Prayers and Lies (35 page)

Ruthann allowed herself to be hugged, but I noticed she kept her arms at her sides.

The four of us sat at a table, eating banana bread and drinking sodas while Harley talked about everything and everyone on the river. He never mentioned Caleb once, but I wasn’t surprised at that.

Finally, Reana Mae couldn’t take it anymore. She leaned forward, put her hand over his, looked straight into his face, and asked, “Where’s Caleb, Harley? Do you know where he is?”

Harley pulled away from her, his cheeks reddening just like they had when he was younger.

“No, I don’t, Reana Mae. And you shouldn’t even ask me that.”

A heavy silence hung in the air, till I asked too loudly, “What grade’s Lottie in now?”

Ruthann talked then about Lottie’s adventures in school. Harley sat quietly watching Reana Mae with the same hurt, hopeful, adoring look he always had around her.

Ruthann’s and Harley’s families were both staying at the Best Western hotel near the cemetery. At suppertime, Reana Mae and I rode with them in Harley’s car to the hotel, where we sat by the little outdoor pool and ate corn chips. It felt strange and familiar at the same time, watching Harley gaze at Reana Mae and Ruthann stare at Harley. We could have been on the raft in the river instead of sitting by a pool in Indianapolis.

Finally, Harley drove Reana Mae and me back to our house, stopping in shortly to shake my daddy’s hand.

Later, when we were in bed, I asked Reana, “Did it feel strange to see Harley?”

“Naw.” She smiled. “He’s just like always.”

“Well, he still loves you. That’s pretty plain,” I said.

“Poor Harley Boy.” She nodded. “Why don’t he just love Ruthann instead?”

But he didn’t, not even then, and we all knew it.

29
A Funeral and First Love

G
randmother’s funeral day dawned overcast but warm. We gathered in the church, where the casket sat in front of the altar, and the organist played softly mournful music. We waited in line to file past the open casket, each of us holding a white rose to put inside for Araminta to be buried with. It seemed like a waste of perfectly good roses to me, but it was important to Daddy.

I stood near the end of the line, holding my rose and whispering to Ruthann, when Brian walked into the church, carrying a small bouquet. After he gave me a quick kiss, I introduced him to Ruthann. Then he walked straight over to my father, held out his hand, and said quietly, “I’m sorry for your loss, sir.” He turned to Mother and handed her the bouquet.

Ruthann stared wide-eyed at him, then looked to me and said, “My, he’s a real gentleman, ain’t he? Just like in a book or something.”

Then she blushed as he came to stand with us in line, his hand holding mine tightly.

Ahead of us, Reana Mae leaned over to kiss Araminta’s cheek. I was surprised to see her do that, because she hadn’t even met Araminta till she moved to Indiana, but Reana was funny about family. She sounded just like Mother when she said that family was everything. It seemed odd to me, especially when you considered her own parents. Harley put his rose just next to hers in the casket, then followed her to a pew. Ruthann watched them sadly, holding her own rose in one hand and a handkerchief in the other.

The line moved along slowly. There must have been sixty people, because a lot of friends from church came to support Mother and Daddy. Then, we stopped moving entirely. I stepped to the side to see what the holdup could be, and there was Tracy, standing absolutely still in front of the casket, tears streaming down her face onto Araminta’s body. She clutched her rose and leaned down to kiss our grandmother’s face again and again. People began murmuring uncomfortably, and still she stood crying, unwilling to lay down her rose and move on.

Finally, Aunt Belle stepped out of line, walked toward her, took her firmly by the shoulders, and said in a low voice, “Come on now, honey. It’s time to let other folks come up.”

Tracy turned and pulled away from Belle sharply, bumping against the casket as she did so.

“Let go of me,” she hissed so loudly I’m sure they heard her all the way at the back of the church. “Don’t you touch me!”

Belle took a step back, staring into Tracy’s spiteful eyes.

“What’s got into you, child?” she asked, looking around for my parents. Mother was walking quickly up the center aisle toward them.

“You shouldn’t even be here!” Tracy’s voice rose. “She hated you! You took her own child away from her, her own son. You stole him away just like Reana Mae stole Mother. You shouldn’t be here! She hated you!”

