Petronella Saves Nearly Everyone (16 page)

As Moriarty glided across the lawn holding aloft his ubiquitous silver tray, we saw Professor Lepworthy, toupee slipping and sliding on his shining pate, shambling along behind clutching a slender-necked amber bottle and an envelope.

"Professor Maximus Lepworthy," announced Moriarty.

Uncle Augustus leaped to his feet and shook the professor's hand. "My good man. How pleased I am to see you. Won't you join us? There's plenty of room. Moriarty, please see to setting another place."

"As good as done, sir," said Moriarty, and from his silver tray he produced the necessary cutlery and china, arranging them into a setting next to Uncle Augustus's place. Then he snapped his fingers, and a footman brought along another chair.

It suddenly occurred to me that Moriarty had shared in our adventures as much as anyone, and although he was of the servant class, we owed him a great deal. "Would you care to join us as well, Moriarty? We should be happy to include you after all you have done for us, old friend," I said. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the footman's mouth fall open at my suggestion. However, Uncle Augustus, Jane, and James all nodded approvingly.

A flicker of a smile twitched the corner of Moriarty's lips, only to be replaced at once by his normal impassivity. "Thank you, miss, but I rather enjoy my present position and its attendant privileges and amusements. It is my pleasure to serve you." He bowed deeply, seated Professor Lepworthy, and then stepped back to stand at his usual attention.

The professor handed the bottle and envelope to Uncle Augustus. "For you, Augustus, as a token of appreciation from our Panamanian friends. Generalissimo Reyes-Cardoza is something of an entomologist himself. Jolly chap. We had a lovely conversation last evening."

Uncle set the dark amber bottle on the table next to
Insectile Creatures,
where they both looked quite out of place among the Spode china, crumpets, and cucumber sandwiches. He opened the envelope and removed a letter. He read for a moment, then flung the letter on the table. His countenance crumbled into what seemed to be grief, then he departed precipitously into the shrubberies.

I blinked, astonished at Uncle's behavior. "Professor Lepworthy, whatever has upset Uncle Augustus so?"

"The old egg looked rather unhappy," said James.

"Indeed he did," said Jane, staring thoughtfully after Uncle.

Professor Lepworthy looked as unhappy as Uncle. "I am so sorry, Miss Arbuthnot. I thought your uncle would be
pleased with the generalissimo's gift, or I would not have brought it."

James examined the bottle's label. "I take it that this contains the Tou-eh-mah-mah beetle antidote."

"And the letter tells how to use it. Is that correct?" said Jane.

"Yes," said the professor.

I failed to see what had upset Uncle. I was overjoyed. "Why, that's marvelous! It is the answer to our problem. Uncle need not be ashamed to go out in public, nor will I," I exclaimed, thinking of my cherished plans for a London season and the necessary presence of a guardian who was not one of my aunts, which fact had been threatened by Uncle's transformation and new obsession.

Then I remembered the torment on Uncle's face and his sudden departure into the shrubberies. He, quite obviously, did not consider the gift of the antidote a salubrious one. In light of Uncle Augustus's misery, my excitement evaporated like the dew on a summer's morn. I sighed deeply. "However, if it makes Uncle wretched to effect such a cure..." I broke off, unable to finish the thought and very much as miserable as Uncle seemed to be.

I glanced at Jane and James, who were seated on either side of me, for some support. Jane took my hand in hers while James patted me on the shoulder. His touch helped
me smile tremulously and say, "I cannot think what must be done. If I am happy, then Uncle is unhappy, and if Uncle is happy, then I..." I worried my lower lip between my teeth as I studied the arboretum where the foliage quivered suggestively.

Jane, James, and Professor Lepworthy turned in their chairs to look in the same direction. At that moment Uncle leaped to the head of a piece of statuary and from there to the top of a nearby reproduction of a Greek temple, where he snatched something from the air and then disappeared into the surrounding vegetation.

"Magnificent," said Professor Lepworthy.

