Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] (11 page)

“Are you going alone?”

“No, I’m going with you, silly.”

“I know. I meant, do you have a date?”

“Donovan’s my date. And you’re his date. It’s just a formality, Boo.”

Just a formality? Did that mean this wasn’t a
real
date? Lucas didn’t know if he could take this anymore. It hurt too much to get his hopes up only to have them crushed again. He was quiet during the car ride, making a mental list of things Donovan might do that would indicate this was a real date after all: opening the door for him, giving him his undivided attention, holding his hand. He was afraid to hope for any of it.

Why did Donovan invite him to the party? Lucas hated parties. Especially after what had happened at the last one he attended. He glanced over at Donovan, who seemed completely at ease. Lucas wondered if he was walking into another trap.

Chapter Nine
Practical Demonstrations

T
HEY
had trouble finding a parking spot in front of Alex’s house. Both the driveway and the street were lined with cars.

“There must be a lot of people here,” Lucas said, fearing a crowd.

Donovan smirked. “The better to mingle with, my dear.”

Lucas helped Trish out of the back seat. She leaned into him and said, “Do you think you-know-who will be here?”

God, he hoped not.

“You can help me make him jealous if he is,” she said with a flirty smile.

That would never work, Lucas thought. Who would be jealous of him?

They made their way to Alex’s front door, where Trish stood fidgeting with her outfit. “How do I look?” she said.

Donovan stood back. “You look fabulous, T.”

She turned to Lucas and lifted an eyebrow.

Lucas smiled, startled into action. “You look fabulous,” he said.

“Thanks, Boo.” She laughed. “Now ring the bell. I’m freezing my patootie off.”

Donovan rang the doorbell while Lucas took a deep breath. He was terrified of what might lie on the other side of that door. When it finally swung open, there stood Alex. He looked surprised to see them but ushered them inside with a smile.

“Hey, Donovan,” Alex said.

Donovan winked at him. “Hey, yourself, stallion.”

Lucas glanced between the two of them. Was Donovan flirting with Alex? That wasn’t a good sign.

Ignoring Donovan’s comment, Alex turned to Trish with a goofy grin. “Thanks for coming. You look great.”

Finally, Alex turned to Lucas and leaned in for a hug.

The gesture took Lucas by surprise, and he reacted on instinct, reaching up under Alex’s arms to return the hug. They separated quickly, but even so, Lucas’s heart fluttered.

“You hug like a girl,” Donovan said.

Lucas blushed and glanced at the floor.

Trish elbowed Donovan, who yelped in pain.

“So what if he does?” Alex said. “Those are my favorite kind.”

Alex told them to make themselves at home, then excused himself to see to his other guests. Trish wandered off to find drinks, leaving Lucas alone with Donovan, who stood quietly while Lucas busied himself with people-watching. He noted Alex making the rounds to all of his friends, talking to each one briefly, and then moving on. A few of them glanced over at Lucas and Donovan. Were they talking about them?

Alex caught up with Trish and helped her carry the drinks over. Lucas eyed the red liquid suspiciously before bringing it to his nose. It smelled fruity.

“Cheers,” Alex said, raising his plastic cup in the air.

“Brassieres,” said Trish as she clinked her cup to his.

“Sneers,” added Donovan, lifting his cup to meet the others.

They turned their attention on Lucas, waiting for his contribution to the toast.

“Uh…,” he stammered.

He was good at rhyming, but his brain refused to cooperate when put on the spot. What else rhymed with “cheers?” Only one word came to mind: queers. He couldn’t say
that.
What else? Fears? Tears? He gulped.

“Uh… chandeliers?” Lucas winced as he hoisted his glass.

Donovan sniggered.

“Ooh, I like it,” Trish said. “How glamorous.”

Alex patted Lucas on the back and laughed. “Sucks to be last, dude.”

Lucas sipped from his cup to hide his embarrassment.

Alex turned his attention to Trish. “You coming to the game tomorrow night?”

She shrugged. “Not really my thing. Good luck, though.”

“I like watching football,” Donovan interjected. “What position do you play?”

“Defensive back,” Alex said.

