Prayers for the Dying (Pam of Babylon Book Four) (8 page)

Luckily for manic Jack, he required minimal sleep. He’d be out until one or two during the week and up at seven, day after day. In the beginning, Ashton saw him almost every day. Jack would meet him for coffee in the morning, or stop by his apartment for sex at night. Jack avoided the nighttime club scene after his wedding, and friends bemoaned that the club circuit wasn’t the same without him.

Ashton was rabidly jealous of Pam. He wanted to be her, or be her best friend. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done, not getting in touch with Pam. Jack would have been furious and Ash had seen the result of disobedience to Jack. As a form of punishment Jack would disappear for days. If Pam minded Jack’s late hours, or complained, Jack never confided it to anyone. Ashton was the only friend to whom Jack spoke of Pam. And according to Jack, everything was great. He said that during the first months of marriage, Pam seemed slightly confused when the realization finally sunk in that Jack wasn’t going to be hanging around much, but she never addressed it. Ashton wondered if she preferred the time alone. Pam was finished with college and didn’t have to work, didn’t have any desire to have a career. Her only hobby was exercising, so Jack got her a membership to the New York Athletic Club.

“You have to be dressed appropriately when you walk through the building to get to the gym, okay? No sweatshirts or spandex,” Jack said, handing the membership card over to her.

“Well, that’s a little odd!” she replied. Pam had never heard of a gym with a dress code.

“You’ll see when you get inside the building,” he said. “It’s not your average gym.”

She loved it from the first visit, however strange she found the dress code. It was a beautiful building and the people walking through it looked like any business people in the city. Pam’s obsession with fitness began when she started working out at that gym. She’d always been conscientious about her body, but something about regimented, purposeful exercise appealed to her. She became a regular fixture there, even during her pregnancies.

After the first year of marriage when Pam didn’t get pregnant, they went to a fertility specialist who told Jack privately to lay off masturbating if he wanted to impregnate his wife. What few sperm he had were immature and it was obvious that he was going to town on a fairly continuous basis. Of course, Jack didn’t tell him it was not just self-abuse. He followed orders and Pam got pregnant within the month. Jack told Ashton she positively glowed.

“For someone who doesn’t have a word to say for herself, she is really basking in the limelight of this pregnancy, like she invented it.” Jack was proud of her, too. She made her own maternity clothes; sleek sheaths with room for her prominent belly and nothing baggy or blousy. It was during her pregnancies that Jack displayed the rare attentiveness that Pam would enjoy for a brief time. They went out to eat together in the neighborhood, took after-dinner walks, spent time playing games on the weekends. After the babies came, Marie spent even more time with the young couple, and Jack spent more time at home. He started to feel slightly suffocated though, and that was when the idea to move the family to the island came about. Ashton was upset.

“I’ll never see you!” he complained. He and Jack were lying in bed on a Wednesday afternoon. “It’s bad enough the short time I see you now.” He was nestled in Jack’s side, his arm across Jack’s chest.

“Stop complaining, will you please? I come here to relax.” Jack reached over Ashton to get the sports page. “Besides, I’m staying in the city during the week. We’ll see each other more after the move.” He moved just enough so Ashton would get the hint and take his arm away.

“You are? What’s Miss Fabulous have to say about that? I mean, is she willing to be away from you all week?” Ashton asked.

“She didn’t say anything. Trust me, Pam has her own agenda. We barely see each other at all now,” he stated. “The weekends are family time. During the week, well, let’s just say that during the week, I work,” Jack said with sarcasm and a laugh.

“I don’t want to hear about that, either! You’re sure as hell not here during the week!” Ashton got up, picking his pants up off the floor. He knew he was on dangerous ground but couldn’t help himself. Jack put the paper down on his bare chest and looked at his lover.

“Now see, Pam would never say that to me. She might try harder to please me, but she wouldn’t whine and complain. You’re beginning to get on my nerves, Ashton. I might have to take a break from this relationship.” But he was smiling. Ashton jumped back into bed, tearing the paper away from Jack.

