Play Me (Love on Tour #2) (19 page)

22

“I’m going to bed,” I told Mike.

He followed me back in the room. “Okay.”

I tried to sleep. I really did. But it was pointless. I was lying there thinking about my vices, all the ways I dealt with my baggage. There was drinking, girls, and music. Only one was practical right now. So after a couple hours of my mind going in circles, I got up and flicked on the light.

Mike looked like he might have been sleeping, but he snapped to attention quickly.

“I want my guitar. Let’s go to the bus.”

“It’s not on the bus.”

“What?”

“The acoustic?”

“Yeah.”

“I, um, don’t leave yours or Sean’s out in the bus.”

“Why not?”

“The way I look at it, those two guitars have been part of writing some of the best music in the world. If the bus gets broken into, everything else is replaceable. Those are not.”

“So where are they?”

“The fancier hotels like this one have a lock-up room. I had them put in there.”

“Let’s go.”

We walked down to the front desk. It was when we approached the night clerk that I realized I was wearing absolutely nothing but my jeans. The poor girl was breathing so fast I thought I might have to get her a paper bag so she didn’t hyperventilate.

“Um, hi, um, Mr. Tolk. What can I do for you?”

“I had the manager lock up two guitars earlier,” Mike said. “We need to get one back.”

“Oh my God, one of those guitars I saw come in was yours. Oh wow. Um, I’ll call the night manager right away.” She picked up a phone and dialed.

“I guess I should have worn a shirt,” I said to Mike.

“It wouldn’t have helped.”

The manager came right away and escorted us to his office. In the back corner was a locked room. When he opened it, I could see a handful of expensive luggage and two guitar cases sitting against the wall.

The cases looked identical to most people. Both were black, with no stickers or words on them. Both were older and well traveled, with nicks and rubbed off spots. But we always knew which one was mine, because it had a perfectly round stain in the center. It was the exact spot where I used to put my beer back when I drank.

I grabbed my guitar and eyed the other one. Then I picked it up, too. When we were in the elevator Mike asked me about it.

“Why did you take Sean’s guitar?”

“I wanna write a song. It helps if I have someone playing the harmony.”

The elevator opened and we walked to our suite. I placed both guitar cases on the table and flipped them open.

“You play, don’t you?” I asked him.

“A little… Wait, you want me to play Sean’s guitar.”

“Yeah.”

“I… I’m not any good.”

“You don’t have to be. Pick it up,” I encouraged.

He stared at the guitar. “I can’t.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I’m not sure it would be okay.”

“Sean won’t care.”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I grabbed my phone off the table and speed dialed Sean.

He answered on the first ring. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m gonna write some music.”

“Good idea.”

“I have your guitar but Mike won’t play it.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t know. He’s being a pussy about it.”

“Look, I love you Hank, but I’m in bed with my wife. And Bell’s on our couch, and…”

“I’m not asking you to come over. I’m asking you to tell Mike to pick up the fucking guitar and do what I want.”

“Am I on speaker phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Mike, pick up the fucking guitar and play with Hank.”

****

Mike and I played most of the night. I’m sure our neighbors in the hotel were pissed, and for that I felt bad, but I needed it so much. It calmed my mind and soothed my nerves.

We didn’t have far to go to get to the venue in L.A., so we slept in late and had breakfast. When we got to the bus only Sean was on it. Mike and I sat down at the booth and Tony pulled out onto the road.

“Baby okay?” I asked.

“She’s fine. She’s on bus two.”

Which, of course, also meant that Bell was on bus two, but we were pretending she didn’t exist.

“You let her on bus two by herself?”

“Lyle is with them. She’s fine,” Sean said. Then he turned to Mike. “So did you fuck up my guitar?”

“Hell no.”

“I can’t believe you actually made Hank call me for permission to play it.”

“How many people have played that guitar?” Mike asked.

Sean shrugged. “Hank’s played it. And I’m trying to teach Baby on it.”

“How’s that going?” I asked.

“Not good. She’ll only play ‘Stairway.’ It’s driving me nuts.”

“Anyone else?” Mike pressed.

“I guess not. What’s the big deal?”

“It’s a big deal.”

