Postcards to America (15 page)

‘Listen, Ma, I’m going to kill that bastard when I find him. He did promise to marry you and look at the condition he left you in. Now we hear that he’s turning up for a wedding tomorrow and we don’t know if he’s marrying someone else or not.’

The taller son fiddled with his hair in frustration. ‘I swear to you that we’ll get him this time. The service is supposed to take place at 12 noon and we’ll be there.’

A widowed, middle-aged Anne Keating, midway through her pregnancy, began to sob.

The younger of the two brothers, still wearing the hooded jacket in the house, continued to lick a lollipop.

Through her sobs, Anne managed to speak. ‘I don’t want anything to happen to him. I know he is a bit mixed-up in the head and not sane like us but I love him. All I want is to have him back here with the baby and me.

Anne’s sobs got louder and the two men looked at each other.

Then in a short break from the sobbing Anne declared, ‘I’m going with you whether you F*****G like it or not.’

The day promised much. A blue sky dominated, with the occasional ball of white cloud barely moving along in the jet stream adding contrast. The conditions guaranteed that the overnight dew would soon evaporate in the warmth of the day.

*

At the appointed time the police operation swung into action and all across the city, officers began calling on premises and bringing in suspects for questioning. “High” and “Low” decided to operate as one team and went to call at the first name on their list.

*

Liam woke and looked at his wristwatch. He noted the twenty minute discrepancy between the time displayed by his wristwatch and the time displayed by the battered alarm clock. Liam decided to believe his wristwatch, which meant he could lie there for another hour.

On the back of the door hung the hired wedding outfit complete with bow tie and white shirt and underneath the bed lay the black shoes specially bought for the occasion.

I hope Bobby turns up on time, Liam thought, as he lay there in bed. Surely, he knows what a stickler Mary is for punctuality? I want our marriage to get off to a smooth start.

Liam picked Bobby to be his best man over Patrick and Henry because of his 1,000 Euro engagement present. Liam explained his decision to Patrick and Henry and they understood completely. He did not even consider “Corner” because anything could happen if he were to be best man.

*

“Punctual” Mary rose early and took a shower. Her waterproof watch told her she had plenty of time to get ready so she stayed longer than normal under the refreshing spray. Nothing is going to go wrong with my big day, she told herself. The hire company promised her faithfully that the coach and driver would be at her house at least half an hour before the wedding, which would allow them plenty of time to travel the short distance to the church. She could hear her mother calling her for breakfast so she stepped out from under the spray and towelled herself off.

*

Bobby looked at his appearance in the mirror and what he saw there pleased him. His blonde close-cropped hair and blue eyes contrasted with the dark of the suit gave him the look of a successful executive. He felt in his pocket for the wedding ring and finding it there returned his attention to the mirror. He had time to spare before he met Liam and the rest of the boys for a pre-wedding drink at the “Worker’s Inn”.

*

“Corner” adjusted his clerical collar before he entered the “Worker’s Inn”. I hope some of my parishioners don’t see me drinking this early in the day, he thought, pushing the door open. In “Corner’s” mixed-up mind, wearing clerical garb automatically gave him a parish to administer complete with parishioners.

Inside the pub, Liam, Henry, Bobby and Patrick were having a drink courtesy of “Curly”. No one batted an eyelid as “Corner” entered dressed as a priest and walked to the bar.

‘You know Liam that if he marries you – Patrick pointed at “Corner” then the wedding will be invalid.’

‘Very funny, Patrick! Liam retorted laughing. He really didn’t feel like laughing. His stomach felt queasy at the thought of the approaching wedding.

‘Take it easy on the drink, Liam or you won’t be able to perform tonight.’ This came from Henry.

Liam gave the doctor the two fingered salute and said, ‘Thanks for the advice, doctor but I need something to settle my nerves.

‘Why are you dressed as a clergyman?’ asked Patrick of “Corner” when he joined them.

‘Because my career as a law enforcement officer is over,’ replied “Corner” without batting an eyelid.

This came as a complete surprise to the group who had no knowledge of his career as a law enforcement officer.

‘This may be a stupid question to ask,’ butted in “Curly”, ‘but why did you take up a career as a law enforcement officer?’

‘Because my disguise as a woman had served its purpose,’ answered “Corner”.

‘What disguise as a woman?’ asked Bobby foolishly.

‘My disguise in a red polka dotted dress. Very fetching it looked too, I’m told.’

