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Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore

Prime Choice (6 page)

BOOK: Prime Choice
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Why was she acting like this? She wasn't denying it. She wasn't saying,
“Why you lying on me?”
She was taking it. She wasn't showing any emotion. Just looking at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. What was I supposed to make of that? What was I supposed to assume?
“If it's like that, then fine,” I finally responded to both of them.
“Yeah, it's like that, and it's
real
good,” Marlon mouthed off.
Tori dashed away. I wasn't gonna follow her, either. Had she really given herself to someone other than me? I couldn't even bear the thought of it. And to Marlon Barksdale? I would never fully appreciate her for who she was anymore. His tail was a wannabe. Just wannabe somebody he wasn't. On the serious tip, everyone knew he wanted to be me.
We stood looking at each other too hard, like if anybody said anything it was on. My boys pulled me away. That joker had the nerve to talk smack.
“Yeah, you better go.”
Wrestling with my boys I said, “D, y'all need to let me go. Cole, you need to let go of my arm so I can take care of this dude. I'm sick of him running his mouth.”
“Naw, man, it ain't even worth it,” Damarius said. “You need to go on to them accelerator classes you taking.”
Cole laughed and said, “It's accelerated classes, fool.”
Nothing was funny to me. However, they did have a point. My schedule was really brutal. I was on the college prep track. Just looking at the syllabus for each of my classes should've freaked me out! I would have tons of papers to write, a lot of tests to take, plenty of research to do. But I didn't care, I just had to do what I had to do to move on. Right now, I cared 'bout Tori.
As I strolled to class, the crowds assured me that my popularity status was still intact. It really made my ego feel good when girls came up to me giving me their numbers. Or when guys wanted to hold a conversation with me about the upcoming game, telling me I was going to do great. Even though my girl had chosen another dude on the first day of school, I was still the man. I had girls lining up to take her place. And the reason why guys were wanting my time was so they could raise their own status. I guess I should've been happy, but that really didn't matter. All I could think about was what Tori was doing to me.
Just then Justin came by. We had all the same classes. He was still popular from being at the big party before school started.
“Man, I don't know what you're stressing about that girl for,” he said. “It's not like you're losing anything. You broke up with her, anyway. I ain't trying to bring you down or nothing, but isn't this what you wanted? Her to move on?”
“I didn't want her giving it up to anybody other than me, though. You know?”
“So, it is not that she was with Marlon this morning, but that she was
really, really
with Marlon that gets you?”
“All of it, I guess. I just want her back. I mean, I did before I knew how far she'd gone with him.”
“So, you see her as dirty now?” Justin asked honestly.
“I don't know,” I yelled. “I'm trying to figure it all out.”
 
When school was over, Justin went up to the office. He was student body president, and had some meeting to attend. I went on to the locker room. He hadn't given me any advice, but he did call me out, made me think about what I was feeling. Though I had no intention of putting all of that into perspective, I was boiling. Shoot, I was ticked off!
When Marlon was the first face I saw in the locker room, I snapped. I rushed up to him, grabbed him by the collar, pinned him up against his locker and abruptly said, “You a lie, chump! You ain't never have that!”
“You just mad 'cause you never had it. Not like we can compare notes,” Marlon taunted.
I let him go. I wasn't 'bout to fight him over no girl. He grabbed me by my neck and pulled out a scrawny pocketknife.
“What's that supposed to do, scare me?” I asked.
As he clenched my neck tighter and tighter, I could hardly speak because his grip had me. He dug the point of the knife in the corner of my eye.
“Don't charge at me again, Skky, or embarrass me in front of the whole school. So, whether you and your girl ever get down or not, it doesn't matter. By the time I'm done getting it so good, there won't be nothing left for you to enjoy.”
With that I kicked him in the knee. The knife slid and cut me. That's when Coach Robinson came in. That was good, 'cause ain't no telling what I would've done to that chump.
“Skky, go see the trainer. Barksdale, you're suspended off this team for Friday's game. I'm not tolerating any team member using weapons. And, boy, what the heck were you thinking?” he asked as he hit him on the back of his head.
