Pretenders (27 page)

Not a single person showed. Not one. Not even Sister-Mutt. My whole section was empty. I could have played Rumson. I
wouldn’t have had to Wipe. Hud and Coops would still be talking to me. Anton wouldn’t be text-threatening me to pay him back. I wouldn’t have called the cops on Lily.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

Sucks.

My entire life
sucks.

Gardner offered me a ride after the show. Only I couldn’t deal with him bragging about his commission and talking about the “ahm-bee-ance” like it mattered. So I said no. The whole “affair” was a giant Exxon spill of slickness and I was the oily seagull. I needed to run off the runoff. I didn’t care that my house was eight miles from the “venue.” I was so pissed I could have gone twenty. I didn’t even have earbuds but I ran like I did.

My feet smacked the pavement. My heart pounded. My lungs
stung. The medieval coin necklace smacked against my chest. I didn’t care if it retailed for $250 but with the code it could be yours for $105. I ripped it off my neck and whipped it in the bushes on Old Bell Road. I wanted to outrun my feelings. To leave them with the coin and the rest of this night that should never have been mine to begin with. But the horrible feelings stayed with me no matter how fast I ran. So I pumped and worked and pushed until I was too tired to feel anything at all.

Car lights = streaks. Traffic lights = spots. Curbs = cliffs for me to jump off of.

A van rolled up beside me on King’s Lane. I figured it was Anton with another lecture on “salesmanship.” I sped up. The van did too. “Sexy and I Know It” was blasting inside. Someone rolled down a window. The music became clearer. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t care who it was or what they wanted. I looked anyway.

It was the Flames driving back from Rumson.

Feeling = Oh no.

I started limping.

Logo with his head out the window: How’s that bad ankle treating you?

Feeling = Dizzy. Deaf. Sick.

Hands on my knees, I leaned forward to catch my breath. I begged my Golden “Duffys” to Iron Man me home, but they just stood there, all slick and pathetic, like me.

Feeling = I hate these shoes!

Handfuls of Cheetos were being thrown at me. The guys sped off shouting “Go Flames!”

I ditched my Golden Duffys by the side of the road.

Feeling = I want my mom.

Serious. I actually felt that way. Not that I’d ever admit that to her. I was her son. Not her daughter.

I walked barefoot and thought about Sheridan. We weren’t super tight or anything but still. I thought she was real.

Amelia would say: She must have had a good reason for ditching you. Why don’t you call and ask if she’s okay?

Hud and Coops would call me a wuss if I did that.

Mandy would say: Make her jealous. That’s what I do when Gardner takes me for granted. Start with a good outfit. Something that says confidence and curves. Then… (yawn = deaf).

Dad would smack me on the back and tell me it’s only going to get harder.

Bubbie Libby would tell me to forget about the blonde and focus on the nice Jewish girl next door.

Mom would hug me for a solid hour.

I wanted to listen to Amelia.

I decided if the light at Meyer and Kent Ave. stayed green until I got to the mailbox, I would.

The light turned yellow.

I called Sheridan anyway.

It rang three times before she picked up.

ME:
Sheridan?

DUDE:
No. It’s her boyfriend.

Girls were laughing in the background.

ME:
Who is this?

DUDE:
It’s Logan. Noble Flames MVP. Who’s this?

I hung up. I ran the rest of the way barefoot.

The house was dark when I got home.

Feeling = Relieved.

I was too ashamed to see anyone. I wanted to Skype Amelia.

The dogs ran out when I unlocked the door. I chased them all the way to Lily’s house. Her parents had just gotten home and hadn’t closed the door all the way. The dogs pushed it open and ran inside. Mrs. Bader-Huffman screamed. They bolted up the stairs.

ME:
I’m so sorry.

She said it’s okay, she was startled, that’s all. I was barefoot and smelled like sweat. I hoped she didn’t notice.

HER:
Where’s Lily?

ME:
No clue.

Mrs. Bader-Huffman started to freak. She thought Lily and I had plans. Something about a fashion show to raise money for sweatshop workers.

ME:
Sweatshop workers?

HER:
That’s what she told me. You haven’t seen her all night?

ME:
No. She was supposed to meet me but she never showed.

HER:
Oh my god, Alannnnnnn! Lily has been kidnapped!

I did not want to be around for that so I said I’d grab the dogs and go. She was too busy freaking to care.

Me going upstairs: Come, puppies. Come on. (Kissy sound kissy sound.)

I heard their jingling collars in Lily’s room.

I walked in all careful, afraid I might see something I’m not supposed to. Like it was the girls’ locker room or something. Coops and I dared each other to run through one during our middle school dance and this was nothing like that.

For one thing it didn’t smell like shampoo or fruit-flavored gum. It didn’t smell like anything girly at all. More like the parts of a library no one hangs in, where the books are old and all about history. There weren’t any makeup stains or torn magazines or shoe piles or bright colors like Mandy’s. It was more like Amelia’s: full maps and encyclopedias and nerdy secrets.