The group decided to halt the questioning and concentrate on the forthcoming wedding.

*

“High” and “Low” interviewed their first two suspects and drew a blank. The first “suspect” happened to be a few months short of pensionable age and the second “suspect” happened to be a pregnant teenager.

‘Who’s next on the list?’ asked “High”.

‘An interesting case named Sean O’ Connor,’ answered “Low” referring to his printed list. Apparently, he exposed himself to a female assistant and called himself “Corner”, Geronimo and Sitting Bull.

‘Who’s next?’

“Low” looked at his list again. ‘Why it’s our friend Bobby Byrnes. I’m looking forward to meeting him again.’

‘Did he threaten or verbally abuse an assistant?’

‘No.’

‘Then why is he on the list?’

These revenue people thought “Low”. All they are focused on are profit and loss accounts and VAT returns. Aloud he said, ‘He’s on the list because we put a stop to his payments and placed a marker opposite his name on the social welfare computer. If a person with a mark opposite his name calls to the office and makes a query then the assistant records the fact. That is why Bobby Byrnes’ name is on our list.’

“Low” looked up at his partner. ‘Let’s go and visit this Sean O’ Connor first.

*

“Punctual” Mary’s mother buzzed around her daughter as she donned her wedding dress, pulling a piece of ribbon here and adjusting a piece of lace there. ‘You look lovely, dear,’ she said, spreading the wedding dress train on the floor behind her daughter. Then she thought: won’t the neighbours be envious when she steps from the house and especially when they see the horse drawn carriage. They will be talking about this day for years to come.

“Punctual” Mary looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror for the tenth time. She had plenty of time to spare before she left for the church. Tradition dictated that she is late arriving at the church, but the hell with tradition. She would be there exactly on time. A small area on her cheekbone needed more powder and she called, ‘Mother….’

*

“High” and “Low” parked outside the building given by Sean O’Connor as his address to the social welfare services office. Something was wrong.

‘Let me see that list.’ “Low” snatched the list from his colleague’s hands and confirmed that the address tallied with their present location.

‘Plenty of dough there,’ said “High”, attempting a wisecrack not appreciated by his dour partner.

‘Who’s next on the list?’ asked “Low”.

‘Bobby Molloy.’

‘OK! Let’s go and pay him a visit.’

“High” turned the steering wheel and drove away from the building that displayed a large sign over the entrance. The sign, painted in six-foot high letters, bore the legend: “NUNAN’S BAKERY”.

*

The smaller of the Keating brothers kicked the car in frustration. The old vehicle, stolen the night before by ripping the wires out from beneath the dash and cross wiring them, now refused to start.

The older of the brothers looked at his mother sitting in the back seat. He did not want to face her wrath if they arrived late at the church.

‘We’ll give it five more minutes and then we’ll ring a taxi,’ he told her consolingly.

*

Ever since he could walk, Thomas Flavin loved horses. His father loved horses, as did his father before him. His grandfather used to be a coal merchant going from door to door selling coal. In those days, big strong horses pulled open topped wagons laden with bags of coal. Because they were vital to one’s livelihood, the horses were treated with respect. Each evening they were hosed down and fed. When his grandfather died, the coal business passed on to his father as did the horses. After a few years, lorries became more

common in the business but horses continued to work pulling wagons for years afterwards.

Now Thomas kept horses for pleasure and as a source of income. The family bred horses and sold the surplus that they did not need. Years ago the family purchased a fair sized piece of land a few miles distant, on which they built a small stable. It was to the stable that Thomas now walked leading a mare ripe for insemination.

*

What an excellent service “Punctual” Mary thought, looking at her watch. The cheerful chatter of children drew her to the window in time to see the open top coach pull up outside her house. The coachman certainly looked the part in his old style clothing laced with red colours and pieces of lace.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she adjusted her veil for the very last time before descending the stairs to the front door.

*

“High” knocked forcefully at the front door of the house listed as Bobby Byrnes’ residence. The door opened a fraction and then wider as the young man assessed the officers.

‘We need to speak to Bobby Byrnes in relation to a case we are investigating. According to our records, this is his address. Will you please inform him that we are here?’ “Low” looked beyond the young man as he spoke.

‘My brother is not here,’ answered Joseph Patrick Byrnes.

‘Then where is he?’

‘I’m not sure.’

“Low” looked directly at the young man. ‘If necessary we will get a warrant and search the house. You can save both of us trouble by answering the question.’

