Pretty Hate (New Adult Novel) (23 page)

My heart and everything else that had blood rushing to it in my body, pounded. I moved my knees apart as I nodded. My breathing was fast and shallow as he looked between my legs and I looked up at the ceiling as I closed my eyes.

“Look at me,” he said. “You have no idea what you are doing to me.”

His fingers reached my panties and rested against the inside of my leg. His knuckles brushed back and forth against the outside of my panties and I broke out into goose bumps. He chuckled softly as I shivered.

“So wet,” he whispered as he rubbed me. “So swollen.”

I reached out to touch him and he grabbed my wrist and held it down against the case.

“What do you want, Beth?” he said as he rubbed me. “Tell me what you want.”

“A kiss,” I said. “I want to taste you.”

He stood up and kicked the chair back and got in between my legs.

“I need to taste you too,” he said and smiled.

I felt dizzy as I lowered my mouth to his as he rubbed the outside of my panties with his fingers. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into him. His fingers probed at me like his tongue probed the inside of my mouth as we kissed. He pulled up on the back of my neck and stared at me.

“I have never, ever been so turned on in my life,” he whispered as he rubbed against me faster and faster. “I want you to ride me, baby. I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good. Tell me you want me.”

“I want you,” I said as I panted. “I want you so bad.”

He moved his fingers under the elastic of my panties and he rubbed my damp skin. My legs shook as he moved his thumb in circles over me.

“There it is,” he said and leaned forward and brushed his lips against my ear. “There’s that clit. It’s so swollen, Beth. You feeling good, baby?”

I looked at him and nodded as my muscles tensed in my lower belly.

“Oh, you’re close, aren’t you?” Declan said and bit his lip. “So fucking close.”

“Yes,” I said and exhaled.

“Should I stop?” he said.

I heard voices from far away and he stopped moving his fingers. I grabbed his wrist and pressed his hand into me.

“Please,” I said, “please don’t stop.”

“Oh, so I shouldn’t?” he said and chuckled. “That would be cruel of me, wouldn’t it?”

I felt such pressurized pain, the tingle turned to a cold numb that made me shake.

“Yes,” I said and stared into his eyes, “and you’re not cruel, are you?”

He bit the side of my neck and nibbled on my earlobe as he breathed heavily into my ear.

“I am the cruelest man you will ever meet, Beth,” he said into my ear, “but, I will make you feel so fucking good, you will not care.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I stared into Declan’s eyes and knew that he told the truth. And just like he said, I did not care.

His fingers went back to work and I felt as if I was being dragged out to sea by this incredible undertow. It did not matter that I was drowning or in the company of the cruelest man in the world. I only cared how he made me feel and, at that moment, I never felt better.

“Declan!” a man said from the entrance of the corridor. “We’ve been looking all over for you! Oh, hello, I’m Baxter.”

I looked over Declan’s shoulder at the gangly man who stood behind him and shook my head. Declan rested his head against my shoulder and sighed.

“Tour manager,” Declan said. “Baxter this is Beth...Beth, Baxter.”

“Um, hi,” I said and waved.

“Not yet, but I’m sure you will be. Come on, Declan, limos are leaving. We have a party to attend.”

“Yep, give us a minute,” he said and shook his head and stared at me. “I’m so sorry. Forgive me?”

“Oh, of course. I understand,” I said. “It’s work, right? Not a big deal. Let’s go to the party.”

“You are such a doll, Beth,” he said and kissed me. “We’re going to have fun tonight. Isn’t this an incredible date?”

“Incredible,” I said.

We walked through the back area holding hands and there were photographers and girls and managers and his bandmates. He introduced me to everyone he knew and everyone he knew was nice to me. Even the girls were nice to me when they figured out I was with him.

And in the electric sea that he was a part of, the movement and lights and chaos that he created, I felt accepted. And beautiful. I felt beautiful.

We went back to the Four Seasons and walked into one of the ballrooms. He held my hand and never let me out of his sight.

“I’m going to want you all to myself, okay?” he said and kissed me in front of a roomful of people.

“That’s exactly what I want,” I said.

I went to the restroom to check on my makeup and I smiled at my reflection. The transformation was underway and I moved through my old world and into his with grace. I even looked taller as I fixed my hair. A girl came into the bathroom and stood next to me. She stared at me as she held her lipstick to her lips.

“Hello,” she said. “I’m Terri.”

“Hi,” I said and smiled at her, “I’m Beth.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw you come in with Declan. Are you his girlfriend?”

I looked into the mirror and slicked on some red lip gloss.

“Yes,” I said and smiled.

She turned away from me and rummaged through her purse and pulled out seven twenty-dollar bills and put them on the vanity.

“Could you give him this? My friends and I sold t-shirts at our dorms for him at the show. This is what he made.”

“Sure,” I said and as I picked up the money. “But he’s inside the party, you could give it to him.”

“Um, no,” she said and turned toward the paper towel holder.

I looked at the side of her face in the mirror and saw tears running from her eyes.

“Okay,” I said.

She turned toward me and took a deep breath.

“You’re really lucky,” she said and wiped her face. “I wish I was you.”

She grabbed her purse and ran out of the bathroom and I stared at myself in the mirror.

And goddamn if I didn’t smile because of that girl’s pain.

“Shame on you, Beth,” I said as I fluffed my hair. “You will be struck down for that.”

I went back into the ballroom and looked around for Declan. Alistair brought me a beer and a photographer took our picture together.

