Pieces in Chance (9 page)

Letting herself fall back against her pillows, she sighed. Between nightmares, which had become more like daymares since they didn’t come when Jensen stayed with her, and the physical injuries she’d suffered, she was a mess. Add to the equation a schoolgirl-like crush and random emotional moments, and she was a
hot
mess. Honestly, Drew hated the nights that Jensen either worked graveyard patrol or stayed at his house instead of with her. It was amazing to her she’d become so attached, in such a short amount of time to the man. But he made her feel safe, cherished, and kept the things that haunted her at bay.

Despite the fact that her father was dead and gone, when she was alone in the silence, he was there. Drew could still hear the words he’d scream at her, feel the blows he delivered when he was angry. According to the shrink who occasionally tried to speak to her – who she continuously ignored and turned away – it was going to take a while to escape the demons of her past. What the woman didn’t understand was there would be no running away, no hiding out and climbing over the mountain. How could there be when she lived with daily reminders, and would for the rest of her life, of his ultimate betrayal.

Jensen storming back through the door pulled her from her thoughts. He held several black bags as well as a white laundry-style sack with the hospital logo on it. Curious, Drew sat back up, eyeing him. When she asked what he was doing, he flashed her a smile and rolled her tray to him at the foot of her bed. Setting the bags down, he began pulling items and placing them in her line of sight.

Produced first was a small bottle of Pantene shampoo, followed by conditioner. Next a brush, a comb, and a small hand mirror. Jensen then pulled a hair dryer from the cloth sack and put it beside the other items. The man became like Mary Poppins and her magic carpet bag – items just kept appearing. A tube of lip gloss, a tube of what she thought was mascara, even a headband. Lastly, he pulled a teddy bear from the bag and, instead of putting it with his treasures, he handed it to her and tipped her chin so she met his gaze.

“Drew,” he started, his thumb caressing down her skin that linked her cheek and ear, “you don’t need all of these things to be beautiful – you should know that. But, because you feel like you do, I got everything I could think of at the gift shop, with the exception of the dryer. It’s on loan from the hospital. The teddy bear is just because.”

Absurd tears filled her eyes. It was unfair. Men like Officer Jensen Marks didn’t exist, and they sure as hell weren’t real in her life. No one had ever been this nice to her and it was overwhelming. She didn’t deserve him, didn’t know how to handle his kindness, but cherished it all the same.

Unable to bear the eye contact anymore, she dropped her attention to the bear he’d given her. It was light orange with a black ribbon, clearly Halloween themed, and she loved it. Hugging it to her, she buried her face in its softness until she was sure she wasn’t going to cry in front of the man again. When she was gathered, she glanced back at him.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

Jensen nodded and came to the side of the bed, lowering the bedrail and holding out his hand. Confused, she merely looked at him for a moment, before taking it. Drew allowed him to gently help her sideways, untangling her legs from the bed as she sat, her feet dangling over the side. She hadn’t known what he was doing at first, but realized he was getting her out of bed.

Nerves charged inside her. She hadn’t actually
walked
in a while – occasionally Dr. Brutal would come in to have her stand and sort of hobble from one chair to the other, but she’d also been medicated.
Please, please let me have the strength to go with him
, she prayed silently, unsure of where he was taking her but trusting him. He grabbed the IV pole and tugged slightly at her hand, and, together, they got her standing, her free hand holding the metal like her life depended on it.

Abruptly Jensen ushered her back to a seating position, confusing Drew even more until he held up a hand, indicating to wait a second, and made his way to the bureau along the wall. He held up a second hospital gown triumphantly over his head, like a magician, smiling and forcing a laugh from her. He looked so happy and excited, it was contagious. After putting it around her back and helping her get her arms through it, taking the IV bag down and slipping it through the sleeve so it wouldn’t catch, he helped her up once more.

It meant a lot to her that he preserved her modesty without asking. While she wanted more of Jensen, more of his touches and kisses, more of his sweet words, she wasn’t quite ready to be naked around him. Sure, they slept together most nights, but she was never exposed – if she was going to be walking with him, she would have been.

As decent as she was going to get wearing two hospital gowns, Jensen walked with her to the bathroom, him matching his steps with hers. She was terrified with each movement they made, her feet wobbly and unsure under her. It felt like being a toddler all over, or at least she assumed it did – she couldn’t remember that far back, learning to walk and afraid of toppling over. Occasionally Drew would sneak a glance at his face, expecting to see frustration or impatience crossing his expression, but never seeing it. Instead he looked thoughtful and concerned, but only on her; he made sure to keep them going forward without moving too fast. And, each time she slightly stumbled, his strong arm remained around her waist, ensuring she remained upright.

