Pearl's Awakening (Devil's Iron MC #3) (2 page)

Startlingawake from the dream that my mind was just pleasuring itself with, I find myself alone in the bed. I look over to the bed next to me and see Iris and Rose sleeping soundly. I pulled over on the highway at the most deserted looking motel that I could find and paid cash, knowing that Blaze would be on the lookout if I used one of my cards, for this dismal little hole.

I just don’t know what I was thinking: first Tank, then Blaze, and now what? I am fucking alone again.Of course, I did it to myself this time. When I saw Tank and Blaze fighting in the office at the Dungeon I had to go. I cannot fucking handle men that use their fists too close to me, especially when I am not only worried about myself, but about this babe,
My Baby
.

I just don’t think that Markus and Abraham can handle the feelings that I have for them, both of them. I could never pick one over the other and would never want to. These are the only two men that have been able to show me my true self, and I could not bear to witness one of them break when I chose the other. It was so much fucking easier when Tank was not visible and before he betrayed me.

Instead I broke both of their hearts as well as my own, yet again, great fucking turn of events for me in this fucking life.

After I get the girls up and we eat a quick breakfast, I continue to drive towards the cottage that my stupid fuck of a dead husband left to the girls. I get lost yet again in thoughts of the family that I am trying to build,once again, on my own.

We stop off quickly while driving through Waupun to get some much needed supplies to last the next few days that we will be hiding out up here. I wake the girls and we quickly make our way through the store to grab our supplies: food, diapers, dog food, and such.

As we make our way back towards the SUV, I notice Hilda jumping around the back. She must need to use the bathroom, so I grab her leash, quickly latching her up, and walk her over to the far side of the parking lot, while still pushing Iris and Rose in the shopping cart.Letting Hilda do her business we slowly walk back over towards the SUV and I load it up with first the groceries, then the dog, then finally the girls.

I make sure that the girls have a snack before getting back on the road for what will be the last leg of the journey towards Montello. I know that no one will be at the cottage,because usually his family will let me know anytime that they would be using the cottage. Although it is technically mine, well the girls’, I have not been up here since before his death. I just can’t stand the memories that go along with him.

Losing myself in thoughts of him, I am pulled out of them quickly as I turn the car down the long driveway of the cottage. The bumpy gravel driveway causing the girls to start questioning where we were and where we were headed.

“Momma, where are we?” comes out loudly from Iris in the back seat.

“We are at our cottage girls. We have not been here since before your daddy died. I thought it would be a good idea to spend some time up here before we have to head back home.”

Reaching the house, I put the vehicle into park and take a deep breath. Before I catch my breath however, I hear Rose’s voice coming from the back seat.

“Momma, why did we have to leave Markus’ house? We were having fun with him. We even heard Doc talking and he said that Tank, um Abraham, was around. Do you think we will get to see him? Do you think maybe you could call him and have him come up here with us? That would be so fun Momma. Maybe you could call Markus and he could come, too? What do you think Momma?”

As the tears start to fall, I take a deep breath as I try to compose myself before answering. “That will probably not happen baby girl. Let’s get a move on though. Momma needs to get Hilda out of the truck and get the stuff unpacked before we can settle in and start watching some TV or movies. What do you think of that? Momma can make some popcorn and we can lounge on the couch for a while.”

“I guess, Momma. Come on Iris,let’s go play with Hilda while Momma gets the stuff out of the truck and gets the popcorn ready.”

Getting the girls out of their car seats, I am thankful that it is a nice 60-degree late March day in Wisconsin. The girls will be out here playing with the dog for a while, and as I am getting the stuff out I will have to keep an eye on them, because the cottage is on a lake.

It only takes me about thirty minutes to get all the stuff that I jammed packed into the truck out. I have the groceries put away, the clothing put away, and even have the beds all made up for us. Whoever was up here last left the place immaculate and I am grateful that at least David’s family are so much more caring and considerate than he ever was.

My mind again drifts to both of the men that I have left and the one who left me. I have never felt such feelings,or so alive, as I do when I am with either Markus or Abraham. The relationship (if you can call it that) that I had with David was nothing short of lacking.

David was a heavy drinker and man whore to boot. He wasn’t ready for the children I so desperately wanted. He went along with the years of fertility treatments that were needed to have both of our daughters, but not without letting his feelings on children be known. He would frequently tell me about how much different and better his life would have been if he were not tied down to a “blankety blank” wife and children. Usually not shying away from name calling, even taunting me about my looks or weight while doing so.

