Play Safe (Make the Play #1) (19 page)

Ashley and I haven’t spoken since the day she told me the truth about our friendship. A part of me still feels hurt by how everything went down, but mostly I’m angry. And honestly, the more time I spend away from her, the more perspective I have. Therefore, I have no desire to talk to her ever again.

However, I don’t get my wish because today Ashley chooses to break her silence. She has the perfect opening because our teacher is busy with Taylor, the new girl who just started today. Ashley sits behind me in class, and when she first leans forward to whisper in my ear I assume it will be about the new girl. When Mr. West introduced Taylor to the class the girl didn’t smile. Instead, she scowled at all of us. And the truth is, she kind of scares me with her ripped jeans, black shirt, dyed hair and array of piercings. We don’t have many skater girls around here, so I’m not sure how well she’ll fit in.

But Ashley doesn’t mention Taylor. In perfect Ashley fashion, she goes straight for the jugular. “I saw you with Christian today, and I thought I should offer you some friendly advice,” she whispers harshly.

Keeping my back rigid, I don’t turn. I know better. Ashley doesn’t give friendly advice. Anything out of her mouth is going to be poison, and I’m not interested in hearing it.

Too bad she doesn’t get the hint. Instead she whispers, “Don’t get too comfortable with Christian. I mean, I’m sure he’s making you a ton of promises right now, but you have to know it’s not gonna last.”

I bite my lip to keep from responding. It’s not like I owe her an explanation. We’re not friends anymore.

“Christian’s always had commitment issues. You and I both know that. But also, this is his senior year. He’s going away to college soon. You’re just a way to pass the time until then. And it makes sense that he’d chose you. Like I said before, you’re an easy target.” Her chair creaks as she settles into it. I guess she’s finished.

Taylor moves down the aisle finding a seat near mine and lowering into it. A weird scent, almost like incense, wafts under my nose. Mr. West starts writing an equation on the board, but I can’t focus on it. Normally this is the class I can lose myself in. Numbers make sense to me. I find comfort in their order. I like how there is only one right answer, unlike English where it’s all conjecture and opinions, where creativity reigns supreme.

But today I find no comfort in any of it. The numbers are like a jumbled mess on the board, all running together like an impressionist painting. I know I shouldn’t let Ashely’s words get to me. She’s just being mean. Spewing her poisonous venom. Only I know there’s some truth to what she said. Christian
is
going away to college. He and Cal both are. It’s why Cal was dating that college girl in the first place. He said it was because he doesn’t want to get tied down to some high school girl only to break it off with her when he leaves.

And as much as it pains me to admit it, Ashley’s right about me being an easy target for Christian. I practically threw myself at him. And it’s no secret that I’ve had a crush on him for years. As well as I thought I’d hidden it, I realize now that I was actually pretty obvious. Everyone seemed to pick up on it.

Did Christian already know it too?
Probably.

When Mr. West calls on me, I scramble around trying to give him the correct answer, but I get it wrong. He furrows his bushy brows, clearly confused. And I don’t blame him. I never get the wrong answer. When my gaze flickers over to Ashley, she smiles smugly, and I feel sickened. She knows she’s rattled me.

One. Two. Three. Four. I pull in deep breaths, but it’s no use. My heart still beats out of control, my nerves still frayed.
Nothing is working for me today.

The minute the bell rings, I bolt out of the class. I have to get away from Ashley and her knowing stare. As I barrel out the door, I run right into Christian. His arms come around me.

“Whoa. Where’s the fire?” he says.

“Sorry.” I glance behind me. “I just wanted to get to lunch fast, I guess.” Man, that makes me sound lame.

His eyebrows knit together. “Hey.” He clutches my arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie. “Fine.” I lower my gaze, staring hard at the toe of my boots.

He doesn’t look convinced. “Did something happen in class? You normally love math.”

I shrug, knowing I have to give him something. “I just got a problem wrong and it rattled me a little.”