Sean leaned over the table toward Mike. “Listen up Mike, because I’m only going to say this once. You don’t need to ask my permission to play my guitar, or hang out with my wife, or crash at my place. Got it?” Mike stared back at him. “I can fire you if that will help.”

Mike smirked. “You wouldn’t fire me, asshole.”

“He gets it,” I said.

****

The L.A. show was great, as always. It was not only our last show of the tour, but the hometown crowd was always the best. Sean and I both stayed on stage for the whole show, only the bands switched out. We backed each other up and dueled with our guitars, and generally had a good time.

Mike, Sue, Baby, and Bell sat backstage and watched us. Baby and Bell were sitting on the floor, all enamored with us and with each other. They looked so fucking cute that I almost forgot I wasn’t going to get to take Bell home after this show.

We only had a short hour-long drive home to Malibu, but I was exhausted. So as soon as I got on the bus I went straight to the bed in the back. I was the first one on. I left the curtain open so I could see when the others got back. I sat with my back against the wall, my feet dangling off the end of the bed. I wanted to know what I was facing. Surely, Bell would ride with us. Ours was the only bus going to Malibu and she was staying with Baby and Sean.

But Bell and Baby didn’t get on the bus. Instead, Sean and Mike walked on with Lance right behind them. What the fuck?

Sean and Mike sat down. Sean was facing me. Lance kept walking, right toward me. The bus started to move.

“Where’s Baby?” I called to Sean.

“Lyle and Sue are driving them home.”

Lance was standing in front of me. He was swaying as the bus moved. Usually, Tony didn’t drive until everyone was seated, but in Lance’s case I guess Tony didn’t give a shit.

He was a good-looking guy, young, maybe Bell’s age, average height and kind of lanky.

“What do you want?” I asked him.

The bus jostled and he nearly fell over. So he sat on the bed next to my legs and turned toward me, one knee up. It was the same position Bell sat in when we’d had a conversation in this very spot. That had ended with sex. This conversation could very well end with Lance having a black eye.

“I went looking for you, but Sean wouldn’t help me find you unless I told him what I wanted. So I did and he let me on the bus.”

“And?”

“I need your advice. I know you know about me and Bell,” he grinned.

Yeah, he was definitely going to end up with a black eye.

“I also know you two hooked up at one point.”

Obviously he thought Bell meant nothing to me, just like every other girl. He couldn’t be more wrong.

“So,” he looked down at his hands. His face actually turned red. “The thing is, I think things are going well with her. We’ve been dating for a few days. I give her all kinds of attention. But there’s a problem. And I figure you’re the guy who’ll be able to give me the best advice on how to fix it.” He grinned at me. “No one is as good with girls as you.”

I wasn’t sure how I was able to stay so calm. “What’s the problem?”

“We’re, uh, we’re not very intimate. I mean when you saw us last night, that was as far as I’d ever gotten, and after that, nothing. I took her back to the hotel because she said she wanted to go. Then she went to her room and shut the door in my face.”

I understood now why Sean had sent this guy back here. He wanted me to know that Bell hadn’t slept with him.

“She’s leaving in the morning, so…”

“Leaving?”

“Yeah, she booked a flight back to Portland last night. And the thing is, I feel like I need to seal the deal before she leaves, you know.”

I glanced back at Sean. He was watching me like a hawk. I guess he figured he could get to me before I beat the guy to a pulp.

“You want me to tell you how to get laid?” My mouth was dry.

“Yeah.”

I knew I should tell this guy all the wrong things. I should have told him to do things that would guarantee he’d never get into Bell’s pants. But I didn’t. I told him all the moves to make, moves that I knew would work on Bell, if she wanted to sleep with him.

“Take her out tonight,” I began.

“See that’s part of the problem. She says she wants to spend her last night with Sean and Baby.”

“So you invite her out for a quick drink, a goodbye drink. Ask her to meet you at that hotel a couple blocks from Sean’s, they have a little bar near the lobby. She’ll come out of guilt.”

“Brilliant!”

“So you have a drink and be your absolute most charming. If that works, it will be easy to suggest a second drink. If that goes well, tell her you have a room upstairs and invite her up.”

The thought was making my chest hurt.

“And if she doesn’t want to come upstairs?”

“Then you let her go home, asshole.”

