Penny Dreadful Multipack Vol. 1 (Illustrated. Annotated. 'Wagner The Wehr-Wolf,' 'Varney The Vampire,' 'The Mysteries of London Vol. 1' + Bonus Features) (Penny Dreadful Multipacks) (272 page)

 
should
 
go to trial, a verdict of
acquittal is certain at the hands of a Clerkenwell jury, but by no means sure
with an Old Bailey one."
    "Make a memorandum to write to the magistrate who will
hear the case next Monday, to take bail - moderate bait, mind - and to refer
the matter to the Sessions. We must not refuse to oblige Sir Joseph
Gosborne."
    While the private secretary was still writing, a servant
entered and informed the Minister that Mr. Teynham was waiting, and solicited
an audience.
    "Ah! the new magistrate at Marlborough Street,"
exclaimed the Home Secretary. "Show him in."
    Mr. Teynham, a middle-aged gentleman attired in black, was
introduced accordingly. He bowed very low to the Minister, and, when desired to
take a chair, obsequiously seated himself upon the very edge.
    "I have recommended you to Her Majesty, Mr.
Teynham," said the Minister, "as a fit and proper person to fill the
situation of police-magistrate and justice of the peace at the Marlborough
Street Court; and her Majesty has been most graciously pleased to confirm the
appointment."
    Mr. Teynham bowed very low, and became entangled in a
labyrinth of acknowledgments, with, which "deep gratitude" -
"sense of duty" - "impartial distribution of justice," and
such like phrases were blended.
    "It is necessary," said the Minister, after a
pause, "that I should give you a few instructions with respect to the
functions upon which you are about to enter. You are aware, Mr. Teynham that
the young gentlemen of the aristocracy are occasionally addicted to wrenching
off knockers, pulling down bells, and other innocent little pranks of a similar
nature. These are delicate cases to deal with, Mr. Teynham ; - but I need
scarcely inform you that the treadmill is not for the aristocracy."
    "I understand, my lord. A trifling fine, with a
reprimand - and a little wholesome advice —"
    "Precisely, Mr. Teynham - precisely!" cried the
Minister: "I see that you understand your business well. The nice
discrimination which you possess will always teach you whether you have a
gentleman to deal with, or not. If a low person choose to divert himself with
aristocratic amusements, punish him - do not spare him - send him to the
treadmill. In the same way that game is preserved for the sport of the upper
classes, so must the knockers and the bells be saved from spoliation by the
lower orders."
    "I fully comprehend your lordship," said the
newly-made magistrate. "I should like, however, to know your lordship's
sentiments in one respect."
    "Speak, Mr. Teynham," said the Minister, with the
most condescending affability, or the most affable condescension - whichever
the reader likes best.
    "Suppose, my lord, that a young nobleman or well-born
gentleman wrenches off a knocker, and throws it into the street then suppose,
my lord, that a poor man, passing by, picks up the knocker and carries it off
to a marine-store dealer's to sell it for old iron, in order to procure his
family a meal ; and then if your lordship will be kind enough to suppose that
both those persons are brought up
 
before me - the nobleman for
wrenching off the knocker and throwing it away, and the poor man for picking it
up and selling it, - how am I to act in such a case?"
    "Very ingenious - very ingenious, indeed, Mr.
Teynham," - said the Minister: " you will make an excellent
magistrate! Your course in the case propounded is clear; the nobleman is fined
five shillings for being drunk and disorderly - because all noblemen and
gentlemen who wrench off knockers are drunk and disorderly; and the poor man
must be committed to the House of Correction for three months. Nothing is
plainer, Mr. Teynham."
    "Nothing, my lord. Has your lordship any farther
instructions ? "
    "Oh! decidedly," returned the Minister. "When
any individual connected with a noble or influential family gets into a scrape,
and is brought before you, hear the case in private, and exclude the reporters.
Again, never commit such a person for trial, unless you are absolutely
compelled. Let him go upon bail: it will be ten to one if you are ever troubled
any more with the case. There is another point to which I must direct your
attention. The practice of shoplifting among ladies has increased lately to a
fearful degree. But, after all, it is only a
 
little eccentricity
 
- indeed one might almost call it an
 
amiable weakness.
 