The morning that I found him was bittersweet for me. After the grief had lifted the fog from my head, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Knowing that his unpredictable mood swings, from being verbally abusive to so withdrawn to where he would ignore us, was all done. No more waiting to see what would cause his next outburst.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts of the man that broke down my confidence, self-esteem, and security. Gluing a smile onto my face I go to track down the girls, and plan to make some great spring break memories with them.

Where the fuck did she go? No one has heard from Pearl in three fucking days. She left no note, didn’t fucking call, or tell anyone where she was heading. What the fuck is she thinking? She has to understand how fucking pissed I will be when I finally find her. I told her not to run from me again.

FUCK!

Thinking back to that night, I am not sure what happened. Tank and I had really started to lay into each other before we were brought out of it by Shadow,who quickly broke us apart and let us cool off for a minute or two before he asked if we knew that Pearl had left.

Tank and I quickly moved to the front of the club and noticed that both of our vehicles were still where we had left them.

“The girls are at my house with Doc, that has to be where she is headed. Let’s go.”

“Blaze, I’m not sure what the fuck has been going on while I have been away, but you should know I have no plans to give her up. I made the biggest mistake of my life the night I walked out, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her.”

“Tank, I don’t want to fucking discuss this right now, I want to fucking find her and make sure that she is alright. Let’s fucking go.”

Getting into my truck I notice that Tank is quickly moving to his truck, then we are both on our way.

Pulling up to my house I notice that Doc’s vehicle is no longer there. Opening the garage, I am not happy to find it empty. Fuck, she is running again.

Grabbing my cellphone, I quickly dial Doc as I get out of the truck. Tank is quickly behind me and we are striding into the house.

“Doc, where the fuck are you, and where the fuck are Pearl and the girls?”

“Why, hello to you too, Prez. I’m at the fucking clubhouse at the fucking party that you are missing out on. Pearl got home about 45 minutes ago and told me that I could head out. Wait, what the fuck happened? Why are you fucking calling me asking me about Pearl? Where the fuck is Pearl, Prez?”

“We don’t fucking know Doc, she took off again. Every fucking time something happens, she fucking takes off. I am going to tan her fucking ass raw when I get a hold of her. Tank walked in on us in the office at the Dungeon and we got into it. While we were fucking going after each other, Pearl snuck out. I am not sure how long we were at each other before Shadow actually came in and broke us apart.”

“Tank and I are going to head out looking for her. We will let you know if we find anything out.”

As I hang up the phone, I look over towards Tank. “Where do you think she would have gone? What the fuck happened? Any ideas where she might have gone, Tank?”

“No, I have no fucking idea. I have only talked to her once in five fucking months. It seems that you should be the one who knows where she has gone, Prez. I still can’t believe you fucking collared her while I was gone.”

“Tank, I am not discussing this with you right fucking now. We can discuss all of that shit later. I need to find her.”

“We, together, need to find her Blaze. I will stop at nothing to find her and spend some time with her. I was not fucking kidding when I said that I need her to talk with me.I will not stop fighting to get her to at least forgive me for what I let happen to her, if not more. She is the only woman that I have ever had these fucking feelings for, and just because you decided to claim what was fucking mine doesn’t mean that I will just give up.Especially when she is so far gone with my child.”

“Watch it Tank, that is my ol’ lady and my babe you are talking about. I will not allow you to speak about her like that. She is mine, so watch your fucking step.”

“Whatever Blaze. How do you want to head out looking for her? I think one of use needs to head up to Milwaukee.”

“Yeah, I will head up to Milwaukee. You get back to the clubhouse and see what you can find fromher credit cards and phone. Although she took a fucking burner on her way out the door, so I am sure that her phone is not on at the moment. Also, you should know that I had a tracker put on her vehicle, but I am sure that she removed it, so that will probably be a dead end for you. You should probably ask Doc or Trip if she talked to either one of them about removing it, because that is who she would have gone to.”

As I leave to go to Milwaukee, my thoughts drift to the woman that has consumed me. Why did she leave so quickly? Tank and I were just working out some of the residual issues that his departure left. I am sure that she felt like we had put her in the middle of our fight and that is something that she struggles with, I know that, but fuck- she just took off.

I think back to her restless nights since Tank has returned. That has something to do with her edginess and also her quick departure after Tank walked into the office. If she is still so affected by him, I’m wondering if she will be better off with both of us in her life. I don’t know how that would fucking work, and sure as shit would not be the first one who would be signing up to share my Pet.But, if it is what she needs to be happy, and if she could blossom under our joint ownership, I am not going to be the one to deny her that.