“No kidding,” Donovan said in a silky voice. “That’s my favorite position.”

Lucas glanced at Donovan and frowned.

Trish eyed Donovan suspiciously. “I thought the quarterback was your favorite.”

Donovan smirked. “I’d rather play with the defensive back. It’s his job to cover the tight end.”

Alex opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.

“I used to go out with a football player,” Donovan said. “He taught me
all
the positions.”

Lucas turned to Donovan, hoping to grab his attention. “Hey, you know that song, ‘We Are the Champions’? Mrs. Davidson taught me to play it last year. She told me Freddie Mercury was thinking about football when he wrote it.”

“Freddie Mercury?” Donovan said.

“Yeah, you know. From Queen,” Lucas said.

Donovan snorted. “I know who he is. But wasn’t he British? Why would he write a song about football?”

“Soccer,” Alex said. “They call it ‘football’.”

“Well, there you go,” said Donovan. “It’s about soccer, not football.”

Trish shot Donovan a dirty look.

“No, he didn’t write it
about
football. Or soccer. But he was thinking about the way—never mind.”

Lucas stared into his drink, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. It made perfect sense in his mind, but he’d never be able to make them understand. Music was emotion, and that song was full of it. It was about overcoming obstacles, about fighting your way to the top when people around you expect you to fail. He supposed it meant different things to different people, but to him, it was a song about homophobia.

For the next several minutes he listened to his friends talk about their favorite rock bands. It was a familiar subject, but he didn’t join in. He had a hard time paying attention to what they were saying as he retreated further in on himself.

He set down his drink and excused himself to find a restroom. Behind closed doors, he breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to be alone for a few minutes. He didn’t fit in here. He didn’t understand how easy it was for everyone else to fit in, but so hard for him. He wished he could hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night. They probably wouldn’t even notice.

He knew he was his own worst enemy with his nagging doubts and negative thoughts, so he gave himself a mental pep talk. He needed to go back out there, put on a smile, and pretend he was having a good time. He tapped his fingers on the edge of the counter, playing invisible piano keys as he hummed the melody of “We Are the Champions.” When he got to the line about having his share of sand kicked in his face, he stopped. “No time for losers,” he said to his reflection, then headed back to the party.

When Lucas returned, he found his small group of friends had wandered apart. Scanning the room, he spotted Trish dancing with a couple other girls. Donovan had moved to the other side of the room, where he was talking to two beefy-looking guys. No way was Lucas going to walk up and join them. He made his way to an empty chair and sat down for more people-watching. A few minutes later, Trish came over to check on him.

“Why don’t you go ask Donovan to dance?”

“He seems more interested in those guys over there.”

“Oh, he’s just a flirt,” she said. “It doesn’t mean anything. He’s that way with everybody.”

He’s not that way with me
. The realization sent a pang to his chest.

He told Trish he was fine, and she left to rejoin her friends on the dance floor. Lucas sat quietly, feeling a little lost, but then Alex appeared and tugged on his ear. Alex looked a little tipsy.

“Hey,” Alex said. “You look bored.”

“I’m okay.”

“You wanna go see my room?”

Lucas smiled and nodded.

Alex led Lucas upstairs. They were both quiet as Lucas surveyed Alex’s room, inspecting his belongings. He had a lot of sports trophies and memorabilia scattered about, and there were some family pictures sitting in frames on his dresser. His room was messy. Clothing littered the floor and schoolbooks were tossed carelessly here and there.

“I didn’t know you were having a party,” Lucas finally said.

“I’m sorry. I would’ve invited you, but I didn’t want—”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to come. I just didn’t want anyone to pick on you, you know?”

Lucas nodded.

“After you got here I threatened to kick everyone’s ass if they gave you a hard time.”

Lucas looked up at him in surprise. “You did?”

“Yeah. They probably think we’ve got something going on.”

Lucas blushed.
If only that were true
, he thought.

“If anyone bothers you, let me know.”

Lucas appreciated the gesture, but it made him feel weak. Why was he so painfully incapable of sticking up for himself?

“I’m fine,” Lucas said. “But if you guys play a kissing game, I may have to come back up here and hide under your bed.” He laughed, but there was more truth to his joke than he cared to admit.