The walk to the bathroom seemed to take a year and half, though, in reality, probably only took about five minutes. Jensen helped her to sit on the in-shower bench and guided her down farther, positioning her so she was lying across it the best she could fit. Gently, he pulled her hair out from under her neck so it fell to the tile floor and grasped the handheld shower head.

Damn her if that man, that strong, military-style cop, didn’t wash her hair, complete with delectable nails across her scalp and massaging fingers.
I think I’ve died and gone to heaven,
she thought as he washed away the remaining conditioner and turned off the warm water. Jensen pulled a towel off the counter, placed it over her head, and she grasped it, holding it in place as he helped to upright her.

Drew was moved to sit on the toilet and, after brushing a soft kiss to her temple, Jensen disappeared back into the room, reappearing with the hairbrush he’d purchased and the hair dryer. Slowly, and ever so cautious, he dried her hair, small sections at a time. The whole time she watched his face, admiring the lines of concentration that appeared and at a complete loss.

He’s entirely too good to be true. What the hell is he doing here?
she thought for the millionth time since she’d met him. None of it made any sense. Not him and Carrigan covering up the crime she’d committed, nor the birthday party he’d thrown for her only hours after meeting her. Not the nights he spent with her, holding her, caressing her hair. Not the notes he left, or the kindness he showed her. She was just a kid compared to him, and, worse, a damaged one at that. What could he possibly hope to get out of all this?

“Why are you doing all this?”

The question escaped her lips before she could stop them, her thoughts spewing from her without being filtered through her brain. Still, she needed to know. Drew had asked him the first night why he was there, but this was even more. Perhaps she could have written off the first time and the party; he felt bad for her – that would make sense, at least to her. But he’d gone way above and beyond pity or even sympathy.

Jensen finished wrapping the cord back up on the dryer before setting it on the counter and turning to face her. He seemed surprised that she’d asked; hell,
she
was surprised. But now that the question lingered in the air, she couldn’t help but hold her breath, terrified of the answer he’d give her.
Probably should have waited to be a little more stable before asking that, Drew,
her thoughts chided her. Problem was, who knew when ‘more stable’ would be for her.

“You deserve it,” he mouthed slowly, simply, as if that was explanation for everything and anything in the world. It wasn’t.

“I don’t want to be ungrateful,” she said, wishing she was having this conversation via text on his phone instead of speaking. Not only would it have been easier to hide her face, but it also would have been much less nerve wracking – texting she didn’t have to worry whether her words were right, or if her voice was loud or if she sounded funny. “But I don’t want your sympathy … or pity.”

Drew dropped her gaze, unwilling to see if any truth from her words registered on his face. It simply would have been too much to bear. Already she was wishing she had the strength to make it back to bed alone, to not rely on him, so she could hide from the question she wanted an answer to but desperately wished she hadn’t asked.

Masculine fingers gripped her chin, tilting her face back up to meet his. “Read my lips, okay?” he demanded, still holding her gaze, and she nodded. “It is not sympathy or pity. Do I feel bad for what happened to you? Of course, anyone who said they didn’t is a fucking liar. But you, Drew? YOU are the reason I am here. I like seeing you smile.”

Her head spun as she watched his mouth and the words he enunciated slowly so she could follow. He hadn’t done that since the first day or so with her, and clearly wanted to be sure she understood every word he spoke, and she did, though they still didn’t compute. Apparently he wasn’t finished either.

“I am drawn to you. It’s so wrong, but I can’t help myself. It makes me a dirty piece of shit, but it is what it is. I want to protect you and make you feel safe. I want you to be happy. In return, you give me peace and…” he stopped for a moment, lines forming in his brows as he seemed to search for the right thing to say. “You make me feel safe. Damn I sound like a stupid Hallmark card.”

Drew couldn’t help but smile at the last, obviously said more to himself than to her, his lips moving faster but still readable. Still, she read what he’d said … yet she couldn’t help but wonder when the other shoe would drop. When he’d switch from being the sweet man she was growing accustomed to an asshole who either only wanted her for one thing or, like her father, snapped and hit her.

Chapter Eight
 

Jensen

Officer Marks sighed, pushing his report forms aside. He’d been staring at the words for too long and still didn’t know what they said. His mind was preoccupied with Drew.

