Point Hope (3 page)

Her eyes passed over the large photograph displayed up front, and suddenly a purposely buried memory pushed to the front of her mind, one of Ricky’s face in the half shadows. It was late at night, at a family party at the house, when everyone had gotten together on a summer night. She’d had at least two drinks, maybe two and a half, and that was well beyond her limit. Ricky must have had one too many too. They were laughing in the kitchen by themselves one second and kissing the next. It was hot and heavy for a minute before they broke apart, laughing. They’d laughed the whole thing off, actually, and never mentioned it again.

She glanced over at Trey. He sent a rare look her way. At least, those looks were rare these days. They barely met each other’s eyes before looking away. They had walked in together, him holding Jake’s hand, and she holding Candice’s. No one seemed to notice if they showed any stiffness toward each other.

What if she were saying goodbye to her marriage too? Trey’s family might not be her family any more. A sob overtook her, like a hiccup. She had a tissue ready and covered her mouth, struggling to stay in control.

The service finally finished and everyone began to talk. To hug. To reassure others that life would go on. So many faces were friends that had gone all the way through school with Rosette and the Sinclair brothers. Her best friend Angel came over, and it hit her that Ricky had been not only a brother but also a best friend to Trey.

“Are you okay?” Angel asked. “I mean, really okay?” She spoke quietly, next to Rosette’s ear. Angel’s hair was down for once, and the change startled Rosette. Everything seemed different.

“I’m holding up.” She met her friend’s brown eyes, thankful for the support, but also knowing she was holding back. She always had on this topic. Somehow Angel knew that, and she tilted her head, studying Rosette for a minute.

“I’ll come over this week, okay?”

Rosette nodded and Angel accepted that. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t talk about it here. She’d been so careful to keep her marriage problems private. Even thinking about sharing made her feel guilty, like she would be stabbing Trey in the back.

Out of all the things to notice at the funeral, Rosette noticed how good Amanda looked, even at a time like this. It wasn’t like Amanda had tried, but she was just so beautiful, even with black eyeliner smudged around her eyes and tears wiped every which way across her face. Honey blond hair and big blue eyes. She was swollen from the pregnancy, even her face, but not even that looked bad on her.

Amanda’s sister Summer stayed by her side—a slimmer version with the same pretty face. Summer’s hair was just a bit darker, but it too fell in loose, shiny curls. The younger girl had been in a lot of trouble—in prison even—but she had moved in with Amanda and Ricky just a few months ago, and had seemed to truly help her sister during this last difficult week. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Rosette hugged Amanda for a long minute, then she leaned down and touched her face to Amanda’s rounded stomach. “Hi, baby.”

Poor baby. The child wouldn’t even understand the loss for years to come, but when understanding did dawn, it would be heartbreaking.

Other people might be asking if Amanda had thought about names yet, but Rosette knew Amanda would avoid the task with a vengeance. Ricky had pleaded with Amanda to wait until he was home so they could pick the name out together. He was over-the-top excited about being a part of the process. Now…well, naming the baby wasn’t something she was supposed to do on her own.

To Amanda she said, “I’ll be here for you, no matter what you need.”

Amanda nodded, wiping at her nose. She started to speak and ended with a gulping noise and sad smile. Some things are said with the heart, not words. They turned and walked out of the building together with Rosette’s arm around Amanda. She sincerely meant her promise to her sister-in-law, but suddenly she wondered—what would happen to her family relationships after a divorce?

Rosette had wanted a big family. She was so excited to be pregnant for the first time and kept that enthusiasm throughout the horrible morning sickness. Then came the complications, the bed rest, and the worry. The worst part came when their little girl was born almost two months early. Ever since then, Rosette wondered if her premature birth had caused Candice’s health issues, or if her daughter was simply inclined to sickness. Everyone told her the second pregnancy would be easier. For most, it is. But not for her. She’d had morning sickness and required bed rest again. At least with Jake, she’d carried him to full term. Well, eight and a half months. He was healthy as a horse, as they say, just like his dad.

