Poison Pen Letters to Myself

BOOK: Poison Pen Letters to Myself
11.09Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT
POISON PEN LETTERS TO MYSELF

Romany is a compassionate, spiritual author, whose wisdom extends far, far beyond her years and touches the heart of all who have shed tears for the sorrows life brings, and laughed in hope of that better tomorrow or maybe the day after. This is a guide of immense power and love that we may all be more thoughtful and aware of what lies behind seemingly random or unfair events that in fact are our greatest teachers.

Cassandra Eason
, Author of
The Magick of Faeries
and
The New Crystal Bible

Romany’s poetry is personal and provocative. It is at times both brutal and beautiful, and this book takes the reader on a winding emotional journey. Despite the private and personal nature of much of her work, these poems do not exclude the reader – instead her style of writing allows you in, lets you walk within her words and interpret them in ways which are relevant to your own life.

Arietta Bryant
, Author of
Ramblings & Rhymes
and
Circles of Sacred Laughter

This anthology of poetry reads like a fragmented autobiography, stitched back together by a skilled hand to create a story of life, love and faith. Standalone poems speak simple truths; the collective speaks a wider story of becoming. Well written, these words tell a tale, give a lesson & speak to their reader through the simple words and the more complex intonation of phrase. A journey is had, through the poet’s eyes; for the reader, the writer and the players involved; it reads like a novelised, journalised roadmap of the human experience. Even for the non-poet, this
anthology is well worth a read – one can speed through it; half reading, half experiencing; or savour each poem alone. Either way, it is written with such fervour, time seems to stand still while the words leave their mark.

C.M. Mitchell
, Author of the upcoming
Oakwood Collection
of novels

A self-effacing, insightful and wonderfully authentic document of a poet discovering her voice. Anyone who has ever taken a good look at themselves will find something here that speaks to them – there is honesty, catharsis and ultimately beauty on almost every page.

Laurie Goulding
, Editor of
Mark of Calth
and
Gotrek & Felix: Lost Tales

Poison Pen Letters
is a consuming and compelling collection of raw expression. Within its pages we are drawn into a world of uncomfortable truths about both ourselves and the society we live in; the author addresses a number of topics which as individuals, we often choose to avoid. It was not difficult to find myself identifying with the text, which depicts the journey of an individual who has struggled through some of life’s most difficult challenges and has found herself enlivened and empowered by her beliefs and the relationships made along the way.

There are also some further hidden meanings within the text – which will be evident to those who follow the same spiritual path – and wonderful motivational poems near the end of the manuscript, which give credence to the undeniable power of belief.

Vikki Bramshaw
, Author of
Craft of the Wise
and
Dionysos: Exciter to Frenzy

First published by Moon Books, 2014
Moon Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd., Laurel House, Station Approach,
Alresford, Hants, SO24 9JH, UK
[email protected]
www.johnhuntpublishing.com
www.moon-books.net

For distributor details and how to order please visit the ‘Ordering’ section on our website.

Text copyright: Romany Rivers 2013

ISBN: 978 1 78279 520 9

All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.

The rights of Romany Rivers as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Design: Lee Nash

Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY

We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of our business, from our global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution.

Acknowledgements

I believe that it is always important to say thank you, so this is my simple note of gratitude. Thank you to everyone who touched my life, inspired my mind, and walked my path with me. Be our encounter creative or destructive, those moments have made me the woman I am today. Without you all, I would not be.

To my Husband; for promising on our wedding day and every day since to believe in me even when I doubt myself.

To my Son and Daughter; yes, your Mama really was young and foolish once upon a time. No, that does not mean you can make the same mistakes – go and make your own.

To my spiritual sister Arietta; for the tea, and for the sympathy, and for challenging me…

Introduction

The words in these pages were not written for mass consumption. They were not artfully crafted for reading aloud in dim rooms to a soundtrack of clicking fingers and Parisian style applause. They were not intended as political statements or a way of reaching other wayward wandering souls. Over the last two decades they were poured, purged, scribbled and spat onto scraps of paper, napkins, backs of hands, into empty pages and blank spaces of other books. At times of sorrow, frustration, confusion, acceptance and joy the words made sense of the mind’s muddled meanderings. I make no apologies for the words that appear here. They are true to me, as simple and as intrinsic as the blood in my veins, the marrow in my bones.

