Perfectly Broken (6 page)

The server looked at Susanna. “Just water,
please.” It was a rare moment of control, as she didn’t order
wine.

“How was your day?” Susanna liked to hear about
her friend’s very normal life. He worked for one of the many tech
companies in the Docklands, the area of the city that boasted a
slew of new startups. It had been dubbed “the heart of tech in
Europe.”

“Yeah, good. I was working on some stuff at
home. It’s this new project.”

“You’ll have to show me.” Susanna liked to see
his graphics, though she didn’t completely understand his job
description, which was as high tech as the work he did.

Rowan looked at her with interest. “Glad to. And
what about you? What was your day like?”

Friends didn’t have secrets, and he knew her
lifestyle. Amazingly, he liked her anyway. But Susanna wasn’t in a
mood to try to explain about Tomas. The feeling was too raw, and
she didn’t understand it herself. Talking about it might push her
into lower morale, knowing it was a one-time thing. And that would
lead to more of everything she tried so hard to curb.

She rubbed her fingers over the rough wood of
the table’s surface. “I just sort of hung out.”

He nodded, seeming to understand what that
meant.

The pub was bouncing and live music resounded
from the bar. That night it was classic Irish stuff. Every night
was different. It was invigorating, and Susanna liked to come by
and listen. It was better when Rowan was available. It helped to
put her out of reach. Alone, getting picked up by the man of the
moment, was bound to happen.

The food was served and Susanna watched her
friend eat. He wasn’t like a normal guy, at least the ones she’d
had dinner with. Rowan put his napkin on his lap and used his knife
and fork properly. Chewing, he looked over at her and winked.

He was the only person she knew that could make
her feel better. It was nice that he never took issue with her life
choices. Rowan accepted her as she was, and enjoyed her company.
Without him, Susanna would have no one. A sobering thought.

Rowan cut into a large chunk of beef in his
stew. “Busy tomorrow night?”

She shook her head. “Don’t think so. Why?”

He grinned. “There’s a showing of
The
Dead
.”

Susanna laughed. The movie adaption of James
Joyce’s short story starred Anjelica Huston. The best part of the
film was the Dublin ambience, so different from modern times.
“Sure, you know I love those classics. Of course I’ll go.” She
paused. “Are you just trying to cheer me up? Because I didn’t know
a story about relationships at a party in 1904 was your first
pick.”

Rowan pushed his food aside. “There’s a lot you
don’t know about me.”

She smiled. “Apparently.”

He leaned back. “But a little cheering up
doesn’t hurt either.” Rowan took a swig of his water. “That music
is calling to me. How about you?”

She nodded.

He stood and helped her up. “And I need
something stronger to drink. Let’s head into the bar.”

Susanna had nearly forgotten that she was
panty-less, but nothing with Rowan was sexual. And she wasn’t about
to go home to change, and come back. Taking his arm, she let him
guide her to a dimly lit booth.

From time to time, Rowan had girlfriends. The
relationships never seemed to last long, and the women were as
different as he was. She hoped one day he would find a good match.
Meanwhile, she welcomed his companionship, and could count on a
relaxed time with him.

Will power wasn’t Susanna’s strength, so she
ordered a glass of wine when her friend got a Guinness. Listening
to the band play familiar tunes, her mind wandered. It was too loud
in the bar to do much talking, and Rowan was engrossed in the
music.

Often she wished her life was different. But it
was what it was. There wasn’t a lot she could do about it, which
had been the case since the day she was born. Susanna knew she had
to deal with what she was given, like it or not.

The band played a long time, and when they
wrapped it up, it was late. Outside, it was cold and dark, but the
lampposts provided enough light. She turned up her collar and
buttoned the top button of her wool coat. Rowan walked her home,
only a few minutes from the bar. The one glass of wine had led to
another, and Susanna felt a little giddy, but not badly so.

Rowan walked her to the door and gave her a
friendly hug. He held up a hand as he walked away. “Tomorrow
night,” he called, then turned to hustle home in the cold
night.

