Pegasus: A Novel (35 page)

“What happened?” she asked in a frightened voice. She knew how much Pegasus meant
to him, and this was no day for anything bad to happen. But the shock of losing Toby
and the state Nick was in was why it had. For the first time ever, he hadn’t been
paying attention.

“He pulled a ligament,” Nick said tersely. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t watching. I didn’t
see what was on the ground.” He always looked for things like that, but hadn’t tonight.
All he had been able to see
was Toby, who would never come home. Pegasus’s safety had been the farthest thing
from his mind.

He asked for a trailer to get the stallion back to the tent. He didn’t want to lame
him more by walking. And he asked one of the animal handlers to send him a vet as
soon as possible. He got Pegasus to the tent, rubbed him down with liniment, and wrapped
the injured leg, but Pegasus could hardly walk when he came out of the trailer. For
any horse, it was a disastrous situation, and Christianna prayed that Pegasus would
be the exception. She knew that if they had to put him down, it would kill her husband,
and he was half dead with grief already.

For the first time in four years, Nick didn’t go to see her act, nor ride in the finale.
He stayed in the tent, waiting for the vet, who came after midnight. He seemed to
know what he was doing, and he didn’t mince words with Nick. “It’s bad. I can’t tell
you it isn’t. It’s not broken, but I think the ligament is torn, not just strained.
You may have to put him down.” He was a heavy animal with a powerful body, and thin
graceful legs. It was a lethal combination when a horse was injured, and many a racehorse
had been shot because they couldn’t recover. Nick refused to hear the vet’s dire prediction.

“I’m not putting him down,” he said grimly.

“We can put him in a sling off the ground to keep his weight off his legs,” the vet
suggested, “but you can’t keep him there forever. Sooner or later, the leg has to
heal, or you’ll have to face that it won’t.” The sling sounded like a good idea to
Nick, and he asked the vet if he knew any competent horse ranches in the area. He
mentioned one in Santa Rosa. Nick sat with Pegasus all night and called the ranch
in Santa Rosa in the morning. The day before had been the worst day in his life. Peggy
Taylor, the woman on the phone at the ranch, promised to come and see Pegasus that
afternoon. She
sounded smart, and Nick hoped she knew what she was doing. She said they had saved
a horse the year before with the kind of sling the vet was talking about, and they
still had it.

Fortunately, the circus was staying in San Francisco for five days, and Nick had time
to make a decision before they moved on. He informed the ringmaster that Pegasus would
not be performing that night. He could ride on one of the Arabians while Christianna
rode Athena. He had a black Arabian that would be a good counterpart to her, and the
ringmaster accepted. He couldn’t expect him to ride a lame horse.

The woman from the ranch in Santa Rosa came at two o’clock, and after they talked
for an hour, she examined Pegasus. Nick liked her. She said they had an excellent
vet. Nick agreed to drive Pegasus there before that night’s performance. They left
at three o’clock, and by five the vet had seen the horse, and they had him in the
sling to keep his weight off his legs. It was all they could do for now. And Christianna
had come with him. She was worried sick over Nick, even more than the horse. He looked
ravaged and exhausted, and she knew he hadn’t slept.

At seven they headed back to San Francisco, and arrived at the fairground just in
time for their show, with no rehearsal, but Nick was more alert than he’d been the
night before, although she knew how tired he was. And this time, he watched the ground
for obstructions and random objects. And the black Arabian he rode performed well.
The audience scarcely knew the difference, and Athena shone when Nick put her through
her paces, with Christianna on her, looking like a fairy princess. The crowd loved
it.

For the next three days, he drove to Santa Rosa every day to see Pegasus, and Lucas
and Christianna came with him. Nick looked grim and barely spoke to them, and Christianna
knew he was thinking
about Toby, not the horse, but he concentrated on Pegasus when he got to the ranch.
And so far nothing had changed. The vet he met with again said it would take several
weeks, or even months if he healed, and in the end they might still have to put him
down. Nick’s mouth was set in a grim line. And he made the decision to leave him there
for now and continue with the tour. Later, he would come back to Santa Rosa on his
own, after Oregon and Seattle, and catch up with the circus again after that.