I got to sit practice out. The cut on my eye felt deep. Coach wanted to see me in his office again when he saw I looked in pain. Trying to be tough, I told him I was okay.
He said, “I'm really surprised at you. I gave you the chance at being a leader, and you're fighting your teammate over some girl.”
“I wasn't fighting him.”
“And the second time today. I hear y'all had it out earlier in the hallway. You got too bright of a future to be putting it all on the line for some girl.”
“He was lying on her, Coach. What was I supposed to do, just let him bash her name?”
“Come on, man. The girl knows what she's doing. She was just trying to get a rise outta you. But if you know he's lying, why let it get you all hyped up? Marlon just wants to get under your skin, and you're letting him win. The bigger man shows restraint. Anybody can come down to third level. Not every man can rise to the level of maturity. I thought you were the wiser one, taking those advanced classes and all. But I don't know. Looks like your head is screwed on just as wrong as the dude carrying the knife. Get it together, man.”
 
As I walked to my car holding my eye, I had a bad headache. What a day it had been. I didn't know if I was dreaming or not when I saw the most beautiful girl ever leaning against my car. It was Tori. When I realized I wasn't dreaming, I didn't know how to feel about it.
What was she waiting by my ride for? I ain't really have nothing to say to her. I had already acted stupid where she was concerned. It was time for me to wise up, 'cause being around her was not going to help me.
“Excuse me, but I gotta go.”
“W-Wait a minute. I need to talk to you. I heard during cheerleading practice that Marlon hurt you. I'm so sorry.”
“Yeah. Sure you are.”
She tried to look at my face, but I just pulled away. Her concern was a little too late for me. She could tell by my actions that I wasn't feeling her right then.
“You need to go on with your new dude. I gotta go. My dad's waiting on me at the hospital to check out my eye.”
“Oh, my gosh! You're going to the hospital!” she said. “Perry, I got your message. I realized too late that you really do care for me.”
“I made it clear how I felt on your answering machine. You didn't need to get with another dude to make me jealous. It didn't make our situation any better when you weren't denying what was said this morning, either.”
I opened up my car door and got in. I tried to shut it, but she somehow got in the way, preventing me from shutting it.
“What do you mean?” she asked, touching the injured side of my face. “You know me. I couldn't respond because I was shocked to see you fighting for me. I'm not saving myself because I wanna hurt you. And you think I would rather give it up to some guy I just went out with, huh? I'm saving myself because God wants me to. You should've known he was lying, Perry. I didn't say anything to defend myself. You didn't defend me, either. You just stood there.”
“I did say something. I forgot what I said, but I did look at you to verify that he was lying. That was your cue right there. You made me think all day that he took your innocence. That really hurt, Tori.”
All of a sudden, I felt her soft lips against mine. She had the most perfect kiss: sweet, gentle and passionate. I made the kiss last for a while. And at that moment I knew everything that I'd been thinking about her being with somebody else wasn't true. All her passion was still for me.
“You my girl or what?” I asked as I pulled my lips from hers.
“Always,” she said before we kissed again.
 
A few days later, it was the first game of the season. I still had a bandage on my eye. But thankfully everything was going to heal. The scouts were in the stands, watching, from what my dad had told me. And for the first half, I did not put on a show for them. I couldn't seem to get my mojo flowing. I was dropping balls, and I even ran a wrong route. My head just wasn't in the game.
At halftime, Coach broke it down to me that this was my time to shine. He was putting the balls in my hand as we trailed at home 17-0. Second half I scored three touchdowns. I jumped over two defenders and did a backflip into the end zone. The only thing I could do was thank God when the clock ran out and we won 21-17.
I hadn't done enough of that. I hadn't spent a lot of time with Him. But when things were shaky, I knew He drove out the strength that I held deep inside. And for that, I was grateful.
I acknowledged Him again as I silently prayed.
“I don't even know if I'm doing this right. But thanks for giving me the life You've given me, Lord
.
”
Damarius came running on top of me. “Man, we're praying in the middle of the field with the other team. Come on, let's go! Coach Robinson is starting here a FCA thing.”
“FCA?”
