Pony Dreams (18 page)

Holy heck! Why does everything have to be so
sad?

When I could no longer put it off, I gathered
the blankets and, with the cats trailing me to the door, walked
back to the house. Three black lumps lay near the new well. I
dropped the blankets beside the bodies.

It was hard to tell which one was which. The
smell nearly made me empty my stomach. I gulped and walked
away.

“When will we bury them?” I asked.

“You don't have to,” Adam said.

“I do,” I said. “Let's get on with it.”

At first, it looked like I would have to
argue. Adam groaned and flicked his eyes at Mark and Paul. Without
a word, they went into the barn and returned with a handcart. After
loading the blanket wrapped bodies, Bart and Charles pushed the
cart to a fenced area behind the corral. Three wooden markers stood
in a row. I didn't have to look at the names to know who they
belonged to.

We dug one grave and lowered the bodies into
it. After we piled the dirt back on top, Adam took off his hat and
stared at the sky.

“Lord, please watch out for them. Don't let
Peter climb any haylofts up there. He's a bit unsettled when he
gets excited. Ma, Pa, we'll take care of Abby, you don't have to
worry about her.” Lowering his head, he kicked at the dirt around
the grave. “Anyone else got something to add?”

I stared silently at the rocks on top of the
dirt.

Ma, I'll take care of them. You'll see. I
won't let anything happen to my brothers.

As I made the promise, it almost felt like
her arms circled around me in a hug. The ice inside me melted but
not much. I still didn't feel much of anything. Maybe that would
change someday, but until then I had a family to raise. Life sure
was hard for the only girl in a family.

I faced my brothers and forced my tears to
stop flowing. A grown woman didn't cry over things she couldn't
control, but the sight of their devastated faces sure made it hard
to act like the adult I had become because of the Johnsons.

“Don't any of you ever think of babying me
again,” I said. “I'm an adult now.”

The next morning, I leaned against the barn
and stared at the wreckage of our house. We had to rebuild, but
wood was scarce in the desert.

“I guess we can live in the barn for a
while.”

Wagon wheels creaked close by. Several horses
pranced and whinnied. I leaned into the barn.

“Someone's coming.”

My brothers and uncle tumbled from their
blankets fully dressed. Seconds later, they stood in front of me. I
pushed between Adam and Mark as Sheriff Cove jumped from a wagon
filled with planks.

“Bill Adams and Zeke Stallings caught up with
me yesterday,” he said. “They had their boys ride hard to Carson
City. The folks up there sent you a gift, to help you get back on
your feet.”

Eleven other wagons parked around the ruined
house. Neighbors I hadn't seen in a year walked over to us, but
there were no women in the bunch.

“Howdy, Adam,” Mr. Stallings said. “My missus
sent over a mess of fried chicken for lunch.” He waved at the
others. “Their wives prepared other stuff so Abby didn't have to
worry about cooking for the lot of us.”

“I ... uh.” Adam shook his head in disbelief.
“Thank you.”

“Where did you plan to rebuild?” Mr. Adams
asked.

“Over there.” Charles pointed at a spot close
to the chicken coop. “We figured we'd put up the new house before
we cleaned up the old one.”

“No need for that,” Jeb Hadley said. “There's
enough of us to take care of both at the same time. We raided our
barns and found enough furnishings and clothes to tide you
over.”

I sidled over to Adam.

“Do you need my help?” I asked.

He crouched in front of me. “There's not much
you can do until we get the roof and walls up, but you can keep an
eye on things and tell us when we're about to make a mistake.”

The idea of sitting around and thinking
scared me. I wanted to work, to stay busy, so I didn't think about
the people I no longer had in my life.

Chapter
Twenty-Six

The silence with all
those men around us was so loud, I just had to say something.
Nothing came to mind though.

There is something I could do.

“We need to take more ponies soon, don't we?”
I faced the corral.

“Five days,” Adam said.

“I'll work with the horses while you build
the house.” I hugged him tightly. “I promise I won't daydream.”

“That's a darned good idea,” he said. “I
hadn't figured out how to break the horses and build a house.”

I approached the herd's leader while blinking
back tears.