He smiles, stealing a quick peck on my cheek. “My little perfectionist.” Satisfied, he threads his fingers through mine and guides me down the hall. My chest expands with each step, and I feel lighter by the time we reach the cafeteria. But as we sit down at the lunch table, I can’t help but shake the feeling of impending doom. I try to imagine what next year will be like when Cal and Christian are gone. It’s not like I didn’t know they were leaving. But I hadn’t thought much about it until Ashley said something.

I’ve lost my only friend. Cal and Christian are all I have. Once they’re gone I’ll be alone.

Again.

“Em.” Christian’s finger tucks under my chin. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” I force a smile.

“Cause you seem off.”

This is the only part of dating Christian that’s going to be tough. I can’t mask my feelings around him. He knows me too well. When Josh and I were dating, I could be so furious I was on the verge of tears and he wouldn’t notice. Christian notices the slightest change in my behavior. In some ways I find it comforting. In other ways it can be problematic. A part of me wants to tell him what Ashley said, but I know it will make me sound stupid on so many levels. One, because I should’ve been prepared for Christian to leave for college. He filled out applications at my house, and my family has discussed college plans with Christian for years. And second, because I shouldn’t still be letting Ashley get to me. I mean, how many times am I going to allow that girl to railroad me?

“I’m not,” I say simply. Then I reach into my backpack and pull out my lunch. After grabbing my bottled water out, I unscrew the cap and pour liquid down my parched throat. When I glance back up, Christian is watching me, wearing a pensive look.

Ashley saunters past us, her gaze resting on me for a moment. It’s a quick glance, but Christian catches it, and his eyes flash.

“You two have math together, right?” he asks, his tone hard.

I stare at the clock on the wall. One. Two. Three seconds.

“Emmy?”

My gaze snaps to his. “Yes.”

He can see right through me. “What did she say to you?”

I hesitate.

“I know she said something, so you might as well tell me.” He grabs my hand, stroking my flesh with his fingers. I shiver. “C’mon. Spill. Was it about me? About us?”

I nod. He frowns. I don’t want to upset him, so I wave my hand in a nonchalant way. “It was nothing really. She was just trying to get under my skin.”

“Seems like it worked.”

My chest tightens.

“I want to help you, Emmy. But I can’t if you keep things from me.”

“Okay.” I exhale. “She just made some snide comment about how you’re just using me until you leave for college.”

His hand curls around mine and squeezes tightly. “But you know that’s not true, right?”

I want to answer yes, but the word gets lodged in my throat.

“Emmy?” He leans in closer, his eyes piercing mine. “I thought you trusted me?”

“I do,” I breathe. “But I trusted Ashley, and I trusted Josh.” Moisture fills my eyes, but I blink it back. “They were both using me.”

“They never cared about you like I do. You know that,” he says firmly.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s not just them.” I stare deeply into his eyes, needing some of that wisdom right now. Needing him to see me. “They’re not the only ones who cast me aside like I mean nothing.”

His eyes soften, and he reaches out to touch my face. “Your mom loves you.” He pauses. “She just has a different way of showing it.”

I snort. “Yeah, you can say that again.”

“But I’m not her either.” His thumb grazes my cheek. “I have no intention of casting you aside. You mean a lot to me. You always have.”

I nod, knowing he’s being truthful. No matter what happens next year or the year after that, I know Christian cares about me. At this moment, he wants to be with me. Not in the way that Ashley or Josh did. This is not the same. How could I ever have doubted him? Leaning forward, I seal his words with a kiss.

“Oh, no.” Cal groans. “Don’t you two ever take a break?” The bench squeaks when he sits down.

As we draw back from each other, we both chuckle.

“Not if I can help it,” Christian jokes.

“Dude, watch it. That’s my sister,” Cal banters back.

Christian looks at me, touches my shoulder, and then swings his legs around. “I’ll be right back.”

I freeze. “Where are you going?”

He smiles, but doesn’t answer. His gaze lands on where Ashley stands in the middle of a cluster of her friends. They used to be my friends too, but they don’t speak to me anymore. Not that I’m surprised since they were always more Ashley’s friends than mine. He’s reached her before I can stop him, so I sit in stunned silence and watch from the bench.