“Just say it! Tell me you love me! Tell me you love me more than you love her!” He had straddled Jack and was playfully bouncing up and down against Jack’s hips. Jack started laughing, but he was getting aroused again.

“I love you! Now knock it off! I have to get back to work.” He lifted Ashton off of him and got up from the bed. “I love you as much as I love Pam. Are you happy?”

Ashton shrugged his shoulders. It was good enough, for now. “Do you want coffee before you go?” he asked, sure that Miss Fabulous would have had a four-course meal prepared for Jack. But no, Jack was late. He pulled on his clothes without showering, and Ashton wondered who would get his sloppy seconds today. Surely not Pam. Ashton walked him to the door of the apartment and they kissed good-bye, Jack promising to call later. Ash stood at the door with his eye to the peephole, watching Jack go to the stairway door, bypassing the elevator. Feeling empty and depressed, he went back to the bedroom and stood next to the bed for a good minute. The urge to get back in and sleep for the rest of the day was strong, but he had an appointment before dinner. He reached down and with unaccustomed violence, yanked the sheets off the bed. He suddenly wanted no sign of Jack Smith in his apartment. He grabbed the pillows and shook their cases off, throwing them across the room into the chair by his desk. Striping off dirty sheets felt empowering. He made up the bed in fresh linens and took the sullied sheets to the hallway where the washer and dryer were closeted. Stuffing them into the washer, he shook at least twice the recommended detergent over them. Jack’s DNA would be eradicated, too. Feeling better, he got into the shower and washed the remaining evidence of their lovemaking down the drain. The feeling of decisiveness would last into the night, but by the next morning, he’d be crying again, missing Jack, begging him to come over one last time.

.

9

I
n Babylon, light snow continued falling throughout the day without much accumulation. Dave dropped off bottled water at Pam’s in case the power went out, along with the few groceries on her list. He promised to return in time for the evening news. It had become a tradition for them to spend a few hours together during dinner each night, watching the news and eating dinner on TV trays, just like an old married couple. Pam remembered feeling content doing similar things with Jack until she found out the truth about him. She was up front with Dave.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? Sitting in front of the TV, eating dinner like old folks?” she asked. “I’d hate to find out that you are bored silly. I mean, would you rather go out?” She was pouring fresh coffee for him while he ate. He looked up at her, concerned.

“What’s this all about?” he asked in return. “I like our routine. It is what I do when I’m home alone, except the dogs are begging for food while I try to eat. I should be asking you if you are okay with it.” They hadn’t talked about Jack yet, so he was in the dark about the origin of Pam’s misgivings. Realizing what he said may have been insulting to her, Dave continued, “Maybe asking you to do what I do with my dogs when I am home isn’t fair to you, either.”

Pam started laughing. “Trust me, this is exactly what I like; being in my own home, cooking for someone I care about, sitting here at the window overlooking the water. In my opinion, it doesn’t get any better than this. But if you get bored with this arrangement, you have to tell me, okay? Don’t make me guess after it’s too late, and you are ready to move on.” She hoped he wouldn’t press for details, and was relieved when he didn’t. But she decided to share a little more with him. “My husband and I did this very thing on the weekends that he was home and I thought he enjoyed it. Since his death, I discovered he led a different life when we were apart. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I made with him,” she said, careful to leave out, “when I am with you.” She finished pouring the coffee and sat down to eat. Dave brought prepared food from the store frequently, but Pam was beginning to enjoy cooking again, almost as much as she did when her children were home and Jack was alive. Dave was a grateful dinner guest after having to cook for himself for most of his life.

“This is a delicious salad,” he told her. “I rarely eat raw vegetables because they always taste dirty to me.”

“Do you wash them?” she asked innocently.

