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“I bet that made you feel guilty, trying to live a normal life when Sarah’s life was anything but.”

Daniel was stunned. That’s exactly how he felt. Guilty. He just hadn’t understood it then. He’d berate himself over his audacity to be happy. Then fly into a rage because he didn’t know how to deal with his self-recriminations. “I wasn’t an easy child to live with during that time.”

“Oh, Danny.” She squeezed his hand. “You were trying to be normal, to find some sanity in an abnormal situation. That’s human nature. It’s called self-preservation. It would have been far more worrying if you hadn’t tried to make the best of the situation.”

He smiled at her. “Both Sarah and Vicky said the same thing. No matter how bad it got, they had to make the best of a bad situation.” It was only when Vicky had said it to him that he realized she was right. It was then he resolved to make the most of his situation with Amy.

“Wise words from wise children,” Amy said. “How are you feeling, now that you’ve had time to put a little space between yourself and the hospital?”

“A little more resolved, I guess. Kids do get sick and some don’t survive. Hell, I don’t like it, but I’ve learned to accept it.”

She was silent for a while. He could practically see the cogs turning in her mind before she asked quietly, “What if Vicky died? How would you feel then?”

Shit, that is a tough one.
How would he feel? “Devastated,” he said at last. “But at least I’d be able to distance myself from her death. Before my stint at the ward, I wouldn’t have been able to separate my feelings for her from my feelings for Sarah. Now I can.”

Amy shifted so her whole body faced him. She pulled her knees up onto the couch, pressing against his thigh. Her entire focus was on the conversation and she seemed unaware that she was touching him. Although he was conscious of it, this time the contact was not arousing. It was comforting.

“Your fear of losing Sarah must have been overwhelming.”

“It was. For a long time I’d forgotten that. The elation that came with her remission buried my fears. It was so much easier to focus on the happy than the sad, so I didn’t try to remember what might have happened.”

“That’s pretty much how you live your life now, isn’t it? Focusing on the happy, not the sad. That’s why you always look at the positive side of life.”

Daniel nodded. “I guess so.”

“But you weren’t left completely unscathed were you?”

“What are you talking about?”

Amy gnawed on her lower lip and held his hand in both of hers. “I think your fear of Sarah’s possible death scarred you in another aspect of your life.”

He shook his head, unsure of what she was getting at.

“I think,” she said gently, “your fear of losing Sarah has translated into your relationships with women. Your reluctance to commit to anyone—to get involved in a serious relationship—stems from your fear of losing someone special in your life.”

Daniel digested her words in silence.

“The fact that Sarah survived gave you the courage to be with a woman. But the knowledge that someone so close to you almost died made you scared another person you care deeply about might die. It’s easier not to care at all. To cut your relationships off before they become meaningful.”

His natural instinct was to deny it.
No. I’ve never had a meaningful relationship with another woman because I’m in love with you.
But after letting the idea sink in, he decided that maybe she wasn’t so far off course. He hadn’t committed to a long-term relationship,
ever
. Not even with Amy. He’d never even tried to get involved with her until now. The shoot had changed him. He was finally ready to take that step.

He was startled at her insightfulness. “You know what, Morgan? It never occurred to me my fear of Sarah dying may have affected me in other ways.” He wanted to tell her he was ready for a commitment, as long as it was with her. But
she
wasn’t ready to hear it. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

He paused, choosing his words carefully. “It’s only fair to give you something to think about as well.”

She looked startled and tried to let go of his hand. Not ready to break contact yet, he held tight.

“I’ll make you a deal, Morgan. I promise to look at my fear of commitment in a different light…”

“If…?”

He waited a heartbeat and looked her in the eyes as he said, “If you try to look at me in a different light.”

Chapter Nine

It wasn’t her usual practice to visit clients in hospital, but for Mary Stevens she made an exception. The woman had been a patient at the clinic for over five years and Amy knew her well. Knew the incredible lengths Mary had gone to in order to fall pregnant and then the heartbreaking agony she experienced with each failed attempt. She therefore had a pretty good idea how Mary felt after the birth of her very healthy baby boy. For this one time, it was appropriate to visit the hospital.

Besides, it would do her the world of good to move away from the chaos of her disordered thoughts about Daniel to the chaos of the maternity ward, where Mary lay, happy, content and tired.

Amy was just plain tired. Tired of wondering what the hell to do about Daniel. Of dreaming and fantasizing about him. Of wanting him and not wanting to want him. What a messed up, bitch of a situation. She wished they could go back to what they were before. Friends. Just plain old friends.

She wasn’t particularly thrilled by his request that she look at him in a different light. She’d been doing her best to switch that damn light off. There were suddenly too many unexpected dynamics happening in their friendship. Too many physical interactions. Whenever they touched of late, no matter how meaningless the gesture, sparks flared between them. The usual jokes and teasing were now supercharged with sexual tension. The very air between them seemed to shimmer with unspoken lust and desire.

Lust and desire did not fare well with platonic friendship. Perhaps if Daniel had mentioned a shift in his emotions, or made her feel she was somehow different from the women he usually dated, she would be less reluctant to become involved with him. But truthfully, she did not believe he could separate her from his long string of lovers.

She couldn’t help but remember his words on the Coogee promenade, when she’d tried to rationalize away their behavior at his exhibition. Couldn’t forget the laughter in his eyes, or the impish grin that teased her as he’d asked,
Are you saying you want a long-term commitment from me?
As if the very idea were hilarious.

It was. To Daniel. He was incapable of commitment. There was no doubt in her mind that if they became lovers, even their friendship would not be enough to keep him by her side. He would eventually leave her like he left the rest.

Was she willing to take the risk? No way.

