Picture Perfect (29 page)

She was silent for a moment, I guess gathering her thoughts.  I was banking on her agreeing with me, and I was flabbergasted when she ripped into me.

“Let me get this straight Tessa, because at this point it feels like I just sniffed glue. Flynn
FUCKING
Rand flew out here to make up with you after you changed your cell phone number.  He then spent a week living in our two-bedroom apartment, which I imagine is about the size of his living room and has a total of zero amenities, unless you count our beautiful view of the apartment dumpster area.  He met your parents, talked them and me into flying out for the first two shows of the tour at his expense.  Then he went to work begging and got you
to move in with him
until the tour started.  He hangs on your every fucking word, beams at you as though you just created the wheel
and
has his grandmother putting up family pictures with you in them on Twitter. You’re living the dream with a man who worships the ground on which you walk and
this
is your response to that? I love you like a toddler loves bath toys, but I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you.  Bitch, you’re tripping. No joke, I saw you with him for seven days and I can say without hesitation,
he’s in love with you
.  But was that enough to calm your crazy ass down?  No!  You went to DEFCON FOUR and made some shit up in your head about him having a tour harem.  Then he had the balls, the fucking
heart,
to put himself out there and ask you to build a house with him and YOU SHOT HIM DOWN?  You ripped his heart out Tessa, I guaran-fucking-tee you that.   You made a huge mistake and the worst part is, you’re crazy in love with him but you’re too fucking chicken-shit to take a chance so you’re throwing it all away.  Pride goes before a fall, and if you don’t apologize and explain to him why you acted like a straight up asshole, you’ll regret it until the day you die.”

I started to cry midway through her speech because I was terrified she was right. 

“But Jess, you don’t even know the worst of it.  When we got home… no, I mean, back to his house tonight and he told me it was over, he said that it was good because now he’d be single on the tour.  He said I wouldn’t have as much opportunity to hook-up as he would so he suggested I look at the road crew because they dealt in groupie cast-offs.  He basically just called me a groupie slut while confirming that what I was afraid of the entire time- which is him fucking everything that has a pulse- is about to happen.  No one who was in love with someone would say that.”

Letting out a groan she said, “Jesus Christ Tessa, do you really not understand any guy psychology?  He was saving face.  He did it in an asshole way and he owes you an apology, but
he was lying
.  He isn’t happy that you broke up, he’s fucking miserable.  His friends- the ones that have known him forever- have told you to your face that he’s miserable and you’re not paying attention!  You have a choice, and here it is.  Sit with your thumb up your ass doing nothing while the love of your life builds up an emotional wall to keep you out, or get off your ass and apologize for being dumb.  This isn’t Flynn-shit baby girl.  This is Tessa-baggage.  Fix it.  I love you no matter what you do and I will be here for you until we tap out side by side in a nursing home when we’re ninety-nine, but I’d like to be tapping out together after we’ve both had lives filled with love and children.  You aren’t going to recover from this if you don’t take a chance and let him in and I don’t want to die next to a spinster who lived her life in an apartment full of cats because she was too stubborn to see love when it was right in front of her face.”

My tears poured out while she ripped me a new one, and I realized that I
had no one to blame but myself.  We were silent for a few minutes, other than the sound of my sniffling and her telling me that it could be fixed.  When I had myself as composed as I was going to get I whispered the harsh truth to her.

“I’m terrified.  I’m scared that I love him, scared that it took nothing to fall in love with him, scared that it’s been such a short amount of time.  I’ve given him my whole heart Jess, but I’m
petrified to let him know.”

Making a sound of approval she said, “That’s right honey, you do love him, and I know that you’re scared.  What you need to figure out now is what scares you more.  Living a life without him, or admitting to him that you love him?”

Hands down the answer was living without him.  I wanted to do more than build a house with him.  I wanted to have babies that were a part of the two of us, wanted to spend all of my Holidays from now until forever with our families together.  I wanted Flynn’s face to be the last thing I saw before I went to sleep every night because he was the love of my life, and I wanted to be that same person for him.