Dave was discovering that there was a naivety about Pam that was both appealing and made her ripe for teasing. “Are you supposed to wash them?” he asked.

Pam burst out laughing. “Okay, okay. Knock it off. How is that vegetables taste bad to a man who owns an organic store? It doesn’t make any sense!” But she was happy that he was comfortable enough to tease her. Jack did it all the time, but his teasing was tinged with sarcasm, and sometimes it stung.

They finished dinner and had coffee and dessert, and before he left for the night, Dave helped Pam clean up the dishes. He had to spend some time with his dogs and get to bed early; his day often began before five in the morning when he would meet his brother at the store to open for the day.

“Thank you for a lovely evening,” he said to her, bending down to kiss her cheek. “Another great meal. Saturday night we have Downtown Pub to go to. We better rest up for it.”

She was suddenly so content that without thinking, she wound her arms around his shoulders and reached up, eyes closed, and starting kissing him passionately. He kissed her back, tongue and all. His hand moved down and squeezed her rear end, giving Pam a thrill she hadn’t thought she would feel again. She pulled away from the kiss and started laughing again.

“I’m highly insulted,” Dave exclaimed. “Here I give you the best ass pinch I have and you laugh at me.” But he continued holding her and rubbing her back. She rested her head on his chest, his chin on top of her head. She would remember this moment as the beginning of their intimate relationship.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t think about what it would be like to have someone do that to me at my age. I wondered how we move on to the next phase of relationship, and I guess that’s how! I didn’t think it would be that easy.” She had forgotten already that she had started it with the kiss, and he didn’t remind her; the moment was too nice. Dave held her tightly and then they stepped away at the same time. It seemed like letting things play out on their own was working for them.

“You probably better leave if you plan on getting any sleep tonight,” she said, surprising him with her flirtatiousness.

“Ah, forget sleep! I can sleep another time!” Dave said. But he let her guide him to the door.

“No, we better slow down,” she said. “That was nice; let’s not get carried away here!” He bent down to kiss her again and she reached up to meet him; it was a real kiss on the lips and not the cheek peck they were used to giving each other. The ice had been broken.

The next morning, Pam went into the kitchen to start the dishwasher when the phone rang. She walked back out to the hallway to get the phone, but checked the caller ID first. It was Marie’s boyfriend, Steve Marks.
What did he want? Nothing good would come out of any call this guy makes.
She considered letting the machine pick up, but gave in and answered it.

“What’s up, Steve?” she said curtly, no hello or chance for small talk. He seemed confused but pulled himself together; Pam remembered that he was over sixty and backed off, regretful that she was being mean.

“I have someone here who wants to talk to you. Is it okay if I put Marie on?” He hesitated, and Pam remembered that she had told Marie not to call her anymore. Feeling unlike herself suddenly, with anger at the surface, Pam had to catch her breath before she could continue.
What was going on?
“Yes, of course, put her on,” she said, the conversation having an air of unreality about it. She could hear Steve talking softly to Marie and then Marie came on.

“Pam? Pam? Are you there?” Marie sounded weak, and for a moment Pam was frightened, and then concerned.

“I’m here, Marie, what’s going on?”

“I’m in the hospital, and I just got some news that I wanted to tell you about first,” Marie said.

Pam’s heart quickened, her hands started shaking, and she willed her voice not to betray her worry. “What’s going on?” she repeated. “Are you okay?”

“I am now. I fainted this morning and Steve got worried so he called the squad to come and take me to the hospital.” She stopped for a moment and Pam could hear her begin to cry. “Pam, I’m pregnant! Remember I told you about the week that Steve and I had unprotected sex? It just took those few times!” She began to unabashedly sob now. Pam could hear Steve comforting her in the background, telling her she would be okay and that the baby would be fine. Pam couldn’t bear it. She had to be there for her sister and her first baby! Nothing she had done should prevent Pam from helping her out as Marie had helped Pam out when her two children were small. In that second, she forgave Marie once again.