Pieces of My Heart (20 page)

A tug on my hair hard enough to jerk my head snapped me back to the present. My eyes lifted to the mirror and my mouth fell open. She wasn’t a stylist, she was a magician. The drab, mousey brown color I despised had a gleam to it that brought out the lowlights underneath. And the wild frizz that made me look like I shoved a fork in a socket ten months out of the year had been tamed.

Tina used a long brush to pull all of my hair away from my head, and some kind of fancy clip to roll it back in again. A French twist. I’d seen them in magazines before on celebrities, but I’d never imagined
I
could look like one of them.

“Wow.”

“You like it?” Tina’s reflection grinned at me.

“It’s amazing. Thank you.” I twisted my chair to face Mrs. Parks. “What do you think?”

“You look beautiful.” Her approval alone made me giddy. “I’m almost done here and then we’ll head home. It’s almost time to start getting ready.”

Ready
. For the gala. Where there would be lots of people. Including Caulder.

Doing all of this with Mrs. Parks as some kind of silly girlie activity was one thing, but putting myself on display in front of all those people . . . My new nails started tapping on the arm of my chair with a satisfying series of clicks that my nubby fingers had never made.

***

It turned out Mrs. Parks had a little magic of her own. She wielded a mascara wand—and a whole ton of other supplies—like a pro. All of which were scattered across the vanity in her bedroom where I sat examining my reflection for the billionth time that day.

My skin looked like porcelain. And my eyes . . . Thick black lashes and smoky eye shadow brought out the blue in my eyes, making them look wider, deeper, brighter. My lips were painted a pale pink and silver chandelier earrings dangled from my ears.

“You ready?” Mrs. Parks stood in the doorway, looking like someone half her age, only more sophisticated. Soft blonde curls were pinned back, falling in waves over her bare shoulders. The sleeveless little black dress was fantastic paired impeccably with silver peep-toe pumps.

For all intents and purposes I looked ready. The dress, the hair, the makeup, the jewelry. But I didn’t
feel
ready.

“Okay.” It wasn’t like I had a choice. After all the time and money she’d spent on me, I couldn’t exactly hide out in her bedroom all evening.

I must have seen one too many movies because when I reached the top of the staircase, I fully expected to find Caulder waiting for me at the bottom. He wasn’t. He was in the living room, still wrestling one black dress shoe onto his foot, but that didn’t make him look any less amazing. In a classic black tux, fitted to showcase his wide shoulders and broad chest he looked good enough to eat. A thought that had me biting my lip before I could remind myself not to.

When he noticed me standing there, he froze. And stared. It was a bit nerve-wracking, actually. He didn’t say a word. He just stared at me.

“Isn’t she perfect?” Mrs. Parks gave him a nudge, breaking the spell, and brushed a stray hair from his sleeve.

The heat in Caulder’s eyes nearly melted me on the spot. “Almost.”

Almost?
What did I do wrong? Was my makeup smeared?  I’d been making a conscious effort not to touch my face. Was it my hair? Was it starting to frizz again?

“One final touch.” Caulder slowly lowered my hand from where I’d been patting at my head and linked his fingers through mine. His free hand came up to about eye level and a flash of silver dropped.

I felt my eyes begin to water and blinked furiously not to ruin all of Mrs. Parks’ hard work. Dangling from his fingers was my angel pendant on a new silver chain.

“Where did you . . .?”

“Under my bed. Turn around.”

He released my hand and I felt the familiar weight rest against my chest. Sure fingers drifted over my bare shoulders and down my arms.

“There.” His whispered breath stirred the hairs around my ears. “Perfect.”

Now.
Now
I was ready.

Twenty

Two enormous chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting the room in a pale blue glow that went along with the evening’s theme, Winter Wonderland. A four sided bar consisting of frosted glass counters stood at the center of the room. The round tables lining the walls were covered in white cloths that sparkled with silver glitter. Several white leather benches and seats were clustered together at the end of the dance floor, a long, polished stretch of wood with white and blue spotlights roving across it.

I didn’t go to my prom. Without Kiernan, I didn’t see a reason to. But this was very close to what I imagined it would have been like, only better because the only person I recognized in the entire place was Caulder. And he was right by my side.

Music pumped through the room. Not the pop tunes you’d hear at a high school dance, but something more classical. Instruments. I wasn’t a string aficionado, but even I could recognize a violin when I heard one. Up on a balcony overlooking the room was a small orchestra.

People stood clustered around the bar. Some sat at tables, or chatted in the secluded seating areas, or picked from the buffet at the far end of the room. All of them looked incredible. Long flowing gowns, fitted three-piece suits. Fancy. Sophisticated.

“Caulder Parks, isn’t it?” An older gentleman with pure white hair and a cold smile, dressed sharply in a tailored suit extended a hand to Cal, which he graciously accepted. “You’re Claire’s son, aren’t you? The one studying medicine?”

The only one studying anything anymore, I thought to myself in a fleeting moment of misery. A thought I knew I shared with Caulder the moment a dark shadow clouded his eyes. I nudged his foot with mine and watched the darkness recede.

