Part-Time Wife (26 page)

As Jill and Ben walked down the sidewalk, she wrapped her arm around his neck and dropped a quick kiss on his head. The boy responded by giving her a fierce hug.

Craig felt a sharp pain in the center of his chest. Why hadn't he seen the potential danger? It should have been obvious from the beginning. Everything about Jill's personality screamed that she was someone who gave fully. She could no more hold back than she could stop breathing. He'd hired her to take care of his sons and she'd done so completely, without thought of her feelings. He wondered if she knew she'd given away her heart.

He let the drapes fall back in place. He would have expected her to be won over by C.J.'s charm, or Danny's sweetness, but it was his oldest she related to the most. Maybe it was because they were both wounded. Maybe it was because a person most appreciated that which she had worked to achieve. Whatever the reason, at the end of summer, Jill Bradford was going to find it difficult to walk away.

He should have been pleased. Thoughts of keeping Jill around occupied most of his day. She'd made a place for herself in all their hearts. If he searched the world, he doubted he would find a woman more different from Krystal. Whereas his late wife had only taken, Jill preferred to give. Krystal thought of herself, Jill thought of others. Even in bed, they were nothing alike. Krystal had orchestrated those times as if they were a staged event. She'd been interested in drama, experimentation and results. Cuddling to be close, touching for the sake of simply touching had been as foreign to her as fidelity.

Jill gave her body with the same easy selflessness as she gave her heart. She savored the heat and passion of lovemaking, yet lingered over the softer, gentler pursuits.

He wanted her. He needed her. He couldn't imagine life without her. He'd sworn next time he wasn't taking any chances, yet he wanted to take this one. Was that love?

He wanted it to be, yet it seemed too easy. He'd lived six years of hell with Krystal and six years of being alone. After all that time was he supposed to believe he would find someone just like that? Meeting Jill had been a quirk of fate. If her friend Kim hadn't eloped after agreeing to take care of the boys, he and Jill wouldn't have met. Was it possible that some cosmic force in charge of love had arranged things so poorly? If by chance she'd been gone that morning, or had refused the job, then he would have spent the rest of his life searching for what he'd already lost.

He didn't want to think about that. He crossed the living room and entered the kitchen. Jill had put on coffee. He poured himself a mug and sipped the steaming liquid.

There were no easy answers to their situation. They'd both been burned. He regretted telling her the truth about Danny. If they were to take a chance on a relationship, he didn't want it to be because she thought he was some kind of hero. He wasn't. He was just a man and father trying to do the best he could. He wasn't trying to prove anything.

He wanted her to love him for himself. He leaned against the counter and took another sip. Ironically, that's exactly what Jill wanted, too. She wanted to be loved for
her
self.

They were both afraid, both hurting, both terrified of and desperate for love. Who was going to risk it all first?

He put down the coffee. He already knew the answer to that. The hard part would be convincing Jill that his feelings were about her and not just about finding a substitute mother for his children.

* * *

"We're doing better," Jill said when she finished counting. "Only fifteen bags for this trip to the grocery store."

Groceries covered the countertop. Her bi-weekly shopping trips still left her stunned by the amount of food this family consumed. She knew it was going to get worse. When the boys were teenagers, they would eat nearly twice as much. She sure hoped Craig's stock in
Austin
's company continued to perform well. He was going to need the extra income.

Ben strolled into the kitchen and eyed the bags. "Did you buy low-fat cookies?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Thanks." He grinned.

Although the boys came with her to the market, they hung out by the hot-rod magazines or played video games. She'd quickly found it was easier if they stayed busy and away from her. If they followed her through the store, they were constantly adding things to her cart and she was constantly pulling them out.

"There were some new fat-free hot dogs, so I thought we could try those," she said.

Ben frowned. "What's in them?"

"
Turkey
and—" She thought for a moment. "Maybe it's better if we don't ask too many questions."

He grabbed the grocery bag on the end of the counter and put it on the kitchen table. Then he reached inside and pulled out a huge bunch of bananas. He put them in the fruit bowl.

 
"Jill, there's this, uh, dance at school next week. I sort of have to go. It's part of my P.E. grade."

She glanced at him. Color stained his cheeks. He focused on emptying the bag and didn't look at her. Her heart went out to him. Growing up was tough.

"I'm sure you'll have fun," she said.

"I don't know how to dance."

"I'm not the greatest, but I'd be happy to help."

He cleared his throat, then shrugged. "Okay. Thanks." He dug out a bag of apples and walked them over to the fridge. "Um, do you think—" He cleared his throat again.

"What?"

He shrugged.

She carried cans of tomato sauce to the pantry and stacked them on the shelves. Then she paused by the refrigerator and rested her hand on Ben's shoulder.

 
"You have done a wonderful thing these last couple of months. You've changed the way you eat and how you treat your body. You're active and that's the key to maintaining your weight. This has been a hard lesson for you, but you've learned and you're going to be fine."

He looked at her. His dark eyes were cloudy with confusion. "Yeah?"

"I promise. Do you know what your friends are wearing to the dance?"

"A shirt maybe. No tie, though."

"Do you want to get something new? I'm sure your dad would agree."

 
"Okay. I don't think any of my good trousers fit me anymore." He closed the fridge door and leaned against it. "Will girls want to dance with me?" he asked, his words coming out in a rush.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. She could feel his spine and shoulder blades. She glanced up.

"Darn it, anyway, Ben, stop growing. I swear you're another half inch taller."