Going through the house in Milwaukee, I find no clues as to her whereabouts. As I am searching through her stuff looking for clues, I am shocked to find the journal that her psychologist asked her to start after the rape. Flipping through the pages I am quick to skip over much of the journal, stopping only when I reach the last few weeks, noticing a change in what she was writing and even the pattern of writing. When I trail back to the first day in this change, I see that it is the day that Tank returned.

Reading over the last few weeks of entries I notice that my assumptions on the way up here were right. She is clearly torn between her feelings for Abraham and myself and it is on every page of this fucking journal. Why hasn’t she talked to me about this? Getting more pissed off and glad that she is not within reach right now, I need to calm down and come up with a way for her to come into her own as far as her desires are concerned.

Heading back to Chicago, I decide that Tank is probably the best solution to tracking her down. With all the security and computer stuff that he has always been good at, I know that she will use her credit card or cellphone at some point, hopefully soon.

****

Pearl has been gone for two fucking days and I have not been able to sleep. I need this woman in my life like I need air. Laughing, I think to myself how different my life is now than it was just a year ago. I never thought that I would need someone like I need Pearl. I will do anything to keep her in my life and to make sure that she blossoms under my hand- even if that means sharing her with Tank.

Sitting in the office at the clubhouse three days after Pearl left, waiting for something to show up on one of her credit cards or phone, is really trying my fucking nerves. We should be out there searching for her, not sitting on our asses doing nothing, or what feels like nothing.

Why the fuck did she run and where the fuck did she go?

Blaze and I were just working out some of our issues and would have calmed down shortly and talked shit through.Which is all that we have been able to do the last two days with no lead on Pearl.The many discussions that Markus and I have had about how we will move forward once we find her have calmed down significantly since that first one, to say the least. No matter what, we are able to work out that the first step must be that Markus punishes her for leaving.Then that I will talk with her about the night that I walked out.

We think that she ran because she is having a difficult time with her already turbulent emotions since I have returned. Markus thinks that she just blocked out her feelings for me during the months that I was gone.Which might be one of the reasons that she ran so quickly after I walked in on them into the office.

I already feel shitty enough about leaving Pearl that night all those months ago. I have thought of little else except being able to talk with her about it. I don’t know what I will have to do for her to forgive me, but I will do whatever it takes to have her look at me the way that she used to. Looking at me with longing and love in her eyes, not the hate and contempt that I thought I saw as I barged into the office three nights ago.

Being able to see her looking at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, looking up at me while I am driving my cock deep into her, making her scream my name as she begs for her pleasure. Fuck, I have missed those eyes looking up at me like that. All those whores that I fucked while I was away never came close to capturing my attention or thoughts for more than it took for me to blow my load and release some tension. My thoughts always quickly returned to her, the girls, and the future we could have had.

As soon as I was back in Chicago and I heard about what had really happened, not only that night, but also what has happened in the months since that night, I regretted every choice that I made, the leaving, the drinking,the whores, all of it. Why I ever doubted Pearl and her actions is beyond me, and the work that I will have to do with her to trust me again is something that I am more than ready to put in. I just hope that she is able to forgive me and we can make our way forward, together.

Scrubbing my head out of those thoughts, I return to the computer screen in front of me to look through her cellphone and credit card accounts, again. Seeing nothing new I set up some alerts to message my phone if any activity happens on any of Pearl’s cards or on her cellphone while I am out.

Walking out of the office to look for Markus, I think that we might need to switch up our tactics on finding Pearl.It has already been three days and we have had no sightings and no alerts as to her whereabouts. Reaching the main room, I notice that Markus is sitting at the bar with a stack of papers in front of him, but he is not focused on them at all. He is clearly distracted and thinking of his, no mine, no,my Pearl.

“Prez, I have set up alerts if and when she uses her phone or credit cards, I will get notified, but I think that we need to do something more.”

Looking over towards me he nods his head in agreement with me. “I just don’t have any fucking idea where she might have gone. I have even reached out to that asshole David’s family and they were of no fucking helped. Maybe we need to head over there instead of just calling on the phone?”

“Let’s do it. Fuck, it’s the only way we might find her before she needs to be back to school in three days. I’ll go pack up the computer and shit and we can hit the road” As I turn to walk away a ping sounds from my phone. Reaching down I notice instantly that it is the alert I had set up for Pearl’s cards.

“It’s Pearl, she used one of her cards.” Striding into the office with Markus close on my heels I log into my computers and start to scroll through to find out where she is.