Playing With My Heartstrings (3 page)

Chapter 3

Within a flash, I'd finally discovered peace. Yes, lovely, wonderful and soothing peace. Oh, how comforting it was to know that I was safe and sound - surrounded by my caring, concerned family and all senses of vulnerability suddenly vanished - and I knew I was at my beloved home.

Although my heart yearned to see the night sky again, my eyes, no matter how much I tried, wouldn't open. Huh, maybe Cassie got hold of that tube of super-glue and covered it on my eyes - or sleep was trying to overcome me. Again.

Flowers of all colours - delicate light pinks, juicy bright reds, eye-popping lilacs, yellows as vivid as the midday sun - flooded in my eyes and I sensed that I was lying on the grass in a meadow, probably in the middle of nowhere.

Birds twittered (not on the internet, no doubt) to each other, sharing a heartfelt song, and trees offered me some shade from the glaring sun which warmed my otherwise cool skin. No need to slap on the fake tan, I happily observed.

Then the nightmare truly began. In what felt like an old flashback, Joel was standing right in front of me, his heavy breaths fully on my face, and a look of thunder was heavily displayed on his livid face.

"Why did you leave me alone in the woods, Sadie?" Joel snarled, his once-trustworthy eyes full of rage and hatred. "I would have never left you!"

All signs of possibly experiencing an idyllic dream instantly vanished as my heart felt like it shattered into a million blood red pieces, spilling all over the bright green living grass and daisies.

"But you left me alone in the woods, Joel, not the other way around!" I indignantly responded, stumbling over my words. "You chose to leave me with no explanations or reasons to explain yourself - how do you expect me to feel?"

Part of me felt as though I was speaking my thoughts out loud to only myself, not to the person I strongly detested and loved at the same time. It now made sense why Mum had never had 'the talk' about relationships with me - love, even if spoken about, is a very complicated subject. Shame I hadn't been warned about its perils beforehand.

Joel, whose domineering presence chilled me to the bone, displayed an expression of bewilderment on his surprised face and for a spilt second his mask of hatred disappeared, displaying a vulnerable side I'd not yet seen.

Then, within moments, he reapplied his ghostly pallor and hissed, "I never did and never will love you, Sadie Thompson" - spitting my name as if it was a deadly poison - and walked into the woods in a trail of darkness.

********

It was only a dream, that's what I kept reminding myself the following morning. But nevertheless, the nightmare felt terrifyingly real and the memories of it kept flashing back during the whole day, sending a paralysing chill down my spine.

All day, I stayed in my cramped, tiny bedroom, simply leaving it for meals and the bathroom every few hours. Strangely, Mum and Dad seemed to avoid talking to me about 'the weekend from hell' - as I overheard Cassie describing it - and Cassie, who at times would cling to me like a baby for some attention, stayed well away, though I didn't really blame her because I couldn't stand putting up with my rather depressing company.

As the summer holidays had only just started, I still had a mountain load of homework to complete before the upcoming school year, which only added to my increasingly growing burden. For hours on end, I would just lie on my unmade, teddy bear-clustered bed and stare at the bare white ceiling, imagining stars and dark, intriguing summer night skies.

When I later went downstairs to get a glass of water, Cassie was sitting down at the table in the kitchen, clearing making an effort to get her homework sorted. Lucky her, I sighed. Algebra and Romeo and Juliet clearly haven't become her worst enemies yet.

As I quietly tiptoed to the fridge, Cassie looked up and locked her warm hazel eyes on mine - a resemblance we both share, as our parents would always tell us.

Suddenly, the cool, fresh breeze blowing from the open window disappeared, leaving the air completely dead and stale, like a week-old loaf of bread. A wave of nausea washed upon me and I needed to gulp down that glass of water - fast.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Cassie asked, a look of concern etched on her worried, pale face. "I've hardly seen you at all today - you've mostly been staying in your room, but I didn't want to disturb you. You know, you always told me to leave you alone" - a smile curved on her lips - "and I guess that I finally listened to you for once."

As memories of us fighting and arguing with one another reached to the surface in my mind, I calmed down and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I allowed myself to relax.

I moved over to one of the chairs at the table and slowly sat down, my eyes locked in a heart-stopping gaze with Cassie - another of our many sisterly traits. "Yeah, you finally did listen to me," casually ignoring Cassie's question, "and it took you long enough!"

It took me all of my strength to laugh along with Cassie, who now looked calmer and less panicked, lessening my worry for her. My situation with Joel was my problem, not Cassie's; the last thing I wanted for her was to get involved, which she couldn't resist against.

"So," Cassie said, toning down her voice, "what exactly did happen during your weekend? Mum and Dad have asked me non-stop whether you've told me anything, but they just don't believe me when I say no. Now I can see why you get headaches all time!" she added in a lighter tone.

OK, I should've known this question would be asked sooner or later, by either my ghostly-pale parents or my growing little sister, whose maturity truly surprised me. Was this really the same girl who, only a few years ago, lived for ponies and would do anything - from cleaning the dishes to going to the corner shop to buy a multipack of crisps ahead of Chelsea FC's match against Manchester United - to attend a riding lesson? And now she was asking me about the love of my life as if she'd aged ten years?

Still, I'd rather give my sister the exclusive tell-all than my loveable, yet demanding parents, whose many questions about every single thing would leave my head in a whirlwind. And give me a headache, too.

