Poughkeepsie (8 page)

“Yeah, you’re a real old timer,” Blake teased as he traced her face with his finger.

“But the things that were right about him I sort have been able to do for myself for a while now. His constant reminders used to feel like love, but now they feel like he wanted to take control of my life so I couldn’t. It hasn’t been right for me and I’ve been ignoring that. And now I think I was waiting for you. I
know
I was waiting for you,” Livia said as she trapped his hand against her cheek.

He smiled broadly, and Livia took a chance.

“Blake, why were you in foster care?”

He removed his hand and flipped carefully onto his stomach.

“Really? You want to know?” He seemed surprised.

Livia could only knit her eyebrows in concern. Blake spoke, but in a dull, flat tone she hated very much.

“My mom didn’t know who my dad was,” he began. “I think she tried taking care of me at first. But by the time I was seven, I was taking care of her. She was an alcoholic—not that she would ever admit it.” His fingers played with the grass. “When I was twelve, the state took me away. Four years later, my mother was in a fatal drunk driving accident. She killed herself and the two little girls riding to school in the minivan she hit.” The words were like poison leaking from his soul.

Livia rubbed his back, and he gave a toneless laugh. “Feeling sorry for me? Do the math, Livia. I would have been sixteen that year. If I hadn’t gotten myself taken away, I’d have been driving. Those girls would be alive.” Blake stood awkwardly, trying not to favor his ribs, and ran his hands through his hair.

Livia sat up but stayed on his jacket. “That’s a lot of guilt for one person.”

“I don’t want to wreck this moment with everything I’ve done wrong. I want to be right for a little while. I was right about you.” Blake returned to the ground and touched Livia’s hair reverently, as if it were spun crystal.

She kissed his lips and felt his smile form. Alone in this beautiful space, Blake and Livia made things right. Blake kissed her slowly and patiently, like he had all the time in the world. Carefully, they eased back to lie down, and Blake braced himself above her.

He smelled of mint and fresh soap. Livia put her hands on his chest and felt the densely packed muscles there.

Empowered by his adoration, she shrugged off her fleece shirt, enjoying the feeling of being trapped between his arms.

Blake’s eyes became stormy seas. “Damn it all to hell,” he cursed.

Despite his words, Livia believed she was winning this battle of seduction. Blake kissed her mouth and sucked on her bottom lip. He moved to her earlobe and breathed, “First, I will blow, then I will lick, last I will bite.”

Holy crap
.

Blake blew a gentle stream of minty breath along the outside of Livia’s ear, down to her neck, and along the edge of her breasts where they peeked out of her bright blue bra. Blake took his time creating an elaborate pattern on her stomach, and Livia was pretty sure he’d spelled the word
torture
. He increased the pressure of his breath as he grazed below her belly button to the top of her jeans. He skipped back to her mouth and gave her another long, slow kiss.

“And now I lick,” he murmured.

Livia bit back the embarrassingly loud moan she felt building. He gently traced the same trail his breath had left, this time with his tongue. When he reached her breast, she lost control and grabbed his hair, intent on kissing him.

“No. No.” Blake held her wrists above her head. “I’ve done this to you so many times in my mind. I won’t have you rush me.”

Livia groaned and arched her back in an effort to change his mind. But his slow, sexy smile told her he was doing it his way.

“Fine.” Livia dutifully kept her hands above her head as he picked up where he’d left off.

His tongue had her making noises that surely scared the wildlife. He spent an inordinate amount of time licking just above her belt buckle. Then again he was back to her mouth.

He spoke through his kiss. “I’m going to bite you now.”

Blake began down the same flaming path on Livia’s body with his teeth, nibbling in time with her heartbeat. When it speeded up, he bit slightly harder.

After what seemed to be sixteen million glorious years, Blake was at the top of her jeans again. A light, almost invisible, mist from the gray clouds now gave the clearing a slick sheen. The cool rain and his hot mouth were ecstasy.

Blake unbuckled her belt and used his tongue and teeth to unbutton her jeans. He chuckled as he flipped her zipper with his teeth. Each pop of the releasing zipper filled the woods as he blew again on the newly revealed skin.

Livia knew what to expect this time: blow, lick, bite
. Oh, sweet God! This is heaven.
At last, Livia could no longer obey and reached her hands down to his angelic face.

Blake glanced up as if to rebuke her, but quickly smiled and let her sit up to meet his lips.

Love. Crazy, soon, ever. Love
, Livia’s mind raged. She tried to tell him with kisses, but it wasn’t enough. Blake knelt before her, and Livia straddled his thighs. She pulled back to try putting it into words and noticed how Blake glistened, covered in tiny raindrops. The clear, cool pond she’d described to Cole had just exploded over them. But instead of drowning, they wore it like a cloak.

In her pleasure, Livia didn’t notice the slow arrival of the sun until the clouds shifted and shafts of light filled the woods. They combined with the mist to make blurry rainbows all around. For a moment Blake’s rumpled hair was lit from behind, and then everything changed.

Nothing warned her before his face contorted with sheer terror and madness. Livia fell from his lap as he stood in panic. Her back hit his army jacket with a vicious thud that echoed against the trees. Blake’s running was as silent as his walking.

Livia struggled to take a breath, but her lungs refused. She felt like a fish tossed out of the only watery world it had ever known. She gasped and closed her eyes, unable to speak or move.

“Livia! Livia, please…
Livia!”

Livia’s head lolled toward Blake’s voice. He crouched in the shade just a few yards from her sunlit form. She gave him a thumbs up. Getting the wind knocked out of her reminded Livia of the second-grade playground. Finally her body let her draw a deep breath of sunshine-warmed air.