The dogs were scratching the closet like maybe a dead body had been buried in there. I wondered if it was Lily’s. Maybe that’s why she didn’t show up. Maybe her parents murdered her and stuffed her in there. Maybe the dogs heard the whole thing and were trying to tell me. Maybe that’s why the Bader-Huffmans were out.

Feeling = Watch your back!

The dogs scratched the Albert Einstein poster right off the door. A picture of Seth from
The O.C.
was hidden underneath. Nerdy secret #1. Called it.

ME:
What is it pups?

DOGS:
Jingle jingle mwwww mwww woof.

ME:
Whatcha got in there?

DOGS:
Woof!

ME:
Bones?

DOGS:
A-woof! Woof!

I knocked.

I whispered: Lily?

I knocked again.

I whispered again: Lily? It’s Duffy. You in there?

What if she was? Her parents would never let me leave alive. Then again, getting murdered by the Bader-Huffmans might not be so bad. Everyone would like me again and I’d be out of the red with Anton. The timing was ideal.

I checked the hall. I was alone. I gripped the brass knob. I turned it slowly. I swallowed. Everything I did sounded seriously loud. I opened the door. I went blind for a second. Then I opened my eyes.

Nothing. No corpse. No bones. No Lily. Just clothes, another picture of Seth, and a tackle box with a lock. The dogs were still going crazy so I guessed the box was full of unkosher snacks (nerdy secret #2?) because Lily hates being kosher. A label on the back of the lock said “A.D.’s birthday” in tiny font.

Feeling = Same initials as me.

For fun I entered: 12.29.97.

Click.

The lock popped open. I opened the box. I called the cops.

October 12th

My arms were slathered in a shedload of Aveeno anti-itch cream. I wasn’t expecting fights or poor grades on my first date with Blake. But Mom had just moved back from the hotel and she wanted to give me a ride, so I had to take all necessary precautions.

She told me I looked beautiful
⁵⁷
and then she started the
engine and cried. She wanted to talk about why she had been gone so long but I shut her down. I refused to spend my first date scratching like a flea-ridden cat. I had waited seven days for her explanation. What was one more day? So I said that and then blasted the radio. “Sexy and I Know It” was on.
⁵⁸

A letter in a plain white envelope rested on the seat between us. It was addressed to me in Helvetica 12-point font.

“What’s this?”

“Oh, that came today,” she said, sniffling. “I forgot to give it to you.”

“Finally,” I said, assuming it was U.S. Customs saying my SWAP bracelets had cleared. If I collected the money by Wednesday I’d still have time to enter and I wouldn’t need “the solution” again until finals.

I tore the letter open. The note was brief. Helvetica 12-point all caps:

I KNEW YOU WERE UP TO SOMETHING.

NOW I HAVE PROOF. YOU’RE DONE.

My vision blurred. I read it four more times anyway. My forehead began to sweat. The moisture was making my straightened hair curl.

Who did this? Who knows my secret? What did they want from me? A confession? Surrender? Expulsion?

“Nessa, are you okay?” Mom asked. “Did you eat something?”

“What?” I snapped, desperate to be alone with my panic.

“Something’s wrong. I can tell. Is it the letter?”

“No,” I said, crumpling it up. “Just an announcement about gluten-free Girl Scout cookies.”

“Well, you don’t look okay.”

“Thanks, Mom, just what every girl wants to hear on her way to a party.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence. Ver? I didn’t want to go on my date anymore. I needed to know who sent this note and why.

A.J. knew my secret but he would never turn me in. Especially since I upgraded him to a C+. There weren’t any security cameras in the office when I snuck in. And Lily is the only person I told.…

FOE NO YOU DIZN’T!

How could I have been so stupid?

Deepak teaches us to follow our instincts and honor our inner voice. From day one that voice told me to watch out for her in two languages.
⁵⁹
This is obviously about Blake. I mean, how can a girl spend that much time with a guy that perfect and not fall in love? She can’t. It defies chemistry, logic, and love.

I should have known Lily was in denial of her feelings. Mine must have woken hers up. Now she sees me as a threat. But, come on. My kind of threat and the one she just mailed to me are unequivocally unequal.

Mom stopped the car in front of Octavia’s. Blake was by the window talking up a group of girls. He said something and they all laughed. I ached with jealousy. I’ll never laugh again, because juvenile detention centers aren’t funny.

I had plans to meet Lily on the roof of the school in an hour. We were going to fix her grades. I wanted to go straight there and confront her but she was at a fashion show with Duffy. I would have called but she didn’t own a phone. I would have sent a letter by carrier pigeon but my hands were too shaky to write. Who else knows about this????

I forced myself to kiss my mother
⁶⁰
goodbye and then I forced myself to go inside. Logan from the basketball team was talking to Octavia, Audri, and the Orphan about some joyride he took with Sheridan Spencer. Octavia was teasing him, saying he liked Sheridan. That it had nothing to do with the car and that he really wanted to ride Sheridan. Logan disagreed. Octavia said, then why did you go?