Playing With Matches (15 page)

Bubby was rapidly shooing her friends out of the house.

“I can’t do this, Eli,” Mira said. “She’s a bad influence on Bubby.”

I
was a bad influence on
Bubby
?
If anything,
Bubby
was a bad influence on
me
.

“I’ll clean up with Rain and Leah,” Eli said in a quiet voice to Mira. “You help these people get home.”

Mira-Zombie obediently turned and shuffled to the living room.

“Mr. Bernstein, I can take some of these guests home too,” Dahlia said.

“Thank you.” Uncle Eli nodded. “And you’re who?”

“Dahlia Engel.”

“Nice to meet you Dahlia,” Uncle Eli said. “That would be helpful.”

Dahlia followed Mira into the family room.

“Rain, come with me,” Uncle Eli said. Leah tipped a bowl of potato chips into the green compost bin. I felt myself choking with dread as Eli led me to his office.

He ushered me inside and motioned for me to sit on the opposite side of his heavy antique desk.

“So you bought all that juice, Grape-Nuts, and the other stuff?” he said.

I nodded, too terrified to speak.

“The prunes too?”

“Pitted,” I whispered. Which cost me around three dollars more for the bag, not that I was going to get a pat on the back for that right now.

He sighed slowly with a faint smile.

“Rain. I probably shouldn’t tell you this.” He hesitated for a moment. “My mother is a very special woman who managed to hold my family together when my father died. Thank god, her strength is a gift. But it’s difficult for her to live without independence now that she’s here with Mira and me.”

He shook his head. “She lived in a retirement residence for a while. But there were … how should I put it …
incidents
.”

“Incidents?” I said in a squeaky voice.

“Yes. She was ‘counselled’ out of Shalom Gardens,” he said.

I blinked.

“Rain, I’ll be frank. She was asked to leave.”

It’s not like Eli needed to explain to me what getting counselled out of an institution meant.

“She was constantly ordering in fast food,” Eli said. “Onion rings, pizza, french fries, you name it. She also managed to get a steady supply of tequila and limes. Even after we took away her blender, half her floor was begging their families to bring them margaritas. It was no use removing her credit card. She’s an extraordinarily …
resourceful
woman.”

Eli leaned back in his chair and sighed. “The management of the facility felt that her behaviour posed a risk to herself and the other residents.”

No surprise there.

“Look, Mira loves you. She’s trying to help you and your mother out. I know you wanted to stay in New York and I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Aunt Naomi. But I want you to know that I think you’re a fine young lady and I believe you’ll succeed. I’ll try talking to Aunt Mira.”

“Thank you,” I said, my voice quivering.

“Now let’s go help Leah with the mess,” he said, rising from his chair. I stood up and just as I turned the knob he spoke. “By the way, what was in that bowl? Was that actually real
kishka
?”

I nodded.

He smiled. “If it’s alright with you, I think I’ll have some for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” I said in a tiny voice.

We returned to the kitchen and the three of us filled two recycle bins with plastic plates, forks, and empty food packaging. I removed the streamers and decorations from the walls of the family room and returned the chairs to the dining room while Leah swept the wooden floors. It must have taken a while for Mira and Dahlia to wrangle and drive home Bubby’s guests, because we heard our aunt’s car pulling up in the driveway just as we finished putting the last bags in the garage.

“You can call it a night, Rain,” Eli said, his eyes darting to the front door. I scooted upstairs, and almost made it to my bedroom when I heard Mira’s voice.

“Raina.”

Mira stood at the foot of the stairs.

“I’m so sorry about all of this, Aunt Mira,” I said looking down. “I just —”

“I’m very disappointed with what happened tonight,” she said, her voice tight. “It was completely irresponsible to disappear from your own party.”

“I’m so sorry, Aunt Mira.”

“I’m
trusting
you to turn a new leaf here.” She gazed at me with a pained expression. “Your mother would not be happy with how tonight turned out.”

“I’m sorry,” I said in a squeak.

She shook her head and stamped down to the kitchen.

chapter 17

Bronx

The next morning I got an email from Daniel.

Leah’s fantastic. Will contact you later.

I didn’t have a chance to enjoy that email because there was a more worrisome one from Leah. She urgently begged me for my phone number, promising that she wouldn’t share it or ask my name.

Since I obviously couldn’t give her my number I’d have to wait for her to email details. And I waited all day.

That evening, Eli drove Mira, Leah, Bubby, and me to Tamara and Jeremy’s engagement party. When we arrived at the catering hall, Mira held me back while the others entered the building.

“Mrs. Levine isn’t happy with your performance at school.”

“I just need some time,” I said with a pleading look. Matchmaven had overtaken my life.

“I don’t want any more complaints from her,” Mira said with a stern nod.

We finally entered the facility and I was caught off guard by the size of the crowd. You wouldn’t have known that Tamara and Jeremy were both from out of town by the number of people there. There were easily 150 guests, which even included a number of familiar faces from Moriah. The rabbi from the Bernsteins’
shul
was in attendance, apparently with half of his membership too. Both Jeremy’s parents and Tamara’s had flown in for the occasion along with Jeremy’s two older sisters.

A line of buffet tables laden with petit fours, cream-filled cakes, and martini glasses filled with berries bisected the dance floor. The air was so thick with the scents of Givenchy, Chanel, and Hermès that your dress could get wet. I observed Tamara and Jeremy across a lake of pastries. Her entire face was lit up in a smile as she and Jeremy stood at the centre of a throng of well-wishers. Her red hair was tied back in a loose updo. The beige chiffon folds of her gown wrapped softly around her. It was still early in the evening, so the keyboard music hadn’t yet been cranked up to the deafening levels that would make virtually all conversation impossible.