Feast upon them at your leisure. Devour them, spit them out, dip in and taste them on your tongue. Be they bitter or sweet to you; know only that they have certainly improved with age.

Romany Rivers

Unexpected

The words came suddenly

In a rush

All at once

Like an unexpected orgasm

Surprising

Exciting

Relieving

Releasing

I did not realise just how dried up I had become

The river of emotion contained within

But you cannot contain a river without

Turning it into a dam

So

Was I damned?

No

I was paused

On a brink

Holding the potential

Before everything tipped and I

Became

A

  Waterfall

Full of the kinetic

Unexpected

Red Letters

Trampled and trodden on, left lying on doormats. Tossed onto tables. Crumpled in coat pockets. Unceremoniously stuffed into the darkest recesses of overfilled handbags. Unopened. Unheeded. Most certainly unwanted. Not forgotten, but studiously ignored. The first one can be ignored, after all these things always come in threes. The third one, well, that one may be a problem. A little bit more serious. The first one? It is not really a warning, more of a nudge. A gentle reminder. There is no time, no resources, no need to worry about it right now.

If someone asks, deny everything. No responsibility. No liability. Plead ignorance. It never happened. You never got that warning. You didn’t know there was a problem. Of course, yes, you really should be keeping a close eye on matters, but life is so busy.

Smile. Play make believe. Pretend there are no issues. Consciously ignore the warning. Subconsciously prepare your reasons, your excuses, your denials. If someone asks, get ready to fake it. Always be ready. Always a little on edge, a little defensive, a little ashamed that your inability to manage things has come to this. A red letter.

If someone asks, shrug it off. It is not a problem. It is something that can be dealt with later. Really, despite the evidence, you have it all under control. No need to worry. Everything is fine, just fine.

But no one asks.

No one notices.

No one really cares.

It is just one warning, just one red letter.

Before Bedtime

Sadness is a funny little thing

It sneaks around behind the sofa

And curls up in your lap when you relax

It gets heavier as the lights go down

Until you are afraid to move

Just in case it wakes up

Instead you let your legs grow numb

Your arms melt into your fingertips

Your head tips forward like a forgotten marionette

And you stay always

Curled around the pain of the weight held near the butterflies

Tomorrow you might open your eyes

But tonight is just fine……..

Home

Outside

Under the wide black starry skies

Barefoot

Weeping as my veins take root

This blackened town

Nothing nowhere

Rusted crown

Someone somewhere

Was I christened a someone

To no-one

In particular?

And it all comes down to fear

Fear that no-one really cares

If I fight to make my way out there

Or if I bleed to death standing here

Vale of Tears

I watched the shadows creep as I listened

And when you listened to me

I felt like I had finally spoken

The words washed me dry of tears

Emptied me

Black and hollow

It felt like a night of confession

A night of soul searching

We searched

But the soul I lost remains with you

My heart

Hollow without you

Nothing

But a vale of tears

What Have I Become?

What have I become?

A stale heart with luke-warm blood

Muddied knees and frozen tongue

Bloodless, tearless, blackened, numb.

Mirror, mirror, tell me lies

Say I’m young to the eye

For I am not to question why

Simply born to do and die.

Bitter

Windows like warm firelight

Draw my bitter curiosity in

And I stand in sullen emotion

Seeking every sin

I will take you home

And take you in

All in sullen emotion

All in sweet sin

Open the door for me

I lost the key

Open the windows then

Let the noise drift to me

See me standing

Too afraid to knock

Smiling on the outside

Laughing at the lock

I will take you home

If you lose yourself in me

And I will let you go

When I have what I need

Lose yourself in me for a while

Leave you with the image…

…of my smile.

BOOK: Poison Pen Letters to Myself
11.09Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

In Chains by Michelle Abbott
Reluctant Bride by Joan Smith
Robinson Crusoe 2244 by Robinson, E.J.
Dead Man Riding by Gillian Linscott
Bungee Jump by Pam Withers
Soul of the Assassin by Larry Bond, Jim Defelice