“What’s going on?” Cal asks me, sensing my tension.

I shake my head, trying to hear what’s being said.

“You and I need to talk,” Christian says, pointing to Ashley.

She smiles. “Wow, it didn’t take long for you to realize you needed a real woman, huh?”

Her friends giggle, and my stomach sours. Cal shakes his head in disgust and throws me an apologetic look. I know he feels bad about his part in all this, but I don’t blame him. I’m the one who brought her into our lives.

“I didn’t just realize that,” Christian answers deadpan. “I’ve always known that, and that’s why I never went for you no matter how many times you came on to me.” He glances at Ashley’s friends. “Which was a lot.”

Ashley’s face pales, and she purses her lips. “What do you want, Christian?”

“I want you to leave Emmy alone.”

Her eyes find mine. “Oh, did I upset her today?” She shakes her head. “I was only trying to help.”

“Cut the shit, Ashley. We all know you weren’t trying to help. Don’t pretend you were ever Emmy’s friend,” he says, stepping closer to her. “You never fooled me. I could always see right through you. Emmy’s too good for you, and you knew it. You’ve been jealous of her from the get-go. That’s the real reason you’re doing this.”

“Jealous of her?” Ashley scoffs. “Yeah, right. What would I have to be jealous of?”

“She’s everything you’re not,” Christian says evenly. “But everything you wish you were. She’s the real deal, not some fake imitation like you.”

Ashley recoils like she’s been slapped, and red spots stain her cheeks. I’ve never heard anyone talk to her like that, and I can tell she hasn’t either.

“Just remember that Emmy has me. I won’t let anyone hurt her. Do you understand?”

“I don’t want anything to do with her.” Emmy turns her nose up at Christian.

“Good. Then we shouldn’t have a problem.” With that, Christian spins around and heads back to me. Ashley is still watching him when he grabs my hand, hoists me off the bench, and kisses me firmly on the lips.

Eighteen.

Finally an adult. Able to make my own choices. To stand on my own two feet. To be a man.

Then how come the main thing I want is acknowledgment from my dad?

I only saw my dad once. It was when I was sixteen. Cal and I drove all the way to the Bay Area where my dad used to work as a professor. He’s retired now, but I had his address from the birthday card he sent me that year. It was full of cash, but I handed it directly to my mom the same way I always did. I didn’t want his money.

I wanted him.

But that was the one thing he couldn’t give me.

He had his own family. A son and daughter who are grown-ups now. They were raised by him. By my dad. They lived in the same house. They saw him every day. They got a lot more than a measly card once a year and cash in the mail. To his credit, he’s always taken care of me financially. He sends money to Mom anytime she asks. It was the agreement they made when she told him she was keeping the baby.

Keeping me.

Even then he told her that he wouldn’t leave his wife. He wouldn’t be my dad in the way that mattered. He wouldn’t be a part of my life. Mom agreed to his terms, and I guess I can’t fault her for that. She didn’t have any other choice. It’s not like she could have made him be with her. But sometimes I wonder about the fairness of it. About how I had no choice in this decision. A decision that affected my life so drastically.

The main reason I made the drive to the Bay Area was because I wanted to see what he looked like. Sure, I’d seen pictures, but that was years ago. Also, I wanted to see what his house looked like. So Cal and I skipped school one day and I drove us out to my dad’s. On the way he asked if I was going to go up to the door, if I was going to talk to him. I told him I wasn’t sure. But when it was merely a fantasy I did entertain the idea. I pictured myself marching up to his house and introducing myself. I imagined him hugging me, pulling me close, calling me his son.

However, when we got there all my courage waned. It was one thing to think about it, and quite another to actually do it. Instead, I parked across the street. Cal and I sat in the car staring up at the house where my dad lived. The house that under different circumstances could have been mine.