“Fellowship of Christian Athletes, I think. Come on, man. You suppose to pray with everybody else.”
Praying twice didn't seem like a bad thing. It actually seemed pretty good. No one had got seriously hurt. Plus, sportsmanship was all over the place. Another prayer of thanks seemed in order.
Coach Robinson led the prayer.
“Most high God, we come to You this evening to give thanks. We're thankful for this contest. We thank You for these young men that are assembled here today. Happy that You kept them healthy. Very thankful that You allowed us to be fortunate enough to participate in a game like football. With all these things, we appreciate the fact that You sent your Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for all our sins. I don't know where these young men stand with You. But I pray right now, Lord, above football, the girls or anything else in this world that holds their interest, they would have a love for You. Help them all find You if they don't know You. Help strengthen the ones that have a relationship with You that aren't where You want it to be. Help them know and appreciate that You make them wake up in the morning. You're the one with the power. May they live to please You, and strive to make You proud. In Jesus's name.”
After that prayer, stuff was a blur. I did a lot of interviews, talked to a few scouts, my parents praised me, and I even got another kiss from Tori. But above all of that, I had a private moment that meant a lot to me. I remembered the two prayers after the game, the personal one and the one prayed for me by Coach Robinson. And I knew there was something bigger that I needed to start thinking about.
It wasn't all about me and where my senior year was leading or what school I was going to choose. It was about God. Without putting Him on my agenda I was messing things up, being out of order. Just letting personal things bring my whole life down a negative hill. But with God being my top priority, things were good. And it felt good being in control.
4
Fighting Every Minute
“
G
osh, what did you do? Take five showers?” Tori grumbled as I came out of the locker room after the first game.
I was so looking forward to being with her. Sharing a quiet night, just the two of us. We had a couple of hours before curfew to enjoy each other. I wanted to ensure that Tori and I were back on the same page. But then I come out to all this drama. What the heck was that about? She had sorta ruined it. I guess my face showed it as I looked at her like she was crazy.
“Tori, come on, I don't need this right now. You know we won a game. I was in there talking to my boys and reporters and stuff.”
Thinking about the fact that my girl couldn't understand me, or give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes, made me take a real deep breath. I started walking around her and she had to catch up with me.
“I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry,” she said, stopping me dead in my tracks, preventing me from walking any further. “Please, let's start again. I want to celebrate with you. You had an awesome game.”
Grabbing her by her waist and pulling her toward me, I lightly kissed her on the cheek. My lips made it down to her ear and I said, “You know I wanna be with you. Tonight we're gonna really celebrate.”
She took my hand and led me to my car. “Not in front of the world,” she said as I tried touching the back of her cheerleading skirt. She moved my hand back up her spine some.
“So, what? You just tryin' to play with me tonight?”
Ignoring my question, she said, “Briana's having a party at her house. Let's just go over there.”
“Wait, wait, wait ... a party? I don't wanna be with no crowd. You just said we couldn't do nothing in front of people.”
“It's only a small party, baby. Cole's gonna be there, Ciara and Damarius. Not a house party-party. Just a few of us.”
“Baby, that's not what I was planning. I wanted to be alone with you. Completely alone. You agree?” I bent down to try and kiss her, but she pulled away.
“No, Perry. I don't wanna be with you alone. It's only gonna lead to trouble for us.”
“Trouble? You being with me alone is going to lead to trouble? I don't even understand that. What are you saying?”
Before we could even get into it further, Cole tried to jump on my back.
“Boy, is you crazy? You too big for all of that! We got another game next week. I don't need any injuries.”
“Marlon couldn't do it, so I might as well get the job done,” he teased. “Better be glad I don't have a knife, boy!”
“Oh, I see, you a comedian now!”
“Come on, man. We headed over to my girl's house. She havin' a big jam.”
“I thought it was just going to be a few people,” I said, looking at Tori.
Cole gave me a look like,
Come on. Be real
. “We just had our first game, man,” he voiced. “Now I believe it's time to par-tayyy! Tori, Briana is over there waiting on you. She said y'all need to go over to her house and get things ready. I'm 'bout to run to the store with Perry.”