Taking a deep breath I said, “I surrender.  I’m going to take a shower and go tell him that I’m an idiot.  Pray for me Jess.”

“I will baby girl.  Everything is going to work out I just know it.  Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes.  I love you.”

“I love you too Jess.  Thanks for being such a kick-ass, tell it to me straight, bitch of a best friend.  If this works, I owe you one.  If it doesn’t, you owe me two cats to start my spinster life.”

Laughing she asked, “What the fuck? Why would you owe me one thing but I’d owe you two?  That’s back-asswards.  WHEN this works out, you’re naming your firstborn after me.  I don’t even care if it’s a boy.  That’s my price, and there will be
no
substitutions.”

I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to barter, so I agreed.  When we hung up I rationalized that she wouldn’t really hold me to that promise.

My anxiety level was high as I grabbed underwear and one of Flynn’s tee shirts before making my way into the bathroom to shower.  I threw my hair up into a clip to keep it dry and then spent ten minutes letting the water calm me down as it washed over me.  When I was finished I dried off, got dressed and brushed my hair for a few minutes.  Fortifying myself for what I was about to do, I swung the door to the bathroom open and stepped into Flynn’s room with the intention of going to find him.

I didn’t have to look hard, because he was sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands.

Shit.  Things didn’t look good.

Have you ever had a moment where you realize that you’re a complete fucking tool
and you’re so ashamed of yourself that you want to beg someone to beat your ass?

Yeah, so have I. 

My realization came right about the time the door to my bedroom was slamming shut after I told Tess that I was going to gorge on groupie pussy for the entirety of the tour.

It was a hateful and shitty thing to say, and I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth.  I couldn’t give less of a shit about groupies
.  I couldn’t give less of a shit about
any
girl that wasn’t Tessa, and that pissed me off since she didn’t feel the same way about me.

In addition to telling her that I would be using the tour as a groupie fuck-fest, I’d also advised her to fuck around with members of our road crew.  That was beyond the pale, and I felt like the biggest piece of shit on earth for basically insinuating that she was no better than the groupies that did just that.  I was acting like a hate filled maniac, saying shit that I didn’t mean because my feelings were hurt. 

When I got into my den and poured myself a rum and coke, I sat on the sofa and thought about how ashamed I was of my behavior.  My mother would be so disappointed if she saw how I was treating Tessa, and my Gram would whip my ass raw if she heard the vitriol I’d been spewing.  I’d been raised to be a man, not a whiny bitch, but my actions were not manly at all.

As far as Tessa knew, I was about to fuck everything that had a hole and a heartbeat, and I’d given her the impression that I didn’t care if she started fucking random roadies.  Neither of those things could be further from the truth.  If any man touched Tessa, I’d die inside.  She was my territory, the only woman that I
had ever loved.  My brain knew this, but my mouth was a spiteful fuck that got me into serious trouble.

While I sat in my den, I had an epiphany.  I was never going to love another woman because there was only Tessa for me.  That being the case, I needed to swallow my pride and stop ac
ting like a schoolboy that just had their ball taken away.  

So what if she hadn’t
fallen in love with me as fast as I had with her?  I had months ahead of me to make her fall in love.  She didn’t want to commit now, but maybe, someday, she would.  It really had only been a matter of weeks since we got together, and I was obviously pushing too hard.  I needed to back off, to give her space in which to breathe and get her bearings in our relationship.

What I knew with absolute certainty was that there was no way I was throwing her out of my house and sending her to the Mondrian because I was in a snit.  If I followed through on that
ridiculous plan, I’d never get her back and I couldn’t even fathom a future without her in it.

