Pregnancy Plan (3 page)

“
But what happens if I don’t happen to
find someone I want to marry?” Her hands paused in mid air. “Do I
lose out? Cut my losses? Go home?” Her arms dropped to her side in
defeat.

He struggled with what to
say
. Way beyond my experience.
His job didn’t allow for long-term commitments. Out of the
country over eight months a year, he’d never considered
marriage.

Wife? No. Children? Yes. He wanted kids. But
who would want an absent husband? So he’d given up on the
possibility. But seeing the hunger in her eyes, he wondered if
maybe he’d sold himself short. Could you have one without the
other? “I don’t know. I guess you continue to wait. What other
choice do you have?”

Jillian grinned. “My point exactly.” Her
hands sped through the air in victory. “I do have a choice. My
father is gone and I have no one else who will care if I have a
child out of wedlock. So I decided to take matters into my own
hands.”

A knock on the door interrupted. She blinked
and stared at the door. “Who could that be?”

He strolled by her and peered out the
peephole. He turned the handle and then retrieved his wallet from
his back pocket. “The pizza dude.”

She touched his arm. He handed her the pizza
and drinks, paid the delivery boy, and closed the door. He turned
as she carried everything to the table across the room. What does
she plan to do? She couldn’t suddenly let go of her strong moral
values and have a baby, could she? The guilt would eat her alive.
When she retraced her steps to pick up her drink from the dresser,
he held out his hand. “Is that my cup?”

She held him at bay with one hand, while she
stretched her other arm behind her. Unable to resist the challenge,
he stepped closer, crowded her space, and fought for her cup. Her
hand on his chest didn’t deter his forward motion.

“
I think yours is over on the table.”
Jillian held her ground.

He smiled, not wanting the cup, only an
excuse to touch. Heat burned his chest where her hand lay. Her eyes
flickered. Then she shifted back and turned. His hand brushed her
waistline.

“
That pizza smells heavenly.” She
stepped away from him, toward the table. “We don’t want it to get
cold.” She sat down her drink and lifted a piece from the box. “Oh,
and don’t forget to tell me how much I owe you. We’ll settle up
after dinner.”

He stepped up behind her. “Don’t worry about
it. Dinner is on me.”

She turned suddenly.

Unprepared, his arms automatically circled
her before she collided with his chest. He spotted the slice of
pizza positioned inches from his shirt. “I didn’t mean I wanted to
wear it.”

“
Oh no.” Her face blushed red and she
broke away. “Hang on. I’ll get something to take out the
stain.”

Again darting away, she escaped from his
arms and rushed for the bathroom.

Could she still have feelings for him?

He examined his shirt. No sauce marked the
fabric.

Returning with two wash cloths and her pizza
in hand, she stepped to the table. “This is the best we can do for
a napkin. Did I leave a stain on your shirt?”

“
No, it’s fine”

“
Good.” She handed him a rag and slid
into the seat on the other side of the table.

“
Thanks.”

“
No problem.”

The silence in the room grew.

He waited. She might not want to continue
their earlier conversation, but he had to know her plans. His
brother didn’t worry about things unnecessarily. If Jason suspected
her of doing something stupid, then the likelihood was very good
that it would happen.

And from what Derek had heard so far, he had
to agree with his brother’s observation.

****

Jillian broke the heavy silence. She wanted
him on the defensive to take the pressure off herself so she could
get out from under his microscope. “So, who are you seeing now?
Blonde or redhead, if you can’t remember her name.”

Derek shook his head. “No one, I’ve only
been in town a few days.”

“
And you’re leaving, when?” Soon
hopefully. Usually, he didn’t spend much time in the States between
his overseas assignments. One reason why he hadn’t bothered to
contact her, or at least that’s what she’d told herself for the
last year.