The fact is, that many ladies
will go into a shop, purchase a hundred-guinea shawl, and secrete an eighteen
penny pair of gloves. Prudent husbands and fathers avert the tradesman, with whom
their wives and daughters deal, beforehand; and these trifling abstractions are
duly entered in the running accounts; but now and then a lady
 
does
 
get taken up. In such a case you
must show her every possible distinction. Order her a chair in the dock; and
before the business comes on, permit her to remain with her friends in the
'magistrates' private room.' Then, if the prosecutor hesitates in giving his
evidence, fly into a passion, tell him that he is prevaricating and not worthy
to be believed upon his oath, and indignantly dismiss the case. The accused
lady can then step into her carriage, and drive off comfortably home."
    "Your lordship's instructions shall be complied with to
the very letter," said Mr. Teynham.
    "In a word," continued the Minister, " you
must always shield the upper classes as much as possible; and in order to veil
their little peccadilloes, bring out the misdeeds of the lower orders in the
boldest relief. This is the only way to support the doctrine that the poor must
be governed by the rich. Whenever young boys or girls appear as witnesses, ask
them if they know the value of an oath; and if they reply in the negative,
expatiate upon the frightful immorality prevalent among the poorer classes, so
that the reporters may record your observations. This does good  - and
enables the Bishops to make long speeches in the House of Lords on the
necessity of religious instruction, and the want of more churches. If you
attend to these remarks of mine, Mr. Teynham, you will make an excellent
magistrate."
    "Your lordship may rely upon me," was the
submissive answer.
    "There is one more point - I had almost forgotten
it," said the Home Secretary. " You must invariably take the part of
the police. Remember that the oath of one police-officer is worth the oaths of
a dozen defendants. This only applies to the collision of the police with the
lower orders, mind. As a general rule, remember that the police are always sit
the right when the poor are concerned, and always in the wrong when the rich
are brought before you. And now, Mr. Teynham, I have nothing more to say."
    The newly-made magistrate rose, bowed several times, and
withdrew, walking obsequiously upon the points of his toes for fear his boots
should creak in the awful presence of the Home Secretary.
    But if his worship were thus meek and lowly before his
patron, he afterwards avenged himself for that constraint, when seated in the
magisterial chair, upon the poor devils that appeared before him!
    The private secretary was about to proceed with the
correspondence addressed from different quarters to the Minister, when a
servant entered the room, and placed a card upon the table before this great
officer of state.
    "The Earl of Warrington?" said the Minister.
" I will receive him."
    The servant withdrew, and the private secretary retired to
an inner apartment.
    In a few moments the Earl of Warrington was announced.
    When the usual civilities had been exchanged between the two
noblemen, the Earl of Warrington said, " I have called, my lord, upon a
matter which, I hope from the knowledge I have of your lordship's character,
will be considered by you as one of importance to the whole nation."
    "The estimate your lordship forms of any business can
be no mean guide to my own opinion," answered the Minister.
    "I am not quite aware whether I am acting in accordance
with official etiquette, to bring the matter alluded to under the notice of
your lordship, or whether it would have been more regular in me to have
addressed myself direct to the Postmaster-General or the Prime Minister; but as
I have the honour of being better acquainted with your lordship than with any
of your colleagues in the administration, I made up my mind to come
hither."
    "I shall be most happy to serve your lordship in any
way in my power," said the Minister.
    "Then I shall at once come to the point,"
continued the Earl of Warrington. "A friend of mine - a lady who resides
in London - has corresponded for some months past with a lady living in the
state of Castelcicala; and there is every reason to believe that the letters
addressed to my friend in London. have been opened during the transit."
    "Indeed," said the Minister, not a muscle of whose
countenance moved as he heard this communication. "May I ask what is the
nature of the proofs that such is the fact?"
    "I believe," returned the Earl of Warrington,
"that the letters have been opened at the English Post-office."
    "The English Post-office!" ejaculated the
Minister, with an air of great surprise - whether real or affected, we must
leave our readers to determine.
    "Yes, my lord - the English Post-office," said the
Earl of Warrington, firmly. "The proofs are these; - and, extracting the
letters from his pocket, he pointed out to the Minister the same appearances
which he had ere now explained to Mrs. Arlington."
    "On this last letter," said the Minister, "I
perceive the ducal arms of Castelcicala."
    "The present Grand Duchess of that State is the
correspondent of Mrs. Arlington, to whom, your lordship may perceive, these
letters are addressed. Now as the documents are entirely of a private nature
—"
  
