PRIDE: A Bad Boy and Amish Girl Romance (The Brody Bunch#1) (7 page)

A
second ago
, I had been sure I had Sarah exactly where I wanted her. Paying off the attendant to stop the Ferris wheel when our car was at the top had been worth the ten dollars and then some. I’d gotten her to open up to me up here, to let her guard down. She was putty in my hands, almost literally. Her face felt so soft and smooth in my palm, and some instinct inside me told me to be careful, to handle her delicately, or I’d risk tearing her apart.

But I didn’t want to be gentle. I wanted to thread my fingers into her hair, grab a handful, and take her mouth with the kind of passion a woman like her deserved. Sarah had no idea what she was missing out on, and I desperately wanted to show her.

And I was about to. Right up until I heard that plaintive little sound she made in response to my questions.

“Maybe. Maybe I do.”

Despite my urges, those words gave me pause. They were the right words, sure. But how she said them—like she was trying so hard to put on a brave face, even though she was scared out of her mind—that wasn’t at all what I wanted. Yeah, okay, so I had a bet to win, but if I was going to play into Ash’s stupid game, I was going to do so on my terms—and that didn’t include taking advantage of a woman who wasn’t completely sure what she wanted at all.

Oh, I’d take her. In every way possible. But when I did, she wouldn’t be saying “maybe.” She’d be screaming “yes.”

I shifted just a little so I was fully facing her. Then, looking into her eyes, I said, “We’ll go slow. Okay?”

Sarah nodded. She looked so mystified. I chuckled and leaned forward, grazing my lips past the curve of her ear and relishing the shudder she gave in return.

“Tell me—does this feel good?”

I worked my fingers into Sarah’s gorgeous locks just the way I’d imagined I would, only I took my time, savoring how silken those tresses felt against my palm. She smelled divine too, but it wasn’t any kind of perfume. It was something natural, like those meadows she’d talked about had worked their way into her skin. When I inhaled her scent, all I could smell were wildflowers and something sweet, like a drop of honey. It took everything in me not to push her down on her back and strip off her clothes so I could get an even better whiff of that heady fragrance.

Lightly, I gripped the hair at the back of Sarah’s neck. Her lashes fluttered against my cheek and she sucked in a breath through her teeth. I asked again, “Does this feel good?” and in a mewling tone, Sarah answered, “Yes.”

I let my left hand drift down Sarah’s side, grazing my fingers down her arm, then her ribs. She straightened against me and when her back arched, her breasts drew up along my chest. Even through the thick material of her bodice, I could feel her nipples were hard.

I paused when I reached her hip. With any other woman, this gesture would’ve been prosaic. Expected. But it made Sarah gasp. Made her squirm. And suddenly, I would have given anything to make her do those things again. Suddenly, I wanted to make her moan.

Gingerly, I raked my teeth across her earlobe. “How about now?” I asked her, pressing my thumb into the sensitive flesh above her thigh. “Does this feel good now?”

“Yes,” she whispered again, though this time, it was husky. Throatier.

Now I pulled away, just a little, and Sarah lifted her hands to my shoulders, digging in her nails. She was holding onto my jacket so hard her knuckles were white. I grinned at her despite the throbbing in my jaw. Her eyes were glazed and smoldering and her perfect, pale cheeks had blossomed into a shade of pink that made my blood pump all the harder. I could feel my hard-on straining against my jeans, uncomfortable and thrilling all at the same time. I didn’t press it against her—not yet. For now, I only needed one thing.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” I asked her for the second time.

This time, I got the answer I wanted. “Yes,” Sarah moaned. “Yes, please…”

Bingo.

I leaned down, closing what small distance there was between us, and captured her lips with mine. They were soft. Pliant. And when we made contact, they parted, letting me in. Letting me devour Sarah the way I’d been wanting to ever since I saw her at that seedy bar.

I cupped the back of her head in my hand, holding her close to me. I didn’t want to be separated from her. Not yet. Not when everything about her was so yielding, so warm. Not when the very touch of her mouth on mine sent my pulse into overdrive, a rampant beating that deafened me to all else.

