Poughkeepsie (52 page)

“Let me go.” Beckett’s voice was deadly.

Cole tightened his hold. “Over my dead body.”

John continued past them down the hall and disappeared. He was on the job now, part of the busy epicenter behind the curtain. Livia could hear him ask a series of official-sounding questions about the events of the evening, but he received no audible response from Chris. Livia hugged her sister a little tighter, then quickly pushed her aside.

Daring to approach the brothers’ tension-filled embrace, Livia touched one of Beckett’s coiled arms. “Beckett.” She waited until his furious face turned toward her mouth. “I still need you. Here. I can’t wait for him without you. You promised. I’m not man enough. Remember?”

Livia held her breath.

“You’ve got your sister,” he said quietly.

“Let go of him, Cole. Please.” Livia nodded at the puzzle of arms, each with its own agenda.

Cole looked reluctant as he stepped away, keeping his body between Beckett and Chris.

“It has to be all of us. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. We all have to sit here and hope for the best. Pray for the best. Even with that pile of shit right there.” Livia didn’t have to point; they could all feel pulsating of the evil that was lodged in Chris.

“We have to think about Blake—getting fixed, getting healed, getting back to us. Adding murder to tonight is wrong. It’s all wrong. You have to make a different choice. I trust you, Beckett. You can do this.”

Livia’s earnest words seemed to make Beckett want to curse. His face boiled red for a moment. Only Beckett could hear Livia’s gentle breath that pleaded, “Please.”

Rather than leaping to action, he rubbed his forehead and took in great gasps of air. Finally, he grabbed her head in a giant hug. “For you, Whitebread. Only for fucking you.”

Livia tried to hug him back, but he had her in such a way that she just had to let her arms hang.

On another pass down the hall, Susan approached the group, oblivious to their drama. “Hey, kids, can you take it back to Kyle’s room now? This isn’t exactly a hangout spot.”

Beckett twirled Livia so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. “We ain’t moving. My brother’s in there, and we have to know what the fuck is going on.” His eyes, despite his promises, found the billowing curtain that hid Chris from view.

Susan’s demeanor and tone remained professional. “How about I promise to tell you what the fuck is going on as soon as we know anything?”

Livia didn’t like the idea of being any farther than she had to from Blake, but she also didn’t like the longing in Beckett’s eyes.
We have to stay positive.

“All right, Nurse Susan. I think that sounds good. You’ll tell us as soon as you know anything?” Livia tried pushing on Beckett’s side.

“I’ll go in there specially to find out what’s happening,” she promised. “I just need you all to clear out of my ER.” The choice was clear: They could be on her good side or her bad side.

Kyle led the way, and Cole kept a hand on her lower back, holding her hospital gown together. Livia loved the sight of this man covering her sister. And thankfully someone had given Kyle a pair of scrub bottoms. They were at least three sizes too big, and with all Kyle’s running and jumping they’d come unrolled at the bottom. She flopped the long legs around like penguin feet.

Kyle’s room was now one floor up from the ER. Kathy looked up from her reading but said nothing as the herd shuffled in. Kyle climbed back in bed, and Cole curled his long body around hers. Beckett collapsed in a chair and pulled Livia into his lap. They began a séance of silence. Susan was true to her word and appeared with hourly updates.

Though they listened carefully, without internet access Livia couldn’t look up the fancy terms Susan tossed around. Her complicated descriptions did little to assuage fear. On her first visit Susan detailed blood transfusions and chest tubes. John popped in and hugged his girls. He begged their forgiveness, but needed to get to the precinct to sort out the evening’s mess.

“You might have to come in later to answer a few questions, Liv,” her father said reluctantly. “Shouldn’t be a problem, but you know how it is. I’ll try and make it fast.”

Livia kissed her father’s cheek. “Thanks, Dad. I’m so lucky to have you.”

John shuffled his feet and looked shy. Kathy stood and walked with him out of the room.

The second Susan visit included words like
bullet penetration
and
cavitation
. She seemed to think the fact that there was “no fragmentation” was a good thing. As the nurse bustled out, Eve appeared silently at the door wearing jeans and a T-shirt—completely normal apparel that on her seemed outrageously out of place. She nodded once at Livia, who found herself instantly alone in the chair as Beckett headed for the hallway.

Soon his too-loud voice drifted back into the room. “He shot
my brother
in the back. He’s mine. That’s a fucking order.
Mine
.”

Eve’s gentle murmur was indecipherable.

“Do what you gotta, Eve, but I swear to fuck, you better not touch him.” Beckett huffed back into the room.

He paced and punched his own palm for a bit, then finally sat and held his head.

The third, fourth, and fifth Susan visits were just updates that Blake was still alive, but her lips seemed tight. Kyle shifted between leaning into Cole’s chest and putting little braids in Livia’s hair. The TV flickered from its perch in the corner of the room, but no one could keep their eyes on it.

Beckett did a cafeteria run. He came back with a trash bag full of food and drinks and announced, “The cafeteria was closed.” No one asked him how he got food from a closed establishment.

“Eat up, Whitebread.” Beckett held out a granola bar to Livia.

She shook her head.

“You know what’s going to fucking happen? You’re going to pass the fuck out,” he told her. “You’ll hit your damn head and be a useless sack when Blake gets out of surgery. You want to be a sack on the floor with your ass pointed in the air, Livia? Will that help anyone?”

Livia almost smiled at his awful mothering. She took the bar and unwrapped it, then nearly choked as Beckett pounded her back in encouragement.

