Penny Dreadful Multipack Vol. 1 (Illustrated. Annotated. 'Wagner The Wehr-Wolf,' 'Varney The Vampire,' 'The Mysteries of London Vol. 1' + Bonus Features) (Penny Dreadful Multipacks) (175 page)

"A
devilish civil fellow, that attorney," said the admiral, as he put the
letter in his pocket, "and almost enough to put one in conceit of
lawyers."

"Yes,"
said Jack Pringle, who had overheard the admiral read the letter.

"Yes,
we will honour him; and I only hope he will have plenty of grog; because, you
see, if he don't—D—n it! what's that? Can't you keep things to yourself?"

This
latter exclamation arose from the fact that the admiral was so indignant at
Jack for listening to what he had been saying, as to throw a leaden inkstand,
that happened to be upon the table, at his head.

"You
mutinous swab!" he said, "cannot a gentleman ask me to dinner, or
cannot I ask myself, without you putting your spoke in the windlass, you
vagabond?"

"Oh!
well," said Jack, "if you are out of temper about it, I had better
send my mark to the lawyer, and tell him that we won't come, as it has made
some family differences."

"Family,
you thief!" said the admiral. "What do you mean? What family do you
think would own you? D—n me, if I don't think you came over in some strange
ship. But, I tell you what it is, if you interfere in this matter, I'll be
hanged if I don't blow your brains out."

"And
you'll be hanged if you do," said Jack, as he walked out of the room;
"so it's all one either way, old fizgig."

"What!"
roared the admiral, as he sprang up and ran after Jack. "Have I lived all
these years to be called names in my own ship—I mean my own house? What does
the infernal rascal mean by it?"

The
admiral, no doubt, would have pursued Jack very closely, had not Flora
intercepted him, and, by gentle violence, got him back to the room. No one else
could have ventured to have stopped him, but the affection he had for her was
so great that she could really accomplish almost anything with him; and, by
listening quietly to his complaints of Jack Pringle—which, however, involved a
disclosure of the fact which he had intended to keep to himself, that he had
sought the lawyer's advice—she succeeded in soothing him completely, so that he
forgot his anger in a very short time.

But
the old man's anger, although easily aroused, never lasted very long; and, upon
the whole, it was really astonishing what he put up with from Jack Pringle, in
the way of taunts and sneers, of all sorts and descriptions, and now and then
not a little real abuse.

And,
probably, he thought likewise that Jack Pringle did not mean what he said, on
the same principle that he (the admiral), when he called Jack a mutinous swab
and a marine, certainly did not mean that Jack was those things, but merely
used them as expletives to express a great amount of indignation at the moment,
because, as may be well supposed, nothing in the world could be worse, in
Admiral Bell's estimation, that to be a mutinous swab or a marine.

It
was rather a wonder, though, that, in his anger some day, he did not do Jack
some mischief; for, as we have had occasion to notice in one or two cases, the
admiral was not extremely particular as to what sorts of missiles he used when
he considered it necessary to throw something at Jack's head.

It
would not have been a surprising thing if Jack had really made some
communication to the lawyer; but he did stop short at that amount of
pleasantry, and, as he himself expressed it, for once in a way he let the old
man please himself.

The
admiral soon forgot this little dispute, and then pleased himself with the idea
that he should pass a pleasant day with the attorney.

"Ah!
well," he said; "who would have thought that ever I should have gone
and taken dinner with a lawyer—and not only done that, but invited myself too!
It shows us all that there may be some good in all sorts of men, lawyers
included; and I am sure, after this, I ought to begin to think what I never
thought before, and that is, that a marine may actually be a useful person. It
shows that, as one gets older, one gets wiser."

It
was an immense piece of liberality for a man brought up, as Admiral Bell had
been, in decidedly one of the most prejudiced branches of the public service,
to make any such admissions as these. A very great thing it was, and showed a
liberality of mind such as, even at the present time, is not readily found.

It is
astonishing, as well as amusing, to find how the mind assimilates itself to the
circumstances in which it is placed, and how society, being cut up into small
sections, imagines different things merely as a consequence of their peculiar
application. We shall find that even people, living at different ends of a
city, will look with a sort of pity and contempt upon each other; and it is
much to be regretted that public writers are found who use what little ability
they may possess in pandering to their feelings.