“
I’m not due a new assignment for
another week or so.” The amusement in his eyes confirmed his
unwillingness to buy into her stalling technique, or her attempt to
make him uncomfortable. “But we haven’t finished our earlier
conversation. I want to know what this pregnancy plan of yours
involves.” He grabbed another slice of pizza.

“
What difference does it
make?”

“
Because it upset Jason, or he
wouldn’t have called you.” He closed his mouth around the point of
the pizza.

Oh, to have those lips
hungry for her.
Need blossomed in her
stomach.

“
He shouldn’t worry.”

“
Well, he is. What exactly do you plan
on doing? Put an ad in the paper? Father wanted. No strings
attached.” With a smirky grin, he lifted his cup.

Jillian thrust aside the crust. Why bother?
She’d lost her appetite.

If he only knew how her arms and breasts
ached for a baby when she saw one lying in a carrier or stroller.
The tight yearning that ran so deep it invaded her dreams.
Nightmares of infants crying, babies she could never console. The
longing rooted so deeply, it ate at her soul. She wished he could
understand.

“
I have considered running an ad, but
it probably wouldn’t work.”

Surprised, Derek choked on his pizza and
coughed out, “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“
Why not?” She fidgeted in her chair.
“All I have to do is find a man who wants to have sex with me. No
strings attached. He’d never need to know I got pregnant.” She
hated discussing this with him.

“
Isn’t that a little
underhanded?”

“
Why? He gets what he wants, and is
none the wiser.”

“
What if he uses protection? Then your
plan won’t work.” He toyed with his food.

“
I’d just have to convince him I was
on the pill, and it wasn’t necessary.” Jillian whispered, “He’d
never need to know.”

“
Don’t you think he’d call and want to
see you again?”

“
No, I wouldn’t give him my real name
or number. He’d never be able to find me. As far as he was
concerned, I’d be a one night stand.”

“
A bit dishonest?” he grumbled under
his breath.

Her jittery nerves shivered under heated
skin. “Yes.” She gulped in a quick breath and rushed on. “Hell, I
can’t do it anyway. I have thought about it. But I can’t convince
myself to have sex with a stranger.”

She grabbed her pizza crust, tore it into
tiny pieces. “There are women out there who can, but I can’t go
through with it.” Throwing each piece back in the pizza box, she
continued. “Who knows what kind of diseases he might have? It’s too
risky.”

A difficult decision, she fought to make him
understand. “I don’t want to mislead anyone. I just want to have a
child of my own.”

He shook his head as if confused by her
logic. Frustrated, she found it hard to talk. She brushed the
crumbs off the table into her hand, and dumped them into the pizza
carton, then shoved back her chair. “I’ve thought about adoption,
but the waiting list for Caucasian babies is eight to ten years. I
don’t want to wait, and I really don’t think its fair to people who
can’t have children for me to adopt. After all, I’m quite capable
of having a baby.” She blushed, and cleared her throat. “I’m not
even sure they’d let me adopt, since I’m a single.”

Derek blinked. “I didn’t realize the waiting
list was so long.”

“
It is, if you want a newborn.” She
gathered her courage, and began again.

“
The next option, which I haven’t had
an opportunity to look into yet, is artificial insemination. That’s
where I would go to a sperm bank and pick out what physical
features I want in the father and then purchase the sperm. The
doctor would then inject it into my womb. The only problem with
this option is the cost. But like I said, I haven’t looked into it
very closely.”

She peered at him, embarrassed, not sure she
could continue her explanation. He’d really think her nuts after
hearing her final possibility.

“
You’ve thought this matter out very
carefully. But it doesn’t sound like you’ve chosen a plan yet.” His
intent scrutiny showed he was taking the conversation seriously,
waiting for her to tell him the rest of her elaborate
plan.

“
The last option, which I haven’t
explained yet, is probably the best of the group. It takes a sperm
donor, and I don’t have to have sex with anyone.” She pressed her
hands together and straightened in her chair, gathering all her
strength to continue. “It’s like artificial insemination without
the cost.”

“
Okay?” he prompted.