Not that I had anyone to talk to. I glanced at my watch. Where was Professor K. already, my seventy-five-year-old bro? Bubby and Mrs. Feldman were stationed in chairs on the opposite side of the room from the dessert table, and I made a mental note to steer clear. Since the Party Gone Bad, I needed to avoid Bubby like hydrogenated oil. Or at least the way I should have avoided it. It wasn’t that I was angry at her. I even admired her a bit after Eli’s talk. But I definitely had to watch out for her. She was one naughty Bubby.

I loaded up my plate with rum balls and bit into the perfect brownie, so under-baked it was really just glorified goo. Tamara waved her arms at me to join her and Jeremy. I weaved my way through the crowd and gave Tamara a furtive hug, glancing behind my shoulder to make sure that Leah didn’t see me acting too happy.

“Congratulations, guys,” I said. “
Mazel tov
.”

“You’re the hero today,” Jeremy said, turning to me. “I wish we could thank you publicly, but don’t worry.”

Tamara leaned into me. “I’m actually being sent to Vancouver again for my work.”

My face fell. “Nooo! How will I survive the Number 7 without you?”

“I’ll be there for six weeks,” she said shaking her head. “What can I do?”

“When will you see Jeremy?”

“We’ll take turns flying out to visit each other,” she said. “Planning the wedding will be a challenge though.”

“Let me know if I can help,” I said.

“You have already,” she said with a warm smile. “More than you can imagine.”

I wandered the hall observing everyone else having someone to talk to when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey!” Dahlia said.

“Hey, you,” I said. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“I’m not really here,” she said. “Jeremy does work for my dad. I just drove my parents here. I only popped in to see what your couple looks like.”

“Oh,” I said, disappointed. Dahlia shrugged and pointed at my plate with the remnants of the brownies.

“They’re perfect,” I said.

“I know. Perfectly congealed cake batter.”

A familiar voice rang out from behind me.

“Rain!
Mazel tov!
I’ve been thinking about you.” The smile fled from Dahlia’s face and she promptly melted into the crowd. I spun around. It was Mrs. Marmor.

This is one of the many joys of being in a tight community. You’re all glammed up for an elegant engagement party and you turn around and the freaking
shrink
is standing next to you eating a cocktail wiener.

I seriously needed to lose Mrs. Marmor so I pretended to receive a phone call.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Marmor,” I said. “Can you give me a minute? I’m expecting a
very
important phone call.” From one of the legions of friends that I
don’t
have, of course.

“I just want to speak to you for one minute,” Mrs. Marmor said.

I flipped open my phone and took a quick look at my emails.

There was an email from Leah. I brought the phone to my ear.

“How
are
you?” I said in an exaggerated tone. I pointed to the phone and held up my index finger to Mrs. Marmor.
I’m busy, lady. Go get an éclair.
I nodded vigorously into the phone until Mrs. Marmor gave up and wandered over to the Sweet table.

I’d barely been in this town for two months and I was bumping into practically everyone I knew. Welcome to the Jewish community where there’s only 1.1 degrees of separation. Like, who was going to show up next? Mrs. Levine?

Well, colour me a sorceress. Mrs. Levine entered the banquet hall a minute later.

This was supposed to be an engagement party. An engagement that happened because of me, I must say. But it felt more like being trapped inside some nightmarish video game, where school officials try to catch you and ruin your life. I ducked, dodged, and rotated, finally fleeing to the lobby.

Peering at my phone, I noticed that Leah had just emailed me.

Matchmaven:
Soooooo???

Leah:
It was … interesting.

I glanced over my shoulder and noted that Mrs. Levine was heading in my direction. She wore a royal blue suit sewn, once again, entirely from man-made fibres — the kind of fabric that comes out of the washing machine completely dry. Like a tablecloth.

I crossed the lobby and scuttled down the stairs to safety. I wasn’t taking any chances. If Mrs. Levine saw me at a party she might have to think up some new restrictions.

Leah:
He seemed friendly when he picked me up. He’s actually kind of cute. Right away it felt nice.

Matchmaven:
Awesome!!!!!

My matchmaking skills were definitely improving. I was parked at the bottom of the stairs in the dark hallway. A caretaker wielding a bucket and mop sailed past me. I scanned the doors, looking for an empty room to continue this conversation. Daniel thought she was great. She thought he was cute. I was liking where this was going.

Leah:
So he tells me that we’re going for coffee and then we’ll take a walk.

Matchmaven:
Sounds good.

I drifted down the hall toward a sign indicating the women’s bathroom. I needed a solitary place to savour this conversation.

Leah:
So I get in the car and all of a sudden this thing jumps up out of nowhere and it’s slimy, with hot air coming out of it. It blinds me and I start screaming.

I stopped. What?

Leah:
But I couldn’t actually scream because a million tiny hairs fill my mouth. I couldn’t even breathe.

Matchmaven:
What??????

Leah:
Daniel was so apologetic, but it was terrifying.

“Terrifying,” I said out loud to myself. This conversation was like a foreign movie with no subtitles.

Leah:
He explained that it was just Bronx.

Matchmaven:
Bronx?

Couldn’t she just come out and say what happened?