“No, no, I know. I didn’t mean that. I meant, should I go to Portland?”

“Just take it one step at a time.”

He thanked me for giving him advice on how to fuck the woman I loved then went back to the front of the bus. I slammed the curtain closed and stayed there, alone, until we stopped at my house.

I didn’t talk to anyone when I got off the bus. I went straight to the locked compartments and unloaded my gear. Sean helped me. Then he followed me into my house. I threw my stuff on the floor in the living room and turned to look at him.

“What the fuck was that all about?”

Sean calmly placed the stuff he was carrying down and closed the door behind him with his foot.

“I thought it was pretty interesting that Bell hadn’t slept with Lance. I thought you should know.”

I was burning up with rage over a million things. Taking it out on Sean was the best possible scenario.

“So you sent that little fucker back there to get my advice on how to fuck Bell?” I took a step toward him.

“If I told you myself you wouldn’t believe me.”

“What fucking difference does it make?”

“A lot.”

I was so pissed. I was so mixed up. He was trying to help me. So I shoved him.

He pushed me against the wall, his arm on my chest. “This is good, Hank. Get it out.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I grabbed his other arm and twisted, he moved back, and I shoved him again.

“You’re feeling about a million different things, the most prominent of which is anger. So take that out on me. Get it all out, Hank. Because what you need to do now is go after Bell and show her all those emotions, except the anger.”

I shoved him again. He smiled. “Get it out, Hank.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Sean!”

“You’re in love with her.”

I leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You wanna hit me?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Go home to your wife, Sean.”

“Okay, but don’t hit Mike.”

He walked back to the door and opened it. Standing expectantly in the doorway was my babysitter, a backpack around one shoulder. Sean walked out and Mike walked in. He threw his pack on the couch.

“You hungry?” I asked him.

“Yeah, starving.”

“Good. Let’s order a pizza.”

23

It was a long night. I alternated between trying to sleep and working out. After about the third session in my gym I collapsed on the couch, just as the sun was starting to peak through the windows.

When I woke up, Mike was standing over me. “I’m making omelets. You want one?”

I sat up. I was a wrinkled smelly mess, wearing only a pair of workout shorts and a cotton t-shirt stained with sweat. “Sounds good.”

I followed Mike into the kitchen and sat down at the bar. He started mixing eggs in a bowl.

“Your phone blew up last night. You might want to check it.”

I grabbed my phone off the bar, where I had left it charging. In addition to missed calls from Baby and Sean, I had a bunch of texts too. I scrolled through them until I got to the end, the earliest. It was a text from Lance, sent just a couple hours after we got back. I opened it.

It didn’t work. Should I go to Portland?

“Mike.” I grabbed a set of keys off the hook near the back door and threw them at him. “Get the Porsche out of the garage and pull it around front.”

Mike didn’t question it. He just moved. I dialed the phone.

“Hello,” Baby’s voice was groggy. “Henry, are you okay?”

“Is Bell still there?”

“No, we stayed up all night and she left for the airport a little while ago.”

“Did Sean take her?”

“No, she insisted on taking a cab. What’s going on?”

“What time does her flight leave?”

“About an hour.”

Shit. It took almost an hour to get to the airport from here.

“Henry, are you going after her?”

“Hell yes.”

****

Mike was a hell of a driver. I probably would have wrecked us by now, especially going as fast as we were.

“Is she answering the phone?”

“No. Baby thinks she has it turned off. Damn it!”

“Fuckin’ L.A. traffic,” Mike cursed, as he barreled around a semi.

“Damn, Mike.”

“Sorry. I should probably be more careful with the car.”

“Fuck it. It’s Baby’s now anyway.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

When we finally got to LAX, Mike pulled up to the curb and I jumped out. It was when my feet hit the concrete that I realized I wasn’t wearing any shoes.

I pushed through the crowd and checked the departures screen. Bell’s flight was flashing ‘boarding.’ I looked at security. It would be a bitch to get through there without a ticket. I could probably do it, but it would require a lot of explaining and autograph signing. Instead, I headed to the counter.

As I approached the impossibly long line I just started yelling, “Hi, everybody. I need some help. I am in a very big hurry.”

I had fans in that line. And despite my absolutely fucked up appearance they ushered me up to the front.

