PRIDE: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch#1) (15 page)

“Oh, God,” I whispered. Beside me, Hannah winced.

“Sorry. I didn’t know this was going to happen. You and Reid, I mean.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “If you want, you can go inside. You don’t have to be out here with us.”

I was too busy staring at Beth to answer. Her face was lit up so bright; every time she looked at Wyatt, her eyes sparkled like crystals in the sun. I could feel her joy emanating from her all the way over here. I knew that feeling well—until just recently, I’d been awash in it myself.

“Did you know there was a bet?” I asked Hannah.

For a while, she didn’t answer me. When she did, it broke my heart. “No, not exactly. But Sarah, it’s not what you think—”

I closed my eyes. How on earth could she defend these guys, after what they’d done to me? To us? “Does Beth know?”

Another long pause from Hannah. I already knew the answer, though.

Of course Beth was still in the dark. How couldn’t she be? She looked so happy. If she knew…

I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened my door. I heard Hannah scrambling behind me. “Sarah, wait!”

“No. Someone has to tell her. She
deserves
that.” And I slammed the door, hurrying to Beth across the grass before Hannah could stop me.

“Hey, Sarah,” Ash said, his expression a mix between pity and polite concern. “You okay?”

I didn’t answer him. But if looks could kill, Ash Brody would have been a corpse.

“Sarah?” Beth said as I approached. She looked uncomfortable, uncertain—maybe it was the murderous look on my face. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” I said, taking her by the arm. “Everything is wrong. Come with me. We need to talk.”

Wyatt looked like he was going to object. He shot a glance at Ash, but Ash responded with an even stare. In the end he didn’t move, and I dragged Beth away from them and into the nearby wooded area—one could hardly call it a proper forest or woods—where we could have some modicum of privacy.

“You had a fight with Reid?” she asked me, kicking some brambles out of our path. “That’s what Hannah said…”

I just barely kept the worst of my malice out of my voice. “Oh? And what else did Hannah say?” I paced, shattering the remains of dead leaves underfoot. “Did she tell you what we fought about? Or what he did to me?”

Beth stared at me. Her gaze flickered from warm to cold in an instant. “No. Don’t tell me he hurt you, Sarah. If he did, I’ll…”

“Not like that,” I interrupted her, then watched her hands relax out of fists again. It struck me as funny, how she wanted to protect me when I was here to protect her. Or so I’d thought. But now that we were face to face, it didn’t seem as cut and dry as all that. Now that I’d seen how happy she was, I understood that telling her the truth would mean taking that all away. That made things considerably more difficult.

Ignorance is bliss
was a tenet our people lived by. It was the basis for our entire belief system. If you didn’t know about what modern society had to offer—if you didn’t acknowledge or immerse yourself in it—you could eke out a much happier life. But if you indulged yourself just once, you ran the risk of wanting more. Of destroying the framework of simplicity you’d built. What you’d once perceived as fulfilling, you might then perceive as not enough. Where you’d once believed you had all you needed, you might start to think you’d been going without.

That was a slippery slope. And it occurred to me now that this new information I was so ready to bestow upon Beth would change everything. It would open her eyes to a facet of Wyatt, and herself, and the world, that she’d never known existed. As naïve as I was, Beth was our eternal optimist. Would that change, if she knew the crimes these boys had committed? If she knew what their intentions were at the start?

Reid’s defensive reasoning echoed in my mind—everything he’d said about how it might have started off as a bet, but then he’d developed real feelings for me. If that were true—and I wasn’t completely ready to believe it was, but
if
—then what if Wyatt had grown to feel the same way? What if Reid really had called it off, and Ash and Wyatt were here because they wanted to be, not because they wanted to win?

My head spun and I sat down against the base of a tree. What was a lie and what was the truth? What was wrong and what was right? I couldn’t tell anymore.

My moral compass spun helplessly. I had no idea what to do.

“Sarah?” Beth said, crouching down in front of me. “Sister, what is it? You look so…” Her blue eyes crinkled at the corners, shadowed beneath her furrowed brow. “…sad.”

I looked up at my youngest sister, blessed with such empathy, such intuition, such insight into the human condition—the spirit and the heart, and even the mind. I wanted to ask her if she still saw a soul in me. If I was still the sister she remembered. If she was still willing to call me that, after how badly compromised I’d become.