Nick was up most of the night, and Lucas crawled into bed with him that night, and
they clung to each other and sobbed.

And when they left San Francisco the next day, Nick looked morbid. He barely spoke
to Lucas and Christianna on the drive north. He called the ranch in Santa Rosa twice
a day for the next two weeks. Nothing had changed, and he decided to leave Pegasus
there for another month. They would be back in the Midwest by then, and he was still
using the black Arabian for their act, but he would drive back for Pegasus whenever
the vet and Peggy Taylor thought he was ready.

“How is he?” Christianna asked, after the last call.

“The same,” he said, disheartened. It was Labor Day weekend, and they were in Nevada.
They played Las Vegas the next day, and Nick went out gambling all night and got drunk,
which she had never seen him do before. He was miserable all the time now, and he
snapped at Lucas, which was also unlike him. He barely spoke to Christianna, and they
hadn’t made love since Toby died. He was mourning his son, and Pegasus being lame
was the final straw. Christianna wondered if he’d ever be the same again. He was a
different person, and not one she liked or even knew. She said nothing to anyone about
it, except finally Gallina. She sobbed to her that he was so miserable now and nothing
she did helped him.

“Give him time. This is the second child he’s lost, and a wife. It’s a terrible blow.
Just pray that Pegasus gets better. That’s not helping.” Christianna knew her friend
was right, and a month later, on the first of October, in Illinois, Peggy called him.

“I think you’d better come out here,” she said sadly. “He’s not eating, Nick. I think
he’s just tired of hanging there. Maybe he’s losing hope.” So was Nick, but he didn’t
want Pegasus to die. He took two weeks off from the circus, which he had never done
before, and his brothers-in-law agreed to drive his horse trailers and tend to his
horses with Lucas, and he promised that if he could get back sooner, he would.

He borrowed a truck, and it took him and Christianna two days and nights to drive
from Illinois to Santa Rosa, driving hard and sleeping in the truck by the side of
the road when they were too tired to continue. And when they got to the ranch and
saw Pegasus, Christianna knew it was all over, and so did Nick. He was hanging off
his feet and already looked half dead. He had lost all his spirit and his life. The
vet was lowering him every few days, and his leg was stronger, but he didn’t seem
to want to stand up. The vet said he couldn’t tell if the leg was weak from lack of
exercise and still painful, or if Pegasus just wanted to lie down and die. The vet
didn’t want to give him the chance to do so, so he’d kept him in the sling, although
it was six weeks now since he’d been injured, and Toby had died. Long enough for the
Lipizzaner to heal if he was going to, though not long enough for Nick to recover
from losing Toby. He was still deeply depressed, and even more so when he saw the
horse.

Nick stroked his head and spoke to him softly, and Pegasus seemed to revive a little
when he saw him. He tossed his head and whinnied and seemed to recognize Christianna
as well. It broke her heart and Nick’s to see the condition he was in. He looked like
a very tired old
horse, although he was only eight years old, which was young for a Lipizzaner, and
he had a good fifteen or sixteen years ahead of him, if he chose to live. But he didn’t
seem to want to.

Peggy offered to let them stay with her for the night, and they thanked her for the
small guestroom. She didn’t say it, but Nick had to make a decision about Pegasus.
He was avoiding it, but it was cruel to let Pegasus languish if he wasn’t going to
recover. And thinking about it, he went out to the barn that night. He was there for
a long time, and Christianna followed him there two hours later, worried about Nick.
Losing Pegasus was not going to help him get over losing Toby, or even adjust. It
would only make it worse.

She found him slumped against the barn wall, in Pegasus’s stall, talking to the horse
in a low steady voice. He was reminding him of the trip over on the ship four years
before, when he had lain down and nearly died.

