Pretty Faces and Dark Places (15 page)

The need to help, to protect, to save.

I turned my head to the other side over Andrew’s chest, sighing. His skin felt so soft and incredibly warm, but it was hard like marble, tight and all muscles. I wanted to stay there forever, over his chest, enjoying his warmth and the sound of his even breaths and heartbeats. But the thoughts in my head were blocking me from truly getting lost in the feel of his arms. He hugged me to his body protectively, his wings spread on either side on us, looking larger than I’d ever seen them before, yet utterly beautiful and amazingly strong.

I wanted to reach out and touch them, but I didn’t want to disturb Andrew even more than I already was, so I refrained.

With another sigh, I closed my eyes in another attempt to get some sleep – not that I wanted it or felt the need to sleep. No. I just wanted to pass the time until Andrew awakened.

When I closed my eyes, I tried to rest my mind. I tried not to think of this new need to do something to prevent Andrew’s kind from hurting humans any more. It was really hard. Almost impossible.

I thought about Sophie, and what Mathew had said. He had said that the secret to growing black wings was to hate. I couldn’t imagine Sophie possibly hating anyone, or anything. She was the most pure and loving person I knew – how could she hate so much that it’d help her become a demon? It was beyond my understanding.

My thoughts of Sophie and how loving she was made me think of my mother, how she was as loving and kind, and how good it felt to see her in that dream I’d had the other night.

I smiled lightly, and right then, something changed behind my closed lids. Darkness changed to light, bright like the sunshine and sparkling stars, and when the light was gone – I again found myself in the same place I’d seen in my dream. I found myself walking in green, wide lands, this time with the knowledge of where I should go. This time I knew whom I would find, and when I found her – I smiled brightly, and called, “Mom!”

Something felt strange. I opened my eyes and everything was gone, darkness was present again, and Andrew’s steady heartbeats rang softly in my ear. I couldn’t understand what that was. I wasn’t asleep. I knew I hadn’t fallen asleep, I was fully awake. But how could I see those things so clearly? It wasn’t just thoughts – that much I was very aware of.

I closed my eyes again, thinking of my mother just like I’d done a minute ago, and there I was again, among bright lights and then green lands, and at the end there was my mother.

This time I was very sure I wasn’t asleep, because though I could feel my legs walking, and I could see with my own eyes as the form of my mother neared as I walked toward her, I was still able to hear Andrew’s heartbeats and breaths. I was still able to feel his hard chest and the warmth his body had always offered my own.

Those facts made me realize one thing – what I was seeing was like a vision, though I had no clue if visions played out that way. It was me seeing this, not another person, and I was even in the same clothes. When my mother turned and looked me in the eyes, I knew that it was something other than a vision, because she could see me, as well.

I couldn’t help the words that came out of my mouth, “What is this, Mom?” My mother had always answered my curious questions as a child. She’d always known the right thing to say. It was second nature to me to ask her, even though I knew that my mother was long gone and what was happening was insane for the mind to process – but I didn’t care. I was confused and I wanted my mother’s wisdom. I knew she had the answer.

“It’s your destiny, Sweetheart,” she replied warmly.

“What do you mean? What’s my destiny?”

“You will figure it out soon, honey. Very soon.” She smiled.

“How can I see you? Is this a vision?” I asked, not able to wait until I figured it out myself like she said; I needed answers. Needed them. Anything. And I needed it now. Just anything to make me understand. Those questions were very disturbing, and I couldn’t bear it anymore.

“No, Maya. Not a vision. You wanted to see me, so your soul traveled to where I am. Your spirit is with me. You can do that to visit anyone, even the dead. You just need to be careful whom you want to see, and you need to want it badly enough for it to really work,” Mom explained.

I frowned; this was confusing. I couldn’t understand, though I wanted to so much. How could I see my mother? How could I travel or transport, or whatever that way? I was nothing, not even a human. Andrew said I’d already changed so I would be able to live in his world. Heck, I wasn’t even a demon; I wasn’t able to grow the black wings I needed. I had no powers, nothing, I couldn’t even cry or eat, or sleep.

I wanted to scream; I was highly distrustful of my mind. With an ache that I’d grown to know very well in my upper back – I opened my eyes, moaning.

“Andrew,” I breathed out, waking him up.

“What’s wrong?” he sounded worried.

“Wings. Again,” was all I uttered.

Andrew held me tightly to him, moving us so our feet were facing the ground beneath us. It was like we were standing, but we were still flying. Andrew’s fluttering wings were keeping us in the air as he held me in his arms while I went through the pain of growing new wings. He hushed me every time I moaned, soothing me with encouraging words of ‘It’s going to be okay,’ when I screamed out loud that ‘I can’t take it anymore,’ then smoothed my hair every time I groaned.

When it was over, I pulled away slightly to look into his eyes. They weren’t thrilled, but also, they weren’t blank – I could read sadness filling his eyes.

“Please tell me they’re black,” I said, my words coming out in a plea. When he offered me a small, soft smile, I knew they weren’t. “Oh no!” I gushed. “What are we going to do?”

I couldn’t imagine going through his family cutting my wings off once again, I just couldn’t. It was too painful; I would die if they did. And to be honest, I didn’t think death would be so bad. It wouldn’t be as painful as them cutting my wings off.