Trey didn’t want more kids after that. Rosette still did, but she didn’t want to go through another difficult pregnancy, so she’d agreed. When she discovered she was pregnant again two years later, Trey accused her of trying to get pregnant behind his back. That wasn’t the case at all. She was terrified. Then she’d miscarried. In a way, that solved the entire problem. Yet, in another way, it caused so many more.

~  ~ ~

It felt odd and wrong, but life had to go on. Rosette had made arrangements with friends to take food to Amanda and check in on her. They had stayed with Amanda for most of the day, until Amanda had about collapsed. Summer was there with her, so Rosette didn’t stay. She had offered though. The rain had broken loose on the way home, making up for the previous dry days. The world outside was dark and gray—colorless, like they felt.

Now Rosette had to take care of her family. She had store-bought pizza in the freezer, a small gluten-free one for Candice, a Hawaiian for Alex and Jake, and chicken garlic for her and Trey, although she liked Hawaiian just as much.

While the pizza was baking, she leaned back on the counter and looked at the calendar. They had one week of school left before spring break, and Alex had asked to stay home. He acted like he was doing okay, so it was an odd request. But she couldn’t tell him no, not after he’d lost his brother. What if he was holding it all inside? Or what if he felt like he needed to help them? Alex was prone to that. They relied on him, probably more than they should. She wasn’t sure what to think, so of course she was over analyzing it. At least if he stayed home, they could talk.

Candice was in first grade, and Jake went to preschool on Monday and Wednesday. She’d signed up him last fall because he had wanted so badly to go to school like Candice. He loved every minute of it.

Maybe it would be better for the little kids if they went back to school. They’d have their familiar schedules that way and could see friends. She would ask Trey—on second thought, that decision could wait a while.

It was just over a week until Alex’s birthday. That was bad timing… Somehow she wanted to make it special for him. He was turning sixteen, and they had planned on doing something big during spring break for him.
Had
planned.

It was also one month until Amanda’s due date. Amanda had the room decorated, the crib set up, and unisex clothes all ready. They had chosen not to find out the baby’s sex, although the doctor knew. Amanda just needed her baby to come. Up until a few days ago, she had just needed Ricky to get home, and then the baby to come.

Rosette had trouble wrapping her head around it. They had all been so excited about seeing Ricky again, and the baby. Now she almost dreaded the arrival of their baby, simply because it’d be so hard. The thought made her stomach twist.

The oven buzzed. Her family was hungry, and she had things to do.

After dinner, she read to the kids and put them to bed, then cleaned the kitchen. There were two loads of laundry to fold and another several days’ worth to wash, but she took one look in the laundry room and thought, screw it. She headed to the bathroom and ran a bath, adding orange-scented bath salts and lighting a couple scented candles. The weather on the Oregon coast can chill you for most of the year, and she took her bath time seriously. She retreated to the tub when life felt too hectic or stressful, and it usually cleared her mind. She rationalized it with the plan to think things out while soaking in the hot water, but instead she always found herself daydreaming or falling halfway asleep.

This time her mind strayed to Trey and everything they were going through. They had decided this was it. She held out hope that it was just words, but he hadn’t looked her in the eye since then. They were simply pretending for a few days for the kids. But when would they tell them? What would they say? She couldn’t imagine splitting parenting time with Trey… Alex was another story. He would probably live with Trey all the time, and she might not even get to see him.

She couldn’t think like this and still breathe. Still live. It made her stomach fold in on itself and her blood seemed to evaporate from her body, leaving her feeling a hundred years old. How had things gotten to this point?

They had made it through the “seven-year itch.” Or maybe, for them, it was a ten-year itch, and they wouldn’t make it. She could see the gradual decline in both their communication and their love throughout their marriage, but it still shocked her to the core to wake up here—at the brink of ripping it all apart.

