Personal Demons 2 - Original Sin (19 page)

And I feel caught in a riptide. I'm getting pulled deeper and deeper. But I want it. I want it to take me all the way under and never let me up.

Her hands explore and I pull her tighter, feeling things stir deep inside me. Something primal, but undeniable. Lust.

No.
Love.
I love her. Is it wrong to want to be close to someone you love?

I'm drowning in her as my hands move over her back, her waist, and slide under her shirt.

She pulls back. “Stop!”

I take my hands off her and hold them up, hating myself for going too fast.
What's wrong with me?
“I'm sorry. I lost control. It won't happen again.”

She buries her face in her hands. “It's not that. I want to be with you, but…”

I gather her back into my arms, the tension in my chest easing. “What is it, then?”

She lifts her head and looks at me, unsure and scared. I go suddenly cold inside, convinced she's changed her mind about me.

Her lashes lower. “If I tell you, you'll leave.”

“If I promise not to…?”

“It won't matter.”

“Try me.”

Her eyes lift to mine, and she stares for a moment longer before pushing off the couch and walking to the window, where she stands staring out into the parking lot for a long time. When her voice comes, it's heavy with the weight of the world. “I'm no angel, Matt.”

I start.
How can she know?
Luc?

She turns back to me, and the dim lights reflect off the damp sheen of her cheeks. “I've been with guys…lots of guys.”

My insides unclench as a long, relieved sigh escapes my chest. She doesn't know. And she'll be safe now. I'll make sure of it. No one will ever get near enough to hurt her again. Not without coming through me first.

I stand and move slowly to the window. “Who you've loved in the past—”

Her face twists and her eyes turn to stone. “I didn't
love
them!” she spits.

I feel my eyes widen as everything goes cold. “Oh.”

The pain in her voice nearly kills me. I step toward her to comfort her, but she holds up a hand and backs off a step. “I do what I have to do to survive.” She turns back to the window as her voice breaks and she tries, unsuccessfully, to stifle a sob.

“I'm so sorry, Lili.” I slide closer and lay my hand on her shoulder. I feel so helpless.

She flinches away from my touch and strides into the kitchen, plucking a paring knife off the counter. She rolls the handle in her fingers, scaring me with thoughts of what she might do, before grasping the handle and plunging the tip into the linoleum countertop.

“What can I do?” The crushing pressure in my chest is almost unbearable.

She turns to me, eyes hard even through the tears. “Just go.”

“I'm not leaving you. Not like this.” I take a step toward her and hold out my hand, but her eyes flash fury as she backs away.

“I don't want you feeling sorry for me. Just get the hell out.”

But I don't stop. I step slowly toward her, needing to do something. “No.”

“What, you won't leave until you get some?” she says, her face twisting in angry sarcasm. “You're just like all the others.” She turns back to the counter and looks as though she's going to pull the knife from the countertop.

My insides contract into a hard ball. She needs to know I'm different, but how? I focus on her—how I feel about her—and radiate it out, trying to make her understand.

“No,” I say softly as I approach. “I won't go until you know I was serious when I said I loved you.”

She turns, her eyes wide. “You can't love me. I'm unlovable.”

I reach her and carefully slide my arms around her waist. “But I do.”

Her eyes drop to the floor. “Well, I hate you.”

“If that's what you need…”

She leans into me, her hands flat on my chest, and I pull her close. “I hate you,” she says again.

I kiss the top of her head and bury my face in her hair. “I love you.”

She presses into me and I'm on fire. And when she kisses me, it's like lighting a fuse. The slow burn consumes me.

I know I need to back off, for a lot of reasons. She's vulnerable right now, and I mustn't take advantage of her. And there's also the wings thing. I'm pretty sure this is a line I can't cross and still keep them. But it's almost impossible. I need her so much, it's almost as if she were the heart I don't have. A vital piece of me that's missing.

I find the strength to pull away from her. “Lili…I can't right now.”

She pushes me, hard. “Because I'm too disgusting.”

“No. Absolutely
no.
It's nothing like that.” I place my hand on her chest, over her heart, and feel it thump under my fingers. She
is
my heart.

She slides out from between me and the counter. “Yeah, right. Just get out.” She storms to the door and opens it.

I stand here, feeling the empty black hole that is my insides collapsing down on itself. I need to leave before things get out of control. But not like this.

“Lili…”

“Just go.”

