Pop Singer: A Dark BWAM / AMBW Romance (31 page)

I knew he loved my voluptuous body with those words he told me. He worshiped my every single curve and edge, the way my skin flourished by my sternum, spilling out by my ass.

He wanted to grope me, feel me all. He felt every inch of me again, going over the old parts he seemingly missed. Behind me, the small of my back. Touching behind my hair. Feeling every strand.

He kissed again, going down my belly, straight to my very sensitive clit. I was so sore there, having squirted out so much already.

He did nothing but kiss and kiss and kiss.

Honor my sex.

Give me everything that I wanted.

We stayed in silence.

We did not say anything else because we had no words.

Jong-soo groped my waist, and then he leaned against me, and we collapsed together. As a bundle of nerves, we collapsed together, our heads filled up with passion and lingering euphoria.

So much lust and fervor.

What we had to offer to one another—completely inside of us now.

We lay there in the dark.

Simply listening to each other’s heartbeats.

What I had always wanted in a man: the ability to just stay there and be myself without any sort of worries constraining me. Naked and in his arms.

“You really enjoyed that,” Jong-soo whispered. “You were completely alive back there.”

“Am I not normally?”

“Sometimes you seem reserved. From what I’ve been able to see.”

“Oh,” I said.

For a long time now, I had been speaking in a half-Korean, half-English language, and it was beginning to hurt my head a little bit. I was glad to have a break from all of the talking, being able to just have our bodies together.

And I hadn’t expected that
at all
.

It wasn’t like I planned it.

I’m glad it did happen, but I was worried about other things now.

Where exactly were we headed? I mean, we weren’t in a relationship. And we had no obligations to one another—not in the usual sense of the word.

I didn’t want to abandon him, to jump ship for the States.

I had so many conflicting feelings, but over time they were beginning to change and swirl into a different concoction.

Before, when I was in the house, trapped under Oh-seong’s control, I was so bent on going back home. Even if it meant humiliation and shame. That didn’t last long, with the pride coming back stronger than ever.

And then after Jong-soo saved me, I had a different feeling running through me: that of gratitude and gratefulness.

Sitting next to him in the truck, so many times over, I was hit with a sense of belonging and longing.

I belonged to his crew now. And I did not long for America, but for him. To be next to him.

Not that I wanted to put myself in danger. But I wanted to experience the same kind of closeness that we had when we were jumping out of the window—when
he
was jumping out of the window.

For me.

Lying next to him made me feel that same kind of rush: that he was saving me from myself. My pent-up desires. Giving me relief in a way I never knew was possible.

He got rid of my anxiety like he’d said he would.

I didn’t want to speak anymore though. I didn’t want to have to bust out anymore Korean words. My head was spinning from simple sentences.

Just talking to him on a casual level strained my brain. Trying to decipher what was going on at the doctors or with Hae-il or with Bit-na especially—it made me feel dumb and stupid. And that’s not who I was at all. Not in school and not here in Korea.

I wasn’t going to be a victim anymore.

“In the morning,” Jong-soo said, “we can board the ship and do this every night while we sail off for Fukuoka. You know where that is?”

Of course not, I wasn’t part of this region. And I only had studied Korea and Korean things. I felt a little bit embarrassed about my lack of geography know-how.

I wanted to impress Jong-soo on some level besides linguistics and art. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t another ignorant American.

But, I was.

As much as it was difficult for me to say so.

The world beyond the United States never really piqued my interest—and I simply did not know many places outside of the stereotypical ones I saw in Korean music videos or in travelogues.

“I might have heard of it in passing,” I said, saving face.

“It’s a beautiful city, very beautiful in the winter especially. Cold in the winter. It’s the least prone to earthquakes.”

I tried to imagine being in a Japanese earthquake. Feeling the earth tremble underneath me. Feeling the world being stripped away—and then a tsunami threat.

“I can’t imagine living there,” I said.

“You won’t have to wait much longer, babe.”

Hell, I needed a break.

I closed my eyes, Jong-soo’s arms wrapped around me. I had let him in, quite literally, but also inside my soul. Where he was privy to my deepest feelings.

What I had told him about wanting to exact revenge against Oh-seong—that was true. I didn’t want to leave Korea or Asia without having spited that man for abducting me and taking me away and making a fool of me.

Like I said, I had pride. Girl, I had pride.

I didn’t even want to have my phone back. I didn’t mind being cut off from the world—because being cut off from the world meant I didn’t have to face Latasha and my dad anymore. It meant that I didn’t have to go back and call them and hear that they were fine without me.

See? Pride.

