Playing Against Type: Soulgirls, Book 4 (12 page)

Heidi said nothing for a long minute and Pepper fought the urge to fidget or stare at the door. The music continued to play outside. She imagined the girls eating, drinking, laughing and relaxing.

“Do you miss them all that much?”

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate. “I like my life here.”

“But you’re already blending in with the world outside. You went out today—how was that?” Was that a note of sympathy in Heidi’s voice?

“I won’t lie, it was fun. I loved the shopping and the sunshine and even lunch. But—it was a holiday and I’d rather be back to work, back where it’s familiar.”

Heidi closed the book and leaned back in the chair. “And Mikelson? What do you think of him?”
 

“He’s…” Her teeth scraped across her upper lip. “He’s sweet, thoughtful…funny.”

“You like him.” It wasn’t a question. The stage manager stared at her, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Yes. I don’t think he really means anyone any harm. He’s spent most of his time with me, I haven’t seen him do anything against the casino.”
Except encourage me to leave…

“Really?” Heidi shook her head. “Well, I think we may have been led a bit astray.”

“What?” Surprise zinged through her.

“Finn Mikelson is far more than just an FBI agent. Oh, that part was true, as were several other carefully selected pieces of information that we were offered. But so are some careful omissions.” Heidi set a pin onto the desk. The dull silver looked vaguely familiar, but Pepper couldn’t say why.

“I don’t understand.”

“I know.” Sitting forward, Heidi clasped her hands together. “Do you want to give up this task? Return to work and forget about all of this?”

She opened her mouth to say yes, but the word died unspoken. Returning to the theatre meant not seeing Finn again and that was all right, surely? “But what about Finn?”

“What about him? This isn’t a game you need to be involved in. You should never have been drawn into the web. My failure, not yours. I am letting you off the hook.”

It didn’t feel that way. She missed the theatre, the rhythm, the routine, the understanding of what she needed to be doing at any given moment…but she was to have breakfast with Finn in the morning. And he’d kissed her.

Heidi sighed. “You’re already falling for him.”

Pepper was quick to deny it. “It doesn’t matter if I fancy him or not. I can’t live for very long out there. My arms are already starting to hurt and I’ve been drinking the tea. Maybe I’m jumping at shadows, I keep waiting to feel the sickness tear through me again.”

“But you like him.” She couldn’t mistake the genuine sympathy for anything else.

“I’m sorry.” Pepper bowed her head. She hated disappointing Heidi.

Heidi’s expression gentled. “Don’t be. He’s a good man, for the most part. But if you want to pursue anything with him, you’re facing an uphill battle. And we need a plan, a plan that preserves your life.”

“What?” Did Heidi mean that? “But I
will
get sick again. You told me that before, when I first begged you to let me be a dancer. You said if I ever stopped, if they took away the curse…the cancer would come back.”

“The cancer never left. We simply suspended it. Magic can do a lot of things, but heal an illness like that? No. At least not the kind I do.” An almost unspoken
but
hung in the air.

“But something could?” She didn’t dare hope. If she could have a normal life, did she really want it?

“I won’t say nothing could. There are many more things between heaven and hell than just us…”

Apprehension iced through her soul. “Are you saying there’s a way? That the cancer would go away?”

“Yes. If you are willing to pay the price. Sadly, nothing is ever free. So you have to decide what it is worth to you, what you are willing to trade to make it happen.” Heidi clasped her hands together and leaned forward. “What do you want, Pepper?”

“I…” She didn’t know the answer. Before her day with Finn, she would have said returning to the theatre, unequivocally. She didn’t want to die. She’d never thought it fair that her life might end before she truly lived. Thirty years at the Arcana Royale hadn’t changed her opinion.

How could one day outside have managed it?

“The heart wants what the heart wants. It’s okay.” Heidi gave her a small smile. “It’s okay to want the impossible.”

“What is the price of dreaming the impossible?”

