Playing in Shadow (16 page)

“Have you talked to anyone about the accident?” Scarlet hastily draped a large bath towel around Bryce’s shoulders to keep her warm.

“I gave the police my witness statement.” Bryce wiped her eyes swiftly, but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
Scarlet had been in the car. No one in the backseat lives.
Desperately, Bryce clutched at Scarlet’s leg, needing to know she was there. That she was real. That she was
alive
.

“I don’t mean the official stuff. I meant have you talked to someone qualified to help you heal.” Scarlet covered Bryce’s hand with her own in comfort.

“They offered a psychiatrist. I reneged on going back a second time.” Gingerly, Bryce got to her feet and lowered the lid on the toilet. She flushed it then had to sit back down on it. She clung to the sink, horrified to find her strength drained and tears falling unchecked. Her ribs felt bruised and she rubbed at them distractedly, wishing it would all just go away.

“Bryce.” Scarlet’s tone was scolding even as she rubbed at Bryce’s arms trying to warm her up.

“I didn’t want to relive it.”

“So, you relive it every night instead.” Scarlet, taking no argument, helped Bryce up on her feet. Slowly, she led them as far as the kitchen and helped Bryce into a chair at the table.

Scarlet switched the kettle on and began to fuss with mugs and tea bags. Bryce tugged the fluffy towel higher up her neck, all but hiding in it. “Not if I don’t sleep.”

“You can’t continue like that.”

“I’ve managed so far.”

“Really? Because I seem to recall finding you asleep at work and then tonight you were out like a light the second I got you on your back.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Bryce had to smile through her clattering teeth. “So I like cuddling with you and it made me relax too much.”

“I’m really concerned. Your lack of sleeping is affecting your life. Look at you, sweetheart, you shouldn’t be suffering like this.” Scarlet slid a mug of tea on the table. “Drink it. It will settle your stomach.”

Bryce distracted herself by sipping the hot liquid and tried not to think about the endearment Scarlet had just spoken. “You want to know about the crash? It won’t make any difference. I was in a car crash. I’ve got the scars to show for it. I was the only one who walked away.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

Bryce’s head shot up. “Excuse me?”

Scarlet slipped into the chair opposite her. “How does that make you
feel
?”

“I’ve told you I don’t want to get into this.” She shook so hard she had to set her mug back down for fear of spilling its contents.

“Well, I know I’m very thankful you survived.” Scarlet reached across the table and took Bryce’s cold hand. “It frightens me to think how close I came to losing you before I even knew you.”

“Three of them were married.” Bryce blurted the words out in a rush. She couldn’t stop herself. “The people with me in the car. They had wives and a husband and kids. The driver was newly engaged and his fiancé lost him too. I was in a crappy relationship with a woman who came to the hospital only to run when she saw what I looked like. I shouldn’t have even been in that car. They were doing me a favor. Yet I got to live and I had no life worth celebrating. The others in that car left families mourning their losses. They didn’t deserve that, not when I got to survive.”

The grip on Bryce’s hand tightened until it was almost painful. “Bryce—” Scarlet started, but Bryce cut her off.

“I need to go home.” Embarrassed by the fact she was still crying, Bryce roughly rubbed her face in the towel. She was shaking so much she could barely keep her grip on it.

“It’s late.” Scarlet pointed to the kitchen clock. It read 10:45 p.m.

“There’s a last bus I can catch if I go now. I won’t sleep any more tonight, and you don’t need me keeping you awake.” Bryce finished off her tea and stood up. “Thank you for tonight. I’m only sorry I ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything and I don’t want you to go. You’re in no condition to leave.” Scarlet stood up as if preparing to bar the door.

“I need to go, Scarlet. You don’t need to put up with what I’m going through. I can hardly cope with it myself.” Arms suddenly wrapped around her, and Bryce all but crumpled in Scarlet’s tight grasp. “Please don’t,” she gasped, unable to cope with the need to just give in and be comforted.

“I believe you survived for a reason,” Scarlet stated fiercely.

“I can’t see why.”

“Maybe that’s because the reason hasn’t revealed itself to you yet. I firmly believe everything has a reason for being. You lived because it wasn’t your time to die.”

Bryce barely managed to keep herself upright. Her knees buckled under the weight of the survivor’s guilt that suffocated her very soul. Only Scarlet’s arms kept her on her feet.