Swallowing my pride and giving myself a stern talking to about manning up, I went upstairs to our bedroom and knocked on the door.  She didn’t answer, and after I knocked a few more times, I walked in to find the room empty.  My heart constricted painfully in my chest because I thought she had already left.  Fortunately I heard the shower running at that moment and I realized that she was in the bathroom.  Walking across the room, I shuddered when I saw her three suitcases packed and stacked in front of the closet.  If I didn’t say the right series of things, she was taking those bags and leaving me for good.

Taking a position at the end of the bed, I sat and waited for her to come back into the room.  The entire time I waited my stomach was in my throat and my heart was racing.  All I could think was, ‘This has to work out.’

I felt the shift in the air that alerted me to her presence, and lifting my head I was struck dumb all over again by how beautiful she was.  She was staring at me in silence, and I fell into her eyes for a moment as time stood still and a feeling of déjà vu washed over me.  I was suddenly positive that I’d seen her before, somewhere.  It was the only explanation for why she’d always felt so familiar and so important to me.

Shaking my head to clear out the cobwebs I said, “I came in to apologize baby, and I will, but first, bear with me for a second.  This is going to seem like a crazy question and I apologize if I seem like a complete dick and it pisses you off that I somehow forgot, but can you tell me… have I met you before?  I mean before the night of the meet and greet for the tour staff.”

Raising her eyebrows at me in confusion, she shook her head.  “No, we never met before that night.  Why would you ask that?”

Running my hands through my hair I replied, “Because you have
always
seemed incredibly fucking familiar to me.  I guess it’s nothing but a sign that we were meant to be together.”

Taking a few steps forward, she dropped to her knees in front of me and took my hands in hers.  When she looked up into my eyes, I could see that she was holding back tears.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.  I acted like a crazy bitch and I threw up all kinds of roadblocks.  I talked to Jess before I got into the shower and she set me straight, and now I have to tell you something.  It quite literally scares the shit out of me to say this to you, but here goes.  Flynn, I’m in love with you.  The only reason I said that I didn’t want to commit to building a house is because I’m terrified that you’re going to want to live the rock star lifestyle and have sex with hoards of groupies once the tour starts.”

For a moment, I had no words because the feeling of relief that swept through me was staggering.  She loved me!  I realized that I ne
eded to say something, and fast, when I saw the hope in her eyes start to dim because I wasn’t saying anything back.

Grabbing her hands tighter in mine, I got her to her feet before having her straddle my lap so that I could hold her.

“Tessa, baby, I’m in love with you, too.  You’re
it
for me, and I don’t give a shit about anyone that came before.  You seem to imagine that having sex with chicks I didn’t know was some kind of amazing time, and I wish you’d told me that sooner so that I could ease your mind.  I don’t miss that lifestyle babe, and I never will.  It’s a large part of the reason that I decided to retire.  You’re what I want, and my future with you is my priority. I wish you’d told me before what your issue was, because then I’d have told you this earlier if it had come up, but it didn’t.  I hope what I’m about to tell you will help you understand the difference between you and those girls, even though the shit I’m about to say is crude and not something I’d intended to tell you, but here goes. I couldn’t let myself come with those girls. I also never, ever fucked without a condom.  With you, I would never use a condom.  I’ve always needed to be with you with nothing between us.  I’d
never
wanted that before, hadn’t even considered it as an option. Babe, when I’m making love with you? 
I come.
Every. Single. Time. Every time since the first time, I’ve come inside your body, on your body or in your mouth and it’s like heaven on earth.  I realize that’s what normal guys do, so you never had a reason to realize how life altering that is for me.  Truth is, it’s been a lesson in humility training myself
not
to come the second I slide inside of you.  I never wanted to share that part of myself with anyone else baby, but with you, I couldn’t wait to fill you, to mark you as mine.  No other woman on earth can do that to me babe, because no one else is you.  I’m yours Tess, every part of me, and I’m not going anywhere or doing anything to fuck that up.  I don’t care if two thousand drop dead gorgeous bitches a night try to suck my dick- you’re beauty eclipses them all.  I only see you Tess, because you’re the only woman I ever really wanted.”