Phoenix (21 page)

shrug. Blake shot him a concerned look. “What? I don’t

usually press too much when it comes to his family.”

“Why? Normally the vagueness is the top indicator that

something’s not quite right,” Blake suggested, leaning back

on his bed before just giving it up and collapsing back with a

heavy sigh. “Maybe you should ask him?”

“Maybe,” Devon said, sounding thoughtful before he

shrugged. “We’ll see where the conversation takes us.”

“Good plan,” Blake said, but he couldn’t help but wonder

why Devon hadn’t been able to pick up on that on his own.

“I’m gonna go ask Riley about giving me a ride back from

the hospital. I’ll see you later, Devon.”

“Later, dude,” Devon said, tossing him a wave and

moving over to his own bed. Blake shot him a smile and

walked out of the room. He headed down the hall toward

Riley’s dorm, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go there just

yet. What if one of his little frat buddies was there and Riley

wasn’t?

Oh, quit being a fucking pansy
.

He knocked on Riley’s door, hoping he would be there by

himself or it’d be empty and he could go find Riley

somewhere else. Anything but having to face one of the frat

boys who was convinced that he was a girl.

The door was opened slowly, and Toby, Dominic’s best

friend and one of his least favorite tormenters, stared at him.

Blake held his ground, looking him over. Toby seemed

dazed, though, and he had a nasty black eye.

Blake lifted an eyebrow as Toby slurred, “What d’you

want?”

Well, it was a step up from being called a girl, Blake

supposed. He’d count his blessings this time. “Is, uh, is Riley

here?” he asked in a stronger voice than he felt, leaning

against the doorframe.

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He saw a flash of something cross Toby’s eyes, and he

wondered if Riley had knocked some sense into him with his

fist or something because that flash looked like fear. “Nah,

he’s down in the courtyard. And keep on your guard, dude,

he’s in a hell of a mood right now,” he said with a dazed nod

before shutting the door.

“Thanks,” Blake said to the door in a confused tone,

turning on his heel and wandering down to the courtyard,

thinking over just how fucking strange that was.

Toby almost seemed scared of saying something wrong to

him, or maybe he was just a different person when he wasn’t

around Dominic? Maybe not. It seemed like Riley had lost

his temper and he doubted Dominic was in the room with

them or he’d be stumbling around with a concussion, too.

He reached the courtyard, and found Riley sitting like
The

Thinker
on one of the walls. He sure as hell had the build to

look like the statue. Blake frowned and took slow steps

toward his friend. “Riley?” he asked, watching as his head

snapped up. Blake was startled by the darkness on his face

and in his eyes. He didn’t seem angry—he seemed really,

really upset.

The glare on his face relaxed when he saw Blake. He gave

a tired smile, running his hand through his hair, though it

looked like he’d done that a lot today from the tracks in his

dark blonde hair. “Hey, Blake,” he said, the exhaustion and

emotion seeping into his voice.

“Hey, Riley,” Blake replied, sitting next to him hesitantly

and settling his hands in his lap. “Everything okay? I saw

the shiner on your roommate’s eye.”

“Not really, but the shiner was just because he was being

an asshole, no big surprise there,” Riley replied, then

groaned, shaking his head. “Stupid reason to be upset. I

have to go home for spring break and I really don’t want to.

I mean, it’s still in the city and I’d be close to school, but the

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idea of staying with them…ugh, it makes me so mad.”

“Any particular reason, dude?” Blake asked, figuring no

one had ever tried to ask considering the look on Riley’s

face. Maybe he’d pushed too far?

“My family’s fucking psycho, that’s why,” Riley replied,

heat in his tone. “My mom’s passive aggressive and my

dad’s just an asshole. They’re always fighting and they’ve

been fighting for years, since I was little. I don’t do well with

domestic disputes because of them and I know that if I go

home and stay with them, that’s all they’re gonna do.”

“I’m sorry, man. Any chance you could get out of it?”

Blake offered, frown tugging his lips down as his brows

furrowed in concern.

“I don’t think so. I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t

come home for Easter,” Riley sighed, rubbing his eyes with

his hands.

“Have you told Devon about this?” Blake asked,

wondering just how well their relationship was going if

Riley was out here on his own and Devon was so blissfully

ignorant of what his boyfriend was going through.

“Briefly,” Riley replied with a shrug. “He knows my

family fights a lot and I hate it, but I don’t think he quite gets

how deep that dislike goes or how much it fucks with my

head. He doesn’t seem to take much seriously.”

“Yeah, that’s something I thought about him from the

very beginning. I thought it was endearing at first, but now

it’s just kind of annoying how he doesn’t take anything to

heart,” Blake said with a nod, licking over his lips and

crossing his legs at the ankle. Riley nodded along with his

words quietly. “Are you guys gonna be okay, you think?”

“Hope so,” Riley replied with a frown, scratching his neck

and sighing before speaking in a low tone. “We’ve had

disagreements before, and every time he crumbles and begs

me not to leave because he couldn’t do it without me. Which

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is fine, I’m not going anywhere, but sometimes I feel like

he’s off in his own little world and he doesn’t really care,

y’know?”

“Well…” Blake started thoughtfully, making a soft sound

as he thought over Devon’s behavior through his

‘psychologist’s brain,’ as Ethan liked to call it. It made him

miss his partner, and so he rushed to vocalize his thoughts,

“He has ADD, right?”