It took several moments for me to realize that Sarah wasn’t breathing. Reluctantly I freed her lips and looked down into her eyes, tilting her chin up to have her meet my gaze. Her lips were still parted and her breath came in ragged, hushed gasps as she trembled in my embrace. I searched her expression but found only wonder and wanting. Her teeth slipped firmly into her lower lip.

“You all right?” I asked.

She nodded slowly, then emphatically. “Yes. I just… how do people breathe? When they kiss like that, I mean…”

I grinned. “Through their noses.” I brushed my thumb along her cheekbone. “But it’s nice to know I took your breath away.”

“You did,” Sarah said, lowering her head as she laughed a little. It was a sweet sound, like the melody of a songbird. “That wasn’t at all like how I remember it.”

“No?”

She shook her head and some of her hair fell into her face. “I think Gregory could have learned a thing or two. And… so could I.”

I brushed Sarah’s hair back with my fingers, exposing her pretty face once more. “Well, darlin’, if you’re willing to be my student, I’m always willing to be your teacher.”

Her lips were inches from mine. So close I could taste her breath. So sweet. So innocent. I’d never had a woman like this before—one who’d come to me untouched by any other man. Sure, the prospect of virgin territory was hot as fuck for sexual reasons, but there was a purity to Sarah’s heart, too. An openness on her face, an earnestness in her eyes that nearly broke my heart. A sliver of guilt worked its way into the back of my brain, reminding me that I was taking a good, honest woman into the depths of my own depravity for the sake of a bet. But it wasn’t like Sarah wasn’t enjoying the things I was doing to her. It wasn’t like she wasn’t getting anything out of our arrangement. Granted, she wasn’t exactly clear on what that arrangement was, but she knew enough. She knew I was untamable. She knew this couldn’t last forever.

Didn’t she?

The Ferris wheel lurched suddenly and Sarah shrieked, hooking her fingers around my arms. With a metallic scream the gears began turning again, pushing us away from the stars and backward toward the ground. The car tilted back and I swept my arm around Sarah’s shoulders again, keeping her close as the night sky receded and some of the stars we’d admired faded from view.

Sarah put her hand in mine. I leaned my cheek against the top of her head. She somehow seemed to… fit. The way she curled against me was just so perfect, like two puzzle pieces snapping together. Like the space between my collar bone and throat had been crafted for the express purpose of her head fitting there.

Something warm and fuzzy took up residence in my stomach and I tried to shake it off, but it was no use. This was… nice. Different from what I was used to, but nice. And I kind of didn’t want it to end so soon. Didn’t want to return to Earth and the reality that came with it, including my brothers and our stupid, childish bet.

As I held onto Sarah for as long as I could, I wondered if it would have done me any good to have bribed the operator with more than just ten bucks.

M
y lips were still stinging
and raw from the heat of Reid’s kiss when the Ferris wheel shuddered to a halt right where we’d boarded it to begin with. My face felt hot despite the coolness of the wind, and I was sure someone would see how swollen my mouth surely was. When I stood to disembark, my knees were like jelly. It took everything I had not to pitch over the side of the car and go sprawling along the ground at Reid’s feet.

Lord,
I thought, touching my chest to feel the beating of my heart. It seemed to me it had never pounded so fast, not even after playing outside all day or after a particularly hard day’s work on one of the nearby farms.
What have I done?

It was a question I was still struggling to answer. Obviously, I’d kissed Reid—but I’d potentially done so much more than that. I’d delved into parts unknown, explored the first few feet of a fathomless depth, an abyss whose nature I still could not discern. Was I falling into darkness and depravity, or merely indulging myself in a necessary and expected part of the human condition? We Amish kissed, after all. Just not usually like that. At least, not before marriage. And even then, I wondered. I’d never seen Father kiss Mother that way. In fact, I’d never seen
anyone
kiss the way Reid had kissed me.

The most disturbing question of all was this: if I was descending into a chasm of sin… was I enjoying it? Would I be found weak and wanting in the face of temptation? Would God turn away from me? Surely my family would, if they knew.

