Perfect Opposite (32 page)

“You’re not supposed to be here until th
e weekend.” Mike grunted under his pillow.

“Well it’s a good thing I am, because I think you probably would have died of some infectious disease if I’d stayed away much longer. How in the hell did you manage to make such a mess in just one week?”

“Don’t nag...” he drawled, throwing the pillow in my direction. “You’re overreacting…”

“Overreacting? When I came in, that monster of yours was sleeping in a kitchen utensil, not to mention...” I stopped in mid-sentence and took a closer look at the mop on top of his head. “What have you done to yourself?” I asked after a pause for delayed shock.

“What do you mean?” he frowned a little and raised a hand to feel the vulture’s nest on top of his head. “Dreadlocks are a total hit. They’re ace, right?”

“Amazing... You look like one of those guys who stand round fires under the bridge!”

“And you, on the other hand, are ready for the cover of Vogue now for certain.” he hit back sarcastically.

“Maybe I’m not ready for that yet, but at least I don’t risk growing tree roots on my head. Looks like a paradise for all kinds of bugs and rodents…
Eugh!”

“Yack
yack yack...” he raised himself to nudge me in the shoulder and extricated himself from the sheets, bending down to sift through the heap of clothes I’d dumped on his floor. “At least I don’t look like I poked my fingers in the electricity sock…”

“Bite me!”

I’d had long hair for as long as I could remember, so it was hard for me to get used to my new cut. Even after two months I still found myself moving to tie it back in a ponytail or tuck it behind my ear, realizing a little behind the beat that it simply wasn’t there any more. Now I had a bleached blonde bob and my hair didn’t reach out further than four inches anywhere.

“Hey, no need to be self-conscious. You know even with that Einstein hairstyle, you’re s
till my favorite porcelain doll.” he threw me a wink over his shoulder.

“
Get lost, please!” I jumped off the bed and pointed a threatening finger at him, “I’m going to clean up this hen coop and you‘d better not get under my feet, ‘cause I’m sorely tempted to come over and slap you silly right now.”

“Yes, Sir!” he stood and brought his left foot down on the floor, bringing his hand up in mock salute. “I’m leaving right away. There’s work to be done anyway, and on the way back I’ll swing by the store. There’s nothing in the fridge ‘
cept a shriveled zucchini.”

“Why am I not surprised?
” I shook my head and went back to the living room, moving over to the TV to pick up the T-shirts piled on top of it.

It took me more than four hours to clean up the bear pit our place had turned into, but finally I was done and standing under the hot spray of the shower. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the water pouring down over my body, feeling the heat penetrate through to my bones. For a long time, I hadn’t been able to feel much of anything, so maybe this was a sign that I was coming back to myself.

When I was sure that I was squeaky clean and that I’d rinsed all the suds out of my hair, I got out of the shower and stared at my reflection in the mirror. With the fi
ngers of one hand I reached out, wiped away the steam caught on the mirror from right to left, gazing into the empty blue eyes reflected in the glass.

S
top lying to yourself
.

I’d become my own explorer
and every day I searched for life at the bottom of these deep dark holes in the ice. There wasn’t any.

“This place looks like a real house again!” Mike sounded impressed as he entered the kitchen some time later, carrying with him the smell of the night air outside.

“Well
, certainly no thanks to you. Where were you the whole day, anyway?”

“I told you I had work to do.
” he grinned at my annoyance.

“Don’t tell me, you met some college sophomore at the mall and had a wonderful time, but she had to get home before she turned into a pumpkin.”

“What? Where’d you get that idea?” he approached me from behind and put his hands on my hips, “You know there’s only one cutie for me.”

“Get those dirty hands off me, you player
, or you will get hurt.”

“OK, OK... No violence, please.
” he raised his arms in surrender and sat down at the table.

“That’s the way to my heart, obedient like a lapdog
.” I pinched his cheek, tapped him on the head with a spoon and sat next to him.

“You know, I’ve been trying to solve this enigma for a long time now.”

“Enigma?”

“Well yeah, I’m trying to figure out how you can be so indifferent to me when I’m such a fine example of a man in his prime?”

“I soldier on somehow.” I burst out laughing.

“There’s no need to hold back now. It must be a real test to resist a hunk like me. Sasha, honey, you and I would make a perfect couple. Why don’t we get married and have a bunch of kids? They’d all be pretty like you and bookish like me. Huh? What do you think?”

“Maybe it’s time you stopped smoking pot.” giggling, I lit a cigarette and blew the smoke towards his head.

In spite of the fact that I’d always hated cigarettes, I’d gotten properly hooked a few months earlier, around the time I quit taking the sleeping pills.

“Oh… come on, admit you’re not wholly indifferent to my charms.”

“I’m sorry to shatter your illusions, but you’re like my favorite little brother… the goofy not-too-bright one everyone adores.”

“Ha ha, you’re pretty funny.” he grabbed a roll of paper towels and bashed me on the head with it. “Don’t go changing the subject though.”

“What subject?”

”You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t.”

“Doll, I really think it’s time you take a look outside of that shell of yours and start seeing other people again…”

“What are you talking about? I see people.”

“I didn’t mean girlfriends from your class. I meant other men.”

The smile fell from my lips in a moment and I found myself rising to my feet, but before I could leave the table Mike took hold of my arm to stop me. It was obvious this time he wasn’t content to let the matter drop.

“Don’t.” I half-whispered, but he just shook his head and leaned towards me.

