Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) (4 page)

She grabs my
arm to stop me. “Paige. They don’t make those kinds of mistakes.
Has your mum ever been to the UK?”

I think back to
a time when my mother was being unusually talkative towards me. She
told me about how she had been in London for work and hadn’t
realised she was pregnant. Her morning sickness hit her on the
flight back to Australia. “It was the worst 24hours of my life,”
she’d said, smiling to herself over some distant memory before
mumbling, “I should have just stayed.”

I remember
watching her walk away from me and being grateful for the
conversation, but confused as to what it was about.

“Yeah, she
has,” I tell Tahlia. “She was there for a couple of months or
something, and she was pregnant with me while she was there.”

“She was
already pregnant? Or did she get pregnant
while
she was
there?”

I frown, trying
to recall the details about the conversation. “I don’t know. I
think she said she didn’t realise she was pregnant before she went.
The morning sickness hit her on the way home.”

“Paige, by the
looks of things, she got pregnant while she was there – to that
guy,” she points out, poking at the paper again.

I mull over
this information as we make our way to the train station. Suddenly,
it all becomes clear. No wonder I don’t look like them. I have a
different father. I must look like this Daniel guy.

“Oh my god!” I
exclaim, slapping myself on the forehead and stopping where we are
on the footpath.

“What’s
wrong?”

“I think I just
figured out why I got kicked out of home.”

“You mean it
wasn’t for being a misfit?”

“No, Tahlia. I
was never a misfit. I just didn’t belong.”

I tuck the
paper away as my mind runs over the details of my life. Finally, it
all makes sense. It didn’t matter what I did, they would never love
me. I was the child of another man.

“Do you know
what this means Tahlia? It means that all along it wasn’t me that
was the problem – it was them.”

“I could have
told you that. Nice people don’t kick their daughters out of home.
Simple as that.”

Today is my
sixteenth birthday. I’m sitting at the kitchen table, looking at my
new learner’s permit and scrutinising the odd expression on my face
in the picture printed on it.

“Happy
Birthday!” Tahlia starts singing as she walks over to the table
with a chocolate cake that she has made.

It’s a little
lopsided, and the icing is dripping down the sides. I love it. I’ve
never had someone make me a cake. It’s always just been a dried-out
sponge cake brought on clearance from the grocery store. So a real,
freshly baked cake is a gift all of its own.

I can't keep
the grin from my face as she places the cake in front of me. A few
months ago, I thought I would be spending this birthday on the
streets. Wondering how I was going to eat, and what l was going to
do if I needed to pee in the middle of the night. The fact that l
have a roof over my head, and someone who cares enough to make me a
cake is phenomenal.

"Alright. Make
your wish," she tells me.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, wishing to always have
a place to stay.
When I blow out the candles, she
claps her hands before
present
ing
me with a small black jewellery box.

“You got me a
present!” I squeal
,
opening it slowly to
see what’s inside. “What’s this?” I ask, surprised when I see it
contains a small white pill with red lips printed on it.

“An E,” she
tells me grinning.

“An E? As in
ecstasy?” I roll the box around and watch the tiny pill tumble
around inside. Nerves bubble the contents of my stomach as I think
about whether or not I want to go down this road. I mean, people
die from taking these kinds of drugs.

“You’ll love it
Pa
ige.
I promise. I thought that it was a
great gift to celebrate you being legal and all.”

I laugh. “I’m
legally allowed to have sex
. S
o you present
me with an illegal drug to celebrate – isn’t that what they call
irony?”

“It’s what they
call symbolic,” she grins, taking the pill from the box and holding
it out to me between her thumb and index finger. “Take it. I’ll
have one too. Take it and we’ll go and sneak into a night
club
. T
hen
we can
dance
,
and make out with boys until we
can’t stand up anymore. It will be wonderful. Trust me.”

Letting out my
breath, I look from the tablet to her smiling face.
What the
hell
?
I think, as I shut my eyes, and
open my mouth, inviting her to drop the tablet inside. The moment I
feel it touch my tongue. I swallow, not giving myself a chance to
change my mind.