The way she looked at me made me feel whole, despite everything else. If she could do that for me, I could do this for her. I could give her the truth. She deserved it. Not the pain or the misery, but to know when she was being taken advantage of. Where she stood.

She deserved that kind of power.

“I have to tell you something about Wyatt,” I said, my voice hushed, my words lapsing into our native tongue. “Something about all the Brodys that you’re not going to like…”

But before I could, a third voice interrupted us. “Yes, Sarah Miller—tell us all about what you and the Brody Bunch have been up to.”

I leapt to my feet. Coming out of the woods behind us were four men, all of them tall and powerful, all of them glaring darkly at me and Beth. My stomach clenched—I recognized one of them.

It was the man who’d grabbed me at the carnival.

I
was
all packed up and ready to go. It hadn’t taken me long, really—there wasn’t a whole lot I’d needed at the cabin. Certainly not too many clothes, since I’d planned to spend much of my time naked. With Sarah.

But that had all gone horribly wrong.

There was no reason I should still be there, standing in the upstairs bedroom, my bag on my shoulder and my hands stuffed into the pockets of my jeans. Yet there I was, staring at the bed Sarah and I had shared, fitted with new, clean sheets. All trace of our lovemaking completely erased.

Lovemaking.
Shit. Was that what that was? It certainly had felt… different, than usual. Like there was more to it than just me pumping my dick inside her. There’d been an undercurrent I’d never felt before, one that threatened to rip me away, drown me in her. I didn’t have the words to describe it or give it a name. All I knew was that I’d never feel it again. Not with anyone. There was no one who could ever make me so desperate and wanting, yet so content and fulfilled… except for her.

One woman in all the world had that kind of power over me, and I’d let her down.

Shit. I was so fucked.

But I had to forget that now. I had to forget about Sarah and the things she’d made me feel, the things she’d made me want. I had to forget about the strawberry-blonde sheen of her hair. The haziness of her eyes when I touched her bare skin. The crushed velvet of her lips against mine. The silk of her thighs wrapped around my waist. The fire she stirred in my heart, in my soul, whenever I held her in my arms.

I had to forget the way she had believed in me, and the way she’d made me a better man. Because now that she was gone, it was time to return to who I’d been—even if who I was now hated that fucker more than anything in the world.

The question was… could I go back? Was I even capable of being that person anymore? My ego said yes, but my heart…

Well, Sarah had taken that with her. And part of it would always be hers.

Why did I have to fuck this up the same way I fucked up everything else? Why the hell had I let my pride get in the way of things again—only this time, it was something that actually mattered. Maybe the only thing that ever had or would. I wanted to go back in time and slap the shit out of myself for being such a fucking pussy that I couldn’t even say “no” to Ash when he’d proposed such an awful idea. And the worst part was that I couldn’t even blame him for roping me into this, because the truth was that I could’ve come clean with Sarah much sooner than I had—I was just too damn scared to.

Too scared to admit to myself that I had real, honest to God feelings for her.

Too scared to stop playing games and experience something genuine, for once.

Too scared to believe I was capable of anything other than using women for their bodies—or that I might
want
to have something deeper with them. That I might
want
to feel a connection that went beyond thrusting part of me into part of them.

I’d had all of that with Sarah. But fear had kept me from her. That was all a man’s ego was, in the end—a fear of intimacy, of being vulnerable. A weakness that preyed on our desire not to appear weak. An insidious paradox that led us into ruin.

Fuck, I couldn’t think about this anymore. It was tearing me apart. I had to get the hell out of here, away from these memories. They had teeth, and they were hungry.

I locked up and threw my shit into the backseat of the Shelby, then hopped into the driver’s side and peeled out of the long drive. I couldn’t get the hell away from that cabin fast enough, really, and never once did I glance back at it in my rearview mirror. If I was going to have any hope of recovery—either by forgetting Sarah, or somehow managing to get her back—I was going to have to leave that place behind. I couldn’t dwell on that mistake forever, or it would cripple me. I had to man up and think about the future.

I just hoped when it came to pass, Sarah would be in it. Somehow.

I raced past the trees, turning them into brown and green blurs on either side of me, smears of color that meant nothing compared to the road ahead. The Shelby jostled and rocked like a son of a bitch, but I knew she could take it. She was a powerhouse—one of the few things in my life I could rely on. She’d gotten me out of plenty of scrapes before, and was a comfort to me in ways I doubted anyone else would ever understand.

