Pinned Up (Pinned Up Trilogy) (27 page)

Faces

Although it hurts to know that Josh and I will never be, being with him brings me an unconceivable amount of solace. Before I met him, I never imagined myself trusting anyone besides my mom and Kade. Slowly, I began to confide in Emme. To my surprise, I quickly believed in Josh. Even though he betrayed me, I’m willing to give our friendship a second chance. I’ve grown a lot. In the past, I would have cut him out of my life immediately, but something tells me he’s worthy of another opportunity.

A few weeks have passed; Josh and I are getting along well. On a few occasions, we’ve hung out without the slightest attempt at anything else. At times, I have to maintain full control of my raging hormones and the feelings for him that I try so desperately to overcome. I miss our intimacy, I miss his comfort, and I miss waking up in his arms. Although these weeks have proved to be a challenge, we’re taking baby steps on setting a strong foundation for our new friendship.

Monday after work, Kade and I head over to Celeste’s gym as guests. Josh agrees to meet us there. I inform the group that my mom, Emme, and I will be participating in this year’s “Walk for Life” march which will be held on Saturday.

“That’s great, dear. May I ask why you’re involved with this cause?” Celeste asks.

“I’m involved in this march to bring awareness to alternatives to abortion and to do it in remembrance of those babies who were not allowed a chance to live. It’s not about being against a woman’s right to choose or to judge anyone. It’s simply to let women know their right to choose life or death not only changes the destiny of their unborn baby, it will forever change their life as well. I enjoy being active in my community.” I shrug my shoulders and smile at Celeste.

Without hesitation, she asks if she can join us. Josh and Kade decide to partake in the march as well. I’m thrilled and give everyone all the details.

Saturday morning, we all meet at my house. I introduce Celeste to Emme and my mom. Celeste and my mom instantly get along. “You look so familiar.” I hear my mom tell Celeste.

I interrupt. We don’t need to get into that topic today. “Dillon will be joining us in today’s march. This evening, I have a meeting with him and a potential client. Dillon says this guy is loaded and is considering me to be the face of his new tequila line. Isn’t that cool? Apparently, he saw pictures of me from the Bentley photo shoot. Does everyone want to meet up after my conference and have dinner together?”

Everyone agrees to meet at Dillon’s studio after my meeting. From there, we’ll head to Gary Danko’s, a restaurant in the Russian Hill district. We’re more than excited about today’s events. With my friends and family by my side, I know nothing could possibly go wrong.

We arrive at the Civic Center to hear various speakers. Pro-Choice and Pro-Life protestors are at the rally. There’s an estimated fifty thousand people in attendance. Belly dancers are to my right surrounded by a large crowd. As we begin the “Walk for Life” march down Market Street, I notice a man standing in front of a very large screen showing graphic pictures of aborted babies while he’s lecturing about his beliefs. Really? Although, I see his point, there are small children walking amongst the crowd, there’s no need for them to see that. I ignore him and keep walking. Something that also catches my attention is how Dillon and my mom haven’t stopped talking and laughing with each other. They seem to have hit it off as friends. I’m glad.

Once we complete the march, we congregate outside a coffee shop before we go back home to get ready. As a lady is exiting, she accidentally bumps into my mom. Right away, the lady apologizes without looking at her. Once the lady directs her gaze towards my mom, she has a shocked expression on her face.

I know this woman, but from where?

The woman’s skin is a pale tone. She has dirty blonde, shoulder length hair with several greys. Her deep blue eyes look tired and her face appears sucked in. She looks like someone whose drug of choice was meth some time in her past. The lady definitely looks familiar and the nagging feeling is only increasing.

“Oh, it’s just you.” The woman glares at my mom.

Just then, her face, her voice, and her evil stare register in my memory and I’m able to recall exactly who she is. Immediately, I turn my attention and concern towards Kade who has a disturbed look on his face.

Kade intervenes. “When you speak to Victoria Moretti, you do it with the upmost respect. Do you understand? I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you definitely need to learn some manners among other things.” Rage quickly overpowers Kade’s expression.

“Hello, Kade. I see you’re still with your disrespectful ways following the devil.” The lady responds.

“Mother dearest, I see you’re still a pretentious bitch putting up a façade for strangers.” Kade replies to his mom.

“Cindy, you have a son?” One of the women with Kade’s mom asks.

“Let’s go, ladies. There’s too much negativity and evil around here.” Cindy ignores the question, turns her back to her son, and begins to walk away.

Kade stops her and the group she’s with. “Not so fast. Ladies, you may not know this, but yes, I am this woman’s son.” Kade points at his mother. He directs his attention to the women Cindy is with. “I’m assuming you ladies are a part of her church group.” The ladies surrounding Cindy all nod. Their expressions clearly demonstrate discomfort.

Although Kade has a smirk on his face, hurt is evident in his beautiful baby blues, but he continues to speak. “Well, let me tell you a few things about this woman. She is a piece of shit mom who beat me, starved me, and not once showed me the slightest bit of affection. When I was small, she used to bring several men over to the house and the rest of the time, she used to leave me alone to care for myself. There was never any food in our apartment, but she always had money to spend on herself and on alcohol. My neighbors felt sorry for me, took turns feeding me, and gave me the clothes their kids outgrew. One of the Mexican ladies, who was a field worker and hardly had anything for herself or her kids, regularly brought me a plate of food for dinner. One day, my mother was on her way out as the lady was dropping off my food, my mother became upset, and threw the food on the ground threatening to call immigration if she got near me again. I was only six years old and starving. When my mother left, I scraped the food from the floor and ate it. We rarely had electricity since it used to get turned off regularly. She never cleaned and had me living in filth. I spent as much time as I could in the streets as I grew older, any place was better than being in my home with drunken men who tried molesting me when my mom was left unconscious.”