She was being released from the hospital in a few hours – something that simultaneously relieved and scared the hell out of him. He’d become at home in the small, sterile room with her. Stopping in during the day when he could, sneaking her outside food, had become part of his daily routine. Shit, he stayed more nights there than at home anymore. Now, though, things were going to change. No longer would she be imprisoned by doctors and nurses; neither would she be returning to that terror-filled home she’d shared with Dean.

Ugh, even thinking of her piss-ant twin made Jensen see red. Sometime during his sister’s recovery, he’d … checked out. He still attended school, starred for his football team, and functioned – he knew, he’d investigated – but Drew’s brother no longer came around much.

The look of utter heartbreak on her face when she’d relayed his watery excuse made him want to break shit. Apparently, seeing her made him feel guilty, made him ‘hate himself.’
Still a fucking pussy-ass copout,
he thought, his fingers balling into a fist.

Drew had been improving so much, medically and emotionally. She was smiling more, even laughing. Then Dean had destroyed yet another piece of her, one she could barely afford to lose. Jensen wasn’t going to lie, he saw red. It took every ounce of self-control he’d ever learned to contain himself. What he really wanted to do was beat the fuck out of him. He wanted to show her brother how she’d felt – hopeless, helpless, hurt. But, he didn’t. Instead he held her as silent tears fell from her eyes and down her cheeks. He whispered words of encouragement in her hair, promising a brighter future and that he’d never hurt her. It hadn’t mattered to him that she couldn’t hear his words – he’d uttered them so the world, everyone from the heavens to Earth, would know.

When she’d been all cried out, she’d scooted over on the bed and looked expectantly at him. Smiling gently, he lay beside her, lifting his arm so she could burrow against him, as she seemed fond of doing. A second later, she tapped his leg to get his attention before signing ‘phone.’ Jensen knew jackshit of sign language, but Drew was patient, slowly teaching him common words.

Dean is still at home. If it isnt 2 inconvenient, can I stay w/u? If it is, I can prob ask 2 stay here longer, til I figure something else out.

Drew unceremoniously dropped the phone in his lap and didn’t look at him as he read what she’d typed. His mind raced at her question; he didn’t know what to say. Jensen understood why she wouldn’t want to go home, the mixture of painful memories as well as her stupid fucking brother’s presence would be a tough cross to carry. But to let her stay with him?

His heart was screaming in approval, desperate to keep her near him, keep her safe. He enjoyed being around her. His brain, on the other hand, was full of objections and four-letter words. The whole town would talk, slander her name, speculating on the nature of their relationship. It was a wonder they weren’t already; the unpleasant nature of small-town living.

Beyond that, morally would he be able to stand himself if he allowed her? As much as he hated himself for it, the despicable piece of shit he was, he was attracted to her. The willpower it took to keep from kissing her, to keep from touching her, was already almost more than he could bear. He
wanted
her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone or anything.

Even the mere thought of her body melting into his, the way it had when he’d stolen kisses from her, excited him. Jensen knew himself well enough to know that if things were started, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He’d take her innocence, relish in it, consequences be damned. Of course, he’d also curse the hell out of himself as well. Still, he didn’t want that from her. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her affection simply because she was starved for it. And, regardless of how she felt, that’s how he’d always see it, see her.

The image of when he’d first seen her, so battered and broken, so lonely and withdrawn, plagued him still. When he was alone, he’d dream of finding her so much worse, the same but lifeless – he’d wake up sweating and swearing, terrified. It was one of the reasons he stayed with her so often; he found comfort in waking to find her safe and content with the world. When she looked at him since he’d stolen the sweet touch of her lips, her eyes sparkled with demand, a silent plea for more. The male in him preened, his chest would puff out, proud. But the rest of him … the rest of him was on the same page, too.

His attraction to her was so wrong, on so many levels, but it just was. He wanted her to love him though, for him, and not because he didn’t hit her like her father. Not because he didn’t abandon her like her brother. Not because he was still alive, unlike her mother. He must’ve taken too long to respond because she snatched the phone back.

Nvm. I shouldn’t have asked. U do 2 much 4 me already.

Jensen practically threw her hands off the phone to take it. Almost frantic, his fingers moving faster than normal, he typed. All his previous mental arguments, all the logical points and lines he’d drawn in his mind, flew out the window. With only a few words, words not even spoken, she’d proverbially brought him to his knees.

Of course you can stay. As long as you like.