“Yeah, he does,” Riley replied with a nod. “I’ve never

thought much of it, really. You think that’s the issue?”

“Yeah, honestly, I think that’s the problem. People with

ADD have a hard time focusing on things for a long period

of time, even if it’s something they love and cherish, because

their minds are going too fast. It sucks and it’s hard to cope

with sometimes,” Blake explained, and a look of

understanding came over Riley’s face. “D’you know if he’s

been taking his meds or not?”

“Yeah, I think so. Maybe. I know he said he stopped

going to counseling when he moved here because he felt like

he was stable enough,” Riley replied, looking worried.

Honestly, Blake was worried about it, too. It was never a

good idea to just cut off therapy like that. It was better to

ease off it, cutting down sessions instead of going cold

turkey. Blake wouldn’t know what to do if he went off

therapy for his gender issues. He’d feel lost, like he was

drowning in his thoughts. He only went once a month now,

but it still helped.

Blake looked thoughtful for another moment before

suggesting, “Maybe you should suggest that he find a

therapist here or go to the school counselor? She’d a damn

good therapist. Either way, I think you should bring up how

his behavior’s making you feel and let him know the

severity of the situation.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Riley said. “I just. I hate confrontations

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like that, y’know? I don’t want him to feel like I’m attacking

him for it.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find some way to do it, dude,”

Blake assured him with a pat to his bicep and a small,

encouraging smile.

“I hope so,” Riley replied before actively changing the

subject. “So, it looked like you were looking for me before I

unloaded all this crap on you. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. I was just wondering if you would mind

coming to the hospital with me on Monday and driving me

back after my surgery,” Blake explained.

Riley looked confused. “Shouldn’t Ethan be the one doing

that?” he asked.

“Yeah, but he’s on a plane to Illinois. His brother got in a

car accident and he has to go be with his mom, and I’m not

sure if he’s going to be back by the time my surgery comes

around,” Blake said. “I hope he is, but I can’t just hope and

then get stuck at the hospital, you know? I mean, it’s just a

precaution because Matt’s in such critical condition I don’t

know when Ethan’ll be back. Devon already said he’d go

with me, but his flight leaves before my surgery, so he can’t

really drive me back. And I want you to be there, too.”

“Oh, okay,” Riley replied with a nod. “Yeah, if he can’t do

it, I’ll definitely do that for you, dude. I’ll definitely be there

either way.”

“Thanks, Riley. Seriously, it means a lot,” Blake said with

a smile that reflected his gratitude. He was glad that the

trans thing hadn’t scared Riley off. In fact, it’d ended up

making him a better friend in the end.

Riley nodded and clapped his hand on Blake’s shoulder.

“Anything for my friends, man,” he told him in a

matter-of-fact voice.

Blake couldn’t even express how grateful he felt.

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evon wondered idly where Riley was and how he was

D doing. He knew he didn’t always express it, but he

worried about his boyfriend constantly. He looked up when

he heard a knock on his door, and he bit his lip as he went to

answer it. He knew it wasn’t Blake, because, of course, he

would have just waltzed in.

He opened the door and smiled when he saw Riley

standing there, but it faded when he saw how grim and grey

he looked. “Hey, Riles, you okay?” he asked, stepping aside

to let him inside.

“Not really,” he murmured, seeming dejected in a way

Devon had never seen him, and it confused him.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Devon asked, settling down on

his bed, watching as Riley sat in the chair opposite him.

“Well…I dunno, I don’t want it to come out sounding all

dramatic and shit,” Riley said with a sigh, running his hand

through his cropped hair.

“Come on, Riles, out with it,” Devon said with a frown.

“You’re makin’ me nervous.”

“I dunno, it just feels like sometimes you don’t care about

what I’m saying because you’re so lost in your own

thoughts,” Riley admitted, lacing his fingers together in his

lap and not looking up at Devon.

He frowned, running his hands through his hair as his

head dropped with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, Riley,” he said,

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voice fraught with guilt. “Sometimes, it’s just…it’s hard to

focus on things, y’know? I really do care.”

“I know you do, but sometimes it’s just hard to convince

myself that it’s not
me
, you know? It’s hard for me to

separate your ADD and you not wanting to listen to me,”

Riley said, voice sounding monotonous.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Devon said, desperation in his tone

as he moved to stand beside Riley.

“It’s okay, I’m not…definitely not saying this to make you

feel bad,” Riley said, but when Devon wrapped his arms

around his shoulders, he pulled him into a tight embrace,

taking a deep breath. Devon knew he was trying to stem his

emotions, just by being with him for a short period of time.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Devon said, petting Riley’s

hair gently and trying to ease some of the muscle tension out

of his broad shoulders.

“I just don’t wanna go home for spring break. I know that

makes me sound like a spoiled child, but I really don’t. All

my parents are gonna do is bicker and I can’t fucking stand

it anymore,” Riley muttered into Devon’s shirt.

Devon sighed and ran his fingers through Riley’s hair

again, then down to his tensed shoulders, pressing gently in.

“Well, d’you wanna come home to NorCal with me

instead?”

“I’d love to, but my mom would never let me hear the

end of it if I missed Easter,” Riley lamented with a heavy

sigh.

“Well, the offer’s there if you wanna take it. My mom