Joseph Patrick did not want the house searched at this moment. There were “items” hidden in the attic that would need explaining. Better to tell them where Bobby was. What did it matter anyway? His brother would tell them nothing.

Joseph Patrick pretended to consider for a moment. ‘Oh! Now I remember. He’s best man at a wedding taking place at noon in St. Michael’s church.’

As they left the area and headed for the church, “Low” turned to “High” and gave an instruction, ‘Get a search warrant prepared for that house and we’ll execute it as soon as this investigation is over.’

*

“Punctual” Mary took her father’s arm and walked down
the path towards the open carriage. Neighbours known since
childhood came to wish her well and take photos as souvenirs.
Comments such as: Isn’t the dress lovely, it must have been
expensive and she doesn’t look pregnant, came to her ears.
The coachman alighted from his position at the front of the
coach and held the door open for his passengers to step aboard
via the steps. Exactly at the moment when “Punctual” Mary
gathered her wedding train and stepped aboard the coach, the
horse lifted its tail and let fly with a shower of excrement. The
excrement missed the tail of “Punctual” Mary’s wedding dress
by inches and she climbed aboard the coach unscathed. The
coachman was not so lucky. Hot excrement landed on one of
his clean shoes. The coachman stood there on one leg and tried
to shake the excrement off the dirty shoe. Not content with
making a S**T the horse decided to make a P*SS as well. A
stream of urine cascaded down cleaning the coachman’s shoe
but saturating his sock. With a squelching sound and a few
choice swear words the coachman took his place at the front of
the coach.

*

Liam and the rest of the party arrived at St. Michael’s church to find the parish priest pacing up and down outside the entrance saying his daily office. When he spotted “Corner” in his clerical clothes he came over and extended a hand. “Corner” grasped the hand warmly and said ‘O’ Connor.’

*

‘O’ Conner replied the parish priest in his high pitched voice.

‘O’ Connor,’ declared “Corner” again.

‘My name is O’ Connor.’

‘My name is O’ Connor,’ replied “Corner”.

The parish priest began to panic and looked in Liam’s direction for help. Liam looked at his watch. The hands on the watch moved closer to midday.

‘What’s your parish?’ the parish priest asked. Perhaps this priest had been sent by the Bishop to check if he were competent.

‘This is my parish.’ This happened to be true because “Corner” actually lived in the parish.

‘This is my parish, I tell you,’ said the parish priest with trembling voice.

‘This is my parish,’ “Corner” retorted with absolute conviction.

The parish priest intended to ask “Corner” to concelebrate the wedding but because of his suspicions decided not to extend the courtesy. Instead, he turned to Liam. ‘Time to go inside,’ a shaken parish priest announced.

*

‘Straight up this road and then a right turn at the ‘T-junction’ and we’ll be at the church. We should not take more than a few minutes to get there at this pace.’ “Punctual” Mary watched as the coachman flicked the reins and kept the horse moving towards the junction.

Within yards of the junction, the coachmen observes as a young man leading a mare, crosses from right to left and vanishes from sight. Unfortunately the horse under his control saw the mare and with a loud whinny turned left and followed. Desperately the coachman turned the reins and called the horse’s name but to no avail. Nature triumphed. The horse was not for changing direction.

‘Stop him! Stop him! “Punctual” Mary called to the coachman in desperation. If she did not arrive at the church in the next few minutes, she would be late for her wedding. She promised the parish priest she would be on time.

Further, along the street Thomas Flavin led the mare at walking pace, oblivious to the potential suitor following behind.

*

In the church, Liam started to get worried. His bride to be never missed a deadline and he could not conceive of her being late for her wedding. He beckoned to his best man and they went outside hoping to see the carriage arriving. No carriage could be seen. When they went back inside, the parish priest came out to look and bite his nails. After the parish priest returned to the interior of the church, “Corner” came out to check, in case the previous three people who came out missed something.

*

Despite trying all the tricks they knew the Keating brothers could not start the stolen car. After listening to a tirade from their mother they called a cab and promised him double the fare if he got them to St. Michael’s church as quickly as possible.

*

‘I’m late! I’m late! I’m late!’ “Punctual” Mary looked at her watch for the twentieth time. Her poor father sat beside her helpless and the coachman had given up trying to make the horse stop. She considered jumping from the moving coach but her dress would be ruined and she did not want to suffer injuries on her wedding day. Seeing no way out until the horse stopped she resumed biting her artificial nails.