She was screaming now, shaking from head to foot. Mother grabbed for her, but she took another step back, knocking hard against the casket. It teetered a moment, then tipped, falling sideways off its pedestal, the lid swinging open and poor Araminta’s tiny body half flopping onto the floor.

“Tracy Janelle Wylie!” Daddy’s voice thundered in the shocked silence. “What the hell have you done?”

Tracy stared down at Araminta’s face, now resting on the dark red carpet of the church. Then she turned and ran straight down the aisle, into the entryway, and out the front door of the church.

Several men stepped forward to right the casket. Mother and Aunt Belle straightened Araminta’s dress and smoothed her white hair, the pastor said some soothing words, and Brian put his arm around me and pulled me close. Just behind us, poor Neil Berkson was staring aghast at the proceedings. I didn’t know what Jewish funerals were like, but I was pretty certain they didn’t include casket tipping.

Then the whispering died down, and we began filing past again. As I dropped my rose into the casket, I saw my father sitting slumped in the front pew, his shoulders shaking. Mother sat beside him, her cheeks a vivid crimson, her eyes staring straight ahead, her hand stroking his back.

“I never saw such a sight in all my life.” Ruthann’s eyes were wide and frightened.

We were sitting in the church banquet hall over plates of fried chicken, macaroni salad, and green beans.

“She’s got the devil in her, for sure,” Harley said grimly. “She’s got that bad blood.”

Ruthann nodded beside him, watching his face.

I pushed the food around my plate, staring unhappily at the floor.

“Lord knows how poor Helen must feel, her making such a scene like that,” Harley continued.

I glanced at Mother. She sat next to Daddy, her back straight, her face composed. I knew she must be dying inside. There was no way to excuse or explain Tracy’s actions. Everyone in the church had seen it. Everyone would talk about it. There was no hiding that something was seriously wrong.

Reana Mae sat quietly, pushing green beans around her plate with a fork. She hadn’t said a word since we’d sat down. Just picked at her food and scanned the room continually, looking for Caleb, I guess.

Suddenly, she dropped her fork, leaned across the table toward Harley, and said, “Take me ridin’ in your car, Harley.”

He looked at her in startled silence for a minute, then pushed his chair back and stood. “Okay,” he said, his eyes never leaving her face. “Let’s go.”

Ruthann watched them walk away, her eyes sparkling with tears. I held her hand and said with as much confidence as I could muster, “Probably she wants to talk about Caleb.”

We all sat uncomfortably for a minute. Then Brian, bless his heart, moved his chair closer to Ruthann’s and said, “I like the necklace you’re wearing, Ruthann. Did your boyfriend give you that?”

Her cheeks reddened slightly as she shook her head no. But she tore her eyes from the door Harley had just opened for Reana Mae. Brian asked her all about the river and her family, just as if he were interviewing her for a story in the newspaper. And I could only watch him and love him with all my heart.

Brian walked with me back to the house after the funeral supper, holding my hand and telling me how interesting my family was.

“They’re very … colorful,” he said.

“You mean nuts,” I mumbled, not looking up at him.

“No, Bethany, that’s not what I meant. They’re great.”

I stared at him in surprise.

“Well, okay, maybe not all of them.” He smiled then. “Maybe Tracy’s not great. But your Aunt Belle is great. And I really liked Ruthann and Harley.”

“Why?” I truly did not understand how he could. Brian was so smart. His manners were perfect. He seemed miles and years ahead of my river cousins.

“God, Bethany, don’t you know why? Look at my family. They’re so damned polite, so quiet and cold and …
polite
. But yours—your family is a real family. Sure, they fight sometimes, but they love each other. You can see it, just watching them. And they’re funny and they have great stories. I really envy you.”

My astonishment was complete.

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him full on the mouth, right there on the street.

“I love you, Brian Hutson.”

It was out of my mouth before I could swallow it.

“I love you, too, Bethany.”

The sadness of the day and the shame of my sister and all my worries over Mother and Daddy and Tracy and Reana Mae and Harley Boy and Ruthann slipped right off my shoulders. I thought I might just float straight away to Heaven.

30
The Power and the Fury

I
’d been home more than an hour before Harley brought Reana Mae back. She came straight upstairs and flopped down on the bed, staring up at the sloping ceiling. Her hair was a tumbled mess, her lipstick smudged, her blouse buttoned unevenly. Her pantyhose were nowhere to be seen.