Susanna waved back then entered the lobby. Rent
was too expensive to get a place of her own. She walked across the
main area, her feet sinking into the padded carpet. Down the hall
was the door to her shared apartment. Likely her roommate’s
boyfriend would be staying over, as he often did. But as long as
they were in their room, she didn’t care.

When she entered, it was quiet. Susanna made her
way to her own room, which was sparsely decorated. The blond wood
floors were the best feature. The bed was covered with a thick
maroon quilt, and she had one small dresser. There were no pictures
on the wall, or anything of a personal nature.

But it was her home, and she was lucky to have
it. Undressing, Susanna got into the shower. The entire bathroom
was tiled in beige. The walls, floor, and shower were all the same
type and size of tile. It was attractive enough, if a bit
monotonous. She let the warm water run over her shoulders and wet
her hair.

Surprisingly, Susanna was still thinking about
Tomas. The sharp shower spray hit her nipples, making them hard,
and she remembered how his mouth felt over them. His touch was
masculine and confident. She liked that. And he had an impressive
build.

With all the muscle he had, Tomas must work out
at the gym a lot. He was chiseled and honed to perfection. Just the
thought of his bulging biceps made her sex throb. When he had sunk
deep into her, it had felt so good. He had stretched her just
right.

Even then, Susanna could have turned away.
Forgotten about him. But he had to go and be kind. Tomas had
started telling her a fairy tale. And she knew it was intended to
cheer her up. He actually seemed to care, and that affected
her.

But she couldn’t let it. It was just one
afternoon. It was good. Very good. But it was over. Susanna would
never see him again, so she needed to get over it. It would never
work. She had told him that directly. And she had meant it.

Despite all that, Susanna wished he was there
with her. She imagined him in the shower, touching her slick skin
and running his fingers through wet hair. The thought of his lips
on hers stirred arousal that was difficult to ignore. If he were
there, she would relish the chance to take him again.

But it was a dream. Just a fantasy. Life wasn’t
like that. It never would be. Susanna was tough. If she wanted to
survive, she had to be. Special moments didn’t last. They didn’t
turn into happily-ever-afters. To think otherwise was to give in to
delusion.

As the water turned cool, Susanna continued to
stand under its stream. She hugged her body and shivered. And a
tear rolled down her check. This wasn’t good. Not at all. The
afternoon had been a mistake. She’d gone after the wrong guy. Had
ended up in the wrong bed. Because Tomas was someone she could care
about, but she didn’t dare allow herself to.

* * * * *

Tomas managed to roll out of bed the next
morning, but not early. Even the traffic and tram-line noise didn’t
disturb him. He staggered to the window to look out. It would be
another cold, overcast day. But the view of Dublin exhilarated
him.

Starting his career was a big deal. The startup
that had hired him had potential, and he was one of many that saw
the huge opportunities in online gambling. And the bookmaking
sector was a great career bet, especially considering his success
as a player. It was a stepping stone into the growing industry.

He had missed the early morning breakfast
included with the price of his room at the Ashling, since morning
was over. The rumble in his stomach reminded Tomas that he hadn’t
eaten the night before. And throwing up when he returned to his
room proved to be a good thing. Some of the alcohol in his system
had been disposed of, and the rest metabolized during his heavy
slumber.

Tomas didn’t have the pounding headache he
deserved, but he did feel empty and weak. After a quick shower, he
dressed in casual but warm clothes and took the elevator down to
the hotel restaurant. Before leaving the room, he reached under his
pillow and pulled out what was left of Susanna’s sexy
undergarment.

He delayed a moment to press it to his face and
breathe in her scent. If he kept inhaling, Tomas would have to seek
release before eating. Sexual stimulation would take priority,
especially when it involved a flood of images of Susanna’s
delicious body. After one last whiff, he stuffed the silky item in
his coat pocket and left the room.