He smiled. "You're just short."

His smile reminded her so much of his father that her heart nearly stopped. She touched his cheek. "Ben, you're going to be a heartbreaker, just like your daddy. Be kind to those little girls at the dance. Be sweet to them, tell them they're pretty and treat them with respect. If you do that, they'll follow you anywhere."

"Yeah?"

"I swear."

"Thanks, Jill, I—" He broke off and hugged her tight. He was getting stronger and practically squeezed out all her air.

When he released her, she coughed a little. "In another couple of years you'll be able to pick me up."

"I already can." He approached. She ducked away.

"I don't think so," she said. "And let's not test your theory."

He grinned. A lock of dark hair tumbled across his forehead. She brushed it away, then pointed at the grocery bag still on the table. "Fold."

"Yes, ma'am."

She continued unpacking food and laundry supplies while Ben talked about his day. As she listened, her mind raced. What was Craig going to say when he found out that Ben was going to his first dance? It was a rite of passage, the first sign that his oldest was on the road to becoming a man.

Jill was glad she was going to be here to see it. She would have to remember to check the camera for film. She wanted to get plenty of pictures. In fact, she should take pictures of all of them. Children changed so quickly. Especially at Danny's age.

Danny. She paused, a bag of frozen vegetables in one hand and a half gallon of ice cream in the other. She'd barely seen Craig since he'd told her the truth about his youngest. It had been a couple of days, but the information still astounded her.

Danny wasn't his son. She didn't know which shocked her more – the fact that Krystal had intended to trick Craig into thinking it was his, that she'd been willing to give up her child for adoption or that Craig had taken the boy in and treated him like one of his own.

"Jill?" Ben held open the freezer door.

She looked at the frozen food she held. "Oh, thanks. I was just thinking."

"I guess."

She gave him a quick smile. "You can go outside with your brothers."

"I don't mind helping."

She tossed him the empty bag and reached for the next one. Cereal. These boys went through more cereal than any ten normal people could eat. She pulled out the boxes.

What astonished her the most was that she'd assumed Danny was his favorite. There was something special about Craig's relationship with his youngest. Now she knew what it was. Craig was an honorable man. He would do his best by the boy and that meant making sure he never had a hint that he was different. In time, he would need to be told, but only when he was old enough to handle the information. In the meantime he was growing up surrounded by love.

"What's in here?" Ben asked, pulling out a white plastic bag.

Jill turned toward him and bit back a gasp. How could she have forgotten? "Just girl stuff," she said, trying to sound calm.

He shuddered as if he'd touched bug guts, then tossed her the bag. It circled lazily thought the air. A square pink-and-white box slipped free and tumbled to the ground. She and Ben reached for it at the same time. She tried to cover the lettering with her fingers, but he got there first. He handed her the box.

The front door opened. "Ben, are you comin' or what?" C.J. called.

"Go ahead," Jill told him and sank into one of the kitchen chairs.

When he left without a backward glance, she told herself he hadn't seen anything. She hoped she was right.

After tossing the box on the table, she read the front panel: Accurate Home Pregnancy Test.

It was unlikely, she told herself as the familiar panic welled up inside. They'd used protection. Which sometimes fails, a little voice whispered. The odds were against her being pregnant, she silently argued. Except she was late. Very late.

She should have started her period about ten days ago. There hadn't even been a hint of anything. Which meant the stress of everything had affected her, or she was going to have a child.

A baby. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. If she was, what would she do? What would Craig say? Would he think she had tried to trap him, much as Krystal had? After all, she'd been the one coming on to him.

As always, the thought of her wanton behavior made her blush. She buried her face in her hands. She hadn't planned for them to do anything. Of course, she'd thought about making love with Craig. How could she live with him day after day and
not
think about it? But thinking and doing weren't the same thing. Still, when he'd walked in on her in the bathroom, it had seemed so right.

It hadn't even been about finding love. Instead, she'd suddenly gotten tired of feeling lonely. Was that so bad? Did she deserve to be punished for one night of comfort?

Since returning from Glenwood, she and Craig had been involved in an elaborate dance of avoidance. Except for that night when he'd confessed the truth about Danny, they hadn't had a single personal conversation. She was still reeling from his accusations. In the past week, she'd tried not to think about them, but she couldn't think about anything else.

Had she deliberately chosen Aaron so she could hold some part of herself back? Did she find it easier to exist in impossible situations because she secretly wanted to be disappointed? Was she so afraid of giving and receiving genuine love?

And what about Craig? He came from a long line of failed marriages. The Haynes family didn't have a great record when it came to relationships. Yet look at what was happening now. Travis and his wife. Kyle and Sandy. Was it Craig's turn? Was it hers? How did she feel about him?

She picked up the box and stared at it for a moment. If she didn't love him, was she strong enough to walk away even if she was carrying his child?

A baby. She smiled as tears sprang to her eyes. A child of her own. It was a dream come true.

She brushed her eyes with the back of her hand. A baby wasn't her whole dream, she admitted to herself. She'd also wanted a husband. Someone she loved and respected. Someone she could trust and admire. Someone who would cherish her. Had she already found that?

If only… If only she could know his feelings. She stood up and grabbed the pregnancy kit. As she headed into her bedroom, she knew it didn't matter. Even if Craig admitted he cared about her, how was she going to trust him? How would she know that he wasn't just interested in having a mother for his children? She'd already been burned like that before.