And so, with little reluctance, I told my sister about the weekend which had turned my otherwise ruined life upside down.

*******

"So, Joel still hasn't been in contact to explain why he left you?"

For the thirty-ninth time (I'd secretly counted in my head), I nodded in and gritted my teeth to resist the urge to shout, "YES, I've been checking my phone every five minutes to see whether Joel has bothered to send me a text or even phone me about why he walked out that morning! DON'T ASK ME AGAIN!" at the top of my lungs. Perhaps my skills from attending drama after school were beginning to flourish, for which my teacher usually praised me.

"Gosh, what a you-know-what" - I secretly got uncomfortable whenever my sister used a strong, typically offensive word - "Joel is! No wonder you're so upset about him - I promise you, if I ever see him again -"

"And let's not make any foolish, drastic decisions just yet, Cassandra," I dramatically cut in, gaining Cassie's full attention by using her Christian name. That trick always worked like a charm, I smiled, proud to make the most of my authority.

Cassie was about to open her mouth again, then stopped herself and went silent, staring at her brightly painted coral nails and twisting her Bourneville dark hair in her fair-coloured fingers. God, she was becoming even more like me each passing day - I felt like I was staring at my reflection in a mirror whenever I looked at her.

"Look," I said, raising my hands, "I don't want to make a huger fuss about this than I already have -" Cassie mockingly raised her eyebrows "- and I'm sorry for the upset I've caused. It's just, well, what's the word? Complicated."

"Love is, so my friends tell me," Cassie said.

"Hey, you're not going out with any boys yet, are you?"

"No!" Cassie squeaked, her face turning a deep shade of red. "Like, no way have I thought about boys yet. All the ones I know still pick their noses and have the mental capability of a two year old."

I breathed a sigh of relief. As if I wanted Cassie to be bringing home lanky, greasy-haired thirteen year old boys whose voices were croakier than a frog's call. A nightmare I'd prefer Cassie to avoid for as long as possible.

However, Cassie's blush was still visible, which forced me to ask again whether there was a boy she liked.

"Well, it's not a-a big crr-ush, you know, he doesn't even know who I am," Cassie nervously stammered, her blush creating a whole new shade of red.

"Nonsense!" I exclaimed. "Boys should be able to tell when a girl is into them - they just lap that sort of thing up!"

"Try telling that to the boy I like," Cassie darkly muttered.

I rolled my eyes, giving Cassie my much-perfected 'as-if-that's-true' look. "Hey, it takes time before a boy figures out that he has a lover, like trying to piece together parts of a puzzle that don't automatically work out."

"I wouldn't put it in those terms, mind you."

I smirked, amused at my use of 'lover' in my speech. Now it made sense why all my friends thought I was reading way too many romance novels - the only books I'd bought ahead of the summer holidays. "Look, love takes time to develop and blossom into something beautiful, but you just have to persist with getting this boy to notice and maybe fall in love with you - relationships don't create themselves within a few days." Throughout my mini pep talk (what a boost it always brought), bubbly, chatterbox Cassie zipped her mouth shut and listened to my every word, absorbing it and only responding by a quick, eager nod. I hoped it would count as my Sisters-In-Need lesson of the week, as Mum had encouraged me to do a few weeks ago.

"Sadie," Cassie tentatively said, a sudden change in the warm, friendly atmosphere, "what does a kiss feel like?"

No way would I have seen that question coming: it completely caught me off-guard. I sat back in my wooden chair, trying to think of a sensible, yet honest answer in response to Cassie's shockingly candid question. Before Joel, I'd never lovingly kissed anyone who lit up my dull, colourless existence into a wonderful, bright display of fireworks and created a dozen emotions which I was blind to their meaning. No, I'd have cut a few corners in my teen-friendly version of experiencing a first kiss - no matter how many times they've read Twilight or wasted a weekend watching the films, nobody knows what a kiss feels like until they experience it first-hand.

Or maybe not.

"A kiss, if by somebody who you love, should dispel any butterflies in your stomach and create a warm, burning fire which moves all over your body, from your head to your toes, and you discover the true meaning of life - love, in all its glory and beauty, welcoming you with open arms to the greatest feeling you'll ever experience." My inner feelings, deep in my slowly repairing heart, flowed through my passionate, meaningful words and I never stopped, stammered nor stumbled whilst speaking because I felt native in my tongue - the language of love, one of the few gifts Joel had offered me before he abruptly ran away.

"Where is Joel?" I asked, suddenly changing the subject.

Biting her pale pink lips, Cassie avoided gazing at me and instead seemed fascinated with the spider crawling on the bare cream ceiling, watching its every move.

"Well?" I demanded, my temper getting closer to boiling point. If my sister did know something, what would stop her from telling me?

"According to one of my friends, Joel was taken home by his elder brother and his girlfriend, then he was later found that day hanging out with Melissa Roberts in the park and -"

"You don't need to say any more," I stated as blood drained from my pale, Casper-like face. My head, which had just enjoyed a pleasant half-an-hour without any threats of headaches or spine-tingling nightmares, was thumping harder than ever, barring me from processing any thoughts. I had no feelings, opinions or responses to what my ears had just heard. I was completely emotionless.

I couldn't even bring myself to think of a sarcastic comment about Melissa Roberts, the ice-cold Queen of Applebury High who wickedly claimed the heart of the one that I'd loved all my life. How dare she took -