Positive/Negativity (17 page)

“I want to meet your family too. You know there will be laughter and happiness going on at The Blackjack tonight before everyone walks to the beach to see the fireworks. You’re going to be so occupied introducing me to all of the family that you won’t even have time to feel sad. Didn’t you tell me that there are a million of them?” I said, hearing laughter coming from Aria.

“No, not a million; just a thousand or so,” she said with a light smile.

“You just concern yourself with introducing me, and I’ll turn on my Madison Avenue charm for everyone; then we can join your Mom to sit with her and eat. Tonight’s going to be a bit difficult on her as well, but she has her family just like you do. I’ll be there for you as well. It’s only after dinner that everyone goes to the front porch, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

“I know it’s the first time since your dad passed away…so does your family. I’m going to be right there with you, baby, right by your side, and I won’t leave you. You don’t have to do this by yourself, okay?” I reassured.

“That sounds good, bear, but what about
after
the fireworks when everyone goes back and hangs out for hours on the porch?” Aria asked.

“Well, we can go up on the beach with everyone to watch the fireworks, but when it’s over, we’ll walk back to
our
beach house, just you and me. You can tell your mom about our plan before we go up for the fireworks; I’m sure she’ll understand. Sound like a plan?” I asked.

She just nodded her head and placed her face on my chest as I held her in my arms.

“Thank you for taking care of me. I love you for that,” she said.

“Oh, baby, never thank me for that. I love taking care of you, and I know you’d do the same for me,” I said as I wiped away the remainder of her tears. “Now, your
dessert
is cold,” I teased and smiled at her. “Let’s get a fresh cup.”

The Fourth of July at the beach was the busiest time of the season. Thousands of people flocked to the seaside resorts, and ours was no exception. The Boardwalk and streets were filled with crowds. This was evident as Aria and I tried to walk to The Blackjack.

Once we arrived I realized that she didn’t exaggerate; she did have a huge family. Aria took me around and introduced me to one person, then another, then another, and so on. I think the introductions lasted for two hours. I was picking up toddlers, holding babies, getting kisses from aunts, and handshakes from uncles. This was completely foreign to me in a familial setting as it had always been just Carter, my mom, and I.

Aria’s Aunt Thelma made certain to have me try all of the dishes that were prepared, and I’m glad she did because each and every one was absolutely delicious. I teased her by telling her it was a good thing that I worked out regularly or I’d be out of a job with all the weight I’d gained tonight.

Her family was more than hospitable. Each person made you feel as if they had known you for years, and you were never made to feel as if you were a stranger or a guest; they made you feel like family.

I sat with her, listening to the latest stories and antics of the families involved, and Aria and Jeannie giggled and smiled throughout most of the night.

When dinner was over and I helped her with the clean-up, I could see that she was mentally bracing herself to step out onto the porch—the same front porch where I had first kissed her.

I reached down to hold her hand as she made her way to the screen door, and squeezed it when she stepped through. I saw her sad gaze go to a green Adirondack chair all the way to the left of the porch. Instantly I knew who the occupant had been on many Fourth of July celebrations.

She took in a deep breath as she stared at the chair, then slowly exhaled the breath she had just taken in. Something about her demeanor was…different. She was still shaky but her apprehension lifted a bit…and then she was
smiling
. It was slight smile, but I detected it. Her eyes were still misty when she looked at the chair, which I noticed was now occupied.
Something
had changed when she saw the chair.

“Are you okay?” I asked her, placing my arms around her waist and looking down to her.

“Surprisingly, yes,” she said, looking up at me. She whispered to me to clarify, “It’s because it’s Uncle Bill”—she smiled through her tears—“he’s Dad’s best friend. Do you understand?”

