Philip and the Sneaky Trashmen (9781619502185) (5 page)

Emery laughed. “A dollhouse! That’s
funny.”

“
It’s not funny to me. It’s
worse than not even getting a present. I gotta smile and say thank
you and act like it’s the greatest gift ever. Then I put it where I
never have to see it again.”

Emery laughed again. “Let me know what
she gives you this time. Call me when you can. How long’s she
staying?”

“
She lives like two hours
away so she always stays two nights.”

They had reached their own
street.

“
Okay. Good luck,” Emery
said, and he ran up his path to the front door.

~ * ~

“
Thank you, Sis. I’ll wear
it tomorrow night when I take you to dinner.”

Philip watched his Aunt Louise take the
emerald pin from his mother, whose eyes strayed toward Philip. She
gave him a wink. Aunt Louise went on.

“
Oh, Philip. Come give me a
hug!”

Philip dutifully walked over to his
aunt and let her put her arms around him. After the hug, his aunt
held him by the shoulders and moved him back. “My, oh, my. You get
bigger every time I see you.”

Philip wanted to ask her what else she
expected, but he knew better.

Aunt Louise let loose of Philip and
said, “That reminds me. I have presents for all of you!”

Philip stifled a groan as Aunt Louise
went to a shopping bag on the sofa.

“
Here, Philip, this is for
you.” She handed Philip a small package wrapped in solid blue
paper. He ripped the paper away and nearly fainted. He held two
packs of blue underwear. He could see the design on the back of the
underwear through the plastic—a girl with a mountain of flaming red
hair holding a bow and arrow. Philip looked at his aunt with empty
eyes.

Aunt Louise described the gift with
enthusiasm. “They’re the latest, the shop lady told me. From a
popular movie, she said. I forgot the name of it. Did you see it?”
Aunt Louise didn’t wait for an answer. She pulled out a package and
handed it to her sister.

Mrs. Felton gently removed the blue
paper and found a pair of red slacks made of very shiny material.
She unfolded them and held them up. “Louise, are you taking us to a
disco?”

Aunt Louise laughed. “No, no. I have a
pair, a black pair, myself. I’ve been wearing them. They’re
wonderful. Comfortable and very attractive. I’ll need to wash mine
out, though. I got a spot on the right leg. You have a
clothesline?”

“
Of course. Out
back.”

Aunt Louise handed the same
sized box to Philip’s father, who opened it up and pulled out a
pair of pants similar to his wife’s, but made from shiny
black
material.

“
Are these . . . ?”
Philip’s father began.

“
Yes, yes, yes,” Aunt
Louise interrupted. “They’re perfectly acceptable on men. You can
wear them when we go to dinner.”

“
Well, thank you, Louise.”
Mr. Felton tossed his wife a
what-in-the-world
glance.

Aunt Louise’s attention had turned
elsewhere. “Your house looks so nice,” she complimented.

“
Let’s have lunch,” said
Philip’s mother. “Everybody in the kitchen. Honey, get
Becky.”

Philip and his father looked at one
another.

“
Shiny lady’s pants?” said
his father.

“
Underwear with a girl on
it?” said Philip.

Mr. Felton shrugged. He lifted Becky
out of the playpen and followed the women into the
kitchen.

Philip ran upstairs and slid the new
underwear under his bed. He would have something for Mr. Sorino the
next time he saw him.

Philip nearly gasped for joy when his
father said, “Well, I think I’ll go take Becky for a
walk.”

He, his father, his mother, and Aunt
Louise had finished lunch, and the two women were talking and
laughing about things Philip had no interest in and didn’t know
anything about. Philip caught his father sighing twice and guessed
his father didn’t know what was going on either.

“
I’ll come, too, Dad,” said
Philip.

Philip’s mother smiled. “Okay, you two.
Go. Louise and I have some catching up to do.”

When Philip and his father
reached the living room, they both went, “
Pshew,
” at the exact same moment.
They turned to each other in surprise and laughed. Philip’s father
put his finger to his lips. “I’ll take Becky to the playground.
Want to come?”

“
No. I’m going over
Emery’s, but I gotta get something first.” Philip ran upstairs and
grabbed his gift packs of underwear. He waited until his father
left the house and then put the packages under his shirt and
hurried outside. A few moments later he showed them to
Emery.

“
Look at what she gave me,”
said Philip. “I told you she was nuts. I’m not wearing them. You
want them?”

“
No! I don’t want them.
What are you gonna do with them?”

“
Give them to Mr.
Sorino.”

“
Did you spend your two
dollars yet?”

“
Nope. You?”

“
Nope. So what do you want
to do after we drop off your underwear?”

“
I don’t know.”

“
Hey. Suppose your aunt
wants to see you in your underwear. What then?”

“
Are you crazy? I’m not
gonna stand there in my underwear for her. You think she’s gonna
ask me to take my pants off?”

“
You never know. Sometimes
people like to see the person they gave a gift to using the gift.
My aunt gave me a computer game for my birthday. Dumbest game ever.
Something about sheep jumping over bushes and turning into puffy
white clouds. She kept making me play it so she could watch. I
think she’s kind of crazy, too. Not as crazy as your aunt, but
still crazy. She kept pointing to the screen and saying that’s a
ewe.”

“
That’s a-you? Is your aunt
Italian?”

“
Italian? What? No. You
crazy? She kept pointing at the screen and saying that’s a
ewe.”

“
How could that be you? How
are you in the game?”

“
I wasn’t in the
game.”

“
But
she
said you were?”

“
No, she didn’t say I was
in the game. She said that sheep’s a ewe.”

“
There. She said it again.
How could you be in the game?” Philip said, his voice rising. “How
could you be a sheep or a puffy white cloud?”

