't. Then I needn't excuse her.'

‘Well, I think I must say good-bye,' said Faith, as if she were uttering a threat.

‘Come again soon. Good-bye. Come again to see him,' said Nevill, glancing up from the floor.

Faith looked at the three girls, and after a second's hesitation walked towards them and stooped and gave a kiss to each, smiling gently and fully into their faces. Then with a slightly heightened colour she turned to Nevill.

‘Are you going to give me a kiss?'

Nevill sat up and raised his face, and when Faith had knelt down and embraced him, resumed his game.

As Faith closed the door, Honor uttered her first word since her coming.

‘Not a high type,' she said.

James gave Honor a look he sometimes gave Isabel, and returned to his book.

‘I was not very proud of any of you,' said Hatton.

‘Well, no one would be proud of her,' said Gavin.

‘I was quite ashamed of you, Gavin.'

‘I am glad.'

Faith went down to the drawing-room, and spoke in a cheerful, satisfied-tone.

‘Well, I was glad to get a glimpse of them. I remembered the instructions to make it no more than that.'

‘That was understanding of you, Faith,' said Luce.

‘We had better go,' said Hope. ‘I simply don't know what Luce will say next.'

‘Did you think that they seemed themselves?' said Eleanor.

‘I would hardly say that of the girls. The boys seemed in better spirits.'

‘I hope they weren't too unkind to you,' said Hope.

‘Why should they be, Mother?'

‘There is no reason, dear. That is why I hope they were not.'

‘Nevill was very friendly, and so was James. The girls were not equal to so much; things go deeper with them. Gavin is a rougher diamond altogether. I have promised Nevill to pay another visit soon.'