To an outsider—an English one in particular—shunning might not seem so bad. But it’s more than just your family giving you the cold shoulder. Everyone in your community does, too. You’re disinvited from events. You aren’t included in family discussions or conversations. Sometimes, in extreme cases, you aren’t even allowed to sit at the same table as your parents and siblings. You are required to eat on the floor, or outside, like a dog. Else you will have to wait until everyone else has finished eating so that you can eat your meal in a chair, like an actual person.

To be so disconnected from one’s loved ones, from one’s community, and from God… I could imagine no darker hell on Earth. Which was why, even with my feet on the ground, I felt a pit open up in my stomach as if I was falling from a great height—from the top of the Ferris wheel where Reid and I had so passionately, deviously kissed.

Maybe I was over-thinking things. Maybe nobody had to know. Rumspringa was a time of experimentation, right? I’d never heard of anyone who returned having to tell their family everything they’d been up to while away. Father was different, of course—he’d surely ask questions, especially given the fact he’d forbidden us from going in the first place—but was it absolutely necessary to give him complete answers?

Great. Now I was considering lying as a viable alternative.
Honor thy mother and father,
the Bible said. Who on Earth was I turning into?

As I fell into step at Reid’s side, lost in an existential crisis, I was pulled from my thoughts by the appearance of a familiar figure standing near the operator’s booth. My heart leapt into my throat as closing the distance between us brought him into better view. He was staring at me and Reid, his gorgeous, hazel eyes flashing devilishly in the dim light cast from the Ferris wheel. Wyatt, Reid’s younger brother, had a smirk on his face that could only be described as the expression of a cat who ate a canary and knew he was going to get away with it.

I stopped short and my blood froze. Had he seen Reid and I kiss?

Wyatt pushed away from the booth as Reid regarded him with a raised brow. “What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Beth?”

“Saw you guys get in here and we came by to wait for you, but didn’t know you’d be up there so long. What’d you do, bribe the guy to stop you at the top? Anyway, Beth had to go to the ladies’ room, couldn’t very well follow her in there.” Wyatt replied, shifting his gaze to me. “Besides, I wanted to know if the game was still afoot, or if we had a winner.”

I frowned. “Game?” I looked up at Reid. “What game?”

Reid’s eyes had darkened and his lips had flattened into a thin, grim slash. His hackles rose and one of his hands tightened into a fist. “It’s nothing,” he said through his teeth. “Wyatt’s just talking about the shooting game I played earlier. Aren’t you, Wyatt?”

I glanced down at the penguin in my arms, the one I was clutching to my chest like a shield. So Wyatt had found out about that? I supposed it made sense that Reid was irritated with Wyatt for needling him about it.

Still, there must have been some nuance I was missing, because the veins in Reid’s neck were beginning to bulge. He couldn’t be that mad about a simple question. Could he?

“Nah,” Wyatt said, raking his self-assured gaze over me before turning back to Reid. “I’m talking about this
other
game. One we’ve all been playing. Wanna hear the rules?”

“She does
not,
” Reid answered before I could say anything myself. I frowned at him.

“I can speak for myself.”

Reid stared at me a moment, lips parted in surprise. Then he set his jaw. “Sure you can, darlin’, but what me and Wyatt are talking about wouldn’t make sense to you. It’s… slang. An inside-joke kind of thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

I raised a brow. “Inside of what?” I asked.

Wyatt grinned and looked away. Reid tried to stifle his own smile. “That’s exactly it. You don’t get it, and by the time we explained, it wouldn’t even make sense anymore.” He reached for my hand. “Come on. I’ll get you some cotton candy—”

I pulled out of Reid’s grasp, hard. “I’m not a child,” I said darkly, my heart hammering now for a different reason entirely. I felt a prickling heat in my chest and throat, working its way up my neck like a collar made of angry thorns. “And I’m not stupid, Reid. You don’t get to treat me like I’m either of those things just because things are done differently where I come from.”

