Phoenix Fallen (25 page)

Yet,
her heart whispered stubbornly.

“Rissa, I—“ He was staring down at her again, looking lost. She pressed her fingertips to those full lips.

“Hush. No more words, not now. Just…give me a kiss goodbye. Please.” She didn’t know what made her say it and for a moment she thought he would refuse her. Rissa dropped her hand, her eyes stinging even as she forced a smile. “Okay th—“

Jules’ big hand wrapped around the back of her neck, lifting her half off the driver’s seat. The last of her words cut off as his mouth covered hers. It wasn’t a gentle, goodbye kiss, it was harsh. Almost punishing.

Which, she supposed as she drove away, tears leaving hot trails down her cold cheeks, was very appropriate. He was punishing her for who she was, who he was and all the in-betweens that neither of them could change.

Rissa pushed away from the mirror and the memories. She didn't want to have to face Jules again so soon, but even if Scott hadn't called her, she would’ve  come back for the funeral.

God
, she thought, as tears threatened again, as they did so often lately.
I’m so tired of pain and fear and bullshit.
And not for the first time, she cursed herself for not grabbing what Jules had offered her that first morning after they had slept together. For not recognizing the value of his certainty, instead of being terrified by it. She'd give anything to have Mr. Destiny back right now, she thought with a laugh that was thick with tears.

Anything.

There was a knock on the door. Rissa jumped, banging into the vanity, sending it rocking wildly. She had to grab it to keep it from falling over. Her eyes darted to the tiny hotel room hallway. Only Scott knew she was back, she hadn’t even called Kelsey yet…though of course,
Miles
would know where she was. The damn Frenchman knew every move she made with those guards he had tailing her. So it must be Kelsey then. Her galloping heart had just started to slow down when she went to her toes to look through the peephole. It wasn't Kelsey standing outside in the hallway.

It was Jules.

Rissa yanked open the door. He was rumpled. No jacket, no tie. Just a pair of khaki-colored slacks and a wine-colored button up with the collar sticking half up because he'd probably been rubbing the back of his neck again.

Like he was doing right now. They stared at each other.

She tugged on the ties of her robe nervously, then decided
fuck it.

"What do you want, Jules? I can't—"

His deep voice cut her off.
"You.
That's what I fucking want, Rissa.”

She slumped against the doorframe. Of all the things he could have said, that was the one Rissa hadn’t been prepared for.

"What?"
She whispered.

"You. Goddamn it, Rissa.
I want you.
I was scared, okay? Just fucking scared that being with you, getting to love you was somehow wrong. But you know what? I was wrong.
Fuck."
He dropped his hand and took a step toward her. "So goddamn wrong, Rissa.

"We've both been caught in a nightmare for a long time, Cross's damn nightmare. But we don't have to be anymore. I get that now, Rissa. It's a choice to be trapped. That monster took everything I loved away once. I’m not going to let him do it again."

Rissa bit back a choked sob. Jules' gaze sharpened at the sound and he moved even closer.

"You know damn well that I love you, Rissa. I know you do. But if I have to prove it every day for the rest of both our lives, so be it. But goddamn it,
tell me you'll let me try.
"

Her throat closed, tears welling in her eyes. Yes, she did know he loved her, he was right about that.

But knowing and hearing it out loud were not the same. Especially after Rissa had told herself she'd
never
get to hear him say those words, that she'd lost her chance.

She opened her mouth, but Jules immediately lifted a finger, the tiniest smile on his lips as he wagged it warningly once. "Let me finish, okay?"

Rissa closed her mouth and waited as he took a breath. Jules was so close now she had to tilt her head back to keep her eyes on his.

"I've been a fool in a lot of ways with you, woman. Wasted time fighting what I felt for you, wasted time going too damn fast, scaring you off. And then I just ran the fuck away, being a coward." His mouth tightened and his jaw clenched as he looked down at her.

"But I'm
not
a fucking coward, Rissa. I'm done with all of that. Done wasting another second. You are
mine,
goddamn it. Just like I told you. And that means I’m yours  …if you still want me?"

Rissa straightened slowly, her eyes narrowing even as her tears threatened to spill over. "Still want you? You really
are
a fool, aren't you?"

He looked at her warily. "Sometimes, yeah."

"Only sometimes?" She stepped forward, letting her palms run up his chest, savoring the feel of him.
Her man.
Rissa looked up into his face, into those dark brown eyes that were the only safe place she knew in this world. Jules shivered under her touch, his thighs brushed hers as he shifted his weight, sending tingles through every inch of her.

"Rissa, I—"

She yanked him down to her mouth, kissing him hard. Fearless and totally free for the first time in her life, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with everything she had. He was hers, and she was damn well going to stake her claim this time.

Rissa wasn't sure when she lost control of the kiss. Only that she found herself being backed through the doorway, giving up ground step by step. The hotel door was kicked closed with a bang, though Jules didn’t take his mouth or his hands off of her. He cupped her ass in his big hands, pulling her off the floor and forcing her flush against the hard length of him. Rissa cried out as the touch of him made everything inside her go white hot with need.  The next thing she knew she was being thrown on the bed.

Jules was over her in the time it took her to gasp his name. Then his mouth was back on hers, greedy and crushing, not so much kissing her as stealing the very air from her, her body going limp in a molten rush.

He straightened, pulling away from her swollen lips reluctantly, yanking his shirt over his head. Rissa reached for the button of his pants, unable to deny herself. She ripped them open and slipped her hand inside to grasp him. His cock was solid and thick already, and jumped at her touch. Her nipples tightened along with her core. She whimpered. Above her he tensed, all those gorgeous dark muscles rippling in his stomach and chest, those powerful shoulders tightening into thick cords.