“Nothing’s
happening,” I frown after waiting for a few seconds and feeling
nothing.

“Give it time,”
she laughs, taking her own pill from the little baggy in her pocket
and placing it on her tongue.

“How many of
those things do you have?” I ask, frowning at the bag of pills. I
can’t count them because of the way she’s holding it, but there’s
more than a couple in there.

“I did have
six, but now I have four. Two more each if we need them. Come on,”
she says, standing up. “Let’s get ready while we wait for these to
kick in. I asked my uncle if he’d take us, and he’ll be here
soon.”

“Nice uncle,” I
deadpan, following her into her room. I wonder what kind of uncle
would agree to this sort of thing.

“He’s not a
real uncle
. J
ust a friend of my dad’s. He’s
the one that hooked us up tonight too. He’s only 27, hot as all
hell, and can get you in anywhere. He’s really well connected,” she
informs me, all the while flinging clothing around her room as she
tries to find the right outfits for us to wear. “Here, this one
will be good for you.” She throws a gold sparkly top at me that has
only one shoulder. I won’t be able to wear a bra with it, which
sucks because I’m fairly busty.

“Do you have
something with sleeves or shoulder straps? My boobs will fall out
of this one.”

“No! That one
will look awesome! We’ll leave your hair out and make the curls all
glossy. Just tuck your strap in on one side. You’ll be fine.”

With a bounce
of my shoulders, I do as she says and put the top on, wearing it
with my dark jeans and a black pair of Tahlia’s wedge heels.

Half an hour
later, we have our hair and makeup done, and we’re waiting for
Tahlia’s ‘uncle’ to come and pick us up.

“Should I be
feeling something by now?” I ask her, realising that the little
pill has made no difference at all.

“Yeah, you
should. Here take another one.” She hands me another pill, and I
drop it down my throat, not anywhere near as nervous as I was the
first time.

Within seconds,
we hear a horn beep out the front of her house and race
outside.

“So, how is
your uncle going to get us into a night club?” I ask as we make our
way towards the gunmetal grey VF Commodore that is still running in
the driveway.

“I told you –
he’s connected. He’ll either have an arrangement with the bouncer,
or he’ll have borrowed someone’s license for us to use,” she tells
me quietly.

Nerves skitter
through my belly as she opens the car door.

“Go on, get
in,” she urges. I slide into the back seat of the car, and I’m
greeted by one of the most attractive men I think I’ve ever laid my
eyes on.

“How’s it
going?” he asks, twisting in his seat. His deep-blue eyes sparkle
like sapphires as he looks at me appraisingly. “You must be Paige.
I hear a ‘happy birthday’ is in order.”

“Ah, yes it
is,” I say timidly.

“Well then
happy birthday!” he grins, winking at me. “I’m Jeff.” I nod in
response, feeling as though my face is burning under his gaze. I
imagine that I look nowhere near as grown up as I felt a few
moments ago.

“Just a little
girl playing dress up,” I mumble to myself.

“What did you
say?” Tahlia asks as she slides into the seat next to me.

“Oh nothing.
Just talking to myself.”

“You know
that’s the first sign of madness right?” Jeff points out with a
grin as he focuses on reversing the car. I blush again. “Are we
ready to dance?!” he hollers as we take off down the street.

“Hell yeah!”
calls out Tahlia, leaning her head out the open window to let out a
loud whoop as we round the corner.

The excitement
in the car is infectious, and I find myself joining in with their
yells and singing along with the songs that are now blaring out of
the radio.

I'm beginning
to feel as though I’m floating on air as this warmth starts to
build inside me, and the music seems to entwine itself around my
body, like a wonderful warm blanket. The lyrics of the songs are
clearer and feel as though they're filled with a meaning that's
directed only at me.

This intense
bundle of emotions is flowing through my body and starts to
overwhelm me, making it difficult to breathe. I let my head drop
against the back of the seat as my eyes begin to roll back. Never,
in my entire life have I ever felt this good.

