Phule's Paradise (39 page)

     
"Nothing to worry about there, General," the commander said smoothly. "The occupant of the room in question has agreed to pay for the necessary repairs and renovations."

     
"Why would he do that?" Blitzkrieg scowled. "It's clear that it's your pack of hell-raisers who are doing the damage."

     
"Well, there's the fact that legally whoever rents a room is responsible for any damages to the facility," Phule explained. "As to my troops actually causing the damage, the truth is they were sort of invited to take that action, by the room's occupant-and it's a she, sir, not a he. In fact, it's the same woman you saw presenting me and my unit with the commendation."

     
"Sort of invited?" the general growled, catching the careful phrasing. "I'd like to hear some more details on that, if you don't mind. First, though, I want to know what your troops are doing appearing in a holo-movie in Space Legion uniforms."

     
"That's easy enough to explain, sir," the commander said. "As you yourself just said, sir, that was preliminary footage only. My troops were simply standing in while the camera angles were being blocked out. I can assure the general that they will not be present in the final version when it's released."

     
"I see," Blitzkrieg said grimly. "Well, Captain, while I have you on the line, there are a few other matters I want to know about. For example ..."

     
"Good evening, General," Battleax said, leaving her place by the wall and stepping in front of the camera.

     
The general gaped. "Colonel Battleax! What are you doing there? I thought you were-"

     
"On vacation?" the colonel purred. "I was ... as you very well know. It just so happens that my itinerary included a stop on Lorelei. You can imagine my surprise when I ran into Captain Jester and his troops here, especially since I hadn't heard a thing about this assignment before I left Headquarters."

     
"Ummm ... yes, of course," Blitzkrieg mumbled, obviously uncomfortable. "So you were in charge when all this was happening?"

     
"Not at all." Battleax smiled. "I'm merely a tourist while I'm on vacation. In fact, great pains were taken to be sure everyone knew I wasn't in the chain of command here."

     
"I ..."

     
"No need to apologize, General," the colonel continued. "I can understand your concern that I might have inadvertently usurped your power, but I can assure you that you're still responsible for everything that Captain Jester and his troops do on this assignment."

     
"What's that?" The general looked stricken.

     
"I'm simply reminding you that as the one who gave this assignment to Captain Jester, you are his immediate superior officer for the duration, and as such are ultimately responsible for anything he might do or order while under your direct command," Battleax explained. "Of course, if no inquiries are convened and no one of civil or Legion authority openly questions his activities, then nothing out of the ordinary will ever show in the records and the entire assignment will be filed as being routine. Do you see my point, General?"

     
"Yes, I see," Blitzkrieg growled.

     
"I thought you would. Now, unless there's anything else of an urgent nature, do you mind if we conclude this interview? Captain Jester and I were just enjoying a quiet drink in his room."

     
The general looked startled.

     
"Oh ... I didn't realize ... of course. Anything else I have can wait until a more convenient time. Good night, Colonel ... Captain. Be sure to let me know when the new recruits arrive."

     
"Wait a minute. New Recruits?" Phule was suddenly alert. "Excuse me, General Blitzkrieg, but I thought you agreed to hold off on any new recruits or transfers until I had a chance to get my outfit into shape."

     
"I did," Blitzkrieg said with an evil grin. "But I don't think you object to these-most of them, anyway. The others, you can't object to."

     
"Could you explain that a little more, sir?"

     
"Well ... I don't want to intrude, so I'll keep this short. You're getting a trio of Gambolts ... you know, the Cats?

     
They're the first Gambolts to ever enlist in the Space Legion instead of joining their own unit in the Regular Army-which is a feather in our cap-but they signed on under the express condition that they be assigned to your unit. It seems your showboating for the media is finally paying some dividends."

     
"I suppose that if-"

     
"The next one isn't really a recruit," the general continued. "He's an observer, sent by the Zenobians to study our tactics and ethics prior to their signing a treaty with us. You remember the Zenobians, don't you, Captain? Those little lizards you tangled with back in Haskin's Planet?"