It was hours before he came out. He was old, hair white and patchy on his scalp. Using the help of the railing, he made his way down the steps of his porch. I knew he was older than my mom, but I had no idea how much older. I tried to imagine what he looked like when Mom fell for him. It was hard to picture my mom ever going for this old man. But he must have been more attractive back then.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he grabbed a nearby hose, turned it on, and watered the flowers in the yard. About five minutes passed before a woman with dark hair stepped outside. She was older too, and I surmised that she was his wife. Her lips moved as if she was speaking to him. He looked up at her and smiled. She grinned back before disappearing inside the house.

Then a car pulled up to the curb, a young adult man stepping out of the vehicle. When he approached the house, my dad set the hose down and greeted the man with a hug. By the looks of the exchange, I took a wild guess that it was his son. He helped my dad up the stairs, and together they went into the house.

My stomach ached, and I wished I’d never come. I wished I’d never had that glimpse of what could have been. Of the life that was stolen from me.

Today the card arrives in the mail like clockwork. I don’t bother opening it, but I hand it to Mom so she can deposit the money. I’m not sure what she does with it. I used to think she spent it on herself, but now that I’m older I’m fairly certain she’s stuck it all in a bank account somewhere for me. Not that I want it.

“I can’t believe my son is an adult,” Mom gushes, her eyes shining.

I roll my eyes at her emotional display.

“Just remember that you’ll always be my baby.” She reaches for me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I may be an adult, but I don’t fight my mom on this. Truth is, I’m grateful for the affection. Hell, I’m grateful one of my parents wants me at all.

There’s a knock on the door and Mom releases me. I give her a funny look when she hurries to answer it. The Fishers are coming over this afternoon, but we’re not expecting anyone this early. It feels like someone sits on my chest when I spot Mr. Easton standing on our front porch.

“What’s he doing here?” I ask.

“Relax,” Mom says. “He’s only dropping something off.”

“Happy birthday, Christian,” Mr. Easton says while handing Mom a box.

“Thanks,” I mumble, eyeing him skeptically.

Mom whispers a goodbye to him, and then closes the door, clutching the box to her chest. “He’s really trying, Chris. You could stand to be a little nicer to him.”

I shake my head.

“Anyway, I have something for you.” She holds the box out like a peace offering.

I lower my gaze to it. “I don’t want anything from him.”

“It’s not from him.” She bites her lip. “Well, not technically.”

“What does that mean?” I breathe out.

Mom moves around me, sitting on the couch in the living room. She sets the box on the coffee table and lifts the lid. “All of this stuff was my dad’s. He and Dan were close, so he gave Dan this box before he died.” Mom smiles, a wistful expression passing over her features. “Dan used to love to go through my dad’s baseball cards and stuff.”

It’s one of the first times I’ve seen my mom smile when mentioning this part of her past. Losing her dad at such a young age was hard for her, and talking about Dan used to be difficult for her too. Seeing a contented smile on her face cuts to my heart. Some of the hardness on my heart chips away. Moving forward, I sit next to her and peer into the box.

“Man, he had a lot of baseball cards, huh?”

She nods. “He loved sports. Baseball especially.” She looks at me. “You remind me of him. Especially as you get older.”

It’s the first time she’s compared me to any man other than my biological father. I swallow down the emotion that rises in my throat.

“He would’ve loved you.”

“You never talk about him,” I say.

“It was a tough time in my life, Chris. That whole period of time when my dad was sick and dying was too hard to think about, so I buried it. But along with that, I buried memories of the good times too.” She smiles, but her lips quiver. “Lately Dan has been reminding me of those good times, and I’ve found my heart opening up again. I’ve been remembering things about my dad that I hadn’t really let myself remember before.” She touches my arm. “And it feels good. Healing, even.”

I dip my hand inside the box and snatch out a faded photograph. It’s a black and white photo of a teenage boy wearing a baseball uniform. “Is this your dad?”

She nods. “Yep. That’s your grandpa.”

I stare at the grainy photo, into the eyes that resemble mine, and for the first time I feel like I truly belong somewhere. Like I have a history, a connection to something, to someone other than my mom. And more importantly, to a man.

A man who I’m sure wouldn’t have abandoned me.

One who would’ve been proud of me.

Maybe Mom’s right. Maybe he even would’ve loved me.