Well, maybe Ash did. That motorcycle of his was his baby—his only real inheritance from our father. The only thing he’d actually wanted, anyway. The rest of what had been handed down was all bullshit he could have lived without: an unfair sense of responsibility for our father’s sins; a target on his back where the police were concerned; and a bad reputation.

Thinking of him made me realize he’d never called me back. Fucker. I’d have to call him once I hit the highway. With terrain this rough, there was no way I could control the gear shift and the wheel with my cell phone cradled between my shoulder and ear.

It took about twenty minutes for me to finally merge onto a road that wasn’t made out of dirt. I took out my phone and was just about to hit redial when it started buzzing in my hand.
Perfect fucking timing,
I thought.

I answered and put the phone up to my ear without even looking at it. “Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.”

“What the fuck, dude?” Ash hissed in my ear. In the background, I could hear meat sizzling on a grill. Where the fuck was he? “What the hell happened between you and Sarah?”

I frowned. “Don’t you listen to your voicemail? I left you one over an hour ago.”

Ash huffed. “I would have, but my phone’s fucked. This is Hannah’s.” Fair enough. I hadn’t bothered to check the number. “So you’re gonna have to tell me the story all over again: what the fuck, dude?”

I groaned. The last thing I wanted to do was rehash what a giant fuck-up I was right now. Especially for Ash’s benefit.

“She caught me leaving a message for you,” I told him. “About our bet.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Ash muttered. I could tell he was gritting his teeth. “You and that fucking bet. You just
had
to gloat, huh? Had to call and tell me that you’d won? Dammit, Reid—you just had to screw things up for the rest of us?!”

“Screw things up?” I snorted. “You were the one that came up with the idea of the bet in the first place, now you’re pissed that I won?”

“No, you idiot,” he growled. “The bet was never supposed to be real, and if it was, I technically won it before you even had a chance.”

That hit me like a punch to the gut. “What the hell do you mean, the bet was never real? We agreed to it—all three of us!”

“It was the only way I could think of to get you and Wyatt to talk to the girls,” Ash said, his voice strained. “I mean, shit, if you weren’t there, I could’ve just put Wyatt in their path, but… it was never about a fucking bet, man. Hell, if I knew how seriously you were gonna take this stupid thing… Anyway, whatever. The point is, it was just an excuse to get you guys close enough to keep them safe. That’s all we really wanted—”

“What the fuck, Ash?” And suddenly I was going way too fast as I cut him off, hurtling over uneven terrain at speeds that could easily prove lethal, even for me. I took a few breaths and let off the gas; a feat of willpower I just barely pulled off. None of this was making sense to me. “What the fuck are you even talking about, who is
we
? If there was something else going on, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re an asshole,” Ash replied plainly. And shit… he wasn’t wrong. “I had to appeal to your ego. It’s the only way to ever get you to do anything.”

“Well fan-fucking-tastic job you did there, bro! That sure made
everyone
happy!”

“Right. Because I was supposed to know you’d blow it. Although, when you put it like that, I guess I should’ve seen it coming, huh?”

It took everything in me not to throw my phone straight through the windshield. I was still confused as hell, but I knew he was right about that, at least. “You don’t have to rub it in, asshole. I get it. I fucked up.”

“No, I’m not sure you
do
get it,” Ash began, but I cut him off again.

“Yeah, I really fucking do!” I snarled. “I ruined
everything.
I fucked up Sarah’s life. I fucked up my life. I made the only good thing I had going for me slip away, practically kicked her right out the fucking door, because I was way more interested in being an alpha douchebag than a human goddamn being. She looked at me like I hung the fucking moon in the sky, and I
looked away
. I spat on heaven because I was so used to being in hell, and you don’t just come back from that, Ash. That’s a sin you have to live with
for the rest of your life
.”

On the other end of the line, Ash was silent. No smart-ass remark. No confirmation that I was, in fact, right about everything, especially myself. I sped toward the exit ramp for Bright Falls, feeling like I was trying to outrun the hounds of hell, come to drag me down for what I’d done to such an angel.

Finally, as I turned off the highway, I said, “It’s not something I can fix. I get that, too. But the brotherly thing to do here would be not to rub that in my face, because I didn’t just screw up a stupid pretend bet. I screwed up that poor girl’s life—and my own.”