The sixth Susan visit was tortuous. She described the effect of severe blood loss and oxygen deprivation on the brain, and she kept saying “traumatic injury.”

Like we don’t already know.

“He should be out of surgery in the next hour. One of you can accompany him in the recovery room. Then you can take turns visiting when he gets to his room.” Susan smoothed her scrubs and left them to think.

Beckett blew out a noisy breath. “Well, that doesn’t sound very fucking good. He’s gonna be a vegetable. Son of a bitch.”

Livia stood and looked out the window. Her own eyes stared back at her. “We need to pray. Cole, say some prayers for us. Please. Healing prayers.” Livia kept her eyes on her reflection.

Cole cleared his throat. “Um. Okay. Let’s see.”

Kyle stroked Cole’s lips gently with her thumb. “Go ahead.”

Cole pulled the room’s Bible out of a top drawer and flipped through it for a moment. His voice took on a different tone as he prayed, as if he painted the air with the solemn aura of the church.

“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake…”

Livia watched as Beckett folded his hands into a thick sailor’s knot of hope. He bowed his head. She couldn’t have loved him more if he’d been her actual brother. She let Cole’s words lift her.

She pictured Blake and closed her eyes. He lay under the bright surgery lights, tubes in place, beeping monitors, Sorry tattoo. It was as if she stood in the room with him. She poured her energy around him, surrounded him with sparkling, champagne-colored sunlight.
Heal him. Strengthen him. Heal him.

“…Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me…”

Livia pictured herself holding Blake’s hand on a walk in the forest, the sun prickling through the leaves to dance on his face. She pictured his smile. She imagined she felt the gentle touch of his finger on her cheek. She pressed her lips together.
He will kiss me again. I know it.

Cole’s lilting prayer continued, almost like music. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.”

Cole lifted his head, and in the pause, the four spoke together: “Amen.”

Susan appeared as if the word was her name. “Okay, who’s going to visit Blake?”

Livia smiled as three fingers pointed at her.

She followed Susan into the surgical recovery area. The recovery room was a giant cube of yet more curtains. Walls, it seemed, were a precious luxury. Susan fitted Livia with a paper jumpsuit, explaining that Blake was susceptible to infection. Livia washed up to her elbows with antibacterial soap and snapped on a paper mask. Susan approved with a nod and walked to a spot two curtains away. She parted the fabric with reverence.

Livia took in the sight of her love. He fought a still, silent battle against death, but he looked pale and helpless. Livia hated that. She knelt next the bed and kissed the mark of his tattoo through her paper mask and around the tubes. An IV chugged liquid straight into his veins.

“Go ahead and talk to him, sweetheart. It helps,” suggested Nurse Kim as she monitored Blake’s machines. She checked off a few things on a clipboard, and Susan rolled in a computer chair for Livia to sit on as she held Blake’s hand and stroked his tattoo.

“Hey, handsome, I’m right here. You’re doing an amazing job. I’m so proud of you.” Livia’s voice cracked a bit, and she swallowed her tears. “The ladies here are working real hard. Beckett’s here, and Cole is too. We’re all just waiting for you. But you take the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. Well, I may have to pee once in a while, but I’ll come right back.”

Susan gently laughed and rubbed Livia’s shoulders. “There you go. Keep it honest for him.”

As the nurses busied themselves with other patients and statistics, Livia slid her hand over his. She needed to feel his skin. She tucked his hand under the thin blanket and held it without protection. The same tingling she’d felt when they first held hands flooded her skin.
He’s still in there. They can tell me anything they want. Blake’s right here
.

She scooted her chair closer to his head. The deep, monotonous breaths the ventilator forced him to take sounded scary, but Livia held tight to his hand.

“I love you, Blake Hartt,” she whispered. “I’ll love you forever.”

42

Eye for an Eye

D
R
. H
ARTT
H
AD
P
UT
Blake in a medically induced coma, as even waking might be too much for his recovering system. He was moved to a private room, and Livia began a hospital vigil. No one mentioned payment or insurance, but Livia had a feeling Beckett would provide cash.

After three days, Blake was weaned off the drugs that kept him asleep. Told he could wake at any moment, everyone but Livia was concerned. They all found time to try to prepare Livia for the worst. Each time she would listen, thank them for their concerns, and turn back to Blake with a smile.

They couldn’t feel the tingling. But she could. Nurses Susan and Kim had arranged for Livia to stay in Blake’s room, and she left only when she felt Blake’s gentleman’s code would be compromised if she remained. During one of these brief moments, while Livia stood in the hall, her father decided to stop by.

“Hey, Liv. Kathy picked these out for you,” he said, handing her a bag of fresh clothes.

“Thanks, Dad.” Livia looked over her shoulder, but Susan was still fixing Blake’s bedding. How she changed the sheets with Blake still in the bed seemed like a magic trick.

“Well, your sister moved out,” her father began in a matter-of-fact tone. “She’ll probably be over to tell you all about it.” He shook his head in a constant “no” motion while delivering the news.

“Did you guys have a fight?” Livia had always been the filter for her sister’s impulses.

“Oh, no. She was busy rushing around sighing about the new holy boyfriend, saying things like ‘shadow’ and ‘my other self,’ yadda yadda. You know how I feel about living together before marriage.”

Livia sighed. If he only knew how wonderful it was for Kyle to be settling down.

“She’s going to be fine, Dad. Cole’s good for her.” Livia crossed her arms and looked again in Blake’s direction.

“There’s something else,” her father said, capturing her attention again. “Your friend Beckett? If he shows up, I need you to call me right away.” Livia watched as discomfort and resolve took their places on her father’s face.