Perfect Together (Canyon Cove Book 5) (8 page)

I pushed him away and Gideon's eyes widened. Before he could speak, I turned him around and started pushing him towards the door.

"No, this isn't happening," I said. "You need to go."

"What? But–"

"No, Gideon, this isn't right. It's morning now and we're back to being just friends, remember? That's how it should be."

My nose scrunched as I pushed him towards the door. I was happy to be behind him where he couldn't see it. I noticed his shirt and suit jacket hanging over the couch and handed them to him.

"But–" he said.

"No, I'm not going to be just another notch. Remember, I'm your best friend, I know you. Just get out, go home, go on with your day like last night didn't happen at all. I'll see you at work on Monday."

He spun around and grabbed me by my shoulders. I could tell he had a lot to say, but I didn't want to hear it. I shouldn't have said yes, let's have sex. I shouldn't have enjoyed it so much. I shouldn't be wishing he would kiss me so I would stop thinking so much.

It was the holidays and I was lonely. I knew Gideon. He was going to give me the usual bullshit he fed all his girlfriends.

"Becca, you don't understand. I love you," he said.

And there it was. The same crap he fed to all those other girls before. The words were like being punched in the gut. For as long as I had known him, Gideon always thought he was in love. I knew better, I knew it was just his dick talking.

"Please, leave," I said. "Before this gets any worse."

His brows knitted as he stood in my doorway. He slipped his arms into his shirt and roughly shoved his feet into his shoes, all while never taking his eyes off my face. Then he slowly nodded as he pursed his lips.

"I get it. I’m leaving it up to you, whatever you want," he said as he walked out, slamming the door shut behind him.

***

My phone rang an hour after Gideon left. I was still cleaning the griddle and assumed it was him calling. I felt guilty for how I pushed him out of my house and wanted to apologize.

I leaned towards my phone, expecting to see Gideon's name, but instead Sandra's name flashed on the screen. Remembering everything she was going through, I forgot about Gideon. Why was she calling so early? As thoughts of Billy breaking the door down and entering the house filled my mind, I quickly answered the phone.

"Sandra? Is everything okay?"

She laughed and I relaxed, happy to hear the lightness in her voice.

"Yes, everything's fine. I'm so sorry about last night. I can only imagine how much you must have been worried about me."

"Well, you know me, I worry about everything."

"You do! You need to loosen up more. Maybe find a boyfriend to take you out."

"You know I don't have time for that," I said.

I shook my head even though she couldn't see it over the phone. I had been telling myself I didn't have the time for a boyfriend for so long that I believed it without giving it another thought.

As I curled up on the couch, something hard poked my butt. I got up and found Gideon's ring on the cushion where his jacket was earlier and the guilt came back.

Why did I push him out? Last night was incredible. I wanted more nights like that, but I kept thinking it would never last. Gideon wasn't the kind of guy who was ever serious. I'd end up with my heart broken and losing my best friend. I didn't want either of those things to happen.

"Everything alright?" Sandra asked. "You got quiet."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just tired," I said as I placed Gideon's ring on the end table. "Don't worry about me. What's going on with you? Is everything okay with Billy?"

"I've been up all night," she said. "Around three a.m., Billy called me and I was going to ignore the call like I had been doing all night, but something told me to answer it. It's a good thing I did too."

"What happened?"

"He told me he took a handful of pills and wanted to die. I know him, he didn't want to die. But you know there are suicides in his family and you just never know with him, so I kept him on the phone while I called 911 with the other phone. They admitted him into the hospital and they'll most likely hold him for a while."

"That's good."

"It is. He'll be able to get sober there and hopefully when he's clean again, he'll go to rehab. He really needs that, but he's been so resistant before."

"Are you thinking of taking him back?"

"No, I can't. Not after everything that happened. Not after this time. He needs to do a lot of things before I even consider that."

"You're doing the right thing," I said.

"Then why do I feel so bad, Becca? Why do I feel like I'm dooming him to some horrible life if I don't take him back? He's got nowhere to go, no family, no friends who can take him in. All he had was me and the kids."

"You can't think like that, Sandra. I know you love him, but you need to think about your kids. Put them and yourself first. If things with Billy are meant to be, they will be. There's no reason to rush it, especially when you're so set on not taking him back. There's nothing wrong with you feeling that way."

"You're right. I know you're right. I don't know what's wrong with me that I keep blaming myself for what happens to him."

"Don't even think about that," I said. "Just stick to whatever you feel is best for your family."

"I know we're better off without him, at least for now. I just need to remind myself of that." She yawned and then let out a long breath. "I’ve gotta go. I have to finish clearing out the old house now that he's not there to get in my way."

"What's going to happen when he gets released from the hospital?"

"I don't know. I guess he'll go to a hotel."

"Will they call you?"

"No. He might call me, I don't know, but I'm not taking him in. There are plenty of hotels he can stay at."

"It's a little ironic that the family in your new house is what set him off."