“To dream it?” The stage manager shrugged. “Costs nothing. To achieve it? Maybe everything. Value—the value has to be yours. What do you want?”

To not have to answer that question. To not feel like I am betraying you.
She couldn’t look away from the intensity in Heidi’s gaze. Her father always told her to go with her gut, to trust her instincts, even when it seemed crazy. It was why she emptied her college savings fund, loaded a suitcase in the car and drove across country when her doctors gave her only months to live. She’d wanted to spend those months doing everything she could dream of rather than being trapped in a hospital bed.

She’d jumped without a safety net or guarantee of anything. She’d landed at the Arcana Royale and a chance at a life again. She wouldn’t trade that decision for anything. But even though her tenure had saved her, in some ways it had become another hospital bed. She’d gained an extended lease on life, but was she still
living
anymore?

Did she dare leap again? Pepper swallowed. “I want…I want to live. I want a life. And if I can have it…outside of the theatre…I want the chance.”

Heidi sighed and closed her eyes. “So be it.”

Something shifted around them, something Pepper couldn’t quite put her finger on. A decision that tumbled other decisions. A string of dominos set into motion. But what dominoes? What price? She opened her mouth to take back the words, but it was too late, she wasn’t sitting in Heidi’s office anymore, she was in her hotel room.

What door had she just closed?

Chapter Nine

A dull headache thudded behind Finn’s eyes. He’d spent the majority of the night reasoning his way through Connor’s proposal. The demon’s complicated offer wouldn’t unravel properly. It offered him much, denied him little and yet—he clenched a fist and banged it against the desk. With a demon, if something seemed too good to be true, it almost certainly was.

Leaning back in the chair, he closed his eyes. Perhaps a few hours of sleep would clear it all up. He would be better off to pack his bags and head back to Washington.
 

A knock on the door dragged him awake. He’d told the demon he would answer him when he was ready and not a moment before. Exhausted and worn, he wasn’t up for any more of Connor’s double dealing. The second knock told him whoever it was wasn’t going away. Rising, he rubbed the back of his neck and stretched his legs on the walk to the door. His joints creaked.

He answered on the third knock and stared stupidly at Pepper. “Oh hell.” He rubbed a palm across the stubble on his face.

“I’m sorry.” She retreated a step. “You mentioned breakfast and when you didn’t come, I thought…”

Finn held up a hand and sighed. “Not at all, let me apologize. I…” He glanced back at the window and the sun shining around the edges of the curtain. “I didn’t realize it was morning.”

“It’s okay. We can chat over lunch. I’ll call over next time.”

Irritated with himself, Finn caught her arm before she could flee. “Pepper…wait. Please. Come in.” This wasn’t a conversation they needed to have in the hall.

She came inside, feet dragging. “You look exhausted. I should let you rest.”

“Not at all.” He shut the door and leaned against it, but held firm to her hand. “The last place you should be is away from me right now.” Pepper stared at him. The fact that he said it like he’d just discovered tinfoil hats as the must-have fashion accessory of the season might have something to do with that. Calm shouldn’t be a struggle. “Please—sit, I’ll shower and change and we can talk.”

“I can leave you be while you do that.”

“No.” He wouldn’t move from the door until he had her word she wouldn’t leave. “I know I look a bit crazy.”

“A bit?”

“But I need you to stay in here, promise me you won’t leave. Go sit in that chair by the window and stay there. I’ll clean up.” Normally, he’d ignore the need for a shower and shave, with so many threats in the offing, but Pepper enjoyed her grooming, so no doubt she expected the same from him.
And I enjoy her enjoyment, to be completely honest.
 

She watched him warily. “Finn, you’re scaring me.”

“I know. I’m sorry for that, but can you promise me to stay and wait for me to clean up? It’s important that I talk to you.” He sucked in a deep breath and forced his shoulders to relax. Looming toward her all dark and threatening helped no one.

“Okay. Go take a shower and I will sit here by the window.” She retreated as she spoke and perched uneasily on a chair. “See, I’m sitting.”