“
I’m not a sheep or a puffy
white cloud. I wasn’t in the game,” Emery yelled back. “She said a
ewe’s a sheep.”

“
Me? Now I’m in the game?
Me? I’m no sheep. What are you talking about?”

“
Not you. You aren’t a
sheep. A ewe’s a sheep.”

“
How can I not be a sheep,
but I’m a sheep? Emery, why do you always talk like this? You never
make sense.”

“
I’m telling you something
you don’t know. A ewe’s a sheep.”

“
And
I’m
telling you something I
do
know. I’m
not
a sheep.”

“
I know you’re not a sheep,
but a ewe is.”

“
I’m not but I is? Now you
can’t even speak English. And why would your aunt think you were a
sheep, for Pete’s sake?”

“
She
didn’t
think I was a sheep, for
Pete’s sake! What is wrong with you? She kept pointing at the sheep
and saying that’s a ewe. She was pointing at a girl sheep. The name
for a girl sheep is a ewe. A ram is a boy sheep. My aunt kept
pointing and saying, ‘That’s a ewe.’ She wasn’t saying that’s you .
. . me.”

“
That’s you . . . me,”
Philip mumbled and put his hand to his forehead. He took a deep
breath. “Can we change the subject?”

“
Sure, if you
want.”

“
Good.”

“
Baaaaaad.”

Philip glared at his friend.

Emery smiled. “I didn’t say baaaaad. A
ewe said it.”

“
Emery . . .”

“
All right. All right. I
don’t see Mr. Sorino.”

They had reached Mr. Sorino’s house and
stood across the street studying it.

Philip said, “Wait here. I
don’t think I want Mr. Sorino to know I gave these to him. I’ll
just toss them onto his porch.” Philip ran across the street,
paused, and tossed the package near the front door. He turned and
rejoined Emery. “Boy, am I glad to be rid of
them
. So what do you want to
do?”

“
Go to the
playground?”

“
Nah. My father’s there
with Becky.”

“
Want to walk around then
and look for stuff?”

“
You mean for Mr. Sorino?
It’s not trash day.”

“
Could still be some stuff
people put out. Big stuff. To get it out of the way, you
know.”

“
Yeah, maybe.
Okay.”

As they walked, Emery asked, “Did your
aunt give you anything else?”

“
Me? Nothing. She gave my
father and mother these goofy-looking pants that are so shiny they
sparkle. They look like lady’s pants. Red for my mother and black
for my father.”

“
My mother has shiny bed
sheets like that. Real bright colors. I think that stuff is called
satin . . .”

“
Hey,” Philip interrupted.
“There’s Leon.”

Leon walked toward them, his head down
as if he’d lost something.

“
What are you doing?” Emery
asked.

“
Oh, hi guys.”

“
What’s wrong?” asked
Philip.

“
I’m in
trouble.”

“
What’d you do this time?”
asked Emery.

“
I gave my mother’s good
plate away. I was looking for stuff to give Mr. Sorino, broken
stuff. I saw the plate, and I gave it to him with some other stuff
I got from knocking on doors. My mother looked for the plate and
went
bonko
when I
said I gave it away.”

“
Why’s she want a broken
plate?” asked Philip.

“
It had a big line in it.”
Leon slashed a line in the air with his finger. “I thought it was a
crack. My mother said it was part of the design.”

“
So go get it back from Mr.
Sorino,” said Emery.

“
I tried. He said he gave
it to Pete’s Repeat shop. I’m sunk. My mother won’t talk to me.
She
was
going to
send me to camp this summer, a real neat camp. Now, she says
she
won’t
. I’m
sunk. I’m really sunk.”

Philip had a quick thought. Anything
that sent Leon to camp was good. Anything that kept him in the
neighborhood all summer wasn’t. “Tell her to go to Pete’s and buy
it back,” he said.

“
I did and she went
double
bonko
. She
said she was in no mood to waste money buying something that
already belonged to her. I’m so sunk.”

Philip recalled his
mother’s reaction to losing her pin. “Maybe
you
can buy it at Pete’s. Did you go
see how much it is?”

Leon’s eyes brightened for a moment. “I
didn’t go. Oh, but it’s probably too much. I only got a little
money.”

“
Emery and I have some
money.”

“
What!” cried
Emery.

“
Leon needs to go to
camp,
Emery.
Camp
. He needs to
go
away
to
camp.”

“
Oooohhh. Away
to camp.”

Philip nodded vigorously. “It’s an
emergency, and Leon will pay us back. Right, Leon? What are friends
for? Besides, we’ll all get more money from Mr. Sorino this
summer.”

Leon’s eyes opened wide. “Yeah. I’ll
pay you back. I will. Oh, thanks, guys.”

Emery mumbled, “You better.”

The three boys headed off to Pete’s
Repeat shop.

Pete’s Repeat shop was a small store at
the far end of an outdoor mall where all the stores’ front doors
faced the parking lot. The boys walked along, glancing through the
store windows.

“
Boy, guys,” Leon said,
“this is really nice of you. If I don’t get that plate back, I’m
sunk.”

“
Hey!” Philip pointed at a
window display. “They look like the pants my aunt gave my mom and
dad.”

“
See the sign?” said Emery.
“I told you they were made of sat . . .”

“
There’s the store,” Leon
interrupted.

“
Stop jumping up and down,
Leon,” ordered Philip. “Or else we’re not going in there with
you.”

“
I’m still. I’m not
jumping. See.” Leon walked in a proper manner to the door of Pete’s
and pulled it open for his friends. The boys walked inside. The
store was small and not lit very brightly. The aisles were narrow.
Tables, shelves, and glass cases of old, used, no-longer-wanted
stuff spread out across the floor. Items hung on the walls, and a
few even dangled from the ceiling.