“You’ve got to make the same decision now,” he said, looking up at him, and Pegasus
nodded, as though he understood, as Christianna stood in the distance and watched
them. Nick had no idea she was there. “You decided to stand up when we were on the
boat. I needed you then, and I need you now. You can’t just give up, and neither can
I. Toby wouldn’t want that for either of us. He was a good boy, and he’d still be
here if he could be. I think he’d be real disappointed in both of us if we give up.”
As he said it, tears came to Christianna’s eyes. “I promise you, if you give it another
shot, I will give you a good life. I will take care of you for the rest of your days.
We’re in this together.” Pegasus nodded again, and Nick stood up and stroked him,
and then he saw his wife, watching them both. “I didn’t know you were here,” he said
quietly, embarrassed by what she might have heard. He hadn’t wanted to admit to her
the depths of his despair, but she loved him and knew it anyway, and he could see
it in her eyes.

“What did you do the night he got up again on the boat?” she asked, with a curious
look at man and horse. She’d been thinking about it for several days, and hadn’t wanted
to bother Nick by asking.

“I just sat with him all night and begged him to stand up.” Nick smiled at her, touched
that she had come out to the barn. He knew how much she cared about them both. And
he had been able to give her nothing emotionally for the past six weeks. He just didn’t
have it to give, and she understood. “I told him that my life would be over if he
didn’t stand up, and our lives were in his hands.” It wasn’t as true now, but in some
ways it was. Nick was in no shape to withstand another blow and suffer another loss.

“Why don’t we spend the night with him tonight?” Christianna suggested as she walked
into the stall. “Let’s just be with him, and tell him how much we love him and need
him,” she said, with a look of innocence, and Nick took her in his arms.

“You’re an amazing woman. And I love you more than I’ve told you for a long time.”

“I love you, too, Nick,” she said softly, “and I love you, too, Pegasus. So get better,
this has gone on for long enough. Everyone in the circus misses you, and that little
black Arabian looks stupid compared to you, so you need to come back.” She talked
as though speaking to a child. Pegasus threw his head and whinnied as though he were
laughing, as Christianna and Nick sat down in his stall, and Nick put an arm around
her. He felt like the luckiest man in the world. And he hadn’t felt anything like
that for the past six weeks. He suddenly looked better than he had since mid-August,
more like the old Nick. They sat in the stall and talked for a while, and then she
leaned her head against him and fell asleep. And they woke up in the morning, with
the sunlight streaming into the stall. Pegasus
was looking at them, as though wondering what they were doing there, and there was
an old familiar light in his eyes. Nick thought he could see something that hadn’t
been there the night before. Christianna could see it too. He looked the way he did
right before a performance, when he heard their music and knew his cue to go on.

“Let’s have a look,” the vet said when he came. They lowered the sling, and gingerly
Pegasus stepped out of it and looked around, and then he turned back as though laughing
at Nick and trotted out of his stall. He roamed free for a few minutes, and then Nick
gave him his familiar voice commands, and he came back immediately, looking steady
and strong on his legs. The vet was beaming, and Nick had tears in his eyes. “Maybe
he was just missing you these last few weeks,” the vet said with a puzzled look. “There’s
no telling with horses, particularly as highly bred as these. They have their own
mind.” Nick glanced at Christianna, and she was smiling through tears.

“What do you think, doctor?” Nick asked the vet. He didn’t want to put him at risk
or lame him again. The vet checked his injured leg again before he spoke.

“His leg feels strong to me, and he’s not having any problem walking on it. I think
you take him home and go easy on him for a couple of weeks and see how he does. And
since he injured a foreleg, I don’t think you need to worry about it when he goes
back to performing. All his weight is on his hind legs with the kind of work you do
with him.” He patted the big stallion’s head and looked him in the eye. “You behave
yourself, Pegasus. No more of this feeling sorry for yourself. You had us all worried
sick. Go back to work!” Pegasus whinnied again, and Peggy gave them one of her horse
trailers, and they were ready to leave that afternoon.

“I can’t ever repay you for what you did,” he said seriously. She had charged him
minimal rates for boarding Pegasus, and had given her whole heart to help him. “You
brought him back to life.”

“No, I didn’t,” she said firmly, and she was sure of it. “You did, when you sat with
him last night. I’ve never seen anything like it.” And then she patted Pegasus before
they put him in the trailer to go home. “You be a good boy, and don’t give them any
trouble. They’re nice people, and they love you.” She kissed him right between the
eyes, and then Nick led him into the trailer. They were ready to go.