He flipped the security latch into place. “Do you promise?”

“I can promise you, but there’s nothing to stop me from walking out the minute you’re under the water.” She clasped her hands together. “Go shower. Sober up.”

Fantastic. She thought he was drunk. “Telling me you can promise, and actually promising are two different things. So—promise me.”

Impatience replaced the wariness in her voice. “Finn, go take a shower.” Folding her arms, she leaned back and crossed one leg over the other. “Before I throw something at your head.”

He grinned at her. “Ten minutes.” Pushing off the door, he slid into the bathroom. The shower took him less than five and he shaved as smoothly and as quickly as his razor allowed. Wrapping a towel around his hips, he poked the door open and found a stack of clothes waiting for him at the door.

“You forgot to bring a change of clothes in,” Pepper called and he grinned again.

“Thank you.”

He dressed and gathered the debris from his shower and his soiled clothes. Carrying the lot out, he fed them into burn bags. A frown knit her brow. “What are you doing? And what’s that smell?”

“Trying to wipe away my footprints.” It wasn’t much of explanation, but how much could he tell her without endangering her further?

“By putting your clothes in…what are those things?” She sucked her upper lip between her teeth, as though biting back any further criticism. “You realize you’re acting pretty nuts, right?”

“It’s not hard to act like it when you are. These? These are burn bags. They destroy all biological trace.” After destroying the last of the towels he’d used, he stuffed the burn bags into the trash. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you something. Before I dive in and hang us both, is there anything I can do at all to convince you to leave the Arcana Royale? Move to any other resort you choose—enjoy your vacation to the fullest. I’ll cover any and all your expenses. You shouldn’t have been dragged into all of this in the first place.”
 

“Finn, I get that you’re upset with the casino. But they aren’t a front for any mafia activity—as much as that sounds like some crazy television show or film. It’s actually a lot weirder, but they’re not mob.” If not for her earnest sincerity, he would have laughed.

“What?”

“They told me you were here to investigate the people who run the casino and you’ve been setting up surveillance because you were disgraced in some way.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Finn struggled with the dark feeling bubbling up. “Who told you I was here to investigate the casino?”

“That doesn’t really matter. The problem is you want to shut down the casino and you can’t—too many people call this place their home. Too many…too many need it. I can swear on a stack of bibles that the mob has nothing to do with the running of this place. Can you accept that and leave them alone?”

He gaped. “So you are a plant?”

“No, we have dryads in the lobby, but I’m a person…”

“No, I meant a spy. You were sent to spy on me?” His gut tightened, not because he hadn’t suspected her, but for the simple reason he had and dismissed it. Duped into her role? That he could believe. But not a willing participant.

“More or less.” She winced, her face heating pink. At least she looked embarrassed about her attempt to deceive him.

He leaned forward. “First—”
 

“Finn.”

“No, it’s my turn to talk now. You had your turn, now I have mine. That’s how it works.” What a ridiculous tangled mess he’d walked into. “First, I know there’s no mafia connection here and I didn’t come to the Arcana Royale to investigate them. I knew you’d been placed in my path to distract me—I just didn’t think you were in on it.” He wasn’t upset with her or how easily he’d fallen for her innocence—because that part hadn’t been an act. “What do they have on you to make you work for them?”

“That’s not important…”

“Oh yes, it is.”

“It’s my turn now.” She snapped. “You said that’s how it worked. You said your piece and I say mine.”

Amusement flamed under his irritation. “Very well, but answer the question while you’re at it.”

“It’s really not important. Look, I was asked for a favor that I owed. The only thing I was asked to do was be flirty, and distract you. Maybe mess with any surveillance you took so I could protect them and you wouldn’t have any reason to keep pursuing this line of inquiry. Not that I had a chance to mess with anything. I’m sorry for my lame romance author story and for making you think whatever it was I was trying to make you think, because this place isn’t what you believe it is.”