More than anything, I needed
them
. And keeping them away from me meant that I could keep them intangible, simply an idea in my head where I could validate myself by how impressed they would be
after
I came back.

I would tell them about my crazy adventure
after
I was successful.

That’s how prideful I was. I had all of these thoughts bubbling up in my head, the scenarios in my dreams where I would show Latasha and dad how wrong they were. How I would prove myself to them over and over.

“You were wrong,” I mouthed the words while asleep in my dreams.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

“Wake up,” Jong-soo said. My eyes opened, and I immediately sat up. Jong-soo was hitting my shoulder, smirking. “We’ve got to get to the truck or else we’re going to be left behind. I don’t think Bit-na is going to be so nice this morning.”

We brushed up in the bathroom, freshened ourselves, took a quick shower—groping each other all the while—and then made out of the room like bandits for the truck.

Like Jong-soo had suspected, Bit-na was extremely cranky. She snarled at me, saying, “I think you look much better this morning, princess. Now that you’ve gotten your precious beauty sleep.”

“Well I’m sorry that I had to sleep,” I snapped. Bit-na looked surprised that I was standing up for myself. Even Jong-soo seemed to glance over at me, his eyes wondering if I was okay.

Hae-il had his hands on the wheel as I slid into the back.

I strapped myself in, but Jong-soo simply free-balled, not bothering to put his seatbelt on at all.

He held my hand, and we all stayed quiet during the ride over to the dock.

Definitely, there was a tension in the air. Building up day after day, it seemed that we were slowly going to be at each other’s throats.

A division was occurring: me and Jong-soo, and then Bit-na and Hae-il. I wasn’t sure if all of us were going to make it to Japan as one whole unit. At this rate, we were going to be Swiss cheese.

“The trip is going to take about three days,” Bit-na finally said, as the shoreline pulled up. The docks stretched up into the air, tall ship masts and piers into the ocean, ships moored in place with long tethers and the sounds of birds chirping in the air, squawking and fighting amongst themselves for scraps of food. “So all of us are going to have to get used to the rocking back and forth of a boat for that time period. Are you guys okay with that?” She turned back in her seat, surveying all of our expressions. “Good. Here are your passes. Don’t lose them.”

She had been keeping them for Jong-soo. As I held mine, I let my eyes take in the different languages on the ticket.

“How are we going to get in without a passport?” I said to Jong-soo.

“That was something we discussed, but you must’ve missed it,” Jong-soo said. “We’re going to have to put you inside a container.”

I opened my eyes wide. What? Damn me for not knowing Korean. “
What?
”

“We’ll be able to get by with some crafty measures,” Jong-soo said.

Bit-na flashed a couple of fake passports. Only three of them, not enough for all of us.

“She’s had them for a while,” Jong-soo said. “They’re very good fake passports too, I have to say myself. But considering a black person is kind of rare in this part of the world, she wasn’t going to be carrying one for you ahead of time. She’s not psychic.”

Oh, man. My hair was beginning to turn frizzy at the thought of being boxed up in some sort of cargo hull.

“How are you going to bring me aboard?” I said.

“You’re going to basically be our luggage,” Jong-soo said.

Bit-na grinned. “That’s why I let you sleep in the hotel last night. I was trying to be nice to you. You’re going to be riding in a really cramped space for a really long time.”

I rolled my eyes.

She was like a child.

I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have good parents around to teach you any better, eh?

“Don’t worry about it too much,” Jong-soo said, “I can come with you inside. Actually, Hae-il and Bit-na are going to pretend to be a couple. It’s better that way. Fewer people will attract less attention.”

Now I was feeling better. Although still a little bit queasy and scared. I had never been on an adventure like this before.

“Am I really going to fit inside?” I said. I had skepticism running through my veins. How are we going to fit together inside a bag of luggage?

“You’ll fit good enough,” Jong-soo said. “We have a really large bag that we’re going to pick up at a department store. They’re usually for sailors, but I think we can get away with it here. A lot of people travel by boat to Japan—it’s not something that they do over in other places, but around here, it’s quite common. We’re so close. It really won’t be anything drawing attention to us. Trust me.”

There were several travel shops located near the shoreline. Close to the boardwalk, to the different piers. I saw the boats in the bay, honking and tooting their horns. I imagined myself tight in a bag, locked together with Jong-soo.

Were we really going to be able to pull this off?

Hae-il pulled into another parking lot. Bit-na got out of her seat, and then went inside one of the stores nearby. She came out with a long, huge box. It had wheels at the bottom, and a pullout handle. The entire box sort of looked like a rolling backpack, the kind you would see traveling businessmen or women use.