Pig City
Authors: Louis Sachar
LOUIS SACHAR
PART ONE The Treasures of Pig City
22 Dancing on the Edge of a Razor Blade
Dedicated, with love,
to Sherre Madelyn Sachar,
on her one-month birthday.
This is a list of some of the people in Laura's class. Laura has been going to the same school for over six years, so she knows everybody there fairly well. But unless you happen to go to Laura's school, you may have trouble remembering who is who. This list is here to help you if you need it. These aren't all the people in Laura's class, just the ones who are mentioned in the book at least twice.
Laura
â Our hero. If you forget who she is, then you'll need more than this list to help you.
Tiffany
â Ticklish. Has trouble eating spaghetti.
Allison
â Always wears clean underwear.
Gabriel
â Has copied more dictionary pages than anyone else in Mr. Doyle's class.
Mr. Doyle
â The best teacher in the school. The worst teacher in the school. Take your pick.
Kristin
â Small face, big glasses.
Sheila
â Frizzy hair. Hates Laura. Sits behind Gabriel.
Debbie
â Hangs upside-down before tests.
Howard
â Wants everybody to like him. Nobody does.
Karen
â Talks all the time. Yolanda's best friend. Nothing bothers her, not even Gabriel.
Yolanda
â Very shy. Very pretty. Karen's best friend.
Jonathan
â Smartest, fastest, strongest, and most handsome boy in Mr. Doyle's class, and he knows it.
Nathan
â Talks funny. Likes to watch turkeys play football.
Aaron
â Good singer. His grandmother picks out his clothes for him.
Linzy
â Teacher's pet. Has never had to copy a dictionary page.
There are fifteen other kids in Mr. Doyle's class who didn't make this list. I hope they don't feel too bad. I'm sure they are interesting people, too, and maybe someday some other author will write a story about them.
The Treasures of Pig City
1
Laura
It all started with a hat.
Laura was at a garage sale with her friends Tiffany and Allison.
“Euu, don't put that on your head,” said Allison. “You don't know where it's been. It might have lice.”
Laura hesitated a moment, then put it on her head. She realized Allison might be right, but she also thought it was a tacky thing to say in front of the man who used to wear it. Anyway, the man was bald, so how could he have lice?
“How much?” she asked.
The bald man smiled. He was missing a front tooth. “Well, it was a dollar,” he said, “but since you're so pretty, you can have it for fifty cents.”
It was a red cap with a blue brim. In silver letters above the brim were the words PIG CITY. It fit snug, but not too tight over her very long brown hair.
“What do you think?” she asked her friends.
Tiffany looked up from a box of records and
laughed. “It's cute,” she said.
“Everything looks cute on you, Laura,” Allison agreed.
Laura bought the cap, but she insisted on paying the original price, one dollar. She didn't think she should get it any cheaper just because she was pretty.
“What does Pig City mean?” Tiffany asked the man.
He didn't answer. He just winked at her.
Laura knew her parents wouldn't like the cap. They never liked any clothes she bought at garage sales. They couldn't understand why she'd want to wear somebody's old clothes when they'd buy her anything she wanted new.
But where would she be able to find a new cap that said PIG CITY on it? Well, actually, she remembered there was a store at the mall where they sold caps with anything anyone wanted printed on them. Still, it wasn't the same. The thing that made this cap so special was that she didn't buy it at the mall. It was like Allison had said, “You don't know where it's been.” That was why she liked it. What was Pig City? It was mysterious.
“How do you know it doesn't have lice?” Allison asked as the three girls walked away.
“He was bald,” said Laura.
“So?” asked Allison. “He wasn't
always
bald.”
“How do you know?” asked Tiffany. “Maybe he was born bald.”
“Everybody's born bald,” said Laura.
Tiffany laughed.
“Well, I wouldn't put someone else's hat on my head,” said Allison. “What if the man used to be a pig farmer?”