The minute she’d read his words of reply, she tilted her face up, her gaze alight with joy.
Fuck, that look.
Wars throughout history have been waged and won over looks like that one. She was radiant, a goddess. An angel and Aphrodite all in one. In a single slit second of time, the world froze, the rhythm of the Earth changing to match the beat of his heart. One split second decided his fate: regardless of how right or wrong, she’d be his forever. All he needed was time.

“Earth to Marks? Jesus, man, did you hear anything I just said?” Officer Kelly, the new rookie, demanded.

“Huh?”

“Do you even know where you are?”

“Sorry. Got lost in my own thoughts. What’s up?” Jensen asked, rubbing a hand across his face, trying to bring himself back to the present.

“Captain wanted me to see if you needed help with your reports. He said you were behind?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve been … distracted,” Jensen answered truthfully, tamping down his ire. He’d always been responsible doing his job, whatever it was at the time, to one hundred percent of his ability. The Marine Corp. demanded nothing less. Lately, though, some things had been falling through the cracks, his reports, mainly.

“Yeah, you’ve been ‘distracted,’” the rookie retorted, using air quotes when he said
distracted
. He also had a shit-eating grin spread across his face.

“What do you mean by that?” Jensen asked, one of his eyebrows raised. Something about the kid had bothered him from the moment he’d met him less than a month ago. He was cocky, thought he knew absolutely everything, and disrespected his commanding officers. The one night Carrigan had been sick, Kelly went on patrol with him. It had been a disaster he didn’t ever want to repeat.

“Oh, come on, dude,” Kelly answered, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like it’s any secret.”

Jensen checked his watch before standing and facing Kelly. “Look, I have somewhere I need to be. If there’s something you want to say, just say it.”

“I’m just saying I understand your distraction,” the rookie told him, his hands up as if to keep Jensen at a distance, clearly realizing he was annoying him. “I would be, too. I got a look at the Townsend girl – curiosity got the better of me. Man.”

“There’s nothing between Drew and I. We’re friends.” Jensen knew he was full of shit as he said the words, but still. It wasn’t any of the younger man’s business.

“Hey, no shame in bangin’ the young fire crotch. I just wish I’d gotten –”

Officer Kelly was interrupted before he could finish his sentence. By Jensen’s fist colliding with his nose. Blood burst down his mouth and chin as the rookie stared for a moment before coming at him. He tried to do a fireman-like tackle, but Jensen stepped aside. When the man charged again, Jensen grabbed him, shaking him a second before slamming him into his desk, his hands on his collar, holding him down.

“You listen, and you listen well,
Officer
Kelly,” he all but growled in the rookie’s face, his temper at an all-time high. It was one thing to say shit about him, but to reference Drew in any sort of derogatory way just wouldn’t fly. “I don’t give a fuck what you think or say about me, but if I
ever
hear you say another word about Drew – Miss Townsend – I’ll make you hate yourself. I don’t care if it’s even someone else you’re referring to. If anything that even
resembles
her name crosses your lips, I won’t hesitate. I promise you that.”

“There a problem, boys?” came Carrigan’s voice from behind Jensen and he let the man go.

“Nope,” he answered simply, turning back to the bleeding rookie and feeling no sympathy, only satisfaction. Kelly was bent over, holding his nose as tears trailed down his cheek. When he met his gaze, fear shone in his face like headlights. “And Kelly, let me remind you I was in Afghanistan. I learned a lot of neat tricks over there.”

The man paled and Jensen angrily grasped his wallet, keys, and cell phone off his desk. As he passed his partner, he nodded – Carrigan knew where he’d be for his three days off. If he needed him, he could find him.

“That bastard broke my nose!” he heard Kelly whine as he walked toward the door, but it was the older cop’s response that lightened his mood and brought a smile to his face.

“The wall isn’t a bastard, sport. Be more careful when you’re walking next time.”

After stopping to pick up a bouquet of flowers, Jensen was able to shake his temper just in time to pick Drew up. Once he arrived at the hospital, he slowly made his way to her room. His stomach was in knots, his nerves trying to get the best of him.

As he entered her room, he frowned. It looked so different – gone were the lingering traces of her time spent there. Colorful cards from the elementary school kids, the assorted flowers he’d brought her, all of it, was nowhere to be seen. It seemed cold, dark, and lonely, like it had the first time he’d seen it. This time, though, instead of finding a beaten young girl lying in bed, he found a beautiful woman sitting in the small leather recliner.