I walk over to her, but hesitate at the door. I want to show her I'm serious, that I don't just want sex. I stop in front of her and kiss her forehead. My lips move to her ear. “We're going to do this right, Lili. I just need a little time.”

How long did it take Frannie to turn Luc?

A few weeks? A month?

For Lili, I can wait that long. And, in the meantime, there's got to be something I can do to reverse her tag. Hope swells inside me, filling me to bursting. I just have to be strong for a little while.

I can do this.

But when her eyes connect with mine, I feel a white-hot surge of desire so powerful that I can't think of anything but the feel of her against me. Fire rips through me, burning away any doubt I had. I've never felt need like this before—totally raw and all-consuming. She closes the door and reaches for my face, bringing it to hers again.

Everything from there happens in a blur—kissing, fumbling with clothes. And then we're on the floor, her body against mine. I work so hard to stop, to make myself think. But when she pulls me closer and whispers in my ear, “I love you,” there's nothing I can do. Everything I am becomes part of her.

Matt

Lili pulls her face out of my shoulder. “I really
do
need to go to work. Plus my hip is killing me.” She shifts on the floor, rubbing her hip, and gives me a shaky smile. “The couch would have been much more comfortable.”

I grab her sweatshirt from the floor next to us, wrap it around her, and hold on tight. There's not a word to describe what I'm feeling. Bliss doesn't even begin to cover it. I lift my face from her hair and look into her eyes. She's smiling at me. Which means she must be okay with what we did.

And, apparently, so am I.

At first, as much as I wanted her, I wasn't really 100 percent focused on Lili, because I was sure this was it. I kept waiting for the avengers. But as it went on—
and on,
I think with a smile—I was able to
really
be with her, to lose myself completely. And the sensation was more than I expected or ever could have hoped. Maybe I was right. If it's love…maybe I'm allowed to have it.

She untangles herself from me and pulls up off the floor. I prop up onto my elbow and watch her walk to the bathroom, then get up and tug on my clothes, feeling a little awkward. What's supposed to happen now? Do I stay? Do I leave? What's protocol?

I opt for a seat on the couch and admire her from afar as she gets ready for work. When she steps to the door, dressed in a tank top and faded jeans, I pull myself up and follow her. I wrap an arm around her waist, sweep her hair off her face, and kiss her. Her hands are on my face, and when she tips her head and pulls me deeper into the kiss, an electric jolt shoots through me and I catch myself glowing a little. I rein back my power when I feel her jump at the shock.

She pulls back, smiling. “Wow.”

“Yeah…wow.” I smile back and work hard not to glow.

Her smile turns shy and her eyes drop from mine. “So, if you want to hang here, you can. I'll be back around eight.” Her expression is hopeful as her eyes flick back to mine. She slides her hand into her pocket and hands me a key. “I have an extra.”

“Don't you think you're trusting me a little too easily?”

She arches an eyebrow. “Are you saying I shouldn't?”

The key vanishes into my fist. “No. I just hope you aren't handing out keys to every guy you meet.”

It's not even out of my mouth before I wish I could suck it back in.

Her face darkens and she grabs at my hand. “Give it back.”

I hold my hand back, and when she lunges for it, I grab her around the waist and pull her tight to me. “I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I just worry about you.”

She pushes away and looks at me, her eyes wary.

“And I'll be here when you get home,” I add. I pull her closer and whisper in her ear. “I love you.”

Her eyes clear but she doesn't kiss me good-bye. I watch her walk down the hall, hoping I haven't completely screwed everything up, then phase into Luc's apartment.

Frannie scowls into the depths of a mug of forgotten coffee and picks at a cold omelet with her fork. Her forehead is in her other palm, her fingers tangled in her hair, and her elbow on the table. Luc swirls the coffee in his mug and stares at her from across the table.

Trouble in paradise?

Is it wrong that this makes me happy? This was already the best day of my existence. Could it be about to get better?

I pull myself up and sit on the counter, unable to stop the grin. “What's up?”

Frannie pulls her head from her hand. “Shut up. I'm trying to focus.”

My brows raise quizzically at Luc.

“She's trying to use her Sway on Taylor,” he explains.

“To—?” I ask.

“Get her to stay away from Marchosias.”

Frannie stands and walks to the bed, where she flops onto her back with a forearm over her eyes.

I look over at her. “So you're just going to lie there all day and tell Taylor that Marchosias is a scumbag and she doesn't want him?”