“Yes. I’m sorry. Yes, I’m Caulder Parks. It’s nice to formally meet you, Doctor Roberts. My mother’s told me a lot about you.”

“All good things I hope.”

“Of course.” Caulder’s arm went around my waist—the whites of his teeth shining against the darkened backdrop of his neatly trimmed facial hair I loved so much—and gave me a warm squeeze, “I’d like you to meet Jade Carlson.”

“A pleasure, my dear.” Doctor Roberts extended me the same hand.

It was strange. I don’t think I’d ever shaken someone’s hand before. So very formal and proper. It almost felt silly. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

For the next few hours we mingled, making introductions and shaking the hands of finely dressed men and women.
I was beginning to get the impression that medicine was a lot like politics—it involved a lot of butt-kissing, something Caulder didn’t seem particularly fond of.

While I’d overheard an astonishing number of ‘yes, sir’s and ‘no, sir’s
—or ma’am in a disproportionately low number of cases—being tossed around, Caulder actually engaged in debate. He challenged their opinions and ideas with his own. A few seemed put out by his enthusiasm, but most appeared to be impressed. He wasn’t even in medical school yet, and Caulder was already making a name for himself. He may not have been sure if medicine was where he belonged, but I was.

Through it all, I did my best to smile and nod, careful to keep my mouth shut and eyes averted. If there was one thing I knew, it was how to avoid attention. I’d practically mastered the art . . . except, I had the star of the show at my side. As privileged as I felt to be in his presence, he was a little too much like a spotlight, casting me too brightly in his glow.

“Caulder.” A gorgeous blonde in a spectacular red dress cut low enough in the front to show she had confidence in her figure—as she should have—approached us, followed by a dark haired girl in a black halter top gown. “Long time.”

“Beth?” Caulder did a double take. “Hey. I didn’t know your family was involved with the hospital.”

“My mother. It’s one of her pet projects. She’s a generous donor to all sorts of things. I swear, every weekend if it’s not a banquet, it’s a ball.”

Beth only had eyes for Cal, but her friend was busy sizing me up. I got the impression she wasn’t impressed with what she saw.

“So, how have you been? I haven’t seen you around campus lately.” Beth tipped her head and batted those mile long lashes like a pro. She really was stunning.

“I’m . . .”He hesitated only a fraction of a second. Unnoticeable. To anyone but me. “Good. Thanks. I’m taking some time off. Marjorie.”

Cal nodded to Beth’s friend and her scowl flipped into a mock grin. “Caulder. How nice to see you again.”

“How’s Tom?”

I felt completely lost. Adrift at sea, floating around the edges of their conversation with no navigation. With effort, I managed to keep my fingers from my mouth, but I did tug at the string of the purse I’d borrowed from Mrs. Parks.

“Who cares?” Marjorie huffed.

“They broke up last month.” Beth shrugged and offered her friend a sympathetic smile.

“What about you, Caulder? What have you been up to?” Marjorie’s eyes flicked to me again and I felt a knot beginning to form in my stomach. “Doing some babysitting tonight?”

His back stiffened and he drew me closer, forcing me into a conversation I had every intention of running from. The heat was practically melting the skin from my cheeks.

“I’m sorry. Beth, Marjorie,” he clipped her name, leaving no doubt that he wasn’t pleased with her, “this is Jade. My
date
for this evening.”

“Huh.” Marjorie’s vindictive gaze blatantly scanned me from head to toe and all I wanted to do was duck behind Cal and dig a hole to somewhere in China.

Whether he picked up on that or simply had excellent timing, I didn’t know. But when he took my hand and started to lead me away, I didn’t care. “If you’ll excuse us. We’re going to get something to eat.”

We were clear across the banquet hall, near the buffet tables, before I slid my hand free. My stomach felt like a pretzel, it was twisted into so many knots. The last thing I wanted to do was put food in it.

“I’m going to go to the ladies room.”

Caulder’s eyes narrowed on my face and his lips thinned. “Marjorie’s a bitch, Jade. She’s always been a bitch. You can’t listen to anything she says.”

“I’m fine, Cal.” Lying queen of the liars. “I just need to freshen up. I’ll be right back.”

He hesitated a moment longer before sighing. He didn’t believe me for a second, but there wasn’t much he could do about it given our current surroundings. “Down the hall on the left.”

“Thanks.” I didn’t even bother putting any effort behind my smile. He wouldn’t buy that, either.

I wanted to splash water on my face to cool my flaming cheeks, but that would mess up all of the effort Mrs. Parks had put into my makeup.

My makeup?

No.
Her
makeup.

Her
purse.
Her
shoes.
Her
dress. Even
her
hair.

Nothing about the girl staring back at me in the mirror was
me
. I looked the part, but I wasn’t. Underneath all of the pretty decorations, I wasn’t the girl who went to balls and banquets, and donated generously to pet projects.

The door burst open to a wave of giggling laughter that cut short when my eyes met Beth’s in the reflection. Marjorie was with her, and the grin that twisted her lips made me ill.