 
"And her Serene
Highness is a relative of your lordship, I believe?" observed the Minister
inquiringly."
    "Which circumstance, united with my friendship For Mrs.
Arlington, has determined me to inquire into this matter - nay, to sift it to
the very bottom."
    "Your lordship can scarcely suppose that the contents
of letters are violated by the sanction of the Post-Master General?" said
the Minister, darting a keen glance upon the earl.
    "I will not take upon myself to accuse any individual
directly," was the answer.
    " Nor is it worthwhile to scrutinize a matter which
will probably terminate in the discovery that the impertinent curiosity of some
clerk has led to the evil complained of," said the Minister.
    "No, my lord - this violation of private correspondence
has been conducted too systematically to be the work of a clerk surrounded by
prying eyes and hurried with the fear of detection every moment. Here are two
distinct coats of wax on several of the letters; and yet the impressions of the
original seals are retained. Those impressions were not taken by official
process in an instant, nor without previous preparation."
    "Then whom does your lordship suspect?" inquired
the Minister, with a trifling uneasiness at manner.
    "I come to ask your lordship to furnish me with a clue
to this mystery, and not to supply one. Were I acquainted with the real truth,
I should know what course to pursue."
    "And what course would that be?"
    "In the next session of Parliament, I would rise in my
place in the House of Lords, and proclaim to the whole nation -  nay, to
the entire world - the disgraceful fact, that England, the land of vaunted
freedom, possesses an institution where the most sacred ties of honour are
basely violated and trampled under foot."
    "But suppose, my lord - I only say suppose," cried
the Minister, "that her Majesty's government should consider it vitally
important to English interests to be acquainted with the contents of certain
letters, - suppose, I say, my lord, that such were the case, - would you then
think it necessary to publish your discovery,- presuming that your lordship has
made such discovery, - of that necessary proceeding on the part of her
Majesty's government?"
   
 
"I am afraid that your
lordship has now afforded me a clue to the mystery which has perplexed
me," said the Earl of Warrington coldly.
    "And as a nobleman devoted to your country, your
lordship must recognise the imperious necessity of adopting such a course, at
times, as the one now made known to you."
    "As a nobleman devoted to my country," exclaimed
the Earl of Warrington proudly, "I abhor and detest all underhand means of
obtaining information which serves as a guide for diplomatic intrigue, but
which in nowise affects the sterling interests of the state."
    "Your lordship speaks warmly," said the Minister.
    "And were I in my place in Parliament, I should speak
more warmly - far more warmly still. I am, however, here in your lordship's
apartment, and the laws of courtesy do not permit me to express my feelings as
I elsewhere
 
should
 
do - and as I elsewhere
 
shall
 
do."
    "Your lordship will reflect," said the Minister,
now really alarmed, - "your lordship will reflect - maturely -
seriously  —"
    "It requires no reflection to teach me my duty."
    "But, my dear earl —"
    "My lord?"
    "The peace of the country frequently depends upon the
information which we acquire in this manner."
    "Then had the peace of the country better be
occasionally menaced, than that the sacred envelope of a letter should be
violated?"
    "Your lordship is too severe," said the Minister.
    "No - my lord: I am not, under the circumstances,
severe enough. Behold the gross injustice of the system. The law forbids us to
transmit sealed letters through any other medium than the Post-office; and yet
that very Post-office is made the scene of the violation of those sacred
missives. My lord, it is impossible to defend so atrocious a proceeding. Now,
my lord, I have spoken as warmly as I feel."
    "Really, my dear earl, you must not permit this little
business to go any further. You shall have for your friends every satisfaction
they require: their correspondence shall be strictly inviolate in future. And
now, my lord," continued the Minister, with a smile whose deceptive
blandness Mr. Greenwood would have envied, "let me request attention to
another point. The Premier has placed your lordship's name on the list of peers
who are to be raised to a more elevated rank ere the opening of the next
session; and your lordship may exchange your coronet of an earldom against that
of a marquisate."
    "Her Majesty's government," replied the earl with chilling
- freezing hauteur, "would do well to reserve that honour in respect to
me, until it may choose to reward me when I shall have performed a duty that I
owe my country, and exposed a system to express my full sense of which I dare
not