It
was as contemptible and silly as it was reprehensible for a late celebrated
novelist to pretend that he believed there was at place called Bloomsbury-square,
but he really did not know; because that was merely done for the purpose of
raising a silly laugh among persons who were neither respectable on account of
their abilities or their conduct.

But
to return from this digression. The admiral, attired in his best suit, which
always consisted of a blue coat, the exact colour of the navy uniform, an
immense pale primrose coloured waistcoat, and white kerseymere continuations,
went to the lawyer's as had been arranged.

If
anything at all could flatter the old man's vanity successfully, it certainly
would be the manner in which he was received at the lawyer's house, where
everything was done that could give him satisfaction.

A
very handsome repast was laid before him, and, when the cloth was removed, the
admiral broached the subject upon which he wished to ask the advice of his
professional friend. After telling him of the wedding that was to come off, he
said,—

"Now,
I have bargained to invite twenty people; and, of course, as that is exclusive
of any of the family, and as I don't know any people about this neighbourhood
except yourself, I want you and your family to come to start with, and then I
want you to find me out some more decent people to make up the party."

"I
feel highly flattered," said the attorney, "that, in such a case as
this, you should have come to me, and my only great fear is, that I should not
be able to give you satisfaction."

"Oh!
you needn't be afraid of that; there is no fear on that head; so I shall leave
it all to you to invite the folks that you think proper."

"I
will endeavour, certainly, admiral, to do my best. Of course, living in the
town, as I have for many years, I know some very nice people as well as some
very queer ones."

"Oh!
we don't want any of the queer ones; but let those who are invited be frank,
hearty, good-tempered people, such as one will be glad to meet over and over
again without any ceremony—none of your simpering people, who are afraid to
laugh for fear of opening their mouths too wide, but who are so mighty genteel
that they are afraid to enjoy anything for fear it should be vulgar."

"I
understand you, admiral, perfectly, and shall endeavour to obey your
instructions to the very letter; but, if I should unfortunately invite anybody
you don't like, you must excuse me for making such a mistake."

"Oh,
of course—of course. Never mind that; and, if any disagreeable fellow comes, we
will smother him in some way."

"It
would serve him right, for no one ought to make himself disagreeable, after
being honoured with an invitation from you; but I will be most especially
careful, and I hope that such a circumstance will not occur."

"Never
mind. If it should, I'll tell you what I'll do; I'll set Jack Pringle upon him,
and if he don't worry his life out it will be a strange thing to me."

"Oh,"
said the lawyer, "I am glad you have mentioned him, for it gives me an
opportunity of saying that I have done all in my power to make him
comfortable."

"All
in your power to make him comfortable! What do you mean?"

"I
mean that I have placed such a dinner before him as will please him; I told him
to ask for just whatever he likes."

The
admiral looked at the lawyer with amazement, for a few moments, in silence, and
then he said,

"D—n
it! why, you don't mean to tell me, that that rascal is here."

"Oh,
yes; he came about ten minutes I before you arrived, and said you were coming,
and he has been down stairs feasting all the while since."

"Stop
a bit. Do you happen to have any loaded fire arms in the house?"

"We
have got an old bunderbuss; but what for, admiral?"

"To
shoot that scoundrel, Pringle. I'll blow his brains out, as sure as fate. The
impudence of his coming here, directly against my orders, too."

"My
dear sir, calm yourself, and think nothing of it; it's of no consequence whatever."

"No
consequence; where is that blunderbuss of yours? Do you mean to tell me that
mutiny is of no consequence? Give me the blunderbuss."

"But,
my clear sir, we only keep it
 
in
terrorem
, and have no bullets."

"Never
mind that, we can cram in a handful of nails, or brass buttons, or hammer up a
few halfpence—anything of that sort will do to settle his business with."

"How
do you get on, old Tarbarrel?" said Jack, putting his head in at the door.
"Are you making yourself comfortable? I'll be hanged if I don't think you
have a drop too much already, you look so precious red about the gills. I have
been getting on famous, and I thought I'd just hop up for a minute to make your
mind easy about me, and tell you so."