I wondered if Andrew would do it himself, but I knew he wouldn’t. Because … just because. I knew he wouldn’t, and that was all. At least, he didn’t get all angry with me for my new white wings. His eyes didn’t turn all black, and his teeth were the same, no fangs. He just looked so sad, and it hurt my heart.

“We can’t go back,” Andrew said. His hands tightened around me, and the next thing I knew, we were flying again, this time faster than ever.

“Where are we going?” I yelled my question so he would hear me. Even though I was facing him, the swooshing of the air would cover my voice and lower it.

“Far away, where nobody can find you,” was all he said, and I didn’t ask any further questions.

We landed in a green land that was almost the same as I’d seen in my dreams of my mother. This one was even wider, full of bright green grass and a few purple flowers all around. It was beautiful. Utterly fascinating. The cool breeze I could feel was enough to make me smile. I only wished the sky was bright and not dark, it would’ve been perfect then.

I turned around and looked at Andrew, who had a look in his eyes that told of absolute sadness and stress. I wished with all of my heart that I could just wipe it away from his beautiful face.

“Andrew?” I called to get his attention. When he looked up at me with those bright green eyes of his, he tried to smile but couldn’t, so I asked, “What are we going to do here?”

“I’m going to go bring things to settle in here, clothes and such,” he replied.

“Why can’t we go back to your home?” I asked – not like I had any need in me to go back there, but I still wondered.

“We just can’t. You grew white wings. They won’t give you any more chances – they’ll kill you,” Andrew said with a hint of anger and maybe even disgust in his voice.

I gasped. “Kill me? Why? What did I do?”

“Your kind is dangerous to our kind,” he said simply.

“My kind?” I frowned. “What do you mean ‘my kind’? Humans?” I couldn’t understand; they were the dangerous kind to humans, not the other way around.

Andrew shook his head, looking frustrated with his lips pulled into a tight line before he spoke. “Don’t you get it, Maya?” he asked, seeming not really looking for answer. “You’re not a human anymore. You haven’t been a human since you were brought to the underworld; humans can’t live here,” he once again said those words he’d already told me.

“What am I then?” I was completely confused.

“I had my doubts at first. I thought it was crazy of me to think so,” he started. “You’re too pure to be a demon, Maya.  There’s too much love in your heart.”

“What do you mean, Andrew? I don’t understand anything.”

Andrew sighed, moving his hands through his hair in frustration. “You had so many questions when you went through the converting, when you should be able to understand them well even without me having to tell you so much. Your wings keep growing white when they are supposed to be black. The food was strange to you at first and then you couldn’t swallow. And then you couldn’t bear the heat, same heat that demons enjoy more than anything. But what really got to me is how you forgave me so easily and so fast after I cut your wings off myself – you’re too forgiving for a demon, too loving,” he said with a kind of devastation lacing his voice.

“I also can’t sleep… I can’t cry,” I blurted out.

“I know you can’t sleep, but you
can
cry. It’s just very rare and the need should be stronger than anything,” he said.

“Why?” I asked with a frown on my face.

“Because your tears heal, that’s why,” he replied.

“Heal?”

“Yes, Maya. They heal open wounds and broken bones. Tears of an angel.”

“Angel?” I gasped my question. “I’m an angel?”

Andrew nodded, but before he looked away, there was a look of distaste evident on his face, reminding me right away of what he’d said about angels being a threat to his kind.

Something happened inside of me, a feeling that I couldn’t name, but I knew that I was wondering what this meant for us – me and him.

“You thought I was your mate,” I said.

Andrew’s head snapped to my direction, and his eyes were hard when he said sternly, “I
know
you are my mate; it’s the truth.”

“How come?” I asked. “You said that angels were a threat to your kind, so we can’t be mates.”

“I don’t know, Maya,” he started, his voice holding so much sadness. “I know what I feel in my heart. I know that every beat is calling your name. I know that I love you more than anything or anyone in the whole two worlds. I know that what I feel for you is what I should feel for my mate. I know I’ll always feel it even if you never love me back,” his voice cracked as he said the last words, and it broke my heart.

My legs moved on their own, taking the few steps that separated us until I was standing right in front of him. He wouldn’t look into my eyes. He still looked away, so I touched his face with my hand, trying to bring his attention to me.

His head leaned into my touch, his eyes closed for a moment before he opened them to look at me, his green eyes full of passion. I refused to let him think that mine held any less emotion than what he held for me, so I had to tell him exactly that.

“How could you think that?” I asked, not really looking for an answer. “I’ve spend the last year, from the moment I saw you, from the moment we met and until we met again, doing nothing but grieving over my best friend and aching because of how much I missed you,” I told him, because he had to understand.

His eyes widened slightly, and I felt his skin heating even more under my touch, if that was possible. He looked shocked, and I disliked that he didn’t already know this. “Andrew, how could you think I don’t love you back?” I wondered. “I’ve been in love with you since the very first time you called me
‘Angel’
.”

Andrew’s lips parted and he breathed out my name in disbelief, “Maya!” as if he was asking silently and with just a simple call of my name if what he’d just heard was true.

So I confirmed it for him once more. “I love you, Andrew,” I said. “And my love for you is so great that I don’t think there’s a place in my heart to hate anyone or even any
thing
. I love you more than I could possibly explain. I don’t know how I can be your soulmate when you’re a demon and I’m an angel, but I know that I could never love anyone more than I love
you
. I love you.”