Picks & Pucks (27 page)

The demons backed away, and I let Jack hug me, his words hanging over my head like a fucking neon sign.

I know you love him. I know you love him.

“I’m your big brother. It’s time I started acting like one.”

“You should cancel the games,” I said.

“I don’t have that much power,” he said.

“I wish you did.”

He told me things were going to be okay again, and I wanted to believe him, but sometimes things weren’t okay. Sometimes bad things happened and a person could do nothing to stop the shit storm.

He brought me back to the rink, following me until he saw Marina. I sat down on the bench, and Marina helped me put my skates on, lacing them up the way I liked.

“Justin,” Marina said, taking my face in her hands. “I know you are scared, but he is okay. You need to concentrate on your programs right now. Can you do that for me?”

I nodded and carefully placed my blade on the ice. I slowly skated around the rink, letting the cold air slap me in the face to wake me out of my stupor. I had a job to do, and if CJ wanted to talk to me, he would find me.

The magnitude of the day hit me around eight o’clock. Janae brought me home and forced me to take a shower and then get in bed.

“He’s not here, but he’s okay,” she said.

I frowned and burrowed under the blankets, shoving his pillow and T-shirt on the ground.

I slept alone that evening.

The morning came and the demons climbed on my shoulders. The extra weight was exhausting. Eli made me eat breakfast before driving me to the rink.

“You don’t have to walk me to practice,” I said.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Eli said, flipping me off and grinning at me. At least some things were normal.

I headed to the locker room, where I heard Danny and CJ shouting at each other.

“You keep those assholes away from him. I don’t give a shit if they pulverize you, but if they hurt him, I’ll come after you myself,” Danny shouted. He had CJ pinned against the wall, screaming in his face.

I sucked in a breath and backed up, but they caught sight of me before I could sneak into my locker room. Danny dropped his hold on CJ’s jersey and stepped away from him.

“CJ,” I called out, but he waved me off and went into the hockey locker room. “Fuck.”

CJ
FINALLY
came home but spent the evening locked in his bedroom, telling me he had to study for finals. The demons crowded into my room, reminding me that all hockey boys were alike. The next night, he was asleep when I got home from practice. I put his T-shirt, the one I had been sleeping in, at the foot of his bed. The demons cackled so loud I thought everyone in the entire house would hear them. I raced out of his room, climbed into bed, and curled in a ball, telling myself I didn’t give a shit.

At practice Marina scolded me for not taking better care of myself.

“I’m doing fine,” I snapped. “I’ll be back after lunch.”

She shook her head, and I felt like a giant asshole for shouting at her. My mood darkened even more when I saw CJ and Spock leaning against the wall by the locker room door.

“Can I talk to you?” CJ asked. He didn’t look directly at me. Instead, he focused on a spot above my head. It irritated the shit out of me.

“What for? Your silence speaks volumes,” I said.

“Look, I just wanted to let you know someone else needed my tickets for the games this weekend.”

“Whatever,” I snarled and turned to walk away.

“You can use mine,” Spock volunteered. If CJ had access to a phaser, Spock would have been vaporized before I could answer him.

“Thanks, but I don’t need them,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. I didn’t know if I did a very good job. I felt like everything inside my body was breaking apart.

“Oh yeah,” Spock said. “I heard you were skating at the game.”

“Yep, in between the second and third period, so I’ll be there whether you want me or not,” I said directly to CJ.

“Give us a minute,” CJ said, shoving Spock into the locker room.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “You don’t need to play.”

“Just let it be, Justin. It’s none of your fucking business, and I’m not backing away from this. I can handle it.”

“Yeah, you’re doing such a great job of that.” I sneered and jabbed him in the ribs. I spun on my heels and walked away before he could get another word in. I didn’t need to hear some stupid snappy comeback.

Demons filled the halls, threatening to crush me into nothing but dust. I leaned against the wall and fought back an ocean of tears. This was worse than Danny. Why did I always go for the guys with all these fucking issues?

“Justin?”