The aroma of food hit his nostrils as he walked
to the dining room. Tomas realized just how hungry he was. The best
cure for a hangover was a full Irish breakfast, which included a
fried egg, sausages, bacon, potato cake, and mushrooms, plus black
and white pudding with baked beans to top everything off.

Loading his plate from the buffet, Tomas scanned
the room for a table. He chose one by the window and set to work on
his feast. He flagged the waiter for some hot coffee, and once the
order was placed, took a big mouthful of food. The dry-cured
streaky bacon was as good as he remembered. The strips cut from the
pork belly were called streaky due to the prominence of the bands
of fat, which is what made it delicious.

The black pudding was a version of blood sausage
made from pork blood, fat, bread, and a high proportion of oatmeal,
formed into the shape of a sausage. It was grilled, sliced, and
served as part of a traditional breakfast in Ireland. Tomas inhaled
the delicacy, and then tried his white pudding, which was very
similar but did not include the blood.

He decided he was going to like the food in
Dublin in addition to everything else. Tomas enjoyed the menu
items, being familiar with them since his mother had frequently
served them at home. That was when such was available. Now he could
have it anytime he wanted. But eating like that, and drinking as he
had the night before, he needed to get to the gym.

Fortunately, part of his employment package
included a membership to the company’s gym, which was downstairs
from the main offices. The owners intended to make it convenient
for their staff to stay in shape. Swigging his coffee and finishing
up his meal, Tomas pondered what to do next.

Sometime in the afternoon he planned to stop by
and see the new company layout. They’d scheduled him to begin his
duties in about a week, giving him time to find an apartment and
get oriented. That was likely where he should start.

He headed to an internet café, choosing Xtreme
Internet and Gaming. It seemed appropriate, as when he tired of the
apartment hunt he could play some games. As far as cafés went, it
was fairly good. There were plenty of computers, though most of
them were occupied by men playing online games.

Tomas had to wait but was able to get a spot.
The leather swivel chairs were comfy, and each computer came with a
headset to ensure other customers weren’t bothered by noise. The
place seemed to cater to hardcore gamers. He logged on to start his
search for living arrangements. Rents weren’t cheap, but his
starting salary was decent. There shouldn’t be a problem finding
something.

There were some things available that he could
check out later. As long as he had the computer for a while, he
might as well play. Shifting into game mode, Tomas got lost online
for a while to relax. When he had his fill, at least for then, he
left to go to Net Gamble, his new employer.

Dublin was easy to get around in without a car.
There were taxis if he wanted, but there were also the tram, buses,
and intercity trains. Trams, the light rail system serving the
city, was called Luas, which meant
speed
, and had two main
lines. Tomas took the light rail to Dublin Docklands, which was
only minutes away.

All the coolest high-tech companies had
established their international offices in the Docklands. And more
were coming. It was an exciting area for business. Net Gamble was
on one of the top floors, with windows overlooking the Liffey River
and the ferry terminal, where many large ships were docked. Tomas
took a minute to gaze at the Dublin Port busy with maritime
activities.

In the distance were a number of other scenic
sites, which he would view at length another time. Right then he
just wanted to tend to business and be on his way. The lady in HR
handed him a couple of forms to fill in and bring back, plus his
key to the downstairs gym. That seemed like the most important
thing. When he started the job he would meet his boss and
co-workers, but that could wait.

Tomas had other things on his mind. He should
have been focused on work, and on securing a permanent residence.
But he was distracted. The afternoon he had spent with Susanna
haunted him. It was a straightforward situation. She had been
willing enough to have sex with him, but nothing more.

What more Tomas wanted, he couldn’t have said
right then. But he did know he wanted more of the same. One taste
of Susanna was not enough, and he craved seeing her again, holding
her again. He reached in his pocket for her undergarment, and
fingered the feminine cloth. It made him warm and needy.

Maybe he was losing his mind. No woman had that
effect on him. Sure, he liked sex as much as anyone, maybe more.
But he had not found a woman he cared to share his bed with for
longer than a few weeks. Could Susanna be that woman?