She stroked him and Jules groaned, even as his hips pumped, thrusting himself into her hand. "Don't, Rissa. Jesus. I can't—" He cursed and in one movement, he flipped over, pulling her on top of him, peeling her robe open at the same time. His smile wide when he found her naked underneath. "God, woman, do you ever wear anything under here?"

"Not usually," she looked down at him, shoving her hair behind one ear. "Should I?"

"Hell no." His big hands moved over her ribs, cupping her breasts, his thumbs circling her nipples, bring them to hard peaks. She could feel her body going slick and hot and she rocked against him in response. Her damp curls brushing the ridges of his stomach.

Jules growled. "Goddamn it, fuck me now, Rissa. I need to see my cock sinking inside you."

She still held him in her hand and she squeezed down his length once, tight and slow. His head fell back as his powerful body arched. Rissa went up on her knees, watching him. The dark line of his throat against the white pillowcase. The way his lips parted and his eyes rolled back.

Jules swallowed hard when she eased his tip against her. He pulsed against her fingers and her own muscles fluttered in response.

For a moment she hesitated, savoring the moment. As much as she had always delighted in Jules' body, in his touch and the pleasure they found together, Rissa had never imagined it could be like this. Not just sex, not just heat, but the heady power of accepting that she loved him and he her.

Jules' chin came down as she lowered herself, letting the thick length of him fill her inch by inch. Slowly, she took him deep, relishing the feel of him stretching her. Her eyes half-closing at the delicious tremors racing inside her. Up and down, she moved. Lifting her hands to her hair as she rocked above him, giving him an unrestricted view of her body, her bare breasts swaying. Watching him through her lashes as his eyes devoured her.

Then his control snapped. As she had known it would.

Jules reached for her. The heavy muscles in his arms rolling as his hands settled on her hips. She cried out when he rocked up, pulling her down on him, impaling her on his cock until she couldn't move on her own. The pleasure taking over, too intense for her to do more than surrender to Jules' rhythm. Faster and faster, the bed shaking under them.

Their bodies moving together, dark and light, making one whole, blurring together as they made love.

It wasn't gentle, but she didn't care. They both needed this. Coming together in wild abandon, until her spine straightened as the lightning came down, the orgasm snapping through her as the world flashed white.

Her head fell back and Rissa screamed as her body locked down on him. Sheets of tangled red hair teased his thighs as Jules went silent under her. Her beauty in that moment almost too much for him to bear. Pale skin flushed bright rose as she shook in his hands. His fingers dug into her soft curves as he pushed through her clenched muscles. Unable to resist the temptation, Jules leaned forward and wrapped his lips around one beautifully taut nipple. Her hands fell to his head, as she arched into his mouth, holding him there as the spasms rocked through her. In watching her take her pleasure, Jules gained his own. Spiraling down, shooting thorough him in spasms that seemed endless, as he let himself go inside of her tight heat.

They went limp at the same moment, falling back into the bed. Her on top of him, sprawled over his chest. She whimpered when he shifted his grip to cup her ass. The weight of his hands on her bare bottom enough to shift him inside of her and make a series of aftershocks burst inside of her one by one. Jules could tell because every delicious contraction milked him hard.

"Hold still," she whispered.
"
Goddamn you." His laugh rumbled through the room, but she didn't stir. Bonelessly, she lay over him as if she never wanted to move again. More perfectly relaxed then he had ever felt her.

For a long while neither of them said a word. Content to watch the shadows dance and deepen through the room as the city speed up outside the window. Chicago's light danced over their faces and down their intertwined bodies.

Then Jules tilted her chin up, so that he could see her face.

"What is it, Rissa?" He had felt the slight shiver she'd immediately tried to still. For a second her eyes darted away from his, then they steadied as she seemed to decide something.

Rissa took a deep breath, folding her hands over his bare chest. Her husky voice was soft, but her words cut him down to his soul. "Are you sure about this? About
me?
I don't want to ever cause you pain, Jules. To remind you of
him.
I don't want you to see Daimen inside me.
"
She choked out the last bit.

"
Jesus, Rissa
,"
he breathed, his heart aching for the pain he'd caused this wonderful woman, cursing everything he'd said that he couldn't take back. But maybe with the right words
now,
he could undo some of that damage. And hope that time and his love would do the rest.

Jules ran his fingers through her fiery curls as he considered his thoughts, needing to get them just right.

"It was never what's inside of
you
that was the problem, Rissa. It was what's inside of
me.
This thing that we are, this monster inside of us that wants to feed, to drink, to kill…
that's
what I was scared of, what I've been scared of since I was nine years old.

"Becoming a vampire, it twisted me inside out. In ways I can't even explain. Then you came along and I began to think…maybe, maybe…if I had
you
by my side
,
I could see a way to do this damn thing. That I could survive it. You gave me the first hope I'd had since Paris, Rissa." He leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose and her fingers tightened on his chest as he settled back into the bed. He sighed and looked down at those delicate hands, so beautiful against the darkness of his own skin.

"Finding about you and Cross…it slammed me right back down into that fucking pit with a vengeance. Not because of you. Because of me. It threw it all back in my face again, what we are. What happened to my family.

"And I couldn't deal with it, Rissa. Not on top of everything else. It didn't matter that it wasn't your fault, that you're nothing like him. I don't see him when I look at you, Rissa
.
I never fucking did.
I only said that because I thought I
should
see him, that somehow the fact that I loved you so much and didn't want to let you go even when I knew he was in your past was a betrayal of them, of my family. And then of Fannie.