I knew I was asking for a lot. Hell, if it had happened to Ash, I probably wouldn’t have had any sympathy for him whatsoever. It was worth a shot, though. Right now I felt so low I was looking up to worms.

Ash said, “You sure you can’t fix it?” as I waited at the stoplight, the one that served as a literal crossroads for that decision. If I turned left, I’d be headed back to my apartment. If I turned right, I’d be headed to Hannah’s, where I assumed Ash was since he was calling me from her phone. And if he knew about Sarah, maybe she was there too. It stood to reason. Hannah had picked her up from the cabin, after all. I could be there in a few minutes.

Was there any point in showing up, though? What the hell could I say to her to set things right? I couldn’t think of a single damn word that might soften the blow of Sarah knowing we’d started off as a joke. Shit—would I have forgiven some chick if she’d done that to me?

“I dunno, man,” I said, staring at the red light in front of me. “I really don’t know…”

But then I heard shouting. And the decision was made for me.

“Either way, bro, you need to get over here,” Ash said. “Fast!”

“What the fuck?” I asked, but there was no answer. The line had gone dead.

Shit.
Had something happened to Sarah?

Fuck. That had to be it. Why else would Ash tell me to get my ass over there? Why the urgency? And if I wasn’t mistaken, that had been Wyatt yelling in the background. Something like,
Get the fuck away from her!

I didn’t know for sure if he meant Sarah or not—but if any of the girls were in danger, Ash was right. I needed to be there.

Now.

I hung a right at the light and floored it in the direction of Hannah’s apartment, weaving through traffic like a madman, using everything I knew about drag racing to close the distance between me and Sarah. My heart was pounding hard enough to rattle my ribs, and yet I felt calmer than I’d ever been. I knew what I needed to do.

For once, I had a clear purpose in my life. I knew exactly what I had to do. Where I had to be.

I had to be with Sarah.

The distance ticked by in the span of seconds, but it felt like hours. It felt like no matter how fast I went, I was going to be too late—that I wouldn’t arrive in time to save Sarah from whatever harm was about to come to her. I didn’t think she was in mortal danger, not with my brothers there, but I needed to show her I could save the day whenever she needed me to. I needed to show her I could be there for her when shit was going down.

By the time I parked at Hannah’s, my hands hurt from how tightly I’d been clutching the steering wheel. And by the time I was out of the car, just yards away from the rising smoke of an unattended community grill, I was seeing red. Because there, near the tree line, I could see Sarah with her arms around Beth, pulling her away from four muscle heads who looked like they’d been yanked straight out of some dark alley brimming with bad ideas. Typical thug bullshit—mean, dog-like faces; dirty nails, the undersides of some of them packed with old blood; and tattoos that snaked along their necks, their biceps, and their chests. One of them even had a tribal design hugging the outer crescent of his temple.

And another looked familiar. Devastatingly so.

That red veil before my eyes took on a darker hue. The one at the front of the pack—the one nearest Sarah—was the man who’d grabbed her back at the carnival.

What the fuck is he doing here?

In the back of my mind, I realized my instincts about him were right. He’d been trying to abduct Sarah. He’d been far more dangerous than I’d given him credit for. Whatever he was doing here now, it had to be part of a bigger picture—one that had made Hannah ask Ash for our protection, and had brought us all together to begin with.

What did she know? And how had we all ignored the potential for disaster in favor of a stupid fucking
bet
?

I didn’t have time to give myself any answers. Not now. Now wasn’t the time for talking, anyway. It was the time for beating motherfuckers into bloody pulps.

No. Not pulp. Red fucking
mist.

As I neared the trees, I could hear Ash and Wyatt telling the thugs to fuck off. Hannah had grabbed Sarah’s arm and was pulling her and Beth back behind my brothers, but the guy who’d grabbed Sarah was advancing. Ash pushed him, hard, on the chest, and he pushed back. Wyatt was right there in his face, fists clenched, but I knew the two of them couldn’t take on four guys that size.

Three of us, however…

“The fuck is going on here?” I roared as I approached, nearly shoulder-checking Ash out of the way. “I know you, fuckface. You’re the bastard who grabbed Sarah at the carnival. Is this what you do, huh? Creep around, grabbin’ girls?” I put my face right in his. “You some kind of pervert?”