It
was quite evident that Jack had done justice to the good cheer of the lawyer,
for he was rather unsteady, and had to hold by the door-post to support
himself, while there was such a look of contentment upon his countenance as
contrasted with the indignation that was manifest upon the admiral's face that,
as the saying is, it would have made a cat laugh to see them.

"Be
off with ye, Jack," said the lawyer; "be off with ye. Go down stairs
again and enjoy yourself. Don't you see that the admiral is angry with
you."

"Oh,
he be bothered," said Jack; "I'll soon settle him if he comes any of
his nonsense; and mind, Mr. Lawyer, whatever you do, don't you give him too
much to drink."

The
lawyer ran to the door, and pushed Jack out, for he rightly enough suspected
that the quietness of the admiral was only that calm which precedes a storm of
more than usual amount and magnitude, so he was anxious to part them at once.

He
then set about appeasing, as well as he could, the admiral's anger, by
attributing the perseverance of Jack, in following him wherever he went, to his
great affection for him, which, combined with his ignorance, might make him
often troublesome when he had really no intention of being so.

This
was certainly the best way of appeasing the old man; and, indeed, the only way
in which it could be done successfully, and the proof that it was so, consisted
in the fact, that the admiral did consent, at the suggestion of the attorney,
to forgive Jack once more for the offence he had committed.

THE BARON TAKES ANDERBURY HOUSE, AND DECIDES UPON GIVING A
GRAND ENTERTAINMENT.

It
was not considered anything extraordinary that, although the Baron Stolmuyer of
Saltzburgh went out with the mysterious stranger who had arrived at the
Anderbury Arms to see him, he should return without him for certainly he was
not bound to bring him back, by any means whatever.

Moreover,
he entered the inn so quietly, and with such an appearance of perfect
composure, that no one could have suspected for a moment that he had been
guilty really of the terrific crime which had been laid to his charge—a crime
which few men could have committed in so entirely unmoved and passionless a
manner as he had done it.

But
he seemed to consider the taking of a human life as a thing not of the remotest
consequence, and not to be considered at all as a matter which was to put any
one out of the way, but as a thing to be done when necessity required, with all
the ease in the world, without arousing or awaking any of those feelings of
remorse which one would suppose ought to find a place in the heart of a man who
had been guilty of such monstrous behaviour.

He
walked up to his own apartment again, and retired to rest with the same
feeling, apparently, of calmness, and the same ability to taste of the sweets
of repose as had before characterized him.

The
stranger's horse, which was a valuable and beautiful animal, remained in the
stable of the inn, and as, of course, that was considered a guarantee for his
return, the landlord, when he himself retired to rest, left one of his
establishment sitting up to let in the man who now lay so motionless and so
frightful in appearance in one of the ice-wells of the mysterious passage
leading from the base of the cliff, to the grounds of Anderbury House.

But
the night wore on, and the man who had been left to let the stranger in, after
making many efforts to keep himself awake, dropped into sound repose, which he
might just as well have done in the first instance, inasmuch as, although he
knew it not, he was engaged in the vain task of waiting for the dead.

The
morning was fresh and beautiful, and, at a far earlier hour than a person of
his quality was expected to make his appearance, the baron descended from his
chamber; for, somehow or other, by common consent, it seems to be agreed that
great personages must be late in rising, and equally late in going to bed.

But
the baron was evidently not so disposed to turn night into day, and the
landlord congratulated himself not a little upon the fact that he was ready for
his illustrious guest when he descended so unexpectedly from his chamber as he
did.

An
ample breakfast was disposed of; that is to say, it was placed upon the table,
and charged to the baron, who selected from it what he pleased; and when the
meal was over the landlord ventured to enter the apartment, and said to him,
with all due humility,—

"If
you please, sir, Mr. Leek, who has the letting of Anderbury-on-the-Mount, that
is, Anderbury House, as it is usually called, is here, sir, and would be happy
to take your orders as to when you would be pleased to look at those
premises?"

"I
shall be ready to go in half a hour," said the baron; "and, as the
distance is not great, I will walk from here to the mansion."