"What do you mean? Him giving them money to stay at a hotel? Or that they reminded him of his own life of moving in and out of hotels with his mom? I guess it all came back full circle," she said. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound glib about it, I'm just tired and still have a lot to do at the old house before the landlord takes the keys back. Billy is like a cat, he always lands on his feet. I know he'll be fine."

"Okay, but if you need anything, just call me," I said.

"I will. Love you!"

"Love you too."

I put the phone down on the end table and picked up Gideon's ring. It was heavy and a little tarnished, but it made me feel like I was holding an important piece of him.

Gideon once told me how it was his grandfather's ring and even though he never met the man, every photo he had ever seen of him showed him wearing that ring. It made him feel like he had a family even though the only family he ever really knew was his brother Gabriel.

I sighed as I tried the ring on each of my fingers. Even on my thumb it was loose. I picked up my phone to let him know I had his ring, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I made a mental note to bring the ring to work with me and give it back to him then.

Things with Gideon were incredible last night, but I didn't want to lose my friend. Having him as a friend was the most important thing to me. But even as I thought that, a memory of our night together flashed in my mind.

Could we be something more?

Chapter Nine

Becca

The next night as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I wondered how things had changed so much in just a couple of days. I rolled over and looked at the clock on my nightstand. 1:45 a.m. I had been tossing and turning for two hours. I couldn't sleep.

All I could think about was him, Gideon, my best friend. But this time I wasn't thinking about him as a best friend, I was thinking about what happened two nights ago.

I reached for my phone and clicked to get it to light up.
Still no text from him.
For months, he had texted me every night before we went to sleep. And now that he hadn't, I couldn't sleep.
 

I yanked the blankets out from underneath Cinder, who was snoring beside me. Somehow that dog always managed to steal all the covers.

I opened up a new text to Gideon, but I didn't know what to say. Everything that popped into my head just didn't sound right.
 
Our sleeping together became exactly what I was afraid of, and I couldn't stop replaying that night in my mind. I hated to admit that as much as I was obsessing over it, I enjoyed thinking about it even more.

***

The next day I was a zombie. I was thankful for it being Sunday so I didn't have to go to work. I barely slept, and I knew it was because of Gideon. It wasn't his fault, I couldn't blame him for my being so used to texting him before bed that I couldn't sleep without it anymore.

I kept thinking that I should text him. Or maybe I should just call him. But I couldn't. I felt ridiculous. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I felt like some silly teenager obsessing over her first boyfriend. Why was I being like this? Was it the sex? It's not like I hadn't had no-strings-attached sex before. What was so different with this time?

I didn't want to admit it, but I knew the problem wasn't that it was a one-night stand with my best friend. The problem was that I wanted more than just one night.

I spent the day running errands, trying to keep myself preoccupied. I did everything imaginable to try to keep my mind from going back to Gideon, but nothing helped.

As I lay in bed that night, wide-awake, I reached for my phone. I had to text him. I knew I was a bitch for how I threw him out on New Year's Day. I was surprised he didn't call me out on it, but I knew it had to be weird for him too. Just as I was about to text him, my phone buzzed with a new text message.

Gideon:
Sorry I didn't text you last night. I wasn't sure if I should or not.

Becca:
It's okay, I didn't text you either. And I should have.

Gideon:
Just let me say something. I don't want what happened to ruin what we had together. You're my best friend, Becca. I don't want to lose that.

Becca:
Me neither! I don't know what to think though.

As soon as I hit send, I groaned as I re-read what I wrote to him. I didn't want him jumping to conclusions about what I was saying, but I didn't know what I was saying myself.

Gideon:
What do you mean?

Becca:
I don't know.

Too many things were swimming around in my head, making me dizzy. This was the kind of thing that I wanted to talk to a friend about, but the only friend I really wanted to talk to was him. I couldn't tell Sandra, she had enough problems of her own. And I knew if I told Cassie, she would tell me I was crazy for thinking of Gideon as just a friend to begin with.

Becca:
This is ridiculous so I'm just going to put this out there. I can't stop thinking about the other night.

Gideon:
Me neither. I hope you're thinking about it the same way I am.

Becca:
I think I am.

Gideon:
That night was like nothing I have ever experienced before. It was like everything was new. Each sensation, each feeling, everything was perfect. You are perfect, Becca. And us together, that was amazing.

I couldn't believe he was saying all the right things. I wanted to convince myself that this was how he treated all of the women he dated, but I knew that wasn't true. I pushed aside those worries. I knew Gideon. He was being sincere.

Becca:
It was amazing! But I can't help but worry about our friendship. We've talked about this before. We've talked about how neither one of us want any kind of relationship with anyone. They're too complicated.

Gideon:
Yeah, but maybe that's because deep down we knew no one could compare to each other.

Becca:
What are you trying to say?

Gideon:
I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

Please Gideon, figure it out. Repeat what you said the other night, tell me you love me again. Tell me you think this could be better than our friendship because I'm so afraid of losing everything we had,
I thought.