Blake paced the shadows like a claustrophobic man in an elevator. Her thumbs up had done nothing to stem his panic. Livia pulled herself to her knees and crawled a few feet until she could get her legs under her. She staggered and half-ran, half-wobbled to the safe shade.

Blake continued pacing and glaring at the edge of the shade. He seemed not to have noticed her presence.

“Hey. I’m right here,” she murmured as he passed by.

Startled, Blake turned and took in the sight of her. He collapsed to his knees, and Livia hugged his face to her belly. She felt his hot, ragged breath in the same place that had driven her wild just minutes before.

He looked up at her, his face stricken. “Did you see? Did you see through me? Was it awful?” His voice was an octave above its usual register.

Livia smoothed his hair back and looked into his eyes. Cole’s words echoed in her head.
That pond Livia? The coolest pond? It has many, many undercurrents.

“No, my eyes were blurry from the mist. I couldn’t see,” she assured him.

Livia remembered the thoughts of love that had almost burst from her lips before the sun arrived. She hated it for cracking the center of their connection. But maybe she should be thankful. He needed so much more than kisses.

Blake jumped up again, clenching and unclenching his fists. “I hurt you. I’m useless,” he whispered harshly.

He stalked to the nearest tree and shouted in frustration, punching as if it was an attacker. Livia was horrified to see an arc of blood leave his fist.

“Stop. Stop, Blake.” She tried to speak calmly. Livia moved to stand next to him and reached out, but his fists were flying harder now. She had no idea where to grab him. Finally, she just closed her eyes and stepped between him and the tree. When no punch came to meet her face, Livia opened one eye. Blake stared at a spot just above her head.

“When you hurt yourself, it hurts me.” She reached out to take one of his bloody, torn hands.

He flinched and pulled away. “Livia, I’m not even man enough to go into the sun to help you up. Don’t spare me a moment of your concern.”

“I wasn’t hurt. And I believe if I had been you would’ve come.” Livia watched as blood from his knuckles dropped onto the leaves.

“No. I wouldn’t come, Livia. I would stand here like a stone. Because
I
am the most important to me.
I
am.” Blake barely moved his lips as he spoke.

Livia covered her face with her hands and pressed on her eyes. She had no idea what to say.

“That moment…that moment out there?” Blake pointed at the bed of army jacket, grass, and mint. “I’ve pictured it in my head for months. Months! I knew it would never really happen, but it kept me going. The beautiful, smiling girl would look at me like a man—a man worthy of her body, worthy of her kiss. Do you realize what a fool I am for hoping?”

Blake took her face in his hands. “You let me touch you. Kiss you. Your skin? It feels like piano keys. My hands know just where to go.” He proved it by sliding one hand behind her neck and settling the other just over her heart.

Livia smiled, wondering if he was covering her in blood. It was worth it.

“Four hundred sixty-seven,” he whispered. The number seemed to deflate him.

He’s still counting.
She couldn’t give up.

Blake removed his hands carefully and shook his head. “But it never ended like that, Livia. It never ended with me throwing you to the ground. But that’s what I do. I knock the breath out of anyone who dares take a chance on me.” He rubbed two fingers over his tattoo.

“Show me.”

He looked at her and Livia raised her eyebrows in expectation.

“Does it hurt when the sun touches you?”

“No. It doesn’t hurt. But you’ll never want to be near me again.”

“Blake, if I see what the sun does to you, the shock will be over. Then we can be together in the sun—in your favorite spot.” Livia looked back at the ground where her shirt and his jacket still remained. “Or anywhere.”

Blake ran both hands through his hair, smearing it with bloody highlights. Livia tried to ignore the impulse to care for his wounds as he debated with himself.

“Fine. Okay. It can’t make things any worse, right? I’ve already thrown you on the ground…” Blake came close to her again.

He took her face in his bloody hands and kissed her chastely on her lips. Her body surged with the memory of pleasure.

He geared himself up at the edge of the shade. Livia held her breath as she waited. She begged silently for his skin be different, to be something that could reasonably cause fear in a man.

Blake faced her in the shade, then looked at his feet and stepped backward until he was encased in the full golden glow of the sun. He lifted his face with his eyes closed, and after a moment opened them and focused on Livia.

Livia saw then what Cole meant about stained glass windows. She’d had no idea the true depth of Blake’s beauty. His hair glowed with an array of rich bourbon shades, and his green eyes blazed tropical perfection. He tore his shirt open to reveal his chest, giving her more skin to see.

“Well?” Blake waited for her reaction, eyes wide.

Lie to him. Tell him what he wants to hear. Right now is the moment that matters.
But Livia couldn’t lie. This was too important. “No, sweet Blake. Your skin isn’t glass. It’s just regular, beautiful skin.” Her voice was warm and comforting, but her tears betrayed her.

“What? You can’t see this?” Blake pinched his arm and slapped his face.

Livia shook her head.

Blake’s scream didn’t sound like something a human could produce. He dragged his fingers over his chest, leaving claw marks in their wake. Then he ran right for her at top speed. Livia refused to move and braced herself for the blow. He passed so close to her that her hair lifted in the rush of air. He disappeared into the trees.

Livia was alone, standing in her bright blue bra and unbuttoned jeans. She waited, sure he would return. After a few minutes she left his beloved shade and got dressed. The sun had warmed the day almost to seem like summer again.

Livia continued to wait as the sun ticked off devastating minutes in the sky.
He
will
come back.
When the sun began to fall behind the trees, Livia had her first rational thought in hours:
I need the sunlight to get out of here.

She gave the sun the finger and tied Blake’s jacket around her waist, trying to ignore how heavy her hope had gotten. She was lucky to find the footpath and hazarded a guess at the direction of the park. It was dusk when she realized she’d picked the wrong way. She shivered as the fall now reminded her it was in charge, despite summer’s momentary fake smile.