This
message was duly communicated to Mr. Leek, who thereupon determined upon
waiting until the baron should announce his readiness to depart upon the
expedition; and he was as good as his word, for, in about half-an-hour
afterwards, he descended to the hall, and then Mr. Leek was summoned, who came
out of the bar with such a grand rush, that he fell over a mat that was before
him, and saluted the baron by digging his head into his stomach, and then
falling sprawling at his feet, and laying hold of his ankle.

This
little incident was duly apologised for, and explained; after which Mr. Leek
walked on through the town, towards Anderbury-on-the-Mount, followed by the
illustrious personage whom he sincerely hoped he should be able to induce to
take it.

It
was a curious thing to see how they traversed the streets together; for while
the baron walked right on, and with a solemn and measured step, Mr. Leek
managed to get along a few paces in front of him, sideways, so that he could
keep up a sort of conversation upon the merits of Anderbury House, and the
neighbourhood in general, without much effort; to which remarks the baron made
such suitable and dignified replies as a baron would be supposed to make.

"You
will find, sir," said Mr. Leek, "that everything about Anderbury is
extremely select, and amazingly correct; and I am sure a more delightful place
to live in could not be found."

"Ah!"
said the baron; "very likely."

"It's
lively, too," continued Mr. Leek; "very lively; and there are two
chapels of ease, besides the church."

"That's
a drawback," said the baron.

"A
drawback, sir! well, I am sorry I mentioned it; but perhaps you are a Roman
Catholic, sir, and, in that case, the chapels of ease have no interest for
you."

"Not
the slightest; but do not, sir, run away with any assumption concerning my
religious opinions, for I am not a Roman Catholic."

"No,
sir, no, sir; nor more am I; and, as far as I think, and my opinion goes, I
say, why shouldn't a gentleman with a large fortune be what he likes, or
nothing, if he likes that better? but here we are, sir, close to one of the
entrances of Anderbury House. There are three principal entrances, you
understand, sir, on three sides of the estate, and the fourth side faces the
sea, where there is that mysterious passage that leads down from the grounds to
the beach, which, perhaps, you have heard of, sir."

"The
landlord of the inn mentioned it."

"We
consider it a great curiosity, sir, I can assure you, in these parts—a very
great curiosity; and it's an immense advantage to the house, because, you see,
sir, in extremely hot weather, all sorts of provisions can be taken down there,
and kept at such a very low temperature as to be quite delightful."

"That
is an advantage."

Mr.
Leek rang the bell that hung over one of the entrances, and his summons for
admission was speedily answered by the old couple who had charge of the
premises, and then, with a view of impressing them with a notion of the
importance of the personage whom he had brought to look at the place, he said,
aloud,—

"The
Baron Stoltmayor, of Saltsomething, has come to look at the premises."

This
announcement was received with all due deference and respect, and the task of
showing the baron the premises at once fairly commenced.

"Here
you have," said Mr. Leek, assuming an oratorical attitude—"here you
have the umbrageous trees stooping down to dip their leaves in the purling
waters; here you have the sweet foliage lending a delicious perfume to the
balmy air; here you have the murmuring waterfalls playing music of the spheres
to the listening birds, who sit responsive upon the dancing boughs; here you
have all the fragrance of the briny ocean, mingling with the scent of a bank of
violets, and wrapping the senses in Elysium; here you may never tire of an
existence that presents never-ending charms, and that, in the full enjoyment of
which, you may live far beyond the allotted span of man."

"Enough—enough,"
said the baron.

"Here
you have the choicest exotics taking kindly to a soil gifted by nature with the
most extraordinary powers of production; and all that can pamper the appetite
or yield delight to the senses, is scattered around by nature with a liberal
hand. It is quite impossible that royalty should come near the favoured spot
without visiting it as a thing of course; and I forgot to mention that a
revenue is derived from some cottages, which, although small, is yet sufficient
to pay the tithe on the whole estate."

"There,
there—that will do."

"Here
you have purling rills and cascades, and fish-ponds so redundant with the finny
tribe, that you have but to wish for sport, and it is yours; here you have in
the mansion, chambers that vie with the accommodation of a palace—ample
dormitories and halls of ancient grandeur; here you have—"

"Stop,"
said the baron, "stop; I cannot be pestered in this way with your
description. I have no patience to listen to such mere words—show me the house
at once, and let me judge for myself."