“I have to try something. It's my fault she's with him. I can't just sit around while he tags her soul.”

I glare at Luc, who winces.

“Call me, call me, call me…,” she mutters.

I walk over and nudge Frannie's knee. “If you need me, I'll be outside.”

“'Kay,” she says from under her arm.

I phase, but it's not into the hall. I go back to Lili's. A shuddering thrill works through me.
She gave me a key.
I'm welcome here…invited. I don't have to hover in the hall anymore.

I can't wipe the smile off my face as I wander through the apartment. In the bathroom, I find a bottle of her perfume on the sink. I bring it to my nose, but it's disappointing. It's not the same before it's touched her skin.

I guess the same could be said for me. I'm not the same angel I was before this morning. Being with Lili has changed everything.

Staring at myself in the mirror over the sink, one thing becomes glaringly apparent, even in the dim light of the flickering fluorescents. I can't focus on Frannie when all I care about is Lili. I need to find a way to reverse her tag. That's my new mission. I'll have to talk to Gabriel.

Frannie

“The Shelby needs new brake pads,” Luc says.

I know what he's trying to do, and I love him for it, but as much as getting greasy under the Shelby with Luc might serve as a nice distraction, it isn't gonna help Taylor. “I've got to go to work,” I say, pulling myself off the bed.

Luc balances on the back legs of his chair. “Call in sick.”

“No. I need to go. Saturday afternoon's when Ricco's is full of birthday parties. He'll fire me if I don't show.”

“I'll go with you,” he says, lowering the chair to the ground and standing.

“I'm fine, Luc. Stop treating me like a baby.”

He looks at me warily. “You're sure you're okay?”

“Fine. Really.”

He still looks unsure. “Call me when you get there.”

“Sure.” I head to the door and Luc follows. He peers past me, out into the hallway.

“Focus, Matt,” he says loudly into the empty hall.

When I get to my car, I pull out my cell phone and dial. “Hey, Delanie. Can you tell Ricco I think I've got the flu?” I say in my best weak rasp when she answers the phone at Ricco's.

“Ugh! You're not spewing, are you?” she asks, disgusted.

“All over.” I cough for good measure.

“Gross!”

“Very. So will you tell him?”

“Yeah,” she says, and hangs up quick, like she might get what I have through the phone line.

I sit in my car and hold my breath for a second, waiting for Matt to appear and ask me what I'm doing. When he doesn't, I blow out a long breath and I pull out of the parking lot. I pass Rhenorian, parked in the back row. When he follows me with his eyes, but not with his car, I know I'm in the clear. I breathe a shaky sigh and head south, toward the city.

When I get to Marc's neighborhood, I start to second-guess myself, and for a second I think about calling for Matt. But I know he'd try to stop me, just like Luc would have, so I suck it up.

I drive down the street past Marc's brownstone. My gut clenches and my face pinches involuntarily as my mind shows me Taylor on the kitchen table. My heart pounds in my chest as I circle the block, looking for a parking spot close enough to watch his front door. On the second loop, I catch someone just pulling out half a block up and across the street from Marc's. I pull into the spot and sit for a long time, whispering my mantra: “Taylor, you don't want Marc. He's bad for you. You don't want Marc.”

I don't have any way to know if Taylor's even in there or not, so I wait and watch for her to come or go.

But instead, I see a beat-up hunter orange pickup truck pull into a spot just up the street from me.

Lili?

Oh, God! She's looking for Taylor too.

I jump out of the car to stop her before she walks into the lion's den, but as she turns toward Marc's, I see she's smiling.

Smiling?

I hear myself groan as the pieces fall together. She's not here to find Taylor. She's here to see that Chax guy. In the second it takes me to process that, she disappears into the brownstone. It's nearly impossible not to charge in after her. But I don't. I have to focus on Taylor right now.

I slide back into my car and wait for any sign of her. After an hour, I'm aching all over from clenching every muscle in my body, and I'm sure I'm gonna die. I've called Taylor's cell a hundred times, but as usual, she's not answering.

Finally, I can't stand it anymore. I step out of the Mustang and cross the street toward the brownstone, but before I reach it, Lili emerges onto the sidewalk. My breath catches as Marc follows her out. And his hands are all over her.

I duck behind a parked car and watch as they make their way toward Lili's truck, just two cars up from where I am.

Low behind the car, I peek around the fender. Lili says something I can't hear.