The lady that was helping me was flustered. But I pushed on, willing her to focus. “I need a ticket for flight 341.”

“I’m sorry sir, but it’s too late to get a ticket for that flight, it’s boarding now.”

“Hang on.” The man next to her walked over. “Hi, Hank. What can I do for you?”

“I need to get to someone on that flight.”

“I can help you.”

The guy, whose name was Braden, helped me get through security. Then we tore ass through the airport on one of those club carts. We pulled up to the gate just in time to see the attendant lock the door to the boarding ramp.

“Janice. We gotta get on that plane,” Braden called.

She looked at me and her jaw dropped.

“Janice!”

“I’m sorry. It’s too late.” She pointed out the window.

I watched as the plane taxied down the runway.

Braden took me back to the arrivals area. I gave him my autograph and went over to a set of seats near baggage claim. I collapsed into one. The plastic creaked. I groaned.

****

“And then you showed up,” I say.

“Wow, that’s a hell of a story, Hank. What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. Maybe wait until the plane lands and stalker call her.”

“Hey! Over here!” Stacey starts waving her hands in the air. I watch as Mike walks over.

“Hey, Stacey!” Mike gives her quick hug. “Good to see you.”

“We’re taking her home,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I talked to Sean. Did you miss the plane?”

I stand up. “Yes, I missed the fucking plane.”

“Bummer, man.” Mike puts on arm on my shoulder, grabs Stacey’s suitcase with the other arm, and the three of us walk toward the car. “What are you going to do now?”

“He’s going to call her obsessively until she talks to him,” Stacey says.

I stop walking. “Or I could get on the next plane to Portland. Baby knows where her parents live, and I’m sure that’s where she’s headed.”

“You should at least take a shower first, man.”

“And get some shoes.”

****

There is no way to convince Mike to drop me off at my house and take Stacey and the car to Sean and Baby’s. He won’t let me be alone right now, and Stacey thinks we should all go back to Sean and Baby’s and ‘talk things out.’ I am so not in the mood. I already talked everything out when I’d told Stacey the story in that airport baggage claim. And telling it made me realize what a complete moron I’d been. It made me see just how much I’d lost. Now I want to curl up alone on my couch and figure out how to fix my life.

But it’s pointless. My family doesn’t trust me right now. They think that I’ll lose it and drink. I know better. I won’t do it. I won’t do it, because in addition to my respect for Sean, myself, and Baby, I want Bell to love and respect me, too.

So I agree to go with them back to Sean’s, but ask to stop at my place to change and get some shoes on my battered feet. When we pull into the circle drive in front of my house, I get redemption, a second chance.

Bell is sitting on the porch, a pile of bags beside her. She looks like all my dreams come true, except that she obviously hasn’t slept in a very long time.

I head up the walkway. She stands up. With her on the top of the porch and me two steps below, we are eye to eye.

“Where have you been?” She looks me up and down.

“The airport.”

“Really?”

“You should turn on your phone.”

“Okay, I will later.”

I don’t stop to think anything through. I just walk up the steps and kiss her. When I pause for a fraction of a moment she looks over my shoulder. “Is that Stacey Rush in your car with Mike?”

I turn around. They are both watching us, the car idling in the driveway. I wave and they take off.

“Later,” I say. I pick her up and carry her into the house, leaving her luggage abandoned on the doorstep.

I don’t stop kissing her, not for a second. I know she has a million questions and so do I. But I can’t think about that right now. I walk straight back to my bedroom.

When I set Bell down on the bed she is watching me. She pulls her shirt off and flings her bra to the floor. Then, like she’s half-crazed, she rips off her pants.

“Come here,” she whispers.

She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I crawl up the length of her body, kissing and licking as I go. Then I stop when I get to her beautiful face. “Bell.”

“Let’s not talk right now,” she says. Then she kisses me.

After we make love we are laying on my bed. She’s completely on top of me. It’s not unlike the way Baby laid on top of me the other night, but it is also completely different.

“How did you find my house?”

