Poughkeepsie (29 page)

Livia walked silently down the stairs and closed the back door slowly, sliding her feet into the junk sneakers she always left on the back steps. Livia hoped she’d be two blocks away by the time Mouse realized she was gone and he was stuck watching over Kyle.

Livia leaped into the Escort and drove straight to Poughkeepsie Station, letting instinct and her internal Blake GPS be her guide. She tossed a mint from the glovebox into her mouth at a stoplight. The lot wasn’t crowded on a Saturday, and she hopped out quickly, not bothering to lock the doors.

As she trotted down the stairs, she saw Blake stand up, tucking his piano in his pocket. The day’s bright sun had him trapped in his spot in the shade. She stepped into his cover and kissed him.

“Thanks for the roses. And Teddy loves his bow.” She brushed her hands through his hair.

“How’s Kyle? I had Mouse watch her.”

Such a normal question.
“She’ll feel like crap, but I think she’ll be fine. I’m still waiting to hear what she’s willing to tell me about the bathroom in the club.” Livia kissed his chin. “Blake, I need you to do something for me. Will you do something for me?” Livia felt a little dirty about forcing him to agree before she told him how much she was asking.

“I’ll do whatever you wish.” Blake inclined his head in a solemn gesture.

Livia headed back to the car without explaining. She returned with a golf umbrella, a pair of leather work gloves, and Mouse’s ski mask.

“Will you walk in the sunlight if these are covering you?” Livia held out her sunshields.

Blake looked at the items. Then he nodded and took the mask.

Livia knew this was a risk. Hell, she was half sure she was delirious with lack of sleep and desperation. But she had an insatiable need to heal.
I may lose him, but goddamn it, I have to try.

Livia led the now overdressed Blake on a walk to his favorite clearing in the woods. Somehow she remembered the way, although at times he gave her gentle guidance with his hand. The golf umbrella’s rainbow cloth kept them both shielded as they went. Blake wore his army jacket and the leather work gloves, but the real savior was the ski mask. At the moment it emphasized Blake’s anxious eyes. Livia knew he followed her because she’d asked him to, and she was afraid he might run away.

When they arrived, Livia stopped and stood in the shade at the edge of the clearing.

Blake nodded toward the sunny center. “See those two saplings? In a little while, when the sun is just so in the sky, their shade will make a perfect heart.”

“I can’t wait to see the heart-shaped shade, Blake.” She kissed his mouth. It was time to explain. “We’re here because I think all that time ago you fell off the horse. I think you had the breath knocked out of you, but no one made you get back
on
the horse. No one was there to tell you to keep trying, that it’s not okay to be afraid of the sun. But it’s not okay. I’m here to tell you to try again.”

Livia paused to assess the impact of her words, but the mask hid Blake’s expression. “Running won’t stop me,” she continued. “I’ll keep finding you. I’ll keep dragging you back here—right to this spot—until you can stand in the sun. With me.”

The knit mask framed Blake’s lips. He bit one.

Livia let his hand drop. Now she’d set the boundaries so he could build his ladder to her. “Blake Hartt, if you touch me, your skin must be bare. Do you understand?” Livia looked into his green eyes. They seemed confused, but he nodded.

Livia wished she’d worn something more romantic, but no matter. This wasn’t about clothes; it was about skin. Thank God it was unseasonably warm today. She kicked off her sneakers and stepped away from him.

Come get me
, Livia said with her eyes.

She pulled off her sweatpants and felt the cool air snap at her skin. She walked further and stopped in the center of the clearing next to the miraculous saplings. She now stood right where they’d been before when they’d failed.

She took her jacket off and let it fall. She created a trail of clothes like little stepping stones to hope. Livia had always been shy about her body. She insisted on a one-piece bathing suit and a towel close to the ladder when she went swimming. But she could do this here, now. She was asking
so
much of him.

She pulled her sweatshirt off and stood in her bra and panties. She shook a little from the cold and the risk. She willed him to take the chance as well.

He hadn’t moved, just stood squeezing the handle of the cheerful umbrella and watching Livia like she was walking a tightrope without a net. Livia reached behind her and unlatched her bra. She added it to her trail of clothes. Blake flexed and closed a gloved hand. Livia slipped off her white panties.

Now she was here—nude for him—if he could bring himself to walk across the meadow. She shivered and fought the need to cover her chilly skin. Blake kept his eyes on hers, not yet indulging in the sight before him.

“You’re cold,” he said softly.

Livia nodded. “I’m cold and alone out here.” She longed to un-write that Sorry on his arm—if he could just take a chance.

The y in sorry erased as Blake braced himself and stepped into the full sun, leaving the umbrella in the shade. He moved as if walking through quicksand. But his eyes were on the prize.

Livia struggled to keep her tears to herself. She’d never witnessed such stunning bravery. She could only imagine the full nature of the walls, fears, and pain he climbed over to get to her.

She wanted to run and meet him in the middle, but she couldn’t. He needed to come to her.
I
will
stay put. I will
not
cry. Come to me. Come to me.

And he did. He made slow, steady progress until he stood in front of her.

Livia said nothing when Blake’s masked face moved in for a kiss; she just turned her head. When he pulled back, she lifted a playful eyebrow.

He got it and did not try again. He took his piano out of his back pocket and set it reverently on the grass. He held out his leather-covered hands and ghosted her shape—almost touching, but not quite. He followed the lines of her face and arms. Livia bit the inside of her cheek as he outlined her breasts. He knelt in front of her and traced her legs in the air.

Livia held her breath.
Will he stay? Can he stay? Please stay.