I opened my eyes, and Danny was standing in front of me. He was freshly showered, blond hair damp and sweet smelling.

I frowned and tried to turn away from him, waving him off. I didn’t need any more drama. But when he slid his arm around my shoulders, I cracked and leaned into him. I heard the locker room door open, but I didn’t turn around to see who it was, and for the first time, Danny didn’t flinch away from me. If anything, he tightened his grip on me. He didn’t say anything until we were inside his car.

“Talk to me,” he said.

“Shit,” I said, burying my face in hands.

“Look, I know you’re freaked out about the series this weekend. We all are. But we aren’t going to let anything happen to him. We’re a team, and if they go after him, we’re going after them,” he said. “I’m sorry this is happening to you, but it’s probably for the best to keep your distance from him right now.”

He sighed and floored it, squealing out of the parking lot just as I saw Spock and CJ leave. When we pulled into my driveway, Danny placed his hand on my knee. I let him keep it there.

“I’ve never given you a reason to trust me, but if you need anything….” He frowned and shook his head. “Good luck with your skate tonight.”

“Yeah, you too,” I muttered and got out of the car, thanking him for the ride home. The demons streamed out of his car and followed me inside. Usually, the sweet smell of dinner greeted me. Now I smelled nothing.

With no leftovers in the fridge, I settled on a peanut butter sandwich. Eli and Taylor found me sitting on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen.

“Guess we don’t need to ask how you’re doing?” Eli said.

“I’m fine,” I answered quickly. “I need to get ready. Janae is coming to pick me up.”

“Did you eat anything?” Taylor asked.

“Peanut butter sandwich,” I said.

“Justin,” Eli started.

I held up my hand. “I can’t talk about this right now, or I won’t be able to skate tonight. Everything is peachy keen, so don’t ask anymore.”

They both sighed and let me walk out of the room. Janae honked the horn, and I opened the door so all the demons could go out first.

“You look like shit,” she said.

“I’m fine,” I answered automatically.

“We don’t have to skate tonight,” she said.

“We’re skating. No more talking.”

She frowned and left me alone. Marina eyed me carefully, but only talked about the skate. Janae went up to watch the game. I stayed in the locker room until Eli knocked on the door to tell me it was time to skate. He started to say something, but I didn’t want to know anything about the game.

Usually when it was between periods most of the crowd wandered off to get food, use the restroom, or stand outside in the bitter cold to have a smoke. Tonight most of the crowd stayed in their seats to watch us skate.

Our names blared through the arena, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the hockey team file onto the bench. My dad stood at the end of the bench, beaming from ear to ear. A few demons dissolved in front of me, and I felt lighter, until I made the mistake of scanning the players. My gaze landed on number seventeen. Our eyes met as the music started. I turned away and did the best I could to fall into my cocky skater boy persona.

The song Eli had chosen was popular at the moment, and the entire crowd got into it. Janae and I were in sync with our movements. The program was fun, and we lit up the arena. By the end of the routine, the audience was on its feet and the hockey players were tapping the boards with their sticks. My dad was applauding and whistling loudly when we skated to the center of the ice and took our bows.

The announcer made sure to mention my victory at the Grand Prix Finals in Japan and my upcoming trip to the US Nationals.

“Thanks for sharing your spotlight with me,” Janae whispered.

“You don’t need to share mine. You have your own,” I said, and she smiled brightly. It warmed me from the top of my head to the picks on my skates.

We skated over and got hugs from Dad before we waved to the audience and disappeared down the tunnel to let the hockey teams play.

“That was outstanding,” Eli shouted.

“It was great choreography and music,” I said. “I’m going home.”

“No,” Janae and Eli said. “Stay.”

I shook my head. “I’m tired and I have to be back on the ice early in the morning.”

“I hate seeing you so sad,” Eli said, hugging me.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, but I brushed him off, escaping before they could tell me more shitty things about my crappy life.

I spent the rest of the evening waiting for something to happen. In the back of my mind, I wanted CJ to come home, but only Jack and Janae showed up. I hid upstairs in my room, hoping no one would come talk to me, but Jack’s broad shoulders filled my doorway. He hovered for a few minutes before he sat down on my bed, patting me on the calf.