“You'll carry a friend of mine for The Pony.
I want you to listen to him, so he doesn't have to punch you. Will
you let me up on your back so my brothers can get this house built?
We have to get ready for a new shipment, and you're all we have to
send this time. I'll make sure the ones who stay behind bring lots
of your friends so you won't be lonely.”

A soft nose nuzzling my hand almost made me
run for the hills, but I gulped back my sobs and climbed onto his
back.

“Just you hang on while I make sure those men
aren't messin' around.”

I looked around. Adam took half our neighbors
to where we wanted to put the new house. Within minutes, the men
set to work on smoothing dirt while others pounded in long, thick
corner beams. The rest of my brothers stacked the burned remains of
our old house far from everything else. Uncle Andy leaned against
the well, careful of his burned arm.

The day before Adam's group had to ride out
to meet our contract, the men finished the house. Our neighbors
headed for home after calling goodbye. I silently walked away from
the corral and entered the kitchen. It didn't look much like the
other one as I checked out the room.

“Where's the food?” I asked.

“In the pantry,” Adam said. “Can you handle a
simple supper? I have to make sure everyone's set until I get
back.”

“Cooking's my chore. You do what you have
to.” I pulled out a freshly dressed chicken and chopped it.
“Adam?”

“Yup?”

“Can you have Paul bring me lots of
vegetables? I think soup is all I can handle right now.”

“Sure thing, short stuff.”

He paused and looked at me, his quizzical
expression almost making me laugh. I wouldn't scold him. If he
wanted to, he could call me short stuff for the rest of my
life.

“Bart will stay here with you and the rest,”
he said. “I can handle the ponies we have.”

“I guess so.” My heart sank at the thought of
him leaving.

What if Adam never comes back? What will we
do then?

He walked out, and I prepared soup and a pan
of cornbread. After sliding the iron skillet into the oven, I began
cleaning up.

“Do you need help?” Uncle Andy asked.

He was never far away. It worried me how much
he kept an eye on me.

“Just set at the table and keep me
company.”

When Adam and the rest returned to wash up, I
grabbed the cornbread pan without a cloth.

“Look out!” Uncle Andy's shout didn't come in
time.

“Holy heck!” I wailed. “That hurts.”

“Mark, get some water,” he hollered out the
door. “Adam, find that stuff the doctor left for burns. Hurry.”

Blisters formed before they got back. I blew
on them, but nothing helped. Only when Uncle Andy smoothed cream
across the hot skin and wrapped it did I feel better.

“I guess I needed help after all,” I
said.

“I'm here whenever you need me,” my uncle
said.

Peter and Mark took care of the dishes while
I nursed my injured fingers on the porch.

Holy heck! The very first time I make a meal
in our new home, and I mess up.

“Ma,” I whispered. “Can you help me a tiny
bit, please? Just until I remember all the stuff you taught me. It
sure would help the others stop worrying about me.”

Warmth drove away the chill in my bones. I
went inside.

“We have to snap her out of this,” Uncle Andy
said. “She's just a child.”

“I'm still having bad days,” Adam said. “It's
been less than two weeks. She'll come around.”

“I hope so.”

Without letting them know I had heard, I
crept back outside and walked to our cemetery, kneeling in front of
the newest marker. No tears came to ease the ache in my heart; I
couldn't afford them anymore. To make sure my family didn't pine
away from grief, I had to quit making mistakes.

“I'll make sure we don't fail, Ma,” I
promised while touching the locket I never took off. “You were
right. I'm a woman now.”

Chapter
Twenty-Seven

A year after the
Johnsons ripped apart my family, I knelt in front of the grave
marker. My brothers and uncle hadn't seen me sneak out. I wanted no
one listening to what I had to say.