“Where have you been?”

“I gave old Harley Boy a send-off he won’t never forget.”

She smiled, her cheeks flushed. “I guess today’s the day he got to be a man.”

I stared at her.

“You didn’t …”

“Hell, yes, I did! We drove on down to the parking lot behind the high school and did it right there in his car.”

“God, Reana! What if someone saw you?”

“Well, if they did, they didn’t say nothin’. Besides.” She laughed as she rolled onto her stomach. “I don’t think they could see anything through them windows. We steamed ’em up real good.”

“But why?” I asked. “You don’t love Harley. You never did. Why did you let him … why did you do it?”

“’Cause I wanted to, Bethany. I just flat-out wanted to. I wanted to fuck somebody, and Harley, well, you know he always wanted me. So we just did it.”

She rose and began fumbling with the buttons on her blouse.

“Lord, they’re all done up wrong, ain’t they? Good thing Aunt Helen wasn’t in the parlor.”

I stared at her. What had possessed her to … do it with Harley Boy?

“God, Bethany, it felt good! And Harley, he liked it just fine, I can promise you that. Liked it so much, he did it twice. That’s something.”

She removed her blouse and I saw small bruises across her chest. She touched one with her fingertips and smiled. “He got goin’ on me, that’s for sure. I’da never figured him for a biter.”

I thought back to the day Harley had found Reana Mae’s diary, all those years ago, and read about Caleb biting her breasts.

“Did you use a condom?”

“Naw, we didn’t have any. But it’s okay,” she said, pulling off her skirt. “I just got off my period, so I won’t get pregnant or nothin’.”

“Are you gonna marry him?”

She stared at me for a second, then began laughing, laughing so hard she had to sit down on the bed.

“Lord, Bethany, of course I ain’t gonna marry him! Me, marry ole Harley Boy? That’s a hoot!”

“Then why’d you do it?” I couldn’t understand her at all.

“I told you, ’cause I wanted to. I wanted someone to fuck me. That’s all.”

“But …”

She sighed patiently and said more gently, “Okay, Bethy, it’s like this. All these years, I been waitin’. Waitin’ on Caleb to come. Waitin’ on him to take me away, like he said he would. And when old Araminta moved up here, I thought, well, now, when she dies he’ll have to come. I knew he’d come, ’cause then he wouldn’t have to worry about Uncle Jimmy chasin’ him off, you see?

“But he didn’t come.” Her voice grew softer. “He didn’t come even when he could’ve. So I reckon he ain’t never comin’, after all.”

She sat in silence for a minute, then stood and began pacing the room. “He ain’t never comin’. He ain’t comin’ to get me, ’cause he don’t love me. Not like he said he did. If he loved me, he’d of come a long time back—or at least today. ’Cause you know Belle told him about Araminta. Belle knows where he is, and I know she told him.”

She paced some more before saying loudly, “Course he didn’t come! Why, he’s probably got hisself another girl by now. And he’s fuckin’ her instead of me. I bet he don’t even think about me at all.”

She stopped and looked at me.

“So why shouldn’t I do it with Harley?” she demanded. “Caleb’s out doin’ it with someone else, why shouldn’t I do it? And God knows”—she sighed as she flopped back down onto her bed—“Harley always wanted me. Everyone knew it. So I let him.”

She slipped into a nightgown and pulled the sheet up over herself, then reached to turn out the light.

“And it did feel good.” She sighed. “It felt real good.”

After Reana Mae fell asleep, I put on my robe and went downstairs to the kitchen. I needed to think, and I needed to think in the light. Aunt Belle and Mother were drinking tea, though I was certain Belle’s had been liberally laced with bourbon.

“Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s out walking,” Mother said, pouring tea into a cup for me. “He needs to think.”

“What about Tracy?”

“She’s downstairs. I hope she’s sleeping.”

“Mother, what are we going to do about Tracy?”

I asked it before I could even think, then waited, expecting to be told not to worry, to let the grown-ups handle it, to go back to bed.

Instead, Mother sat down across from me, picked up her teacup, looked straight at me, and said quietly, “I don’t know, honey. But we’ll have to do something.”