“Cole, I was not headed to your girl's house, man,” I said, as Cole seemed to not take no for an answer.
Tori and I looked at each other. We weren't connecting, and that was frustrating. It was actually good to see her walk away. Cole and I stopped off at the Piggly Wiggly and bought sodas. He tried to pick up some beer, saying he had a fake ID to buy it with.
I told him, “Naw, I ain't buying that for you.”
“You such a wuss, man,” he said in a stern tone.
“Whatever, man. I ain't about to lose my potential scholarship for no misdemeanor,” I responded, standing my ground. “And I'm not letting you go down like that, either.”
“Yeah, right. That ain't the only reason. You ain't never even tasted the stuff.”
“And I'm not about to taste it now, either. Let's go.”
In the cash register line, there were two girls right behind us. I had never seen them before, but Cole said that they went to our school. Cute lil' brown sugars. One had cornrows with a lil' meat on her bones, and her friend had creamy, beige skin and was stacked. Cole invited them to our party.
I said, “Man, are you crazy? Our girls gon' be there!”
Cole turned around and said, “Y'all know how to behave when we with our girlfriends, right? You ain't gon' embarrass us brothas. Come on and make the party more fun and join us. You honeys liked the game tonight, right?” They both nodded. “Then, you gotta come help us celebrate.”
We couldn't get out the store without him inviting six more people to Briana's place. All I wanted was time alone with my girl, and now it was like I was gonna be at the house party of the year or something.
“I ain't buying no more food for all these people you inviting,” I said to him.
“Oh, yeah. I got that, I got that.” Cole turned around and announced to the store, “It's BYOF time!”
“What, boy?” someone shouted.
“Bring Your Own Food. Come on, Cuz. Act like ya know.”
 
When we got to Briana's house, there were cars everywhere. I knew I shouldn't have let none of them talk me into coming. I was heated.
“See, I can tell you ain't happy that we 'bout to throw down in here. We just won our first game and you ready to spoil everything. Come on, bruh. Relax!” Cole said.
“It's Tori, man. I just didn't want my night to go down like this, all right?”
“I'm trying to tell you don't sweat that she ain't putting out yet. You can take care of that and still be with her. Then you wouldn't be so uptight when she tell yo butt ‘No!'”
I put up my hand, got out the car, locked the door and carried the groceries inside.
“All right. You don't have to do it my way. One of these days you gon' get tired of making yourself happy,” he said, wiggling his hand.
I pushed him. “Boy, you so stupid.”
“I'm just real, Perry. Satisfied and real!” he said to me before yelling through Briana's house. “We here, everybody. Let's get the party started!”
Cole went on his way, not getting me at all. I mean, I wanted sex, but I only wanted it with one person. To me it wasn't about a ‘Wham, bam, thank you for satisfying me” kinda thing. I wanted to feel something deep. It didn't have to be love, but it had to be something meaningful.
And Cole should've known the solution for him wasn't adding up for me. He could tease me. I was still pure, and I was cool with that. Wasn't sayin' I was proud of it, but I figured once I found Tori, said the necessary things to get her excited, we could blow this joint and celebrate my way. But before I could get to her, Amandi came and took the groceries from my arms and put them in a chair. She was jerking her body from side to side and pushed me down on the sofa.
“Word's out that you want some. I spotted an empty bedroom. Let me make you feel good.”
She just didn't know her offering it up like that was a turnoff. I didn't know what I was thinking the first time I saw her. She was fine back then, but now she seemed trashy. Didn't the girl have more respect for herself than to just give it away like that? But it didn't matter what I was thinking. I had gotten caught by my girl in a very compromising situation. And Tori read all kinds of stuff into it.
Next thing I knew Tori threw a pillow at Amandi's back ... It was on then!
“What you doing all up on my man? What's up?” Tori shouted at Amandi.
“Please! Everybody know y'all are through. Plus, you're with Marlon, the Knife Boy. Perry is free, and I'm 'bout to change all that,” she said before getting back on my lap.
I had to push her back, though. She didn't speak for me. Seeing two ladies go at it because of me wasn't making me feel good.
“Amandi, Tori is my girl,” I spoke up.