“Hey, I asked all my friends about that, you know? None of them ’fessed up to putting your name in the mix. I don’t know—I don’t think it was any of them who did it.”

“Where are your parents?” Lucas said, trying to change the subject.

Alex patted the space next to him on the bed.

Lucas joined him, feeling wanted for the first time that night.

“They had to take my sister to see a specialist in New York. They’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s perfect,” he said. “She just doesn’t walk so good.”

They were silent for a couple minutes, and then Lucas said, “You really like Trish, don’t you?”

Alex smiled and nodded. “I wanted to ask her to dance, but I chickened out.”

“Why? You’re like a total ladies’ man.”

Alex laughed. “I don’t know. I’m still getting a weird vibe from her. Most girls—I don’t really care if they turn me down, you know? But with Trish, I want to wait for the right time, when I know she’ll say yes. Does she still like that other guy?”

“I think so. But what do I know? Really, you should tell her you like her.”

“I think she’s still mad at me. I’m glad she came tonight, though. Maybe I’m worming my way back into her good graces.”

Their talk was cut short when Donovan stormed into the room. He took one look at them sitting on the bed and said, “What the fuck, Lucas?”

Donovan lunged forward, grabbed Lucas by the wrist, and dragged him out of the room.

“Hey! Hey, wait up!” Alex called after them, and Lucas looked back to see him tripping over something on the floor. “Shit. Lucas!”

Donovan dragged him down the stairs and out the front door. When they got to the car, Donovan opened the passenger door and shoved Lucas toward it. Lucas got into the car, thinking Donovan wanted to take him home, but he was too frightened to ask any questions.

Donovan sat in the driver’s seat and typed out a text message, but he didn’t say a word. Lucas’s heart raced as he tried to anticipate Donovan’s next move.

“What’s going on between you and Alex?” Donovan said as his nostrils flared.

Lucas blinked rapidly. “Nothing. We were just talking.”

Donovan narrowed his eyes. “In his room? On his bed?”

“Yes.”

“Did he kiss you?”

“No.”

“Did he try to kiss you?”

“No. He’s not gay.”

“He’s not gay?”

“No.”

“And you’re not fooling around with him?”

“No.”

Donovan leaned his head against the headrest, closed his eyes, and sighed. He mumbled something under his breath, then started the engine. They rode in silence for several minutes, and then Donovan said, “When you’re on a date, it’s pretty shitty to disappear with some other guy.”

“I know,” Lucas said softly. He felt tears threatening to spill and tried to hold himself together. “I’m sorry.”

Donovan was right. How would Lucas feel if he’d found Donovan sitting with Alex on his bed? And what if Alex
had
tried to kiss Lucas? He was fairly certain he would have kissed him back.

“I’m sorry,” Lucas said again.

He hadn’t thought Donovan liked him. Trish had told him Donovan’s flirtatious behavior was harmless. Maybe Donovan did like him, but he was the kind of guy who had a hard time showing his true feelings. Lucas had really messed this up.

After several minutes of silence Lucas looked up and realized Donovan wasn’t taking him home. He didn’t know where they were going. When Donovan finally stopped the car, it was to park on the street in front of a large, brick house.

He turned to Lucas and said, “I’m sorry I lost my cool. It was a misunderstanding. Can we just forget about it?”

His demeanor had changed. He didn’t seem angry anymore.

Lucas nodded.

“Let’s go inside for a little while,” Donovan said.

“Is this your house?”

“Yeah. But we can hang out in the guest house so we don’t disturb my parents.”

“I have to be home by midnight.”

“No sweat. We’ve got time.”

L
UCAS
sat still while Donovan got out of the car. He was still unsure where he stood with him. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to go inside with him. Then again, maybe they’d finally have a chance to talk, just the two of them.

Donovan opened the car door and offered Lucas his hand. The gesture seemed out of character for Donovan, but Lucas accepted it. Donovan kept hold of Lucas’s hand, leading him up the path to the guesthouse. He seemed different somehow, a kinder, gentler version of himself. Maybe this was the real Donovan, one most people never got to see.