It’s what made her situation so unbearable. While she wasn’t prepared to become his lover, fucking him was practically the only thing she thought about. Night after night, awake or asleep, she’d lie in bed dreaming about him. Images of him consumed her. Dressed, naked, just wearing a towel, kissing her mouth, kissing her breasts, kissing her intimately. Making love to her.

Wherever she went she saw him. She mistook complete strangers for her best friend. As soon as she blinked and her vision cleared, she realized she was being foolish. But it was how she lived at the moment. In a state of perpetual arousal, her body a voracious pit of desire.

She didn’t want their relationship to change. Didn’t want the added complication of sex. All she wanted was the same old friendship they always had. Period.

Amy closed the door to Mary’s room and left the maternity ward. She yawned. The situation between her and Daniel was all messed up. She was losing sleep over the man. What she really needed right now was a good dose of caffeine. It was only noon and she still had the rest of the day to get through.

As she walked into the hospital coffee shop, she cursed herself for tumbling into another one of her daydreams. Sitting at a table, innocently drinking a coke, was none other than the cause of all her grief.

However, no matter how many times she blinked, Daniel’s features did not change. It took her a good couple of seconds to realize she was staring at the real thing and not some conjured vision of him.

“Danny?”

He looked up and his eyes flashed with surprise a heartbeat before a very wicked smile spread across his face. “Hey, babe.”

Uh oh.
She’d seen that smile before. Alarm bells shrieked in her head as he stood, his eyes gleaming with intent.

“What are you doing here?”

“Visiting.” His voice was low and seductive. The bells rang louder. “Come here. Let me say a proper hello.” Right there in the middle of the hospital canteen, he took her hand, pulled her close and kissed her.

What the hell was he doing? Had he completely lost his mind? Oh God, did it even matter? Amy simply melted, her body liquefying right there. Chaste as his kiss was, his lips were warm and sexy and held a hint of a million forbidden fantasies. In the space of a couple of seconds, she identified every single one of them.

Daniel pulled away and it was over. She was weak at the knees and craved more.

Holy crap.
What was it about Daniel and kissing her in public? He was developing a bit of a thing for it. Never mind public places, what was he doing kissing her, period? She agreed to
think
about him differently, not
act
differently towards him.

Her temper started to simmer. Of all the inappropriate places for him to try his luck. For God’s sake, they were in a
hospital
. “Just what the hell—?”

He cut her off with his mouth, kissing her again until the last drop of anger drained from her body and she clutched him helplessly. His taste lingered on her tongue when he withdrew his head and Amy realized it had become familiar. Too familiar. Friends shouldn’t recognize each other’s flavor. Then again, his mouth wasn’t the only taste she was familiar with, was it?

Bottom line, she had sampled several parts of Daniel and each one was better than the last. She’d never forget the tang of his desire for her, not when she’d relished every last drop. She licked her lips as the salty memory of Daniel’s come filled her mouth, replacing the sweetness of the Coke he’d been drinking.

A soft, strangled groan came from Daniel. “Christ, babe.” His voice was hoarse. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

She poked her finger at his chest. “You kissed me.”

“Yeah, but that look in your eyes. You’re just begging to be—”

“Daniel?”

A voice from the table where Daniel sat broke into their conversation. They both turned to stare.

Leona Ramsey looked a little pissed off. “Hello? I thought you were having coffee with me?”

So that explained Daniel’s irrational behavior. Amy could almost hear the pieces of the puzzle clicking into place. Leona was Daniel’s married admirer. He was continuing their charade from the beach. No wonder he kissed her.

“Sorry ’bout that.” Daniel smiled. He didn’t appear the least bit apologetic. “Here, let me introduce the two of you.” He held Amy’s hand and said, “Amy, this is Leona Ramsey, a pediatrician from POWS. Leona, this is Amy Morgan, my…friend.”

Amy struggled to regain her composure.

It wasn’t easy. First of all, she was hot and bothered. Second, Daniel was hard and bothered. Third, Leona Ramsey was having a drink with Daniel, and that was just plain bothersome. Amy hadn’t even noticed her sitting there. Not surprising considering she’d developed tunnel vision around Daniel. He was the only thing she ever saw nowadays. Real or imagined.

Daniel squeezed her hand, and she belatedly realized she eyed the doctor with distaste. She pasted a smile on her face. “Forgive me, I never saw you there. It’s nice to meet you.”

Leona stared daggers at her. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Silent tension simmered between the two women. “Leona was just telling me about the ward,” Daniel said. “All the renovations are finished and it looks pretty good. I’m on my way up there.” He looked at Amy. “Why don’t you join me? Come and see what they’ve done.”

She hesitated. A quick glance at her wrist watch told her she really needed to get back to her office, but at the same time she wanted to see the ward.

“Vicky’s back in hospital,” he said quietly. “I was going to drop in and give her a little gift. Would you like to meet her?”

The pained look in Daniel’s eyes as he conveyed that bit of information helped her decide. “I’d love to.”

“I have patients to see so I’ll head up with you,” Leona said. Not entirely sure whether this was true, Amy suspected Leona used it as an excuse to spend more time with Daniel.

Odd woman.
Perhaps someone should explain to her that subtlety was a far bigger turn on for her friend than the obvious advances she made? Daniel wasn’t interested. Couldn’t she see that? It was so glaringly obvious. If she
had
been Daniel’s girlfriend, she would’ve happily spelled it out for Leona.

But she wasn’t. So she kept her mouth shut.

The three of them caught a lift up to the eighth floor and walked across a long, narrow corridor to POWS. Amy was struck by Daniel’s easy, sexy stride and she suppressed a grin. “You’re not limping anymore. Your knee must be improving.”