“Stay here tonight, please. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“You can’t drive me home in the morning, and we have work,” Bryce argued weakly. “I won’t sleep again tonight, and you need to rest.”

“Then just stay here. Watch over me while I sleep and then you can catch the early bus back home in the morning.” She cupped Bryce’s face in her palms. “I don’t want you to leave me. And I don’t think you need to be alone with this anymore.”

Bryce bit back a gut-wrenching sob. She rested her forehead on Scarlet’s shoulder and capitulated. She was too tired to do anything else. “I can’t be left anywhere in the dark,” she said, mortified by the admission.

“Then I’ll leave my bedroom light on. I can sleep through anything. You can read any of the books I have. There’s an iPod if you want to advance your music appreciation or you can surf the Internet all night on my tablet.” She pressed a soft kiss to Bryce’s lips. “I just want you close to me. I can’t let you go home like this.”

For someone who’d spent so much time alone not coping with the aftermath of what she’d lived through, Bryce finally caved in. She wrapped her arms around Scarlet and just clung to her.

“You’re going to be okay, Bryce, I promise you. I’m so thankful you’re here with me. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

I can’t imagine mine without you either and that’s what scares me, Bryce thought.

“I’ll camp out on the sofa,” she said.

Scarlet tugged her forward by the towel. “Like hell you will. If you’re going to stay awake all night you can at least let me cuddle up to you and keep you company while I sleep.”

Too exhausted to argue, Bryce let Scarlet lead the way to her bedroom. She complained when Scarlet began removing her shoes but soon surrendered to Scarlet’s ministrations. Too drained to move, Bryce listened to the sounds of Scarlet going through her nightly routine in the bathroom. When Scarlet returned, she handed Bryce a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and steered her into the bathroom to clean up. Bryce had to smile at the sight of a new toothbrush laid out with toothpaste already squeezed out neatly on top.

When she returned, the bedroom was brightly lit enough for Bryce to feel safe in. She liked the subtle purple wallpaper and framed landscape photographs Scarlet had hung on her walls. It made a vast contrast to Bryce’s apartment where everything was utilitarian. The apartment was nothing more than a place Bryce lived in, not a home.

Scarlet patted the bed, and Bryce slipped in under the covers. Scarlet cuddled into her side. “If you manage to sleep and have more dreams, don’t worry. I’m here for you, okay?”

Bryce nodded, knowing she wouldn’t dare close her eyes again for fear of returning to that front seat. “Thank you for having me over,” she said softly.

Scarlet kissed her cheek. “I promise further invitations to my bed won’t always be quite this innocent.” Her lips sought out Bryce’s. “But for tonight I need you beside me.”

I need to be with you too, Bryce realized, pulling Scarlet closer and watching as she snuggled in and closed her eyes.

God, if only it were that easy for me to close my eyes and sleep.
Bryce stared down at her, enjoying how Scarlet’s soft hair felt against her skin.
But she’s here and she’s alive. I can watch over her this night and keep her safe…while she keeps me sane.

The coffee machine burbled and hissed noisily while Scarlet stood by eager for her first cup of the day. She turned her head at the sound of the front door opening. For a moment, disappointment streaked through her that it wasn’t Bryce coming back. Instead it was Monica creeping in, obviously not expecting anyone to be up and awake at six a.m. The look of surprise on her face when she caught sight of Scarlet, arms folded, foot tapping on the floor, made Scarlet chuckle.

“My God, Scarlet!” Monica clutched at her chest dramatically. “Give a girl a heart attack, why don’t you! And quit with the disapproving eyes. You look just like my mother used to when she caught me sneaking back in after curfew.”

Laughing, Scarlet set to fixing two cups of coffee. “It’s not the same. I know exactly where you have been and with whom. You’ve been with Elton all night, no doubt partaking in all forms of delicious debauchery.”

“That pretty much sums up our evening quite nicely.” Monica grasped for a mug gratefully and she took a healthy swallow of the scalding hot liquid. “Oh, that is so good. Elton can set the bed sheets alight, but his coffee making skills are sorely lacking.”

“That’s why you have a live-in lesbian to cater to your ‘night after’ refreshments.” Scarlet sat and took a more leisurely sip of her own drink.

