Playing with Fire (Skulduggery Pleasant, Book 2) (18 page)

"What?"

"It'll be really funny, trust me."

"Skulduggery, I'm thirteen. I can't drive."

He looked at her. "What do you mean you can't drive?"

"Am I talking in code? I can't drive Skulduggery."

"But you've seen others drive, haven't you?

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You've seen
me
drive. I daresay you've seen your parents drive. So you know the fundamentals."

She stared at him. "I know the big round thing sticking out of the dashboard turns the wheels. That fundamental enough for you?"

"The van over there is an automatic. You put it in drive, you go. You press one pedal, you go fast; you press another pedal, you stop. Easy."

She stared at him.

"Oh bloody hell," she muttered, and darted for the van, sliding beneath it as Skulduggery jumped into the Bentley.

The Bentley's engine roared, the tires spun, and it sped away from the church as a wave of darkness erupted from the doorway, extinguishing the flames. Dusk led the Infected as they poured out into the night, followed by Baron Vengeous, tendrils of shadows wrapping and coiling around him like angry snakes. He hurled the satchel to the ground, and the jack bounced into the long grass. He whipped the darkness against an Infected woman, who was blasted off her feet by the impact and went sailing high through the air.

Valkyrie stayed under the van and kept very, very quiet.

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She saw Billy-Ray Sanguine walk up.

"She took my blade," he said.
"Again."

"I don't care about your
blade,"
Vengeous snapped. He turned to one of the Infected. "You. Move the Grotesquery into the van. This place will soon be teeming with Cleavers, and I can't risk them damaging it."

The Infected hurried into the church, then came back out, carrying the crate. Taking extra care, they loaded it into the van. They moved back toward the church, waiting for more orders, and Valkyrie slid herself from cover and got to her feet. She could hear Vengeous issuing commands from the other side of the van, and she took a deep breath and reached for the door.

It opened with a faint click and she got in slowly, keeping low. The key was in the ignition. She looked around to get her bearings, risked a glance out the window at the bad guys, and then turned the key. The engine came to life.

Vengeous turned his head and frowned, moved to where he could see who was behind the wheel.

Valkyrie pulled the stick down to drive and stamped her foot on the accelerator. She yelped as the van shot forward, fought to gain control of the

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steering. This was not fun.

She wrenched the wheel to the right to avoid a tree, trying her best to keep the van on the narrow road. She saw the Infected running behind, but she couldn't afford to give them too much attention. It was seriously dark outside, and she didn't know where the lights were.

She took one hand off the wheel long enough to flick a lever, and the wipers dragged themselves across the dry windshield. She went over a rock and bounced in her seat. She tried another lever, and the turn signal started blinking. Cursing Skulduggery, she moved it up, down, to the side, then tried twisting it, and the headlamps suddenly lit up the road ahead, just in time for Valkyrie to cry out as the van swerved off the trail and hurtled over a hill.

Valkyrie was thrown around in her seat. Keeping one hand tight on the wheel, she clutched at the seat belt, yanking it across her. She glanced down, trying to find the latch that the seat belt clicked into. The bottom of the hill met up with the road again, and she tried to steer onto it, but the van just kept going and plunged down the next hill.

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Valkyrie grabbed the seat belt again, this time finding the latch, and the seat belt clicked in and Valkyrie turned her full attention to driving, as the van hit a rocky outcrop, spun sideways, and rolled.

Valkyrie smacked her head against the window as the world turned around her. She heard glass breaking and metal crunching. She protected her head as she pitched forward, and her arms slammed into the steering wheel, honking the horn. The van rolled onto another road and settled back onto its four wheels.

"Owww," Valkyrie moaned. She looked up to the cracked windshield. Headlights. A car and a motorcycle were approaching, at speed.

Valkyrie pulled the door handle, and had to hit the door with her shoulder to open it. She tried to get out but the seat belt wouldn't let her. She fumbled at the orange button, and the belt retracted. Valkyrie stumbled out as the motorbike screeched to a halt.

The Bentley braked hard and Skulduggery jumped out, ran to her, and caught her as her legs gave way.

Words were exchanged, but Valkyrie couldn't make sense of most of them. There was a fuzz in

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her head as Skulduggery carried her to the Bentley. Her arm was hurting. She opened her eyes to see Tanith loading her bike into the back of the van, beside the crate, then getting in behind the wheel. Skulduggery said something in a faraway voice and Vallkyrie tried to answer, but her tongue was too heavy and all the strength left her body.

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Chapter Twenty-three

ELEPHANTS AND BUNNIES

KENSPECKLE POKED HER arm. "Does that hurt?"

"No," Valkyrie answered.

He nodded, scribbled something in his notebook. "Have you eaten?"

"One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast."

He sighed. "I meant, have you eaten
sensibly?"

"I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn't miss my mouth
once."

He prodded her again. "What about that? Does that hurt?"

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"Ow."

"I'll take that as a yes. Hopefully, the pain will teach you not to break yourself when your van crashes."

Kenspeckle scribbled something else, and Valkyrie looked around. There were no windows in here, but she could guess what kind of morning it was. Bright, blue-skied, sunny, and warm.

Kenspeckle closed his notebook and nodded. "You're making an excellent recovery," he said. "One more hour, the bone will be healed."

"Thanks, Kenspeckle."

"Think nothing of it."

"And, you know, sorry about what I said yesterday, about the salt water and the vampires. ..."

Kenspeckle chuckled. "Don't you worry about
me,
Valkyrie. I'm tougher than I look. Last night, when the nightmares came, they weren't so bad. I remember them being
awful.
Now, you just lie back there and let the muck do its work."