     
"Of course, sir. I ..."

     
"Since you were the first human to make contact with them, the government felt, and I agreed with them, that you would be the logical choice to deal with their observer. He remembers you, by the way. Even asked for you by name ... except he remembers it as `Captain Clown.'"

     
"I see." Phule scowled. "Is that all, sir?"

     
"Not quite." The general grinned. "The last one we're sending you is in response to your request."

     
"My request, sir?"

     
"Yes. I have it right here." Blitzkrieg held up a sheet of paper. "It took me a while to find just the right Legionnaire to fit your needs. Captain, knowing as I do how selective you are, but I think I've got what you need. You requested a chaplain for your company, and I'm sending you one. Don't ever say that Headquarters doesn't give you the support you deserve. Blitzkrieg out."

     
For several moments the four officers stared silently at the empty space left by the general's image after he broke the connection.

     
"Sir?" Armstrong said at last. "A chaplain?"

     
"It's a long story, Lieutenant," Phule said, rubbing his forehead with one hand. "To be honest with you, I had forgotten completely about making the request."

     
"I'd watch my step if I were you, Captain," Colonel Battleax advised. "The general's dislike for you doesn't seem to be mellowing with time."

     
"We'll manage," the commander said. "However, in honor of the general and to celebrate the assignment, I'd like to propose a toast. I'm blatantly stealing it, but it somehow seems appropriate."

     
He raised his glass toward his colleagues.

     
"To honorable enemies and dishonorable friends!"

In a casino restaurant elsewhere on Lorelei, another discussion of a totally different nature was taking place.

     
"I've got to admit, Max," Laverna was saying, "you're taking this a lot better than I thought you would."

     
Maxine frowned. "Taking what?"

     
"You know ... having to back off from Willard Phule and his crew. I know it goes against the grain for you to throw in the towel."

     
"Don't be silly, Laverna." Max smiled. "We're far from done with young Mr. Phule. I thought you realized that."

     
Laverna cocked her head in surprise.

     
"You're going back on your word? I've never known you to do that, Max."

     
"Who said I was going back on my word?" the crime kingpin said. "All I promised was to abandon my efforts to gain control of the Fat Chance-a plan which, you'll recall, we had already all but given up on. Of course, you and I know that just because the Fat Chance is safe from me doesn't mean it's safe. What's more, as far as `safe' goes, I said nothing about leaving Mr. Phule and his force alone."

     
"That's true," Laverna admitted.

     
"It occurs to me that a lot of people saw that transmission today, when I effectively announced to one and all that the Fat Chance was outside my sphere of influence."

     
"You mean you think some of the other families might have seen it?"

     
"Or the Yakusa," Max acknowledged. "Remember, we both found the tale our fraudulent Jonesy told possible enough to take him seriously. As a matter of fact, just in case they missed it, I'm sending them a copy of the tape, along with a personal note. Even if they aren't interested in the Fat Chance, I'm sure they'll be fascinated by the news that someone was posing as their representative. I'm also making inquiries as to whether or not a certain bartender did indeed ever ride with the Outlaws Hover Cycle Club, and if he did, under what circumstances he left their company."

     
Laverna leaned back in her chair and stared at her employer.

     
"You're really pulling out the stops on this one, aren't you?"

     
"As you pointed out, Laverna, I don't like to lose. However, you seem to have missed completely the most dubious maneuver I've pulled. It's not surprising, really. Young Mr. Phule seems to have missed it as well."

     
"What was that?"

     
Maxine's eyes narrowed as she looked into the distance.

     
"Think for a moment, Laverna," she said. "If anyone, you would know about the disproportionate interest and suspicion the tax people level at casinos and their owners. Well, this afternoon's broadcast not only alerted our colleagues as to the opportunity now available at the Fat Chance, it also made some of our traditional adversaries aware that Mr. Phule is now among the ranks of casino owners ... and I don't think he's even begun to realize what's in store for him there."