“That’s enough!” Cindy exclaims with tears running down her face. She attempts to walk away again, but Kade grabs her arm, and doesn’t let her go.

“Oh, I’m not done just yet.” Kade looks at her with disgust and continues to release his tormented memories. “Once I became older and met Valentina, her mom, Ms. Moretti took me in as her son. She fed me, bought me brand new clothes, and made sure I was well taken care of. One day, after I had dropped off pastries from Ms. Moretti’s bakery shop to my neighbors, my mom made me take her to Valentina’s house. My mom demanded a thousand dollars from Ms. Moretti if she wanted to keep me.” Kade pauses and wipes the tears from his eyes then points to his mother.

“This lady, my mother and I say the terms loosely, sold me for a mere thousand dollars. I never returned to her home again. Years later, I saw her as I was walking by a church with my first boyfriend, she was now a new woman completely involved with church, so she claimed. When I introduced her to my boyfriend, she said she would rather know I was dead than to know I was gay. So you see ladies, this woman who stands before you and preaches the word of God is a hypocritical, self-righteous, evil woman with absolutely no remorse for her actions. She stands in front of you crying out of humiliation, not from sorrow or regret.” Kade looks sternly at each member of his mother’s group. “I just thought you should know what type of evil you have amongst your group.”

“I found God. He has forgiven all my sins.” Cindy states in between sobs.

“News flash! God was never lost. He’s not going to forgive you when you continue to be evil and judge others! If you’re so changed and all about God, why haven’t you looked for me? I’m the one you beat, starved, mistreated, neglected, and put at risk of being molested from the countless men you used to bring over! Let’s not forget wishing death upon me for my sexual orientation. I’m supposed to forgive you too…not just God! Go ahead and continue acting self-righteous, you’re not fooling anyone when your heart is full of hatred. You despise anyone who isn’t white and curse gays. Do I need to remind you that Latinos and blacks fed your Irish little boy and gave me what little they had? It was a hell of a lot more than you ever gave me. Have some humility and accept your mistakes! I’m bisexual because I love people, I don’t have a preference for men or women, I love them both. Race is irrelevant. If I go to hell for having nothing but love in my heart, so be it.” Kade glares at Cindy with disgust.

“But, I can’t see you going to heaven for simply preferring dick.” Kade laces his last comment with venom.

Just then, my mom interrupts Kade’s rant. “Thank you, Cindy, for giving me the best son a mother could wish for. You not wanting to be a part of his life isn’t his loss. It’s yours. Kade has grown to be a wonderful human being, with a vibrant personality, an intelligent mind, a beautiful soul, and a heart of gold. Although you weren’t woman enough to raise him, love him, guide him, and support him, he has managed to be better off without you. The past several years, he has been surrounded by love every single day. So, I thank you for allowing me the privilege of raising Kade, my son.”

“He’s not your son.” Cindy responds.

My mom looks at her with pity. “Do you think that because you gave birth to him that makes you his mother? Do I need to remind you that you were never there for him or even provided his necessities? Were you there when he was sick? Did you feed him? Provide him shelter? Clothe him? Most important...love him? Were you there helping him with his homework, taking him to his computer science conventions throughout the state, or even cheering him on while he played sports? No, you weren’t because I was there every day caring for him, loving him, and ensuring him of his wonderful qualities. Any female can have kids, but it takes a real woman to raise them, love them, and make them a priority. We have all made mistakes, but you have never acknowledged your wrong doings, made any attempt at reestablishing a relationship with Kade, or even given him a simple apology. You’re a pathetic excuse for a woman. Go back to your church and continue to preach the word of God that you don’t even follow.”

“Let’s go.” I intervene quietly. This woman isn’t worth another second of our time. I grab Kade’s arm and pull him away from the small crowd that has formed around us, he and my mom have said enough. Kade walks away with his head held high no longer shedding any tears. He looks at me and wraps his arm around my shoulder as we’re leaving. “Why are you crying?” He asks with concern deep in his features.

“Because I hate to see you hurt.” Is all I can say between my sobs.

After taking a few steps, my mother abruptly stops. “Come here, my son.” She reaches out to Kade with open arms. “I’m so proud of you for standing up to her. Now, forget this situation happened and let go of any anger or resentment you have towards her. It’s not healthy to hold onto hate and negative feelings.”

“It’s forgotten.” Kade smiles lovingly at my mom and gives her a hug.

We walk back to the car in silence and I notice Emme and Kade holding hands. Elation consumes me knowing that Kade is surrounded by love and for the most part, has overcome the obstacles he was faced with as a child.

When we arrive to our vehicles, we agree to meet at Dillon’s studio. I’ll be taking a cab there, while Josh picks everyone else up. As I head home, exhaustion hits me. When I enter my house, I decide to watch a movie to relax, once it begins to play, I fall asleep.

I wake up in a panic. I’m sweaty and my breathing is accelerated, I simply recall the barrel of a gun pointed at me. I don’t understand why I arouse in such a fright, maybe I shouldn’t have fallen asleep while watching the movie,
Carlito’s Way
. I realize I overslept. I quickly jump in the shower and begin to get ready.