They had both grown up here in Coos Bay and had even been friends of sorts all through school. They’d taken drama together in high school and joked around all the time. People had asked her if she liked him, and she later learned he got the same question. They didn’t go out, though. Instead they went out with a group of friends, and they both had typical, short teenage relationships with others.

But, as she learned later, it turned out he was in love with her. He even wrote love poems about her in a notebook that he’d kept hidden under his mattress. Trey assumed she had to like his brother, like everyone else did. That’s what he told her.

She’d always thought Trey was good looking. Ricky was too, but Ricky was also a bit loud. He had to be the life of the party.

They kept in touch while she went to college and Trey went through basic training. Then, everything changed when he came home on leave in the summer of 2002.

Trey came back different. In a good way. People say the military makes men out of boys, and in a way it was true for Trey. He was quiet when he left. The girls always liked him—thought he was handsome and mysterious. But when he came back, he carried himself differently. He was still quieter than Ricky, but he spoke his mind.

Rosette was still living in Coos Bay and attending the community college. She was just finishing her shift at a small fish-and-chips shack right along the water when Trey stepped out of his truck in the parking lot. Of course they recognized each other, but everything felt different. He was an
adult
. His own person. She paused and stared at him, looking so handsome and grown up, and completely trim and toned. He looked amazing, especially when he suddenly flashed her a blazing, heart-stopping smile. “Rosette!”

He walked right over, sure of himself, and held out a hand. She shook it, but something made her want more, and she stepped forward and grabbed him in a hug. “Trey, oh my gosh! I didn’t know you were back.”

She had a boyfriend at the time. His name was Stan, and they’d been together for three months. Back then, three months was serious. They’d been saying “I love you” since two months, and she usually counted the hours until she would see him again. That changed right then and there. Stan seemed so childish and unmotivated compared to Trey.

They went to the beach and walked while laughing and talking about memories from school and what their friends were up to. Trey’s eyes were so pastel blue, like the most perfect summer sky you’ve ever seen, and his smile was so sure. It seemed like the combined beauty of the ocean, the surf, and the beach was there just to highlight how handsome he was.

“Want to go to a movie tonight?” he asked.

She barely thought about Stan when she answered, “I’d love to! It’ll be fun to catch up!” Actually, she completely forgot she had a boyfriend until she drove to Angel’s house to squeal the news.

“Um, Rosette,” her friend had asked. “Don’t you think Stan will mind?”

Stan. She wasn’t sure what to do, so she didn’t call Stan that day. Instead she got ready in her favorite jeans and a new lacy blue shirt, and she flat ironed her hair to make it long, straight, and shiny. She looked great when Trey came by the house to pick her up.

It was a tough choice on the movie between
Spider-Man
; the new Star Wars movie,
Attack of the Clones
; and some thriller called
Signs
. Everyone was talking about
Spider-Man
, and it seemed like the most romantic. The previews had shown Spider-Man hanging upside down in the rain, kissing Mary Jane. Trey bought popcorn and a root beer to share, since he remembered she liked root beer. The movie delivered, and it seemed to reflect their feelings for each other. After the movie started, Trey slid his arm around her.

Towards the end of the movie, she thought he wanted to kiss her. Their heads were tilted together, touching, and she could have just turned her face. For some reason, she was nervous about kissing him. Maybe it was because they had been friends for so long. Or maybe it was the opposite, and she was nervous because they hadn’t seen each other in a while.

After the movie, they ran into a few other friends from high school, and that took the tension off. It almost seemed to derail the mood. They ended up laughing and kidding around like old times, and later he drove her home. Maybe she’d been wrong about that funny spark earlier in the day. In only made matters worse when he walked her to the door. It was like a date, but maybe they were just friends. She hugged him, almost holding her breath with uncertainty.

He leaned back enough to kiss her on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Goodnight!” she smiled and waved, and went inside, even more confused.

That’s when things got a bit stickier. Rosette wasn’t sure if Trey liked her that way, so she didn’t break things off with Stan. Being a mature college girl, she childishly avoided him.