“
Well, I read this article about a
lady who got pregnant by using a turkey baster. And I
thought...”

He interrupted. “A turkey baster?”

“
You know, it looks like a large eye
dropper and you use it to baste the turkey while it is
cooking.”

“
You’re loco.” Shock radiated from his
face.

“
No, the lady got sperm from a donor
and placed it in the baster. Then she injected the sperm into her
uterus. It’s the same basic way as having sex. The problem is
finding a donor.”

Jillian monitored his reaction. Suddenly,
his face turned from a look of outrage to amazement. Then his mouth
broke into a huge grin and he burst into laughter. The sound echoed
off the walls and through her head.

Bolting from her chair, she bolted for
the bathroom. She shouldn’t have shared her plan with him. He
didn’t get it. Never would so why explain any
further
. I just made a complete fool of
myself.

****

She raced past him.

Derek caught a glimpse of her dashing by and
sprang to his feet. If he didn’t catch her before she reached the
bathroom, the conversation would be over. She’d never come out. He
grabbed her by the shoulder, pulled her around, and trapped her
arms between their bodies, preventing her escape. His body still
shook with amusement.

“
Let me go.” Her voice broke with her
tears. “It’s not a joke.”

He struggled to control his humor, but he
couldn’t. Instead, he hugged her closer, hoping that if he held on
tight enough, she’d know he wasn’t laughing at her, but at her
crazy idea. He couldn’t fathom why she’d even consider such an
option.

Her soft yet rigid body refused to yield,
her hands pressed against his chest. She mumbled into his chest,
which still rumbled with his laughter. “Derek, please let me go.”
When her head fell to his chest, the sweet strawberry scent of her
hair seduced him, and his laughter subsided.

“
I’m sorry, Jillian. I know I
shouldn’t laugh, but the thought is just too unbelievable. Why
would anyone go to such extremes?”

He held her tight, striving to reassure her.
He rubbed her back, placed light kisses on her hair, and tried to
cheer her up. He had to give her credit. She knew what she wanted
and was going after it. The means by which she planned to achieve
her goal were a little extraordinary, but he had to applaud her
determination.

Raising her head, she gazed sadly into his
face. “Haven’t you ever wanted something so badly you would do
anything to get it?”

Staring down into her tear-stained face, he
witnessed his own heartache reflected in her eyes. Too painful to
unveil, he shoved aside those thoughts. Yes, he’d wanted things
before, but he couldn’t remember ever wanting something so much
he’d pursue such radical methods to achieve it. “I’m sorry. I guess
I never wanted anything that badly.”

She relaxed in his arms. “What do you live
for?”

“
What do you mean?”

“
Why do you get up in the
morning?”

“
What do you want me to
say?”

She rested her head on his chest. Her hands
slid around his waist.

After a moment, she whispered. “Okay, let’s
say you’re on assignment, and you get in a dangerous situation.
What motivates you to survive?”

He still didn’t know what she wanted, but he
answered, “The will to live, to do the job I’m paid to do.”

Jillian forced her way out of his arms. He
let her go, but stood between her and the door. He traced her
movements around the room. All evening he had studied her, observed
her body react to his nearness. The stiff set of her shoulders
revealed the same sexual frustration he was feeling.

“
That’s not what I meant.” She
clenched her fists. “What if you had a child? Wouldn’t knowing he
or she needed you encourage you to take the extra precautions to
stay alive?”

“
No. I can see how that might work for
some people. But if I had kids at home, I wouldn’t put myself into
dangerous situations. I’d accept the responsibility and stay safe.
That’s part of the reason I’m not married.”

“
So, you’re saying they would be your
reason for staying out of harm’s way. Therefore, they would also be
your reason for living.”

“
You’re stretching the point. But,” he
said when she started to interrupt. “Let’s say for the sake of
argument I agree with your need to have a baby. Why go to such
extremes? Why not just do it the old-fashioned way?”