Feeling more guilty than ever, Valkyrie settled back on the bed. The mixture that coated her entire right arm was cold and slimy. It had to be reapplied every twenty minutes as its magical properties were absorbed through the skin.

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She heard Skulduggery come into the medical bay. His fight with Vengeous had resulted in a fractured collarbone and a few cracked ribs. She looked over at him and laughed.

He stared at her. He was wearing a bright pink hospital gown, decorated with elephants and bunnies. It hung off him like a sheet on a hat stand.

"How come she gets the
blue
hospital gown?" he asked Kenspeckle.

"Hmm?" mumbled the professor.

Skulduggery's head tilted unhappily. "You said the only gowns you had left were these pink bunny ones, but Valkyrie is wearing a perfectly respectable
blue
one."

"Your point being?"

"Why am I wearing this ridiculous gown?"

"Because it amuses me."

Kenspeckle walked out, and Skulduggery looked over at her. "The important thing," he said, "is that I can wear this gown and still maintain my dignity."

"Yes," she responded automatically. "Yes you can."

"You can stop grinning anytime now."

"I am so trying, I swear."

He walked over, and when he spoke his voice

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had changed slightly, tinged with concern. "Feeling okay?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. Whatever happens with the Grotesquery, it's my fault."

"Nonsense."

"But I'm the missing ingredient."

"That doesn't make it your fault, Valkyrie. However, if you insist on taking responsibility for something you never had any control over, you can use that to make yourself stronger. You're going to need all the strength you can muster, especially when Dusk catches up to you."

She frowned. "Why Dusk?"

"Oh, yes, something I should maybe mention. Dusk will be wanting to kill you. He has a history of vendettas. He holds a grudge, and he doesn't let it go until he's spilled blood."

"And because I cut his face . . . ?"

"You cut his face with Sanguine's blade, the scars from which do not heal."

"Ah. That'd . . . that'd make him pretty mad, wouldn't it?"

"I just thought you'd like to know."

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"So what are we going to do about Guild? Since he's working with the bad guys and everything ... ?"

"Now, we don't know that. It's not fact. Not yet." Skulduggery was quiet for a moment. "Even so, it would be foolish not to take precautions. We will report back to Guild if and when we have to. At no time will we tell him what we're planning, where we're going, or who we're hoping to punch next. Agreed?"

"Agreed. So he doesn't know we have the Grotesquery?"

"I may have forgotten to tell him. I
did
remember to tell Mr. Bliss, though, so he has organized three Cleavers to provide security. Any more than that, unfortunately, and it would come to the attention of the Grand Mage."

"I just hope you realize, after Sagacious Tome and now Guild, that I'm never going to be able to trust anyone in a position of authority, ever again."

His head tilted. "You don't view
me
as an authority figure?"

She laughed. Then stopped. "Oh. I'm sorry, you were serious?"

"That's lovely, that is," he said, and Kenspeckle wandered in.

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"Detective, you will no doubt be happy to know that my assistants are moving the Grotesquery into my brand-new private morgue, where it will clutter up the place just when I've finally managed to get everything in order."

Valkyrie frowned. "What would you need a private morgue for?"

"Experiments," Kenspeckle said. "Experiments so bizarre and unnatural they would surely make you vomit."

"Professor Grouse," Skulduggery said, "we brought the Grotesquery here not only because your facility is more advanced than the Sanctuary's, but also because you are the leading expert in science magic."

"Mm," Kenspeckle said gruffly. "It is, And I am."

"We need your help. We have a chance to dismantle the Grotesquery and hide the pieces all over the world so it can never be put back together, and we need you to do it."

"Fine," Kenspeckle said gruffly. "But you, Valkyrie, must rest. And you, Detective, must not place her in any danger for the next, oh, let's say an hour. Do we have a deal?"

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"I can rest," Valkyrie said. "And I can manage an hour," Skulduggery said. "All right then," said Kenspeckle. "If you'll excuse me, I have a monster to take apart."

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Chapter Twenty-four

Argus

THE OLD HOSPITAL was steeped in dead terror and stale tears. How many people had breathed their last while lying on those small beds? How many had spent their final nights in those tiny rooms, sleeping fitfully while their nightmares rampaged across the landscapes of their minds? When Baron Vengeous walked these halls, he fancied he could count every single one of them.

The psychiatric ward was the best. Here, even without the sensitivities brought on by his new armor, he could sense the echoes of fear, madness, and desperation. But with the armor, these echoes soaked into him, making

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him stronger. He felt his armor flourish, after all those years of neglect in that cavern.

This would be the perfect place for the Grotesquery to break down the borders between realities, open the portal, and invite the Faceless Ones to return. Now all he needed was the Grotesquery itself-- but that wasn't going to be a problem. For all his flashes of rage and his fearsome temper, Vengeous was a military man, first and foremost. True, he had suffered a setback, but he had already initiated a plan to rectify the situation.

One of the Infected was standing farther along the corridor, and it opened the door as he approached. He could tell by its eyes that it was close to becoming a true vampire. He had already ordered Dusk to kill them all before that happened. Dusk, because of the serums he used, controlled the vampire part of himself, but the Infected would be far too unpredictable to keep around.

Vengeous focused on the armor, drawing it back in. He had been letting it writhe and revel in the collected anguish of the old building, but now it was time for business.

Billy-Ray Sanguine was waiting for him. There was a man shackled to an operating table, and when Vengeous walked into the room, the man's eyes widened.

"Impossible," he breathed. "You're dead. You're . . . it can't be you, you 're dead!"