“Apparently, when I said I’d call a cab, Sean called Tony. He picked me up and drove me to the airport. When I changed my mind about leaving, I walked outside and there he was. It was like he knew I’d come back out. We were headed to Baby and Sean’s. He asked me if I was sure that’s where I wanted to go. I said no, I wanted to see you. So he brought me here. But you weren’t here. Tony was already gone. I knew I should turn on my phone and call Baby, but I didn’t. Instead, I sat out there on the porch feeling dejected. I was considering my options when you pulled up.”

“So why didn’t you take that flight?”

“I was sitting in the airport thinking. Did you read my article?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember what I wrote about not letting fear rule my life, about not being afraid?”

Of course I did. I knew it word for word. It’s what made me realize I’d been such an idiot. It’s what made me understand that I loved Bell but I’d been too afraid to admit it to myself.

“I remember.”

“I was… not doing that. I know I fucked up. I know that I didn’t do this all right. But Hank, for the first time in my life I actually know what I want. And even though everything seems to be mixed up and ridiculously hard for you and me, I want you. So I decided to stay and fight for you. Even if you kick me out or send me to Baby’s. I have to try.”

“I was thinking that things were pretty tough, too, when I watched that plane fly away. But here you are.” I run my fingers through her hair.

“So what’s that story?”

“Mike drove me to the airport this morning. I was planning to stop you from leaving. I missed the plane. I was sitting there feeling dejected myself. And then I ran into Stacey as she was arriving.”

“Was Mike with you last night? Sean said something about that.”

I nod.

“Why exactly? The comment was kind of cryptic, and it made me wonder.”

“He’s been babysitting me for a while now.”

“Babysitting you? What do you mean?”

“Back in Florida, when we had that first fight, Sean found me in a bar with a drink in front of me.”

“Hank…”

“I didn’t drink it, I just ordered it. But ever since then they’ve been watching me pretty closely, especially after this last fight.”

She props herself up on her elbows. They rest on the pillow on either side of my head. She looks down at me. “I really, really want you to let me explain about Lance.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Go ahead.”

“I couldn’t face you after our fight. So I hid out on bus two. He was nice to me. We talked all the time. I guess I didn’t even realize that he thought we were dating. And by the time I did, I didn’t have the energy to deal with it. I was too busy thinking about you all the time. That night, when you walked in on us, I was upset that you hadn’t read the article and you were so distant. Lance took me for a walk and afterward we ended up in that room. He started kissing me. I felt so lost and sad that I kissed him back.”

I stroke her cheek. “It’s okay, Bell. I fucked up first.”

Her face scrunches up. “With a girl?”

“No, not with a girl. I haven’t even looked at a girl since you.”

“Way to make me feel better.”

“Well, it’s true. No, I fucked up by not giving you what you wanted.”

A strange look crosses her face. “It’s okay, Hank. I changed my thinking about some things.”

I ignore this. “I ran through the airport like a madman this morning. I was desperate to stop you from leaving.”

“Because?”

“Because…” I take a deep breath. “I love you.”

“Oh thank God.” She throws her arms around me.

We stay like this for a long time, just holding each other and breathing. I feel like I’ve been given a gift.

Finally, she pulls back and looks at me. She wipes at her eyes. “So I guess you aren’t going to kick me out?”

I shake my head. “You wanna see the house?”

She nods. “I didn’t pay attention on the way in. You could have me in a dungeon for all I know.”

I sit her up and we both stand at the edge of the bed. I grab a t-shirt of mine from the drawer and throw it over her. It looks like a dress, a very large dress. Then I throw my workout shorts back on. I take her hand.

“This is the bedroom, our bedroom, the bathroom is through there. There should be at least three empty drawers for your stuff.”

She doesn’t say anything, so I pull her from the room and down the hallway.

“In here is my office.” The office is big, but I have just one tiny desk in the corner. “Lots of room for a writer.” She still doesn’t speak, so I take her into the living room. “It’s kind of messy. We had a rough night.” I eye the pizza box and empty soda cans on the coffee table. I turn to the right. “Down that hall are a couple guest rooms and the gym. That part is set up just like at Sean’s.” I pull her the opposite direction, into the spacious kitchen. “That door leads to the garage and indoor pool.”

Finally, she speaks. “Indoor pool?”

“It’s a small one.”

She turns to me. “You want me to stay here with you?”

I nod.

“It’s a big step. I mean, we’ve only known each other for two months, and we seem to fight constantly.”