Aria turned her head back around to indicate where her uncle was sitting. It was “her dad’s” chair. Uncle Bill was looking at her. When he caught her eye, he winked at her as if he had known the inner struggle she’d be going through tonight; then Uncle Bill looked at me and gave me a nod. It seemed to indicate his approval of my looking out for her. I felt a sense of satisfaction by receiving his approval. It was the next best thing to receiving an approval from Aria’s father. What mattered most to me was that my beautiful girl seemed peaceful and was wearing a smile.

The sky became dark, and it was almost time for the fireworks display to begin. All of the family began to walk up to the beach to get the best seating possible for the show.
TT

True to Aria’s stories, the children were allowed to go straight ahead and all knew their designated boundaries. Some of the family brought sand chairs, while others had blankets, but they all brought their easy demeanor.

Aria and I had a blanket, so we ventured just a bit further from the family crowd for a little more privacy. Once we had the blanket spread out on the ground, I sat back and pulled her against me, with her back and head resting against my chest.

“How are you doing, beautiful?”

“Better than I thought I’d be.”

She snuggled back against me and pulled her hair to one side, running her fingers through it. I lightly kissed the top of her head as she leaned her head over to my arm.

“I’m glad you were with me today, and having you there made it a happy day. I was afraid it was going to be terribly sad,” she said softly.

“How about the porch and the chair where your dad always sat; how did you feel about that?”

“Walking out on the porch made me feel like my feet were in quicksand and that I could only move forward in slow motion, but knowing you were there helped me to take each step.” She paused for a moment, sighing heavily; then she continued. “I kept looking down at the floor of the porch because I knew
someone
was sitting in Dad’s chair. I know it isn’t really
his
chair, but for that one week each summer, it always was. I knew a person would be sitting there tonight, and it almost seemed sacrilegious that they would be.”

Aria was trembling a bit, though I doubt she realized as she continued to share her feelings, “Once I gathered the courage to see who ‘took’ Dad’s chair, I almost cried when I saw Uncle Bill. Not because I was sad, but because I was happy that it was him rather than someone else. If I could have handpicked anyone else to sit in that chair, it would have been Uncle Bill. It’s funny, you know? You don’t think about things like this when you’re a kid growing up. Things just are the way they are. Every year, you go on vacation and your dad sits in the same chair. That’s where you go when you want to find him to ask him a question, and when you’re a teenager, you go there to ask him for money,” she laughed. “When you get older, it’s where he brings you your first cup of coffee, and you sit together to watch the traffic go by. It’s where dad, mom, and I watched people walk by, and they would do some of the silliest things. We’d talk about the most foolish topics…”

Her voice started to tremble with emotion, “When Dad felt pain,
real
pain, he
never
complained to anyone while we were on vacation. He’d never say a word about it to me, Mom, or the rest of the family. We knew it though. That’s when I started bringing
him
coffee. He also needed a pillow for his favorite Adirondack chair by then. He had lost weight and muscle mass, having gotten a little boney and sitting in the chair made him sore without a pillow. They were his
favorite
chairs, and now they’re mine. Seeing Uncle Bill in Dad’s chair made it all right. It gave me peace to see him there.” She paused to take a few breaths but her next words came out as a slight whisper. “Thank you for being there for me tonight.”

As Aria finished, I felt her completely relax into my chest. I knew today was important to her, and I felt content knowing that I helped her get through it. Having her resting here, leaning into me somehow symbolically confirmed that she was relying on me, and I wanted that.

As the fireworks began to light up the sky, I wrapped my arms around my sweet, beautiful girl. I placed my lips against her ear to ensure that she could hear me against the fireworks and the crowds on the beach.

“I will always be here for you, Aria.
I love you
.”

She placed her hands on my arms and leaned her head back to look into my eyes. She smiled and said,
“With all my heart, I love you, too, bear.”

…and I knew she did.

…and from the Penthouse condominium, the sparkles in the sky could not compare with the internal fireworks that erupted as Marisol watched the intimate exchange of the couple sitting cozily on the beach…

T
Crazy Dreams – Carrie Underwood