“I'd be jealous,” Marc replies, pressing her into the side of the truck with his body, “if I wasn't already sharing you with half of humanity.” He crushes her in a violent kiss that hurts my lips just watching it.

She pulls back and looks up at him. “You have your toy,” she says. “I'm the one who should be jealous. What if you fall for her?”

“She's nothing,” he says as Lili slides into her truck.

“Just have her there when I need her,” she says through the open window. “The timing will be crucial.” He leans in the window for another kiss, but she pushes him away and pulls out.

Marc stands, watching after her as her truck chugs up the street and disappears around the corner.

I wait behind the car, my pulse pounding in my ears, trying to sort out what all this means. Lili is with Marc?
How?

But when Marc turns back toward the brownstone, I step out from behind the car. I can barely breathe, and I'm not sure what I mean to do, but I have to know if Taylor's here.

“Marc!”

He turns, and at first, his mouth drops open. He recovers and his obsidian eyes flash as a slow smile quirks his lips. “Well, what do we have here?”

I glare at him. “Where's Taylor?”

“Where's your boy toy?” he asks, glancing down the sidewalk behind me.

“Is she in there?” I growl, my eyes flicking to the brownstone.

He raises an eyebrow at me and extends an arm invitingly. “Why don't you come in and find out?”

I step toward him, my fingernails gouging painfully into my palms. “Is she here or not?”

His face pulls into a leer that sends ice up my spine. “Don't know. Last I saw her, she was with Chax, after Andrus finished with her.”

Without even thinking, I lunge at him and throw him to the ground, where I hold him in a necklock.

He grins up at me, not even fighting back. “Impressive. What are you feeling right now, Frannie? Rage? Hate?”

I see what he's trying to do, and it's working. I can't control the rage churning my insides into a raw, bleeding mass. I want him dead.

I breathe deep and force myself to let him go. I pull myself slowly up off the sidewalk. Losing control isn't helping Taylor.

Marc stands in one smooth motion. “Please, come in.” He gestures toward the door with a small bow. “I have a set of Ginsu knives.” He lays a hand over his heart and taps his fingers on his chest. A sarcastic smile spreads across his face as he adds, “One of those puppies right here will make you feel
so
much better.”

“Is she in there?” I say again through clenched teeth.

“Only one way to find out.” He turns and walks through the door, leaving me standing on the sidewalk, staring after him.

I have no choice. Breathing deep to clear the panic in my chest, I step through the door and walk the short, dark passage. I enter the darker room in the back, and in the second it takes my eyes to adjust, there are fingers digging into my upper arms, pulling me deeper into the room. I blink and try to pull loose as I struggle to see who has me. When I can finally make out the figures through the gloom, I see the glowing red eyes of Marc and Chax on either side of me. Andrus sits in a throne of sorts on the platform that serves as the band's stage.

I twist hard and bring my knee up into Chax's crotch. He falls away, surprised, then looks up at me with wide eyes and half a smile. “Unholy Hell! Where'd that come from?”

Marc smirks. “Sorry, dude. Should have warned you.”

Chax rights himself and flashes me a grin. He steps closer, but instead of grabbing my arm, he winks, then takes a swing at Marc. He catches him square in the jaw and knocks him back a step. Marc's grip loosens and I swing out with my foot, taking his legs out from under him. He hits the floor, swearing.

From the stage, a low chuckle catches everyone's attention. I turn and see Andrus, grinning at me through a mouthful of fangs. “I think I like you. Your training is going to be such a pleasure.”

I glare at him. “My training?”

“Yes, once we reverse your tag—which, by the looks of things, is coming along nicely—you'll need to be trained. Who better to do that than the PR guy? It's all about image and placement. We get you in front of the right people, Swaying them to do the right things, and we're golden. There'll be no stopping you.”

I've heard enough. I wheel toward the kitchen, closing the distance in a few long strides, and flip on the light. I glance around the room, trying to block out the image in my mind of what Marc was doing to Taylor last time I was here. The flickering fluorescent light reveals an empty room. Taylor's not here.

Chax starts toward me, but Andrus waves him off.

I spin on him. “Where is she?”

Andrus just grins at me.

I cross the room and fling open a door next to the stage. The room is dark and smells of sweat, rot, and something fouler. I flick on the light switch, and on the worn brown carpet, the bare bulb of a toppled desk lamp illuminates in a pile of dirty clothes. I pick it up and step into the room.