“Seeing as I have just driven my ‘walk of shame’ home at this ungodly hour, did my eyes, by chance, deceive me? Did I just see Bryce Donovan leaving here as I rolled up?” Monica sat opposite her at the kitchen table and eyed Scarlet over the rim of her mug.

Scarlet nodded. “She left so she could go home and get changed for work.”

“Any particular reason why she wouldn’t stay in bed with you until a more civilized hour and just have you drive her home?”

“Because she hasn’t been able to get into a car since the accident.” Scarlet didn’t believe she was betraying Bryce’s confidence. It was painfully obvious once you realized that Bryce only traveled anywhere in something large with plenty of seating.

“I did wonder. It’s got to mess with your mind having people die around you in such a confined space. From what your dad told me about it, they were picking up pieces of the driver off the road. The truck just sliced into their car like a knife through butter.”

And Bryce saw it all, Scarlet thought with a sympathetic shudder. She remembered how Bryce had trembled in her arms, how her tears had ripped Scarlet’s composure to shreds. Bryce’s misery at what she’d lived through, yet couldn’t live
with,
had broken Scarlet’s heart.

“Sooooo,” Monica drawled, “Did you two…?”

“No, we just got to talking and it was too late for Bryce to catch a bus home.”

“Convenient. So, what did she do? Sleep on the sofa?”

“No, she didn’t.” Scarlet shook her head at Monica’s not so innocent line of questioning. “I did get her in my bed, and technically we slept together. Well,
I
slept. She apparently read a good part of the book on my bedside table while I’m told I clung to her like a limpet.”

“Those dark circles don’t lie then. She doesn’t sleep much at all now.”

“Not really,” Scarlet said. “But she did tell me she managed to doze off a few times during the night and got some much needed rest, so I am grateful for that.” Scarlet had wanted to hold Bryce tight all night to ward off any more nightmares. Instead, she’d fallen fast asleep cradled in Bryce’s arms, lulled by the beat of Bryce’s heart under her ear. To know that Bryce had managed some sleep without more bad dreams was a relief.

“She was in bed with you all night, with you dressed in
that
?” Monica waved a hand at Scarlet’s short nightshirt. “And you’re seriously telling me that she didn’t at least once try her luck?”

“She’s not like that, Monica.”
And after our talk, I wasn’t in the mood either. We were both too emotionally drained.

“Looks like you’ve found your white knight, Princess.”

Scarlet snorted at Monica’s fanciful musings. “One night of us
not
tearing up the sheets together does not make her anything of the sort.”

“But you’d like her to be?”

Scarlet nodded without hesitation.

“So you really like this woman. It’s about time you found a keeper.” Monica raised her mug in a toast. “Well, here’s to you and Bryce.”

Scarlet considered Monica’s words while they drank their coffee in silence.
Like? I want to be the one who keeps her nightmares at bay. I want to help her heal, inside and out. After last night holding her in my arms, I fear love is a more accurate description for what I’m feeling.

“I think I need more coffee,” Scarlet muttered, and Monica held up her cup again in agreement.

*

Bryce deliberately got off her bus a stop earlier to join the line already forming at the local Starbucks. Finally, she reached the counter and was able to place an order for herself and Scarlet. She also grabbed a couple of pastries for breakfast from the bakery next door.

Feeling oddly lighthearted, Bryce walked the rest of the way to the work site.

Though the early morning was already bright and sunny, Bryce couldn’t help but wish she’d resisted the need to leave the sanctuary of Scarlet’s bed. Faced with Scarlet’s red hair all tousled and her face still soft with sleep, Bryce’s decision to leave had been a difficult one. In Scarlet’s bed Bryce had found a respite from her self-inflicted insomnia. The small amount of natural sleep she garnered was more than she’d slept in total for months. The insomnia high she usually existed on was tempered by a long forgotten feeling.
Rested
. She felt rested. Buoyed by the extra boost of energy, it put a long missing spring into her steps.

It didn’t take long for Bryce to reach the houses. Her chest fluttered with excitement when she spotted Scarlet’s car in its usual parking spot. Taking two steps at a time, Bryce followed the recognizable sound that led to Scarlet’s location. Music played in a back room, and Scarlet was kneeling at her paint cans preparing for her morning work.