“Oh, look, it’s . . .”

We’d been introduced less than five minutes ago, but evidently my name was beneath her notice.

“Jade,” I supplied, turning to face them. If she was going to insult me, I’d at least make her do it to my face.

“Right. Jade.” She stepped closer, moving to the sink beside me. “Funny. I didn’t realize the Parks were taking on . . . charity cases.”

“Marjorie!” Beth scolded her friend, but the hint of a smile playing on her lips ruined the effect.

“Seriously, though.” Marjorie continued, eyes lingering on the gown that suddenly felt too tight in all the wrong places. “Do you think they’ll get a tax break on that dress?”

She reached out to finger the material and I slapped her hand away. Straightening to my full height, which wasn’t much but still allowed me to look down on her, I lined my spine with a pair of steel bars.

“I may not be able to afford this dress . . . but it looks like I have something you don’t.” My gaze flicked to Beth because I honestly didn’t know which of them I was addressing. Marjorie was the one going on the attack, but she hadn’t showed the slightest interest in Caulder. That was all Beth. “Green really isn’t your color.”

It wasn’t much, but both girls looked shocked that I’d said anything at all. I was a little shocked myself. It didn’t take Marjorie long to recover, however.

“I don’t know what he sees in you, but it won’t last.” Leaning her hip up against the porcelain sink, she flicked her tongue over her ruby red lips like a snake set to strike. “You’re the kind of girl boys like Caulder Parks play around with. Some kind of social rebellion. Not the kind they want to be seen with. Not the kind they
should
be seen with. Soon, you’ll be nothing more than a stain on his reputation.”

I was tempted to turn around and hide inside a stall, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of overhearing me hurl.

“Enough, Marj. Leave her alone.” The humor fled Beth’s face, replaced by pity. Something more insulting than anything Marjorie had said all evening because it made it clear she believed every word was true.

And it was.

Leaving my steel supports behind, I unclipped my hair, letting the soft waves cascade down my back and over my face as I walked out.

What was I doing here? In this fancy place, eating fancy food, wearing fancy clothes. I felt like a child playing dress up and attending a tea party. But this wasn’t make-believe. This was real life. Not my life.
Caulder’s
. These were his people. His friends. His future associates. Marjorie may have been a bitch, but she was also right. He shouldn’t want to be seen here with me. I thought I looked the part, but if she could see through me so easily, so could everyone else. I wasn’t fooling anyone, except myself.

I didn’t want to be a stain on Caulder’s reputation.

“Hey, you alright?” As though my thoughts had conjured him, Cal materialized from the crowd at my side.

“Yeah.” Shrugging his hand from my shoulder, I took a step away. “Just tired.”

“Do you want to go home?” He stepped closer again, negating the space I’d try to put between us. “I can—”

“No, you should stay. I can call a cab and just—”

“Angel, what’s gotten into you? If you want to go, I’ll take you home.”

This wasn’t going according to plan. “But your mom—”

“Has her own car.” He had an answer for everything. “She’s a big girl. And you’re right. It’s getting late. I’m worn out, too. Let’s go.”

“Cal, really, you don’t have to—”

He didn’t bother interrupting me with words again, simply snagging my hand and tugging me along behind him, toward the exit. As we neared the bathrooms, we passed Beth and Marjorie in the hall. Caulder didn’t even slow down to say goodnight, but I caught a glimpse of the scowl causing ugly creases in Marjorie’s skin. If she could have, I was certain she would have shot fireballs at me from her eyes, burning me to ash.

Outside, I extricated my hand from his grasp as he approached the valet. Others were beginning to filter out and I stepped aside, hoping they wouldn’t notice us together. Coming here with him had been a huge mistake.

Caulder opened the passenger door for me when they brought the car around and I ducked inside, shielding my face in shadow as much as possible, just grateful to be away from prying eyes. When we’d pulled away from the bright lights, onto the main road, his hand slid over mine where it rested on my knee. Exactly the sort of thing he was going to regret someday.

“In case I forgot to mention it, you really do look beautiful, tonight.”

I did. And it took no small effort on the part of everyone
but
me.

“Thank you.” I slipped my hand from beneath his, scooting closer to the door to avoid having it land on my knee, instead.

The rest of the ride was blissfully silent. Outside of my brain, anyway. Inside, I was busy trying to figure out how I was supposed to clean up this mess I was making with minimal fallout. I didn’t want to hurt Caulder. I didn’t want to hurt me. But I could never forgive myself if I became something that Cal looked back on with shame and embarrassment.

His warm hand on my back melted some of the frost coating my skin as he ushered me inside. Stepping through the front door, I twisted away from his touch, trying to make the maneuver look natural when it felt anything but.

I failed.

Caulder’s hand snaked out, gently cuffing my wrist before I could get two steps ahead of him.

“Is something wrong?”
He reached for my face and I ducked away from his outstretched hand. “Do you not want me to touch you? All you have to do is say so, Jade. I would never—”

“No, of course not. That's not it.”