Every bit of
pain, every bit of hurt, every bit of longing, has drifted away,
and I’m smiling. Smiling genuinely for the first time in my living
memory.

“I’m fucking
off my face,” Tahlia stage whispers at me, like it’s some massive
secret.

“Is that what
this feeling is?” I wonder, suddenly understanding that it’s those
little pills making me feel this good. “It’s wonderful. I could
live like this.”

Before I know
it, we’re in a parking lot, and Jeff is helping us out of the car.
“Jeez, you two are lucky I’m babysitting tonight.”

I scrunch up my
face in frown. “Babysitting? I’m not a baby,” I tell him, feeling
genuinely confused.

“Relax
sweetheart,” he says, draping his long lean arm across my
shoulders. The physical contact does something to me, and I can’t
help myself. I turn towards him, wrapping my arms tightly around
his slim waist. We stay like that, for what seems like an eternity,
and I feel a great rush of energy surging through my body.

Through his
chest, I hear Jeff say something. But, I can’t understand a word of
it. I’m lost in the embrace. It’s been so long since someone has
held me.

Eventually, he
gently pushes me away and peers into my face smiling. His hand
grazes my cheek as he brushes my hair back with his fingers.

“Let’s go
inside,” he suggests in a low intimate voice. “You can dance all
night, and you’ll feel amazing. I promise.”

Nodding, I
follow Jeff and Tahlia up to the back entrance to the club. There,
Jeff claps hands with the bouncer, who immediately lets us in.

“Told you he
was connected,” Tahlia murmurs in my ear. “And I told you he was
hot too. He’s got his eye on you,” she giggles, as she nudges my
side playfully.

The sound is
deafening as we walk through the main doors of the club. Some sort
of indiscernible music is playing, and I can’t help but move along
as the beat takes over my body. When the song nears its end, the DJ
starts to splice a new one in. It’s a familiar beat, and the room
starts to cheer and move more excitedly as Underworld’s
‘Born
Slippy’
starts to play.

Euphoria seems
to have replaced the blood in my veins as my molecules dance for me
– or with me. I can’t really tell. I just know that it’s amazing,
the song feels like it’s a part of me.

In unison, the
room bounces together, our hands in the air as we gyrate and shout
‘lager’ when the song tells us to.

Some guy,
indistinguishable to me in the dark of the room, comes and starts
to dance against Tahlia. She breaks off with him, leaving me to
dance on my own. I’m feeling so wonderful that I couldn’t care
less. I just keep bouncing along with everyone else, swaying my
body and feeling the music vibrate along with my cells. Every piece
of me seems to want to be a part of the beat, and I feel as though
I have no control. I can’t do anything but dance.

After a while,
Jeff appears in front of me and starts to sway along with me. He is
truly the most beautiful man I have met so far. With his dark-brown
hair, clipped close to his head and designer stubble sprinkled
along his jaw line. I’m in awe.

I can’t help
myself, I reach out to run my hand over his head. I have this great
desire to touch it, to feel the short spikes prickling into the
palm of my hand. He grins as I do, and takes me by the wrist,
pulling me closer to him. Our dancing slows, and he leans down to
speak into my ear.

“Have you ever
been kissed Paige?”

He pulls back
from my ear and stands in front of me, his eyes searching mine as
he waits for my answer. I don’t give it to him. I don’t want him to
know how inexperienced I am.

His mouth curls
in a half smile as he places his index finger onto his tongue, and
then slips it inside his pocket. When he holds it in front of me,
there is a small white pill stuck to the end of it.

He holds it to
my lips, and I open my mouth obligingly. But he pulls it back and
shakes his head slowly from side to side, his eyes dancing as he
watches me.

“This one is
going to cost you,” he murmurs in my ear.

“I…I don’t have
any money,” I stammer. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want
your money,” he says, placing the pill on the end of his tongue as
he leans in close to me and brushes his lips against mine. “I want
your first kiss.”

My urge to give
him that kiss is so great that I don’t even think before parting my
lips. I let his tongue, and the pill, into my mouth. He pauses,
long enough for me to swallow, and then reclaims my lips with
his.