Reid sobered. Grabbing my hand again, he pulled me up against him, forcing me to look up into his eyes. “No, Sarah. You’re not stupid. And you’re not a child. And I told you before, anything you want to learn, I’ll teach you. Is that what you want me to do, darlin’? You want to play student and teacher, right here, right now?”

I opened my mouth to answer him, then shut it firmly. Reid’s eyes kept darting to my lips, like at any moment he’d claim them with his own again. I’d enjoyed the kiss we’d shared up on the Ferris wheel, but here, in front of people—in front of Wyatt? It seemed… untoward. Lewd. The thought of it made me simultaneously uncomfortable and intrigued all at the same time.

I ducked my head. This was overwhelming. We were moving so fast, and I got the feeling that if I gave Reid an inch, he’d take a mile. He was already pushing me past the boundaries I’d set for myself at lightning pace. I needed to put my foot down or I was going to end up in a situation where we both could get hurt. His desire to consume me was obvious, and it scared me a little.

Okay, more than a little.

“N-no,” I stammered, once again pulling away. Reid let me, his face wrenched in confusion. “Not here, Reid. This is too much. I think we should slow down a little.”
Or maybe stop.

“Sarah, look, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he began, his tone much softer and warmer than the way he’d growled at me before. “I say stupid shit sometimes. It wasn’t meant to hurt you–“

“It’s not just that,” I admitted, fidgeting with my skirts. “It’s everything. It’s the lights and the sounds, and the smells and the people. It’s these unfamiliar surroundings, and everyone is a stranger to me in more than one way. It’s the man who grabbed me, and… yes, our kiss, but… you aren’t the only reason I need time to breathe, Reid. It’s so much more than that. And I hope you can respect that, because if you can’t, I imagine this will be our last time out together.”

“Wait, someone grabbed you?” I had almost forgotten Wyatt was even here until he spoke. If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have mentioned the kiss. I guess if he didn’t see us after all, then I just admitted to it anyway.

“It was nothing,” I stammered, hoping his focus would be on that instead. “A misunderstanding.”

Wyatt took a slow breath, staring between Reid and I, and I wondered what, exactly, was going through his head. Was he thinking about the disagreement we’d just had? About someone grabbing me? Or about the kiss I just revealed? Either way, any confidence I’d mustered began to wane and I lowered my head, avoiding both brothers’ gazes. I wasn’t ashamed of the ultimatum I’d just delivered to Reid, but I was afraid of its consequences, because deep down I really did want to see him again. I wanted to learn a little more about the world I’d been thrust into and his place in it. And deeper down still, I really, really wanted to kiss him some more.

Just not now.

Reid studied me for a moment, his brow furrowed, his gaze hard, as if just now really seeing me for the first time. I watched several expressions flash across his handsome face in quick succession, but most were veiled by his beard, making their nature almost impossible to read. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he gave a little nod and a shrug.

“Well, you heard the lady,” he said to Wyatt. “Looks like we’re calling it a night. Why don’t we get something to eat before we go, huh? Something that’ll warm us up.”

Wyatt nodded and left us, presumably to head back to find Beth. As I looked up at Reid, I felt dread coil tight in my stomach. I wasn’t sure what this concession meant. Was he ready to let me go? That kiss had felt so passionate. So real. Like there could be something more behind it. Like things between us might… evolve. I knew it was silly to think so far ahead, to begin imagining life with an English man, but it was in my breeding. Amish girls weren’t raised to date around, Hannah’s track record notwithstanding. I couldn’t just betray the expectations I’d been brought up on, but I had to keep in mind that Reid probably had no such scruples holding him back. I had to stay realistic, or I was going to get hurt.

“Does that mean… it’s over?” I asked him warily. “That you’ve decided we won’t see each other again?”

“Well, darlin’,” Reid said, slipping his hands into his pockets, “after the way tonight went, that’s kinda up to you, isn’t it?”

We walked side-by-side toward the far end of the fairgrounds, and I held my penguin close, thinking of what Reid had just said. Was it really up to me? If so, what would I choose? What was it that I really wanted?

Unfortunately for the both of us… I really had no idea.