"Certainly,
sir; oh! certainly; only I thought it right to give you a slight description of
the place as it really was: and now, sir, that we have reached the house, I may
remark that here we have—"

"Silence!"
said the baron; "if you begin with here we have, I know not when you will
leave off. All I require of you is to show me the place, and to answer any
question which I may put to you concerning it. I will draw my own conclusions, and
nothing you can say, one way or another, will affect my imagination."

"Certainly,
sir, certainly; I shall only be too happy to answer any questions that may be
put to me by a person of your lordship's great intelligence; and all I can
remark is, that when you reach the drawing-room floor, any person may truly
say, here you have—I really beg your pardon, sir—I had not the slightest
intention of saying here you have, I assure you; but the words came out quite
unawares, I assure you."

"Peace—peace!"
cried again the baron; "you disturb me by this incessant clatter."

Thus
admonished, Mr. Leek was now quiet, and allowed the baron in his own way to
make what investigation he pleased concerning Anderbury House.

The
investigation was not one that could be gone over in ten minutes; for the house
was extremely extensive, and the estate altogether presented so many features
of beauty and interest, that it was impossible not to linger over it for a
considerable period of time.

The
grounds were most extensive, and planted with such a regard to order and
regularity, everything being in its proper place, that it was a pleasure to see
an estate so well kept. And although the baron was not a man who said much, it
was quite evident, by what little he did utter, that he was very well pleased
with Anderbury-on-the-Mount.

"And
now," said Mr. Leek, "I will do myself the pleasure, sir, of showing
your grace the subterranean passage."

At
this moment a loud ring at one of the entrance gates was heard, and upon the
man who had charge of the house answering the summons for admission, he found
that it was a gentleman, who gave a card on which was the name of Sir John
Westlake, and who desired to see the premises.

"Sir
John Westlake," said Mr. Leek; "oh! I recollect he did call at my
office, and say that he thought of taking Anderbury-on-the-Mount. A gentleman
of great and taste is Sir John, but I must tell him, baron, that you have the
preference if you choose to embrace it."

At
this moment the stranger advanced, and when he saw the baron, he bowed
courteously, upon which Mr. Leek said,—

"I
regret, Sir John, that if you should take a fancy to the place, I am compelled
first of all to give this gentleman the refusal of it."

"Certainly,"
said Sir John Westlake; "do not let me interfere with any one. I have
nearly made up my mind, and came to look over the property again; but of
course, if this gentleman is beforehand with me, I must be content. I wish
particularly to go down to the subterranean passage to the beach, if it is not
too much trouble."

"Trouble!
certainly not, sir. Here, Davis, get some links, and we can go at once; and as
this gentleman likewise has seen everything but that strange excavation, he
will probably descend with us."

"Certainly,"
said the baron; "I shall have great pleasure;" and he said it with so
free and unembarrassed an air, that no one could have believed for a moment in
the possibility that such a subject of fearful interest to him was there to be
found.

The
entrance from the grounds into this deep cavernous place was in a small but
neat building, that looked like a summer-house; and now, torches being
procured, and one lit, a door was opened, which conducted at once into the
commencement of the excavation; and Mr. Leek heading the way, the distinguished
party, as that gentleman loved afterwards to call it in his accounts of the
transaction, proceeded into the very bowels of the earth, as it were, and
quickly lost all traces of the daylight.

The
place did not descend by steps, but by a gentle slope, which it required some
caution to traverse, because, being cut in the chalk, which in some places was
worn very smooth, it was extremely slippery; but this was a difficulty that a
little practice soon overcame, and as they went on the place became more
interesting every minute.

Even
the baron allowed Mr. Leek to make a speech upon the occasion, and that
gentleman said,—

"You
will perceive that this excavation must have been made, at a great expense, out
of the solid cliff, and in making it some of the most curious specimens of petrifaction
and fossil remains were found. You see that the roof is vaulted, and that it is
only now and then a lump of chalk has fallen in, or a great piece of flint; and
now we come to one of the ice-wells."