“He’s not coming back.
”

“I know that
!” I shouted in his face, twisting my arm to make it known that I wouldn’t listen to any more, before storming out of the kitchen.

When I got to my room in the loft I let the hatch fall closed with a bang then threw myself down on the bed to stare at the stars through the skylight.
A meteorite streaked the sky, its tail hanging in the atmosphere.

Mike was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to look on any man as more than a friend.
I’d given the matter a lot of thought and even experimented a little, in my own detached way. A couple of times I went out with some girls from my year, and one time I got talking to a guy. I met him again and he was sweet, and he really wanted for us to be more than friends. He was nice and all, but when I let him kiss me and felt his lips touch against my own, I knew I was only deceiving myself. How could I force myself to be with someone just because it made sense, when all I felt in the pit of my stomach was revulsion?

There was a soft knocking on the hatch and a few seconds later it lifted a little to reveal Mike’s mess of hair and a pair of sad-looking eyes.

“Sorry
.” he whispered and clambered up sheepishly.

Smiling, I patted the bed next to where I was
lying. It was impossible to be very angry with him, especially when he looked at me with those eyes of his; the same ones that I’d seen shed tears over a dead canary.

“I didn’t tell you earlier because I wanted to savor the moment, but yesterday they offered me the job of assistant at the university
.” he flopped down on the bed but was careful not to spill any wine from the bottle he was holding. Pointing to it with his other hand, he looked serious, “I think it’s time to celebrate.”

“You’re shitting me!
I told you they will hire you!”

“
It was about time. This was my third time to apply.” he took a glass from one of the pockets on his shirt and filled it to the brim before handing it over.

“I don’t even remember the last time I took a drink,” I acce
pted the glass and took a sip, “but if this isn’t a good reason then I don’t know what it is.”

“Well, now I feel like I’m leading you astray.”

“Oh yeah, you’re totally leading me astray.”

“Your Dad
called the other day to ask about you. He said he couldn’t reach you. I guess you didn’t want to talk to him.”

After six months in and out of the courts, and a ridiculous amount of money thrown at numerous lawyers, all charges against Nikolai were dropped. I was pretty sure he’d paid as much money on the side as he had across the table, but I didn't give the matter too much thought. As he’d promised, there’d been nothing but legitimate business since
then.

Of all things, he’d wound up involved in the organic food production and was already incredibly successful at it. If anyone had told me a year earlier that Nikolai would become a farmer of sorts, I’d have laughed in their face.

“I wasn’t in the mood to talk to my dear father.” I shrugged, drained my glass and took a refill.

“Maybe you should go and see him.
..”

“What, and put up with that expression on his face, like he’s looking at his daughter the mental case? No thanks.”

“Stop that. You’re not a mental case.”

“I’m glad at least one of us thinks so.”

I knocked back the second glass and shut my eyes, letting my neck come to rest against the upholstered headboard. I felt my body relax gradually as my mind took on that floating feeling I associated with being drunk, like a child’s bunch of balloons released to the breeze.

Wow. I’m really out of shape
.

In the silence I could hear the sound of cars on the street outside and I tried to imagine all the people and the homes
they might be rushing back to.

After some time I remembered that Mike was adrift on the same ship as me, and that he hadn’t spoken for quite some time. Opening my eyes to look at him, I could see that his brow was creased in the middle, and that he was staring at
his glass.

“Why the gloomy face?”

“I’m thinking...” he shrugged and emptied his glass.

“H
mm... sounds painful.”

“Maybe.
” he avoided my eyes as he took a swig from the bottle cradled between us.

“I’m not used to seeing you so
moody.” I nudged him in the ribs and snatched the bottle from his hand, “Spill the beans!”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Knock that off. You know you can say whatever’s on your mind. Anyway look, I probably won’t remember a thing in the morning.”

I grinned and brought the bottle smacking to my lips again, waiting for an answer that didn't come. Instead of words, he reached over for my hand and brought it up toward his face to study the thick, gold ring on my finger.

“Why?” he asked quietly, “Why did you keep it on all this time? Wouldn’t it be easier to forget if you took it off?”

For a moment I couldn’t swallow as I fought against the brick he’d thrown into the water. I might be ready for this line of questioning eventually, but not yet. That said
, the alcohol coursing through my veins definitely went some way to freeing my tongue.

“Maybe... well
maybe I don’t want to forget.”

“Th
at’s what I thought.” he pressed his hands to his eyes and shook his head. “You know... I’ve always wondered what you saw in him. Not that it’s anything new. I never met a girl who didn't fall at his feet. It was enough just to set eyes on him and they’d start batting their lashes right away, as if they had damned conjunctivitis.”

“Yeah... I know what you mean
.” I remembered Bethany’s reaction when she’d first run into Alex and smiled wistfully.

“While we were roommates, I always ended up playing his secretary. Man, the amount of times I had to make up excuses for that guy. I’ll never forget the time the phone rang for six hours straight. In the end I had to rip the cord out of the wall and throw the damn thing out the window.”

I should have told him to shut up and stop talking about Alex, because every new word cut me deeper, but instead, I lingered over each fresh insight, soaking up the feeling that memories of him were being brought out of the shadows just a little.

“All that changed when he went on his first
undercover assignment, though. When he came back, six months later, man I hardly recognized him. Tattoos and a shaved head, he looked like the leader of some LA gang. He just strode into the apartment, collected his stuff and left without saying a word. To be honest, he always seemed a little crazy in the head, but since then... it only got worse. Sometimes it took me hours just to get him to relax and shoot the breeze a little. “