“Having a lovely time, dear?” Alistair said.

“Yes, absolutely,” I said.

“It’s too bad you weren’t able to come to any of the other shows in the States. He mentioned that you may come to some of the European dates.”

“He did?”

“Yes,” Alistair said and chuckled. “Why, is that not correct?”

“Oh, yes. You know, just have to check my schedule and whatnot.”

“Lovely, Beth,” he said. “You are a lovely girl.”

I spotted Declan talking with Patrick and waved to him. He finished his conversation and came over to me.

“I missed you!” he said and hugged me.

“I was gone for five minutes,” I said and laughed.

“Five minutes too long.”

He kissed me and I saw the flashbulbs pop off in the corner of my eye. I laid into that kiss, but good.

“Hey, I want to get changed. Let’s go to the room, okay? We can come back down.”

We walked into the elevator holding hands and as soon as the doors closed, Declan pushed me against the mirrored wall in the elevator and kissed me.

He ran his hands up and down my body and I dug my fingernails into his leather jacket. He pinned my shoulders to the wall and grinded his body up and down against mine.

“Thank God for slow elevators,” he said and winked.

“Too slow,” I said and bit the side of his neck. “I want to lay down with you.”

He smiled and ran his hands up my legs and under my dress and clawed at my panties.

“I’ve got something for you,” he said into my ear, “something that will give you a lot of pleasure.”

“I know you do,” I said and giggled. “I can feel it.”

He laughed and put his hand in his jacket and pulled out a vial of white powder and held it up in front of my face.

“Well, that too,” he said and slammed his body into me, “but also, this.”

“Oh,” I said and looked at the vial. “It’s...”

“Just blow,” he said as he unscrewed the cap. “You’re not in recovery, are you?”

“Uh, no,” I said.

A tiny spoon attached to the cap and he filled it with powder and held it under my nose.

“You first, baby,” he said. “Enjoy.”

I paused for a moment as I saw my reflection over his shoulder: me looking better than I ever had in my life, a beautiful, famous man attached to my body and a scoopful of cocaine under my left nostril.

I wondered if I should tell him that I didn’t know what I was doing, if I should fake a sneeze and blow the blow all over his jacket or if I should just shine. I thought back to the first time Rebel Love and I watched
Pulp Fiction
. How beautiful and sophisticated Uma Thurman looked in that hot black bob in the opening scene where she did the lines off the mirror. I covered my right nostril with my finger and inhaled the powder.

“Good girl,” Declan said as he filled the spoon again. “Other side.”

I inhaled the second spoonful and rested my head against the mirror. Instantly, the euphoria kicked in and I felt like the most invincible woman in the world as I watched Declan do the cocaine. I felt this drip down the back of my throat as I inhaled and every nerve ending in my body was fully engaged and activated.

“Good, isn’t it?” he said. “It’s 100% pure, straight out of the jungles of Columbia. Patrick always has the best drugs.”

“Organic, right?” I said and laughed.

“Yes, exactly. Organic.”

We flew through the door of the suite and he pushed me against the wall in the foyer and ripped my panties off. He took his jacket off and flung it across the room and unbuckled the belt. I pulled my dress over my head and he put his hand on my chest and stepped back.

“Stay still,” he said as he pulled his shirt off. “I want to look at you. Jesus fucking Christ.”

I stood in front of him in nothing but an overpriced bra and could not stay still because I had so much adrenaline coursing through my body. He took off his jeans and stood before me completely naked and I stared at him.

His body was magnificent and like a bad car wreck, I could not stop looking.

“Oh, my fucking God,” I said as I leaned against the wall and stared at him, “I’m so lucky!”

“It’s safe to say that neither of us is particularly religious,” he said and laughed.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me into the living room and pushed me down on the floor.

“Don’t move, get the bra off, I’ll be right back,” he said as he ran toward the bedroom.

He stopped at the bedroom door and stared at me.

“Amazing,” he said and smiled. “Need anything?”

“Um, no?”

“Okay, back in a sec.”

He came back into the living room and jumped on top of me.

“God, you feel so good,” I said into his ear as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“So do you,” he said as he bit down on my neck. “I had to get a condom.”

“Good, get it on.”

We rolled from one end of the living room to the other. We had sex with me on top, him on top and him behind me. He pulled my hair, I bit his chest, he bit my breasts, he spanked me hard, I clawed his back.

It was a brawl.

After two hours, we lay on the floor covered in sweat and bruises and looked at each other and laughed.

“I think we missed the party,” I said as I looked at the clock on the stereo system.

“Jesus,” he said and ran his fingers through his hair, “that was some incredibly intense sex. I knew it would be though. Knew it from the first time I met you in India’s bedroom.”

“You did?” I said and sat up.

“I did. Chemistry. We have a lot of chemistry between us, Beth.”

I thought back to every email, video, podcast, eBook and infographic I poured over in the time between leaving India’s and coming to Chicago and felt my obsessive quest to become a feminine goddess and get a man hooked on me justified.

“Yes, I feel that,” I said and stroked his arm.

“Do you know what I want to do?”

“More sex?” I said and smiled.

“You are an insatiable little kitten, aren’t you? No, later. I want us to grab some beer, the blow and go to the pool.”

“The pool? Um, I didn’t bring a suit.”

“Oh, why not?” he said and walked across the living room.

“Because it’s freezing and we’re in Chicago.”

“That’s okay. Bra and panties is fine. No! Nothing at all, even better,” he said.

“Won’t we freeze to death?”