Allison had short brown hair, neatly combed and parted just a little off center. Her face was clean, fresh, and healthy-looking. Her teeth were white, and her fingernails were neatly trimmed. You could tell just by looking at her that she always wore clean underwear.
“Maybe Pig City is the name of a health club,” said Tiffany, “where fat people go to lose weight.”
Allison laughed. “Or where slobs go to learn good manners,” she added.
Laura laughed.
“What if it really is a city?” asked Tiffany. “And the only people who live there are fat slobs with bad manners!”
They all laughed.
“Maybe it's a beautiful city,” said Laura, “with flowers everywhere, and trees and beaches. They just call it Pig City to keep the tourists away.”
“Wouldn't that be great?” said Allison. “And not too many people would want to live in a city named Pig City, either, so it's not crowded or polluted.”
“It's the most wonderful place in the world,” said Tiffany, “just like the Garden of Eden. And nobody wears clothes, just fig leaves.”
Tiffany probably changed her underwear every day, too, only you couldn't tell just by looking at her. Something about her was always messy. Her clothes never fit right. The more she tried to comb her hair, the worse it got.
“I'm going to be a pig farmer when I grow up,” Laura declared.
Tiffany laughed.
“I thought you wanted to be President,” said Allison.
“I can do both,” said Laura. “You're only allowed to be President for eight years.”
Laura's goal was to be the first woman President of the United States. That was why it bothered her when people told her she was pretty. Nobody ever told George Washington he was pretty!
Laura had little doubt that she would someday be President. It was just a question of whether or not she'd be the first woman. She was afraid another woman might beat her to it.
Just as George Washington is known as the Father of our Country, someday she wanted to be known as the Mother of our Country.
“If you're a pig farmer, you'll have to kill pigs,”
Tiffany pointed out.
“Oh, I could never do that,” said Laura.
“That's how they make their money,” said Tiffany. “They raise pigs until they're big and fat, then they butcher them! Just so people can eat bacon. It's disgusting.”
“What about the farmers who just have dairy cows?” asked Allison. “They don't kill their cows. They just milk them and make money by selling the milk.”
“But Laura wants to be a pig farmer, not a cow farmer,” said Tiffany.
“Oh,” said Allison. “So?” she asked. “Why can't she milk pigs? Pigs are mammals! They have milk, too.”
They had been studying mammals in Mr. Doyle's class.
“Pig milk?” questioned Tiffany.
“Yes!” exclaimed Laura. She liked that idea. “You've heard of goat milk. Why not pig milk? It will be a new product! And pig cheese! I'll be the only one selling it, so I'll make lots of money.”
“How about pig yogurt?” suggested Allison. “Yogurt already tastes like it comes from pigs, anyway.”
“And pig butter,” said Laura.
“And pig cottage cheese,” said Allison.
“And pig ice cream,” Tiffany joined in.
When Laura was four years old her father told her
about George Washington. It was the day before her first day of kindergarten. She was supposed to get her hair cut. She threw a temper tantrum.
“No!” she screamed and cried. “I don't want to get my hair cut! No! No! No! No! No!” She stomped angrily around the house, kicking things. When she kicked a table in the living room, the lamp on top of it fell and broke.
She instantly stopped crying.
Her father rushed in when he heard the crash. He looked at Laura, then at the broken lamp. “How did this happen?” he demanded.
“I don't know, Daddy,” Laura said innocently. “I was just standing here, when suddenly the lamp broke.”
He didn't get angry or accuse her of lying. Instead, he told her the story of George Washington and the cherry tree, and how George later grew up to be the first President of the United States, the Father of our Country!
When he finished, Laura stared bravely into her father's eyes and said, “I cannot tell a lie. I broke the lamp.”
Just as George Washington didn't get in trouble for chopping down the cherry tree, Laura Sibbie didn't get in trouble for breaking the lamp. She didn't have to get her hair cut, either. Her parents promised she'd never
have to get her hair cut, as long as she never told another lie.
She was now in the sixth grade. There was only a month and a half left of school. Her hair was long and thick and reached down below her waist. She hadn't lied yet.