“It's my seventeenth birthday,” I said. “I
didn't remind Adam, Bart, Charles, Mark, Paul, and Uncle Andy about
it, Ma. I know you and Pa wanted me to go to dances and such, but
they need me.” My fingers shook as I touched their names, carved
into the tough wood by Adam and Bart. “Sheriff Cove stopped by
yesterday to tell us about the Johnsons. Seems the Army tried them
'cause they interfered with a federal contract, whatever that is.
Those lazy, good-for-nothings are going to prison for the rest of
their lives, so you can quit worrying about them coming after us
again.” Like always, when reminded of their deaths, tears
threatened to spill down my cheeks, but I choked them back. “We do
all right most days. Paul even quit messing around instead of doing
his chores. He probably works harder than Adam now.” I sighed and
stood. “Uncle Andy stayed with doctoring, but he makes folks come
here unless it's an emergency. I guess you already know all this,
but I felt like I had to tell you.”

With a heavy heart, I walked away. Laughing
voices floated around me, encouraging me to have some fun. I looked
around but didn't see anyone.

Ride a horse today, Abby. Don't give up
enjoying life because we aren't with you.

That was Ma's voice! I almost screamed but
gulped back my fear and walked toward the corral. There was one
stubborn, high-spirited mustang in it. Adam planned to release him
as soon as he returned from his latest delivery.

“Nothing tried, nothing gained.” I held out a
hand and waited.

The proud, magnificent animal glared at me
with his dark eyes flashing. I remained silent as I stood there
watching him. He tossed his head, whinnied, and cantered in a
circle.

“Just one ride?” I asked.

He stopped mid-stride with his rear to me.
His head turned until his gaze met mine.

“I don't weigh near as much as my
brothers.”

After ducking his head, the mustang came over
to the fence. I scrambled onto his back and threaded my fingers
through his mane while pressing my knees into his sides. He began
to run around the corral. All the love for riding I had bottled up
burst out. I laughed and threw back my head, enjoying the breeze
washing over me.

“What are you doing?” Uncle Andy shouted.
“That horse will throw you, Abby.”

Laughing harder, I shook my head. Only one
horse had ever thrown me, and it wasn't because he wanted to. The
mustang ran in a few more circles, and then he stopped by the gate.
I slid off his back, opened the latch, and pushed the gate
open.

“Thank you.” I stepped back so I didn't block
his path to freedom. “You're free.”

He reared once and then ran for the desert.
Bart, Charles, Mark, Peter, and Uncle Andy watched openmouthed when
the animal stopped and dropped his head in what looked like a
bow.

I walked into the house and started supper.
Two hours later, I labored to keep the stew from sticking to the
pot.

“About ready?” Uncle Andy leaned through the
door.

“Nearly.”

I opened the oven door and reached for an
iron skillet. Before my bare fingers touched it, he grabbed a towel
and rescued the cornbread.

“Gotta be careful,” he said. “Don't want to
end up with blisters again, do you?”

“No, sir,” I whispered.

Despite having kept my vow not to cry for a
year, tears spilled down my cheeks. It wasn't that I acted like a
girl anymore. I didn't even dress like one because we had to save
every penny to keep the ranch going.

“It'll get better.” He patted my back before
carrying the meal to the table.

The urge to remind him what day it was
withered on my tongue before I voiced the words. No one else had
wanted a birthday celebration over the last year. I felt guilty at
how much I wanted them to acknowledge mine.

My brothers entered after washing up. Except
Adam, he still hadn't returned from the latest delivery. I walked
to the kitchen door and stared into the desert.

Where is he? Adam should have come home last
night.

“Sit down, Abby,” Bart said. “The meal will
get cold if you don't.”

“Go ahead without me,” I said.

None of them remembered today was October
twenty-fourth, exactly a year and a day ago, the Johnsons had
burned the house. That it coincided with my birthday made me feel
like I would never get over the losses. My stupid brothers just sat
at the table and ate, as if nothing horrible had occurred. What
kind of idiots were they? I lost myself in memories of how much
better things had been last year. A shout from the corral caught me
by surprise.

“Riders in!”

My heart caught in my throat. The voice
sounded familiar, but I hadn't heard it in a long time. Supper
forgotten, I scampered to a man who once made me happy.

“Pony Bob!” I threw my arms around his
neck.

Footsteps pounded across the ground. The rest
of my family joined us, shouting hello, and demanding to know why
he had come all this way to see us. He lifted me into a hug and
turned in a circle. Adam's face flashed in and out of view while
the whole world spun.