Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Episode 15 (23 page)

“
But isn
’
t that kind of using him?
”
Becca
’
s pleasing tendencies were tearing her apart.

“
Not if he knows up front.
Not if you don
’
t string him along while you get to know Josh.
From the way you
’
ve described it, he
’
ll ask to continue correspondence, and you can choose yes or no.
Tell him no and tell him why.
He
’
ll know you won
’
t be playing with fire while pouring water on it at the same time
.”

A strange look filled Becca
’
s face.
“
I have no idea what that means
,
but I get the gist
—
I think
.”

“
Something
’
s wrong Chad, I can sense it.
I
’
m not the most intuitive man
,
but it doesn
’
t take one to see the difference in the past two days
.”

“
This is a difficult process.
I imagine for women, it is even more difficult
—
all those emotions…
”

“
I know it
’
s crazy, but I started to care.
I
’
m not head over heels but
—
”

“
I know exactly what you mean.
It
’
s what I felt for about two or three weeks before I fell in love with Willow
.”

“
When did you know?
”
Adric
’
s voice seemed simultaneously resigned but curious.

“
The Friday before the wedding when you came over to talk to her about the property situation
.”

“
Huh?
”

Chad grimaced.
He still felt foolish over his illogical flash of jealousy.
“
You were out here talking to her and she was so concerned about you, your situation
—
I watched the two of you and I
’
m not stupid, she
’
s an appealing woman
.”

“
So jealousy pushed you over the edge?
”
Adric
’
s voice was filled with amazement.

“
Something like that
.”

“Y
ou know
—
I mean
,
I hope you know—
that I
’
d never
—”

“
I knew.
I just realized
,
at that moment
,
that my irritation with a pesky woman that had grown into brotherly affection had moved beyond tentative caring and into a love I cannot describe but am thrilled to have
.”

“
That
’
s what I keep waiting for
,
but I
’
m not so sure
—”

“
I don
’
t know,
”
Chad began hesitantly,
“
if it
’
s the right thing to wait for or not.
I just don
’
t know.
I do know that we would have had a glorious life if neither of us ever lost our heart completely.
You don
’
t need it to be truly happy.
I
’
m just blessed that I have it
.”

Adric kicked at the dirt for a minute and then told Chad about a man he
’
d met in Ferndale.
“
Allison, from April, she took me to her Saturday morning Bible study and there was this man there
—
Silas
.”
He paused remembering the story and amazed at how much he desired what Silas had while thinking the man was crazy.

“
Silas met this girl
—
a lot younger than him.
Not just in years but maturity wise, you know?
She
’
s so far beneath him it
’
s not funny
,
but he loves her.
I
’
ve never seen anything like it.
She left him
;
he took her back.
She goes out with other men
;
he waits.
Until the day she marries someone else, he
’
ll never quit hoping and trying
.”

“
And you wonder if that
’
s rare or worth holding out for
.”
It wasn
’
t a question.
Chad understood the appea
l of something so deep, but couldn’t encourage it.
“
I don
’
t know if Becca is the one for you or not.
I do know
that if she is, or if this Allison is, or any of the other women you
’
ve met, it won
’
t be
just
because you can
’
t stand not being with her.
I think that
’
s probably a little rare
—
especially for a man
.”

Adric nodded.
“
You
’
re right.
It was
amazing to watch
,
but
—”

“
I will say that I
’
d rather marry someone I know I can trust, respect, and enjoy spending my time with even if I didn
’
t have the crazy mixed up love for them that I have for Willow, than to marry someone who after twenty years, makes me wish it was over rather than wish for another twenty
.”

They wandered through the greenhouse, out to the gardens, over to the pasture where the sheep
enjoyed
an evening trough of liquid refreshment, and then back toward the house.
As they neared, Adric paused
,
his jaw working so much that his teeth ground together mercilessly.
“
Do you think Becca is going to turn me down?
”

“
For what, marriage?
”

“
No, to keep corresponding.
Something is wrong.
I
’
d just like to know what I did wrong
.”

Chad chose his words carefully.
“
I don
’
t know that you did anything wrong, man.
Even if she isn
’
t the woman for you, aren
’
t you glad you had a month with her?
”

“
I am but
—”

“
Then be thankful for your month and forget about what you can
’
t control.
Trust the Lord in this one.
Trust H
im
.”

“
You
’
ve got to be a good ten years younger than me, Chad.
I
’
d give anything for that kind of faith
.”
The exhaustion in Adric
’
s voice was very telling.

“
You have it.
You
’
re just weary.
Rest in the only One who can give you true rest as your brother-in-law always tells us
.”

As Adric and Becca drove away, Chad and Willow waved from the front porch.
“
Is she going to turn him down?
”

“
Yes
.”
Regret hovered around Willow
’
s single word.