“I know you’re awake,” he said.

I blinked and kicked at him.

“Don’t make me hurt you, little brother.”

“As if,” I said.

He snorted. “How are you doing?”

“Stop it! Everyone keeps asking me how I’m feeling. I’m fucking fine. Okay?”

“Um, sure you are,” he said. “I came to tell you I’m leaving tomorrow after the game. Things got a little out of hand tonight, and the interim coach resigned over the phone. I didn’t think he was going to finish the game, but he hung around until the horn blew. The president of the university called and begged me to step in. I agreed.”

“Is….” I wanted to ask if CJ was okay, but I bit my tongue.

“He’s fine. Spock took a wicked slash to the wrist, but they don’t think it’s broken. He’s at the hospital for X-rays. CJ went with him. Kris got a stick jabbed into his ribs and has some bruising, but he should be able to go tomorrow night. Two players were ejected, and there were several fights.”

“This is insane.”

“I know, but as long as I’m on the bench tomorrow night, the game will be clean.”

“You’re going to make a great coach,” I said.

“I just wish it was under different circumstances, and really, I thought I’d spend a few years learning the ropes as an assistant coach. To get thrown in the middle of this mess really sucks.”

“You never do anything the normal way,” I said, pushing my foot against his thigh.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but are you going to be okay?”

“I’m going to skate and win Nationals so I can go to the Olympics. I don’t have time to date.”

Jack sighed. “Call me for anything, or nothing. Just call, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed.

The door closed and I curled into a small ball, huddling under my blankets. When I heard the doorknob turn, I thought Jack had forgotten to tell me something. I peeked out from under the blankets expecting to see him, but it was CJ who was hovering near the door.

“You lost?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said in a small voice that made my heart feel like it was being put through a vise.

I threw back the covers and sat up. He leaned against the wall, leaving the door open.

“Shut the door,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

“No,” I said. “Do it anyway.”

When the door clicked shut, he took a few small steps toward me but stopped and closed his eyes. His shoulders drooped, and several demons surrounded him.

“It was a bad night,” he whispered. “They said things to me that really hurt.”

I shrugged and put my finger to my lips, silently telling him not to talk. The demons gasped, flying around the room and chanting how stupid it was to do nothing. I sneered at them. Sometimes, pretending the bad things didn’t exist was easier. I slid out of bed and stood in front of him.

At first I was afraid to touch him, but I shooed the demons away and let my fingers drift down his arm to the hem of his shirt. He shuddered and stepped closer to me until I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

I slipped my fingers under his shirt, running my hands around his waist. He dropped his head, letting his cheek rest against mine.

“Justin,” he whispered.

I shook my head and met his gaze. His eyes were as dark as the winter night sky, with a stare so intense it felt like he was peering into my thoughts. I knew what I was doing was crazy and probably stupid. I was asking to be hurt, but he was here now, and I didn’t give a shit about tomorrow. I needed this, so I jumped off the cliff into the rough, deep water and drowned in him.

The kiss started out soft and gentle, but turned sharp and needy in seconds. He touched me everywhere he could reach. My shirt flew across the room, joined by my pants and underwear. I barely remember lubed fingers penetrating me before he was gripping his dick and I was rolling on the condom. He flipped me on my stomach, sinking into me before I could take a deep breath.

I rose to my knees, supporting his weight as he found a rhythm that had me arching into him and mewling like a fucking cat. His movements stuttered, and I knew he was close, so I grabbed my dick and pumped furiously. He wrapped his hand around mine, sliding in time with me and squeezing my dick until I felt my orgasm flaring in my belly. My muscles tightened and I stopped breathing.

“Yes, yes,” I groaned loudly as I came, spurting into our joined hands.

CJ tensed, and his dick pulsed in me as he released.

I did a face-plant into the bed, expecting him to immediately climb off me. Instead he stayed inside me, moving his hips and kissing my shoulders, my neck, and my ears, until his dick softened.