Tori pointed for me to follow her outside. We walked away. There were so many people in that house. My head was hurting from how hot and sweaty it was getting.
When I found my way outside, I said to Tori, “All right, can we blow this place now?”
“I told Briana I'd help her since her folks know I'm spending the night over here. Why can't you stay beside me? Why you have to be all out so those girls can think you're by yourself?” she asked.
“We don't have to put on a show for nobody. We can leave, and I'll bring you back when the party's done. I thought we wanted the same thing.”
“It's supposed to be about us being together, Perry. And we're together right now.”
“Naw, that's not what I reassigned for. I mean, I knew we were gon' take things slow, and I'm okay with that. But even with that, I just want some time alone with you.”
“It's just gonna lead us to trouble,” she sighed.
Cole came grabbing me for help. My girl got away. I was upset, feeling like Tori and I were only together for appearances. By the disgusted look on my face as I came back inside, all the ladies in the house knew that me and Tori's thing wasn't that solid. I wasn't down with forcing myself on anybody. Tori made me feel like she wasn't ready to get anything going.
All night I watched her. She smiled at me, and that was nice. We danced, and that was cool. She kept putting up a fight when I wanted us to spend time alone. That wasn't gon' cut it. I needed to figure this “getting back together thing” out. Maybe I had made a mistake.
 
My dad was up when I walked through the door. “Boy, I told you to be in this house at 1:30. It's 1:45! And you strolling up in here like you're grown or something.”
“Dad, I'm just fifteen minutes late. It's not that big a deal. I had to help get Cole out of trouble.”
“What you mean, get him out of trouble? Y'all been drinking or something?”
“Naw, Dad. You know I'm not into that.”
“Boy, I don't know what you're into. Saw you at the game, told you what time to be home, and you broke that. Your mother and I have been up worrying about where you were. You don't call, and you don't even answer your cell phone. And then you walk up in here like it's no big deal. Guess you figure you don't owe us an explanantion. I'm not having it! You will respect my authority as long as you live in my house.”
“Fine, Dad, I'm in trouble. Just give me my punishment tomorrow,” I said as I walked past him, ready to lay my head on the bed.
“Boy, if you don't bring your behind back here right now ...”
I turned around and walked back toward my father. He was mad, but I was furious with the fact that he was blowing these few minutes out of proportion. And for what? I wasn't messing up in no kinda way. He had a good son compared to most.
When my friends want to get drunk, some of my boys sneak in a lil' somethin' somethin', and I haven't gotten with that. I even have some teammates that slip and slide with different girls, but I don't do none of that, and my dad still trippin'. He didn't even realize what he's got: a great son. Let Cole or Damarius switch places with me for a day. Then he'd be grateful for what he's got. But in a few more months, I'll be gone and I'll never have to worry about his stupid rules ever again.
“You know what, boy? Just go to bed,” he said as I walked back over. “We'll talk about this tomorrow and I'm taking your keys.”
We never said good night to each other. We never apologized. We just sauntered to our own rooms and stood our own ground. I wasn't a lil' boy anymore. My dad's voice couldn't shake me anymore.
 
My parents' room wasn't right down the hall, it was downstairs. So I couldn't believe it when I was awakened to the two of them arguing early Saturday morning. Dragging myself downstairs, I had to get down there to see what was going on. I knew my folks' relationship hadn't been all good lately, but arguing in the house was something I had never heard them do. I figured if I let them see me, then they would cease screaming.
However, I was frozen in my tracks when I heard my mother say, “You act like I don't know what's best for our son.”
“I'm not saying you don't know what's best for him, you just keep babying the boy!” my dad said loudly.
Aww, snap! They were arguing about me, I realized. Truly, I didn't want to be the cause of tension between them.
“Junior needs to be looking at a school that's gon' challenge his mind, like Duke or Georgia Tech. Those were my top choices,” my mom said.
My dad said, “If that boy is going to school for football, then he's going to have to go somewhere where he doesn't have to pray to get out. Yeah, he's smart but if he takes that knowledge to a school where academics isn't so overbearing, then he's gonna come out great. It's like you trying to make the boy fail.”
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