"Such agility is quite unusual in a man his age," said Jane, her eyes wide in astonishment. I realized she had not previously seen Uncle in action.

James nodded. "Pity to lose such an ability."

Just then the shrubberies parted, and Uncle Augustus trudged purposefully toward us. He stopped just short of the table and faced us, taking a determined stance—chin high, hands clasped behind his back, eyes fixed just over our heads—looking every bit the distinguished English gentleman whom I had known and loved my entire life. Even so, he seemed somewhat wilted.

He cleared his throat and said, "I have been thinking it over and come to a conclusion. It is not only my duty to care
for my dearest niece until she comes of age, it is my wish to do so as well as is possible, because of the great affection I have for her." For a moment his chin quivered. Then he took a deep breath and continued resolutely, "Therefore I will take the antidote and follow the ritual directions to the letter in order to restore normality."

"Oh, Uncle," I exclaimed as I jumped up from my chair and embraced him. His arms came around me, and he drew me into an embrace.

I pulled myself away to gaze up into his face. "No, I cannot allow you to do so."

"What?" he said, clearly confused. "Why ever not?"

"Because, dearest of uncles, I love you too much, and I want you to be happy more than I could ever want a London season."

"But ... but..." He seemed at a loss as to how to counter my declaration.

"Professor Lepworthy," said James. "Do you know if eating a Tou-eh-mah-mah beetle can cause any detrimental effects other than those exhibited by Mr. Percival? Is his condition life threatening?"

"Why, no. In fact the aborigines of Tou-eh-mah-mah Island have unusually long life spans. Several scientists attribute this to their beetle ingestions, which many of them do in a coming-of-age ritual. It has not been proven that the
beetles are the actual cause of aboriginal longevity. However, we do not know the effects of beetle ingestion on those who are not Tou-eh-mah-mah natives," said Professor Lepworthy.

"So we do not know for certain if Uncle's condition is ultimately beneficial or detrimental? Now I truly am confused as to what we should do," I said.

"Ahem," said Uncle Augustus. "As I said, for my niece's sake, I am willing to make the sacrifice of—"

"Perhaps I may offer a solution," said Moriarty, gliding to our sides. We watched in astonishment as he pulled a new Vile Vial from his pocket and set it on the table with a flourish.

Both James and Jane started up from the table, putting some distance between themselves and the Vile Vial, although Professor Lepworthy regarded it with mild interest, obviously not having encountered it previously. Uncle and I prudently stepped back a pace.

Moriarty seemed to find our actions amusing. His lips twitched, and I gained a glimmer of understanding about why he enjoyed butlering in my household. He continued, "You see upon the table the small bottle in which I keep my most useful"—and here he could not help but momentarily smile—"smelling salts. You will notice that the cork stopper keeps the contents from spilling, which makes the bottle convenient for carrying on my person at all times.
Perhaps several such bottles would be suitable—properly labeled with directions for carrying out the ritual, of course—for Miss Arbuthnot, myself, and Mr. Percival to have on our respective persons for the possible contingency of an emergency when we would have to administer the antidote. Then Mr. Percival might safely continue in his present state."

"Brilliant," said Uncle as he gave a small leap into the air and came down clutching a dragonfly. He grinned hugely, chewed it, and swallowed.

"Bravo," shouted James as he hugged me to his side. I would have preferred a kiss but contented myself by hugging him in return.

Jane could not help laughing with the rest of us at Uncle's antics.

Much as I enjoyed being in James's arms, I disengaged myself and turned to my butler. "And bravo to you, Moriarty. You are truly brilliant. In fact, you are a butler among butlers."

Moriarty bowed and clicked his heels, in the manner of the generalissimo. "I aim to please, miss."

"You do. Very much so. And I hope you will remain with us no matter what other unforeseen events may occur," I said, remembering with some dismay my reflections on the difficulty of finding good servants.

Moriarty bowed and clicked his heels once more. "You can count on me, miss. I would not be absent from such events for the world."

"Although I can't imagine what else could possibly happen," I said.

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