On his knees, Blake kept his eyes on hers as he slowly pulled off his glove, finger by finger, until the sun shone on his bare hand.

She saw the panic run through his eyes and lips. Livia broke her silence and grabbed his uncovered hand. “I don’t believe your skin is glass, but I believe in you.”

Blake took another breath and squeezed her hand. He smiled as he looked at their hands in sunlight together. He released her to take off his second glove and stood up. He grabbed both her hands, and they were joined.

The two rr’s dissolved from his tattoo in that moment.

Blake took off his jacket and blanketed her undergarments on the ground. He unbuttoned his shirt with the carelessness of a man standing in front of his dresser. His hands never hitched. Livia wanted to cheer as he revealed his chest to the sun. But Blake had other plans.

He put his chest against hers, and his sun-drenched hands ran from her shoulders to her lower back, pulling her to him with a hard jerk. He was a gentleman, but not necessarily a gentle lover. Their hearts beat as if they were trying to touch from the inside out.

Blake ghost-kissed Livia, not quite letting their lips touch. She felt his hot mint breath on her cheek. Blake reached for his pants, and Livia longed to release the button for him, but he needed to do this.

He removed his pants and boxer briefs in one swift motion. He kicked off his socks and shoes. All that remained was the mask. Blake and Livia stood apart for a moment before he gathered her again in his arms.

With no more material between their bodies, he touched every part of her. He spun her so her back pressed against his chest and he could warm her breasts with his hands.

“I always wanted to know if your lips were the same color as your nipples. But they’re not. I think the sun has faded your lips just a bit.” Blake’s liquid silk voice tickled her neck.

Livia could feel the scratch of the ski mask. She remembered that the first time she’d heard his voice it was just like this, from behind her. She begged her hands not to remove his mask. They were having a hard time listening. She squirmed until she and Blake were chest to chest again. She kissed his shoulder instead of his mouth. Blake was glorious naked.
Powerful.

“Livia, I can’t get started if we can’t finish. I can’t trust myself to stop.”

Livia smiled at his concern and grabbed her jacket, digging in the pocket. “Kyle had one, and I grabbed it.” Livia held the condom up victoriously.

“Only one? I better make it count.” Blake still had the mask on, so he left it to his fingers to adore her. “I’m going to paint my passion on your skin.”

Livia used her mouth to warm any part of his body that felt cold. As she sucked his fingers, she heard a decision in his breathing. He would have her here, now. Blake gathered the clothes and helped Livia lay back on the makeshift bed. For a moment he took her in with a smile then he covered her body with his.

“Lying under me. You’re lying under me,” he breathed.

Livia felt him enter her and gasped uncontrollably in pure pleasure.

Alarmed, Blake stopped and looked inquisitively.

“Don’t stop. Just don’t.” Livia clenched and unclenched her muscles, hugging him from the inside.

Blake’s green eyes rolled into his head. There was no talking anymore. Just two together, struggling to give and take pleasure in the same movements.

Blake braced himself with one arm and traced her to where her pulse pounded the hardest against her skin. Livia offered a tangled mix of his name and assorted requests, each of which he indulged. When he lifted her leg to his shoulder, Livia wasn’t sure she was that flexible. Then he moved inside her again, and Livia didn’t care if she was that flexible.
Break my damn leg if you have to, just get deeper.

Wave after wave of an orgasm broke over her, but soon it would be over for him. “Stop,” Livia panted.

Blake paused as Livia swallowed to try to compose herself. She was here for a reason. “The mask. Take it off. I want you to kiss me.” Livia watched his eyes. He was scared.

“Blake, you’re inside of me. I’ll keep you safe. You’re
inside
of me.” Livia squeezed him again, reminding him exactly where he was.

Blake smiled at the sensation. “Do it
for
me, Livia. Please.”

And even though they were naked and locked in the most intimate embrace, this was the striptease.

Livia went slowly, rolling up the knit ski mask like a stocking. First his jaw came into the light. Livia slowed, tracing its strong line with her finger. Next, his lips lost their frame, then his eyes left their prison. He closed them. Finally, his wild, messy hair was free. Livia tossed the mask aside. And waited.

Open your eyes.

After a moment Blake looked around his sunny meadow. A breeze stirred the trees high up, and they released a shower of fall colors. In the silence of the day, the leaves hitting the ground sounded like applause. Quiet applause for a quiet victory.

The o in sorry vanished.

Blake looked at Livia beneath him. She smiled.

“Five hundred ninety-eight,” he whispered.

Still counting.
“Yes! Yes. I knew you could do this. I
knew
you could do this.” Livia beamed with pride.

Blake blurred as her eyes became two pools of tears. He kissed her softly, but Livia wanted the rough thrusts back.

She pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Giddy up!” Livia spanked Blake playfully.

He gave a little chuckle before he put her out of her misery. If she thought he was going fast and hard before, she was wrong. Blake was almost done when he let Livia’s leg slip from his shoulder. He kissed her with his clever tongue and moaned loudly into her mouth.

The S was now history. Blake collapsed next to Livia.

She grabbed his arm and traced the tattoo with her finger. “This Sorry is gone now. This is a new Sorry, and it’s from me to you.” Livia rolled onto her belly so she could see him lying in the sun. “
I’m
sorry I didn’t say hello sooner. I’ll never get those days I missed back. But I won’t miss any more.”

Livia kissed his sunny face. Blake held one fist in the air.

Even after they dressed, Livia and Blake stayed in the clearing. They left reluctantly when they grew too hungry. Livia wanted to stay forever. She knew this victory was one they’d have to fight for again in the real world.

21

Her Purpose